would you allow your kids to play with just about "any other kid" ...

tin and friend - getting hugged by somebody from out of nowhere
Philippines
March 5, 2007 7:09am CST
... just so he/she has someone to interact with?
3 people like this
11 responses
@Connie1013 (1098)
• United States
5 Mar 07
I wish I could say Yes but I can't. I don't want my kids picking up on any bad "play" or being with other kids whose parents are not playing with a full deck. I have met some parents like this before in my neighborhood. I feel bad for the kid but my kids safety comes first.
2 people like this
• Philippines
5 Mar 07
Thanks, Connie1013. I can relate to that. Would you believe I can even go as far as moving out of the neighborhood if things get out of hand? Actually I feel false ... I "pretend" not to choose because I do not want my daughter to feel that I am depriving her of her friends - would you believe she also has strong prefences since she was about 1 year? Now she's three and she gets back saying, You're not my friend, mama! :
• Philippines
5 Mar 07
By the way, Connie1013, my daughter likes your "Mr. Sun" avatar very much. She got soooo excited! :
@eden32 (3975)
• United States
5 Mar 07
If I had any concerns about the other child, I would only allow them to play with my supervision. If the child's parents seem not as attentive as I am to my children or if they seem out & out not safe, I am not going to punish the child for that but I am not going to subject my child to possible harm.
• Philippines
5 Mar 07
That's actually a good attitude. I always say, children are children. Whatever they are growing up to be .. well.. it is like contracting TB - there has to be a carrier - a source. And, I learned from my daughter's pedia that children cannot "infect", but adults do! How similar it is! So if children behave the way they do, it is time to examine and reflect on adult behavior. I do try to keep an open mind with children, BUT it is a good idea just to try to isolate the not-so-good influences quietly, without fanfare. Thanks!
1 person likes this
5 Mar 07
Kids have to learn to interact with other kids, and so long as your child is happy to play, then let him. I don't think it matters too much exactly who he plays with, they will make their own choices anyway
2 people like this
• Philippines
5 Mar 07
Well, I try to console myself that she's going to outgrow them, anyway. Sometimes, I do get queasy about not-so-tidy kids. :
• United States
6 Mar 07
I would have to say no. During her first playdates with friends, I noticed some of the children were so mean and my daughter would pick up on the bad behavior for days after the playdate. My daughter is so sweet and gentle and I don't want a mean child changing the way she is.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
6 Mar 07
Hi, kaisascloset! I've witnessed that, too. I would sometimes be shocked to come home one evening with my daughter acting as if possessed by some "personality". She did outgrow that on many occassions, and, of course, a lot of took a lot of subtle maneuvering on my part so she "forget" or somehow "loses" these "personalities" that she seems to have taken on.: thanks for sharing.
@egay679 (152)
• Philippines
6 Mar 07
i hate to say this but sometimes i get paranoid over my daughter's safety that i see to it that i should know the background of the child she is playing with. you cant blame me coz there was an incident before that i just let my daughter play with anybody she likes but then i just found out that the kid she was playing to (by the way, she is about the same age of my daughter and a "she") kept on bullying her and told her mean things. after that incident, if i am at work, i let someone from my family to supervise my child's play and not just with "anybody" but somebody that we know already and inside our property. children these days can be violent at times and i dont want to risk my child just because so she gets someone to interact to. i guess it would be best if you personally know the family of their friends.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
6 Mar 07
That's perfectly healthy coming from a parent, egay679. I don't blame you. As it is, each of our circumstances are different so that we make the most of them and minimize whatever harm can potentially happen. Better safe than sorry. I, too, am a working mom - a single mom! I think we feel the same paranoia. Always, parental guidance - and I mean not only for our kids; but also for the babysitter and even for the other kids. Then, of course, once there is imminent danger, there is no reason to take a risk. As I said before, I can move out of the neighborhood! talk about paranoia! :D cheers!
@cjthedog64 (1552)
• United States
6 Mar 07
To a point, yes. I think it's good for kids to experience lots of other people, so they can learn what are good characteristics in people, and choose who they want to associate with. I would provide much supervision though, especially if I don't know the other kid, or if I've heard that they can be a bad influence. My kids will figure them out pretty quickly. The exception would be if I knew that they were serious troublemakers or dangerous. There's a fine line between letting the kids learn and putting them into a bad situation. It's also a good thing for kids to learn to occupy themselves. There's nothing wrong with kids enjoying a good book or running around in the yard playing by themselves. Those kids seem to be more observant and confident in my opinion.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
6 Mar 07
Thanks, cjthedog64! I think it is important to take "parental guidance recommended" seriously. In a kid's socialization process, it is like trial and error. For me, I step in when there's something off. I try to explain my position and observations to my kid - and even to the babysitter! Although my kid do not often get to play with other kids, I find her actually take a leadership role whenever she's with a group of kids. I am still trying to figure out how she has developed this. Thanks for the post!
@sedel1027 (17850)
• United States
5 Mar 07
My son chooses his own friends. However, if there is a friend that does not listen when he/she is at our home, then that child can not come to play by our home.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Mar 07
It would be good to have the kids who come to play hear the house rules. So, when they break it, they know why and you have a reason to keep them away next time. How I wish I have the guts everytime! Thanks for the post!
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
6 Mar 07
no, My little one has a few "friends" that just are not good friends. He's only 2 1/2 though, so I feel I must help him choose whether or not he wants to play with them. I dont like a few of them as they are older and constanly hitting, pushing and shoving him. He puts up with it for awhile and then he wails on them. Which he gets a time out for, but I don't blame him really. We have been keeping those kind of "friends" away from him though.
• Philippines
7 Mar 07
Parental guidance goes a long way... But he is learning to cope well, I see. Then, it would be good to have our little "feedback time" to recap events of the day, congratulate him on good manners, and explaining why some things he or other kids did were not-so-good and must not be done again. cheers!
@correia (181)
• Portugal
6 Mar 07
As long as the other kid donĀ“t get them to bad ways,i teach my children that they have to choose their friends not me but be careful with that choise.
• Philippines
6 Mar 07
Yes, it is good to teach them to take responsibility for their actions or choices; not necessarily saying this kid is bad or this kid is better than that kid. My father told me once, and I never forgot: "You and your sisters have been given much freedom of choice and action. In whatever choices you make or actions you take, always be ready to face up to whatever the consequences may be." Thanks!
• United States
6 Mar 07
My kid can play with whoever he wants to play with, I'm certainly not going to teach my child to discriminate against someone because they are messy, or because of who their parents are, or because they don't have the same beliefs.
• Philippines
6 Mar 07
Would you believe a number of my daughter's "choice" friends - those she likes to embrace and say I love you - are usually those who seem to have a phobia of water or clean shirts? One has saliva that doesn't seem to stop dripping from his mouth - that's her best "love". Well, as long as they listen to the baby sitter and keep away from harming themselves, it has been ok with me. Sometimes, we bathe a guest kid at home. So far, no problem. Of course, the parental guidance comes with the reminders. Somehow, playtime is actually learning time, not only for my kid but also for the other kids.
@FrancyDafne (2048)
• Italy
15 May 07
Till now I always left my child to choose his own friends. Unfortunately the children who live near our house are all older than my son, but my son is happy to play with them, and so they always come to my garden to play with him. I stay in the garage or in the kitchen working, but always with my window open because I have to hear they playing and speaking. I sometimes hear bad words or see acts of prevarication, and so I come out and I rebuke them. To me it's very important that parents pay attention when their child is still too young.