my husband cheated on me :(

cheating - cheaters
Philippines
March 6, 2007 7:36am CST
hi guys... ive been away for a while because i have been down for the past month, my husband told me that he likes another woman but doesnt want me to leave him. it's a long story and it will only bring back the memory to me... i still love him and were still together he doesnt want me to go and theres this feeling inside me that dont like to leave him also.. i love him very much and also the reason why i dont want to leave him is because of our child together. i dont want my baby to grow up without a father, and i dont want her to be living in a two house! my husband told me that i should wait he'll find a way to fix this and we'll be back to normal again, but how long should i wait for him? i dont know if i can wait anymore because everyday i see him hiding from me just to responce to the text of the girl and he makes excuses just to her.. i feel like i want to kill myself but that was too low! i need someone to talk to and please give me guidance!
6 people like this
24 responses
@Anakata2007 (1787)
• Canada
7 Mar 07
OMG that must be SO hard! Im really sorry. I don't have much advice. I think youve chosen the hard road. I was cheated on by my ex fiance many years ago. We were together for 7 years, but after I found out he cheated (with an ex girlfriend...it was the same thing as what youre going through, he couldn't decide between the 2 of us, he eventually picked me) and I thought it was high and good of me to stay with him and be patient. I'm sorry to say that I think I only did it out of insecurity. I never ever trusted him again, and we eventually broke up because everytime he left the house in the morning, I would wonder if he was really going where he said he was going. Once trust was broken, I could never fix it. Have you gone to ivillage.com. They have a message board there for spouses who have been betrayed. http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rladultery My aadvice to you, is that you don't necessarily have to leave the marriage, but tell him to move out, or you go stay somewhere else WHILE he is going through this. You need to FORCE him to make a decision, otherwise he will "fence sit" for months or even years if you let him. If he continues seeing this other person, then he shouuldn't be allowed to live with his wife and daughter. He can't have his cake and eat it too. Force his hand. Good luck, and I'm sorry.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Mar 07
That was a very hard phase! Confession by your husband about another woman is really a hard thing to accept. Although it take some gutts for your husband to tell you that kind of issues in his life, still, it is not right to do in the first place. You are married and you two have your child. It is hard to raise a child without a father. You should make a decision about it as soon as possible. Though I'm not married, still the burden that you are feeling is quite obvious to me. You know for a fact that he is cheating and that he is doing ways to still get connected with that woman even you are living together. Having that fact only means that he don't want to lose that connection with her. It is not right and not accepted in the eyes of God and people. He should not tell you to wait. He should end that ellicit relationship as soon as possible. Why would you give him time to solve that mess? In the first place you and your child are the one who are suffering in here. If he has the gutts to tell you that infidelity, he should have the courage to end it up quickly. I know for a fact that you love him, but first, love yourself and your child. It is not only you who will suffer in his infidelity but also your child. Don't let any woman destroy the family you have. Act in a very logical way. Talk to him with conviction that you should be the woman he should live with and love and not any other woman. Remind him of your child, the fruit of your love to each other. Never give up. Don't think that you are at the lossing end. You will both lose if you give up the relationship. Just work it out. Solve the mess before it is too late. I know you can make it. A mother is much stronger than any other woman.
• Philippines
7 Mar 07
By the way, if you want someone to talk to, you can send me a private message. I will be very willing to listen to you.
• Philippines
16 Mar 07
your advice made me cry...sometimes i ask myself why am i doing this to myself and not think about my daughter. i love her so much and im so sorry for not taking care of her for the past days. right now im still healing and trying to focus to my daughter and work. thank you very much!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
Thank you for having me as your best response. I gladly appreciate it. I hope you are fine now. I know it is hard for you cope with that. But I know in time, you will. Just be strong for your child. Cheer up! God bless my dear.
