I need help here,anyone
By tad1fan
@tad1fan (3367)
Canada
March 15, 2007 6:54pm CST
I read a post earlier about Bullying and it after I responded to it I decided to write in about a situation I am having at my sons school.....about 2 weeks aao,4 boys cornered my son and started picking on him,now we talk to our kids constantly about how to deal with bullies and also how to help others when being bullied.....the boys tried everything to get my son to fight them but he wouldn't so they left him alone and turned to a girl from his class,my son got really upset here.....another thing we drilled into their heads.....boys don['t hit or pick on girls.....he ended up hitting the 'main' bully and the others flleed.....I should tell you these boys are only 10 and 11 years old.....I got a call from the school to come down,which I did.....when I got there,there was my son looking so proud and the boy he hit with a black eye,my first thought was 'oh no,I'm going to have it out with parents on this one'......the pricipal explained to me what happened and said that because my son hit another child he had to leave for 2 days.....he also explained that the other boy admitted to what he did and than the pricipal told me that these boys do this all the time and they call them the 'sneaky bullies',they never get caught,until now.....the principal also told me,out of the children's ears that he was proud of how my son kept his cool when they were picking on him but helped the girl who was in trouble.....anyways,I refused to bring my son home and said that unless the other boy had to leave,he wasn't.....the principal argued with me about the 'hands off policy'.....these boys had my son cornered and COULD have done damage to him but instead it was reversed.....the parents of the other boy showed up and after hearing what had happened they removed their child from the property and told the principal that he'd return when my son did.....was I right to do what I did or should I have taken my child out of school and showed him that everything we've taught him was wrong and he'll be punished if he takes our advice
4 people like this
12 responses
@c2adams2 (351)
• United States
16 Mar 07
I believe that you were absolutely correct in insisting that the bully go home. When we were in school people didn't really understand the harmful effects of bullying. The premise was that words were simply words, but hitting was punishable. The problem now is that, with affairs like Columbine, people are starting to realize that bullying isn't "okay." Imagine that completely reducing a childs self-esteem could have negative consequences.
In the wake of the school shootings many schools adopted progressive policies about bullying that are no longer enforced, but are still on the books. I would suggest that you read the student handbook closely and mark refrences to bullying in case this situation happens again. If the principal will not listen, go to the school board. I know it is a lot of hastle, but think about what could have been done if one parent had interviened to help the kids at Comumbine. Your time and effort on behalf of your child could save other children from living through tramatic incidence and, maybe, save a life.
@tad1fan (3367)
• Canada
18 Mar 07
OMG!What a powerful response.....I am giving you BEST!These words are awesome and I even talked about them when arguing the fact with the principal.....I live in Canada,we have had a few of the Columbine incidents in Montreal.....just across the border from me and that's to close to home......
@TAURUSGIRL (735)
•
16 Mar 07
yes you definately did the right thing there i would have demanded the same from the principle. We've recently had similar problems with our grandson we was told to bring money in to school to buy a phone, he took the money from my purse and gave it to this boy, this we discovered about 1 week after it had happened and i contacted the school immediately the boy was made to repay the money although we only got a proportion of it back but it was all resolved bullying isnt always about hitting there are all types of behaviour concidered as bullying and the way forward is to hit it on he head as soon as its discovered. A recent incident involving my grandson and a much older child was quickly resolved too this boy poured juice over my grandson on the school bus while travelling home, again i contacted the school and the cuplrit was excluded from school for two days, one again nipping in the bud is the way to deal i believe.
2 people like this
@keepermykitty (2573)
• Canada
1 Apr 07
Bullies are Bullies we all had to deal with them in our lives at one point or another . You have to admit the Bullies today are worse than they used to be thats for sure .
I totally agree with what you did , sticking up for your son must have been hard on you , and as for the other family they also did the right thing by removing their son .
GOOD FOR YOU
I HOPE THINGS SETTLE DOWN NOW , AND NOT GET WORSE FOR YOUR SON ....
How did the principle know they did this all the time if they were only caught now ?
Thats my question ????
1 person likes this
@tad1fan (3367)
• Canada
1 Apr 07
I find now a days that it's not only the kids who are bullies anymore,the parents are too.....this is where the kids get it from,as far as I'm concerned.I have had no problems with this kid since.....as a matter of fact,he spent last night here with Kyle....They knew from the kids who ratted on them but they weren't the most reliable to believe either so they just went by words.....
@mzbubblie (3839)
• United States
16 Mar 07
Well your son did the right thing to keep his cool as long as he did...I teach my son the same thing, I teach him also if a boy hit him, him them back...My way of thinking I'm not going to allow my child to go to school and get picked on all the time and be scared and not know how to defend himself.
