Can a RELATIONSHIP last if both PARTIES have past TRUST ISSUES from the past?

United States
March 7, 2007 1:53pm CST
Can a relationship survive if both parties in the relationship have trust issues brought from previous relationships? Will the couple being able to eventually trust each other or always be haunted by feelings of infidelity of the other even if they have never cheated on them?
5 people like this
9 responses
• United States
7 Mar 07
It can work, but sometimes it is hard to do. It takes alot of work. My fiance and I both had those problems from previous relationships. We just put our hearts into it, and have tried our hardest, and we have been together over 8 years!! I think that all it takes is to put the past behind you, and concentrate on the present.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Mar 07
So glad to hear that, thanks for sharing
• Singapore
7 Mar 07
I think it depends. If you decide to move on and forget what happned in the past then i think there is a bigger chance that you relationship with a new partner will work. But if you keep yourself thinking and be haunted then it is hard to move on and make way for the new relationship.
1 person likes this
• Canada
7 Mar 07
I believe this type of relationship could work . They would both learn who each other was and realize that each was hurt in the same way so they would be able to understand the paranoia a bit more and would be able to talk to each other about why they felt this way knowing the other would understand . If they love each other enough , the trust could be found within each of them and they would be able to build from there .
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Mar 07
They can if you work hard on trusting each Don't play the blame game between each other on trust issues and make sure you are open and talk about your trust issues so it doesn't become a huge problem between you two. It is a learning experience for both of you and trust issues are hard to get over
1 person likes this
@missyd79 (3438)
• United States
12 Mar 07
i have total trust issues with anyone included my current boyfriend. he knew that from the begining and he too has trust issues because his last girlfriend cheated on him. he is usually pretty good about keeping me assured and informed so that i do not worry and i give him nothing to worry about either, meaning i do not hide anything, i have all my passwords listed so that he can check out anything i do on the internet if he wants to.
@GardenGerty (130362)
• United States
8 Mar 07
I think the fact that you can label this behavior or feeling is very positive for the relationship. If you both really want the relationship to succeed, though, I think it would be helpful to have a professional teach you how to manage these responses and feelings.
@ElicBxn (61191)
• United States
8 Mar 07
You know, some people are trusting and some aren't. I've seen people that NEVER had any reason to not be trustworthy and their partner NEVER trusted them. I've also seen people blindly trust the most untrustworthy person! I think that trust can be relearned, but it is hard. Personally, I think that the person you should not trust is the one that doesn't trust - they probably are themselves doing something that isn't trustworthy. For example. I dropped this guy - I found him dull and needy. A friend of a friend was introduced & she seduced him. Now, I don't care, I'd dumped him already. They got married - the friend was the maid of honor. She was always supisious of me. I finally said - Look - I didn't want him, I'm glad the 2 of you are happy. Then she said - what's wrong with him? (like I'd turned away from a great meal or the grand prize.) I was like: He's a nice guy, he's just not the right guy for me, nothing is wrong with him, probably what's wrong is me. That seemed to calm her down. (They later divorced, remarried and divorced again!)
@bam001 (941)
• United States
7 Mar 07
I think it can...in time. Trust takes time to grow. Plus, I think a lot of very open communication is very important.
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
7 Mar 07
My friend Diana-- a woman with a 20-year active history as a marriage and family therapist-- insists that it is almost impossible to take two people with "issues" and come up with a relationship that does NOT have "issues." In other words, it's tough to make a "healthy" relationship with two "unhealthy" people. We often attract what we focus on. Although it's usually inadvertent, "like begets like," and we end up choosing people we have common ground with... even when we don't WANT to. If we have trust issues, we often end up with people with trust issues... because we "relate." The problem occurs because we end up feeding each other's MIS-trust... and it almost becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I start to withhold because I don't trust you, so you feel untrusted, so you go in search of trust from someone other than me, which "proves" to me that you're not trustworthy, even though all you did was talk about trust with a girlfriend, but you "should" have trusted ME, instead... and so the cycle continues, even though there was no ill intent. If course every person, and every couple, is different. I'm just sharing a "typical pattern." I know for myself, that I have had to work out my assorted issues OUTside the context of a relationship. But that doesn't make it so, for anyone else.