@milagre (1272)
• Portugal
6 Mar 07
To kill yourself wont solve anything and your kid will be crying for life. Give him an ultimatum! make him to choose right now or tel him to go away. He wont stop until he see for himself how much he is making you suffer. In the other hand, at the moment its easy for him, he can go with the other one, knowing you will be arround. you're not giving yourself your right value nor this value is given to you by him. Stand up for yourself and tell him to decide with whom he wants to stay. If you stay with him just for yr daughter you're not giving a good exemple for her. Stay or live yr husband for yourself, not for your daughter and show to him your right value. I know its not easy, but something you have to do. Good luck
• Philippines
7 Mar 07
im in alot of pain right now, i dont know what he wants of me because he dont want me to go! he wants me to stay in the house and said to just wait for him to fix his problems. i cant wait anymore everyday i see him go out and i know that he'll got o the other girl. im still holding on to the thought that he might come back and his love will come back but everyday he would say things to hurt me more! thank u so much!
@cybver42 (194)
• Philippines
21 Mar 07
how are you friend seems you got a prob can i help you?
@notinal (28)
• Philippines
16 Mar 07
I understand that you feel terrible pain, but I believe that if your husband doesn't want you to leave him that only means that he still loves you. He might have another woman right now but that doesn't mean that he doesn't love you right? perhaps there might just be some reasons or misunderstanding between you. I think what you can do is to pray, and have more communication with your husband, as much as possible, be patient, and prevent any arguments. Take good care of your baby, and please don't ever give up. God is good. I'll pray that you and your husband will be ok soon.
@qouniq (1968)
• Malaysia
9 Mar 07
all i can say now is that your husband is rude - how could he told you this matter and still with the girl?! What's makes her can't leave the girl? This makes me think if he is really loves you, at least the baby your guys having now. He is totally not respecting you as a wife. You should stand and tell him what you feel and think about this. How could he is flirting with other women when you already home. Anyway, just don't be too aggressive to him as if you worry that he will leave you. My suggestion is try to talk to your family about this and ask help from them, not forgetting your in laws too. hope this way will help you.
@alirana (297)
• Malaysia
7 Mar 07
Dear sister you must compose your self.This is the time when you are confronting matrimonial test in your life. So now the better way to be compose yourself and be calm, try to Pray from God that your husband find the right way in life. you must understand his psyche that he won't go astray.you should try to talk to him more and get remember him one thing that he is father of one son, so he just can't play with any other girl.He must have to concentrate on his son and you. You must get him conscious that one day that girl might leave him without any reason than he wouldn't have anything in his life. there is lot of examples when such type of fellow suffer in their life.Ok Sister Allah(SWT) will help you.I will pray for you.
• India
7 Mar 07
Dear sister, DONT FEEL ABOUT THAT MATTER,LOT OF COUPLE LIKE THAT,IT IS SIMPLE.FIRST YOU BELEIVE GOD,YOURSELF,HUSBAND,CHILD. GOD ALWAYS GIVE BEST TIME EVERYONE SO PLS WAIT DONT HESITATE YOUR HUSBAND.SURE I TELL YOUR HUSBAND RETURN BACK COMPLETELY ONEDAY TO YOU.ITS THUNDIR.SO BE HAPPY WITH HIM ALWAYS .PLS BE PATIENT.
• Canada
7 Mar 07
Hon, this is no way to live your life. You need to give your husband an ultimatum. Either he gets rid of the girl or you and your child will leave. It's all very well to say that he doesn't want you to leave and that he'll find a way to fix this, but he's hiding from you to text this girl and that means he's still with her, in other words, you're sharing your husband with another girl. I would not allow my partner to do that to me under any circumstances. It's time to toughen up and make your husband realize that his behavior is totally unacceptable. Maybe issuing an ultimatum could be the kick up the rear he needs to sort this out once and for all. I wish you luck.
• Malaysia
7 Mar 07
I am sorry to read this. As a woman, I completely udnerstand how u felt. The feeling of betrayal by the loved ones is just unacceptable. however, for the sake of ur child, i encourage u to be strong. Tell him that u cannot wait any longer until he makes the decision whether to be with u or the other girl. lay out the good and bad of separating especially the effect on your child. tell him in a nice way, but in the same time u have to show him that u have a strong stand. i know this is quite risky, but try to play with your skill as his wife. U know ur husband very well than others do. u know where are his weaknesses, so use them to the fullest. Wish u all the best and be strong!
@jolanda33 (720)
• Netherlands
7 Mar 07
i think you have to let him choose, because he has all the fun right now! two woman to choose from. better alone with your baby then hurt with the babies father around you! and please don't talk about killing yourself! your baby needs you and feels you're not happy! just give him a last change to fix this, give him two weeks to solve his problems and i hope you can work this out!
