dead beat dad

United States
March 19, 2007 8:33pm CST
I have a daughter with a male who doesn't seem to care. The whole situation is a mess. We broke up because we wouldn't stop doing drugs. He stained up met a girl and got her pregnant. He named their son the name that we had picked out together. He told me it was so that his son had a link to me in some way. He has not seen his daughter in over a year. Now I am dating a wounder full man who wants to adopt her when we get married. When I mentioned it to her father he shot the idea down so quickly. What does he care if another man wants to be her father if he doesn't want to take on the role he should have had from the beginning?
4 people like this
5 responses
@Stringbean (1273)
• United States
20 Mar 07
Why don't you and your fiance talk to an attorney and see if maybe there is some way the adoption can go through anyway. If he hasn't even seen his daughter in over a year, that sounds like you might have a good case for child abandonment. I wouldn't say anything to her father until you find out and file papers or he may suddenly start coming around to keep you from using that as a reason. Good luck. It sounds as though you are well rid of him. Who cares what he names his son. You can name any future son that, too, if you want to.
• United States
20 Mar 07
you don't think that would be weird? That is still her half brother. I want her to know they other family through pictures , I don't want her to feel like I hid them from her when she grows up.
1 person likes this
@loujac3 (1188)
• United States
20 Mar 07
Is he paying child support? Was there any court ruling that said he had rights as a parent? There are so many factors and if he is a deadbeat dad that doesn't show financial support then you can put the pressure on him to release his rights. He sounds like a ego freak and the only quality he seems to be capable of is sperm donor. That isn't father material. Good luck!
• United States
20 Mar 07
He was paying child support until he was fired for drinking on the job about a month ago. No doesn't have any court rights to her at all.
1 person likes this
@pudgles (414)
• United States
21 Mar 07
Apparently the childs father doesn't want anything to do with her or you. I am glad you found someone to be happy with and is willing to adopt your child. Don't let your daughters father intimidate you. go for what is best for your daughter. Is his name on the birth certificate? If not, then you won't need his permission for your daughter to get adopted, if it is, I would seek legal help with this before he does. Explain how he hasn't been in her life, etc. and 9 out of ten times, the judge goes for the mothers side anyways. I pray she is too young to understand at this point, and when she is older, if you want to explain it to her, then so be it. it's better than him popping into her life later and twisting the story to make you look like the bad one.good luck and my best wishes to you, your daughter and your new love.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Mar 07
Just two cents on this. It isn't true that if his name isn't on the birth certificate than you can do what you want. When you file the adoption papers you have to list any potential fathers so they can be contacted and advised of their rights. However, I would just take it one day at a time. Stop calling him and trying to force him to be somebody. Your daughter can live her whole life and not have to know about another sibling it isn't going to damage her. Let him get good and settled in his new family, forget to pay child support and forget to come and visit. Then after you have been married I would say for over a year start the adoption process.
• United States
21 Mar 07
I know that I have to wait until I have been married at least one year before he can adopt her at least in this state. I don't call that much just when something happens or if there is a party for her. Basically one a year. Should I forget about him until that year mark roles around. His name is on the birth certificate. So I will have to advise concal about it when that time comes.
• United States
20 Mar 07
Men sometimes are like women. The child is the bait for their own selfish reasons. I believe that he is just blowing hot air. Screw him! Explain that someone else it willing to pick up his tab, and see if he sign over his parental rights, if not, get an attorney. Men are something else.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Mar 07
I hope that works. I don't understand what is going on in his head. I couldn't be that uncaring about what happens to the life that I help to create. I hope that he makes things easy on us both. At least I know he doesn't have the money for an attorney! Thanks for you interest in this.
1 person likes this
@psyche49f (2511)
• Philippines
22 Jul 07
That's right..you move on and forget about your daughter's father. He just can't decide for you or for your daughter anymore...he has forfeited that right the moment he got another girl pregnant, and close to abandoning your daughter. So give yourself a break, and another chance to be happy. Grab that opportunity from this wonderful man in your life...You have every right to be happy...and definitely, it's not with the first man in your life. Go ahead, be happy and Godspeed!