My child fears going to Grandma's
By TriciaW
@TriciaW (2441)
United States
March 12, 2007 6:13am CST
My daughter is 12 years old and she used to love going to stay with Grandma but now she won't go there. I talked to my daughter to try and find out what the issue was and here is what I found out. 2 years ago Grandpa passed away. He was at home and had been drinking too much and died on the front porch. I first thought my daughter was afraid because Grandpa died there but came to realize it was much more then that. Her little ears had heard that Grandma didn't save Grandpa. What was actually being said was that CPR was not given because he was too far gone by the time his body was found. When my daughter was little she knows she had a few close calls and was given CPR. What her fear ended up being is that if this happened again Grandma would not save her. Finding this out made my heart drop. I have tried to explain to her what she really heard and why they could not give CPR to Grandpa. I have even tried reminding her how long ago it was that she was so sick that she needed CPR and how now she is healthy and safe. I have tried everything I can think of but she still won't stay there. Any thoughts on how to get her over this?
7 people like this
15 responses
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
12 Mar 07
I would suggest you have Grandma over for a talk. First talk with her about it and then all three of you talk together to try and reassure her. Perhaps arrange visits at first with you there. Then maybe for an hour while you run to the store or doctor's office type thing. Just a short visit with grandma and then arrange for longer times and eventually she'll get comfortable with it once more. Don't push or make an issue of it because then it could backfire. Do it slowly and see where it goes from there.
@michelledarcy (5220)
•
12 Mar 07
I sounds to me like you need to get her Grandmas to talk to her and reassure her that she would look after her should something serious like that happen and that it was only because Granpa was old that they did that, and that she is young with lots of her life left so they would always try to save her.
1 person likes this
@grinjaguar (571)
• Philippines
13 Mar 07
just let her spend time with her grandma. the kid acted that way for she is unfamiliar with your grandma and kids prefer adults that are angelic looking according to my psychology professor. all you need is for the kid to have a bonding with her grandma for relationships are built through communication and time.
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
13 Mar 07
Maybe it would be an idea to have her Grandma talk to her about this.
Maybe she'd listen to her grandma more than you - not to say that she doesn't value your opinion because I'm sure she does, but sometimes reassurance comes from the wrong person.
Sometimes, a child needs to hear from that one person that they would never let anything happen to her, and that of course, nothing WILL happen now that she's healthy and safe.
I hope all goes well for you.
Good Luck.
@thyristor (49)
• India
13 Mar 07
well only suggestion i could give u is give her little time, only time can heal some wounds.
@rosettaresearch (1285)
• United States
12 Mar 07
Don't force the child to go. Yes, it is an irrational fear, but forcing her to do something she does not want to do will not make it any less rational. As she grows up, she will work through this herself. Right now she is 12, dealing with all that means, the loss of her grandfather only 2 years ago, and her fears of dying herself. Don't push. Just let it work out naturally.
@LackThereOf (571)
• United States
12 Mar 07
Poor thing! I would just sit down with Grandma and explain the situation, try to talk it out together. Perhaps initiate a discussion with your daughter and her doctor the next time she goes in for an appointment. Perhaps if she heard from a professional that after a certain point CPR can't save a person no matter how hard you try, it might calm some of her fears that grandma didn't 'not help' him, she just wouldn't have been able to help him. I hope that you will be able to work it out! Best of luck to you! :O)
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
12 Mar 07
maybe have grandma come spend the night at your house a couple of times. So your daughter can spend some one on one time with her, but still be in the comfort of her own home. See if she wants to invite a friend along to grandmas or a cousin she is close to. You could also go with her to grandma's house. IT may take some time, but I'm sure she'll get over it. I wouldn't push her too hard though, as it may backfire on you. GOod luck!
@shopkaro (284)
• India
13 Mar 07
well the problem as mentioned by you is somewhat of the kind where your child is fearing from your grandma as some how that thing has entered in her mind that in the same way she will not be saved from any arising obstacles on her by her grand ma . but that can be removed if more interaction is forced to happen in between them leaving some sort of good responses between both of them.
@royal52gens (5488)
• United States
12 Mar 07
Time, lots of time will help to heal this riff between the grandma and the granddaughter. Yes, it would help to have you, your daughter and grandma sit down at the table and discuss this issue. Better have this sit-down talk at your house. Use lots of reassurance to put her mind at ease. Encourage her to ask questions and allow grandma to answer as many of the questions as possible. You will feel like you are only there to run security but that is okay. You want to get the door open for your daughter and grandma to start talking and to have a conversation. Better have a box of Kleenex handy for this talk too.
There is no "getting over this". Both of them have to "go through this" and hopefully they can do this together. I am sure that finding grandpa was a bit tramatic for grandma as well and it might do her some good to talk about it also.
@revdauphinee (5703)
• United States
12 Mar 07
even though it is hard on gramaO wouldnt force her give her time as she grows older she will understand let grandma come to see her instead !
@moumitamazumder (817)
• India
12 Mar 07
You have nothing much to do about it. Just be patient. There are certain issues that only patience and time can cure. This one is also such an issue. She is old enough to develop such a fear, but small enough to understand with logic, that such a mishap will not happen with her. This is the problem. She is not matured enough to understand the consequences, that why her Grandpa couldn't be saved. Just let her be comfortable. Don't force her to go to her grandma's place untill she feels comfortable.
Tell her stories of her Grandma's good deeds, that will make the picture of her Grandma in her mind, nice and clear. Give her cookies, chocolates, and other favourite things, and tell her that her Grandma has send them for her.
Wait for two years. When she will be 14, she will be matured enough to understand everything, and face her Grandma naturally.
@whimsystoryteller (1743)
• United States
12 Mar 07
First of all, don't believe that she'll never get over this because God can heal anything. Secondly, you do need to have her grandmother talk with her and explain and reassure her that she would do anything to save her if she were ill. However, the best thing you can do for her is to pray for God to reveal Himself to her and heal her heart. What she went through is very traumatic because children value life much more than adults sometimes do. And, they see things much more clearly when it comes to right and wrong until they've been deceived by the idiots out there who have become hardened by the world. Your daughter's experience with being ill and being brought back by CPR has given her something that a lot of children don't have and that's an anchor of knowing how fragile life is. That's a gift that will likely keep her from playing games with her own life and you should be very grateful. In fact, if I were you, I'd encourage her to go into medicine if she is so inclined because we could use doctors who have that sort of sensitivity to life and how precious it is.
@howard96h (11640)
• New York, New York
12 Mar 07
Possibly you can show her online - bring up CPR and let her read for herself that when a person's heart stops (cardiac arrest) you can perform CPR within 7 minutes otherwise there is a risk for brain damage due to lack of oxygen to the brain. If grandpa was found lets say 30 minutes later, then it was too late to help him. It does not mean grandma or the paramedics did not want to do CPR and help him. Here is the link, I hope it helps... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cardiopulmonary_resuscitation