• Malaysia
7 Mar 07
it's wont help if you try to kill yourself. pls think about your life and your friend and family. pls forget the problem and having your life time with your most love...
@lingli_78 (12841)
• Australia
7 Mar 07
i think you have to solve this problem quickly... don't let it dwell for too long... have a conversation with your husband and the girl and ask him to choose between you or the girl... this is a very serious matter... if he keeps on asking you to wait, i know he won't do anything and he will have the advantage of cheating on you... that is just men's character... so you have to be firm and strong on yourself for the sake of your baby... don't let him look down on you... if you have to leave him, then please do it... it might be better for you and your baby... killing yourself definitely won't solve the problem... it will even make your husband happier... good luck...
@Marie2473 (8519)
• Sweden
7 Mar 07
That is just so disrespectful of your husband - to ask you to wait and while you do that he still sneaks around texting this other girl- I do understand that u are concerned about your child, but let me tell you something - the child will feel that u are unhappy and that is even worse than growing up in two houses... I do belive that cheating is wrong. i too have tried to forgive but i just couldn´t get the image out of my head and in the end we broke up. Will u ever be able to trust him again? It doesn´t seem like this is justa one night stand - but an affair that has been going on for a while. My advice is for you too leave - atleast so that he knows that u will NOT accept this, as it is now he probably think that he can do it all over again - coz you still won´t leave. After - if you choose to go ba ck you should see someone - a conciller to talk about whats happened and how to prevent it from happening again!
@Gwapako_28 (2142)
• Philippines
7 Mar 07
Thats awful.I can relate the situation you have right now and i do understand your feelings also.But sometimes,its painful and we need to come up to "enough".Its hard to have a broken family.I guess, if you can still handle the situation & still love him, then stay!If you think its killing you and you need to come up to the end, then you need to decide and love yourself.
@ajikus (6)
• Nigeria
7 Mar 07
there are two things you have to set your mind and make a decision 1. he has already done there is no changing that what are you going to do about it. 2. there is a kid that conect you two together, you can mess up her life . you see after all said and done, and no matter the hurt you just have to live with it and pray this is when you need God more because it takes God's grace for us to forgive we all deserve a second chance. all things works to the good of those who love God. you need to call your hubby and you have to talk heart to heart and let him know he cant have you two but know this it isnt your fault he was unfaithful so know matter what he says dont let him make you feel so little about yourself. if you move out you give victory its your home it is your duty to make it work you love him go get you man back and get closer to God.
@saphire539 (1641)
• United States
7 Mar 07
I would tell him to stop all contact with the other woman he can't make it right unless he just stops it all together.He is just trying to keep both of you.My husband has been cheating on me off and on for 3 years now once a cheater always a cheater.I am at the point where i want to leave my husband because of it.
@reykja (121)
7 Mar 07
He cheats on you and tells you to wait for him to make things right!? The problem came from him in the first place and it seems like he wants to be in control of everything. It will never be back to normal again, he's cheated on you, hurt you badly. Even if he leaves the woman, you never know when he'll start cheating on you again. Don't let him be in control, you love him yes but he has no right to make you wait. I think you should not wait any longer and do what you have to do. I know that you don't want your child to grow up without a father but it will do no good for the child either way, to have a father who cheats on the mother and hides from her. It will not be healthy for the child.
• Philippines
7 Mar 07
Hello there. Please be strong for your child. I know that being cheated on is very painful whatever angle you look at it, but always remember that there is someone who's still depending on you, someone who's weaker and more vulnerable and that is your child. Be strong for him/her. As for your husband, I would suggest that you leave him. I know this is a drastic solution but this is what I believe in, once a cheater always a cheater. Your husband doesn't deserve to be called a husband and a father if he's still continuing this relationship even if he knows that you know and that you're hurt by it. I suggest you let him go, I don't think your child would want to live with a father whom he/she knows that is cheating on mom...he is certainly not a role model.
• India
7 Mar 07
Plz take care of u and ur baby ...make feeling towards u r husband so he come towards u and give him some sexually benifit so he attract u and u will be fine.....because their is a cause that u r husband want only sexually so give him full sexually technique so he will be satisfied..