If anything, something is bothering him, we have a open policy if anything goes on at school he does not like we can talk about it before it gets to a point where he gets upset. But, there are times I know one can take but so much and have to defend themselves..
You are your son's parent and you raised him a certain way, shows you he respects and listens to you. He did what he felt is right listened to his parents. YOu did the right thing, I wouldn't even question it...
@CatEyes (2448)
• United States
16 Mar 07
This is one of the reasons why I hate public schools. They have all of theses crappy rules that only benefit them and the bad kids, not the good ones. There is no protection; your kids still get bullied no matter what. I just can't beleive they would TRY to send your son home for 2 days and do nothing for the others???? My son will be going to school in the fall and this makes me very nervous. I remember going to school and getting into trouble my self FOR DEFENDING MY SELF. I would get cornered in the bathroom and get sexualy assualted and so when I hit them and clawed at them I get suspended. I am not the only one I know who has had problems with public schools, and yet my husband seems to think our son will be fine in one. I wish that I could home school him or at the very least put him in a private school. Nope, he says he needs to deal with life. PUBLIC SCHOOL IS NOT REALY LIFE. When I grad. and started working it was day and night. Going to school was the hardest thing I have ever done, and I went to college too. College was a breeze.
2 people like this
@moomincat (321)
•
16 Mar 07
You so did the right thing. Some years ago my son faced the same issue and stood up to a gang of very obnoxious teenagers that had been making several students life difficult including his own. It caused an upset and the principle suggested that it would be better for my boy to stay at home for a few days until the dust settled. I went along with it at the time but really wish in retrospect that I had not given in. It did solve the problem the offending kids backed off, but it should have been them that had a few days to cool down not the other way round.
@weemam (13372)
•
21 Mar 07
i think you did right , I would have done the same . your son would not give in to bullies and that takes a lot of inner strength , but he was also a young gentleman who stuck of for a friend , I think you have raised a fine young man and you should( I am sure you are) be very proud of him, xxx
1 person likes this
@missybal (4490)
• United States
16 Mar 07
You did right. I was in a similar situation in high school. This girl always attacked me and did things like trip me up and knock my books out of my hands and one day I had it and I gave her a good push and sent her flying accross the room. I had to go to the principals office. The principal didn't even know my name! He asked me three times for it. I told him the truth and about all the things she did to me. Well because we were both involved both had to have in school suspension. That should be how it should be. Everyone involved should get the same punishment if they both were doing wrong even if it was only one that really got hurt and even deserved it. You've done very well in teaching your son because he does need to know when it's wrong to fight and when sometimes you just have to.
1 person likes this
@jsgrand0 (246)
• United States
16 Mar 07
It sounds like you're doing a great job raising your son! I think those are great lessons you are teaching him and it sounds as though he's done a great job following your advice. I think it was noble of him to stick up for that girl. I do understand that schools have a zero tolerance policy on fighting. It doesn't matter the circumstances, if you fight, you get suspended. However, I think what you did was a good thing to do and the outcome was what should have been. That might not have happened if you had refuse to take your child home. All the same, I'd hold my head up high when I walked my son out of there. No, it's not NECESSARILY right to hit, but if that's what it really took to defend that girl, then good for him. Just make sure it does NOT become a habit.
Good Job. And tell your son that I'm sure many people (including me) are proud of him for sticking up for his classmate.
1 person likes this
@tad1fan (3367)
• Canada
18 Mar 07
OMG!See,another best response.....my son knows not to hit all the time and he never did,under any circumstance but this was a girl and we teach him that boys DO NOT hit girls and he told me,straight up that when they cornered her,it really PIZZED him off.....I too am VERY proud of him!Thank you for your response
@prestocaro (1252)
• United States
16 Mar 07
You were absolutely correct in thinking that the other boy should have reprecussions as well. In many ways, I feel what your son did pales in comparison to those bullies. Bullies terrorize children and give many intense anxiety that can last for months and years. All your son did was react to a bad situation. It would have been better, of course, if he had run to the teacher, but who knows if the boys would have still been there, picking on the poor girl. You said they were sneaky, and I'm sure they are. Bullies are very good at "disappearing" in front of teachers, and usually the child they picked on is so afraid that they can't really tell the teacher what was going on.
Hold your head up high, you taught your son to keep his cool and to not sit idly by while others are being hurt.
1 person likes this
@tad1fan (3367)
• Canada
18 Mar 07
Thank you so much!I wish we could pick more than one best answer here on mylot.....I teach my kids all the time that the way to 'beat' a bully is to grab a handful of kids and stand up to them and this they do.....aall the time.....well my son,my daughter is another post....
