What do you constantly Fight with your Spouse/Partner about?

@MsJessi (423)
United States
March 23, 2007 10:58am CST
Ok, so we all know that no relationship is perfect. They say in fact, that it's healthy for a relationship to argue. Helps to gee the true feelings out and such. But do you ever get so tired of fighting about the same friggin things over and over and over again??!!I mean, my husband and I don't really argue or fight very often, but when we do, it's always over the same things! There are 3 1/2 things that we argue about! Yes, 3 1/2. Because there are two that kinda go hand in hand. The first thing, (which we really don't argue over it anymore) is "relations". He works all day and I'm home with the kids all day and he is always "ready to go" when he goes to bed...and I'm not! I'm tired and he's tired of hearing me say that I'm tired. Well, I'm sorry. I am. Sometimes I do make a pretty hard effort is trying to be in the mood, but it's just hard to do that when you've been in toddler mode all day. The 2nd thing is Money/Work. This is the 1 1/2. Because he works fulltime to support our family and I stay at home with the kids. But no matter what, he seems to not understand that what I do is work too! Just because I don't bring home a paycheck, does NOT mean I don't work! Being stuck in this house alllllll week, being around children (whom I love dearly) but not having very much contact with adults. The only time I leave the house is to go grocery shopping and go to the gas station. I NEVER go out to have fun! And sadly enough, my trip to the grocery store have become the one thing I look forward to because it gets me out of the house and I can take my time and enjoy the peace. My husband, is gone all week, and wants to do nothing on the weekends. Literally. I know he's tired, he never believes me, but I've been in his shoes at one point in my life. I was working to support my ex and my 2 kids and he did nothing at all, but sit at home and get drunk! So I understand how my husband feels about just wanting to be home. But there has to be a compromise somewhere! The 3rd thing we argue about is parenting. It doesn't happen very often, because most of the time, I let him have his room and do what he thinks is best, but I feel like sometimes, when I DO have an opinion, it is automatically dismissed. But I'm finally reaching the point where I don't let him dismiss it anymore.
4 people like this
10 responses
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
23 Mar 07
The thing my husband and I argue over the most is that he never seems to listen to a word I say about anything. It totally drives me nuts. He does have loss of hearing in one ear though. I try to think about that and take that into consideration also, but he loves to deerhunt and he can hear a deer come in most of the time but he can't hear or pay attention to a word I say when I sit right next to him and discuss something with him. That is one of my main problems tobegin with is that I have no friends or anyone who will sit and talk with me and relate to whatever is on my mind. It drives me crazy because we are supposed to be best friends but I am constantly asking him to talk to me and try to relate and understand me like I do him.
@MsJessi (423)
• United States
23 Mar 07
Yea, I hear you! (no pun intended) :) But then he has the nerve to get angry when you don't hear him too huh?? Mine does. Sometimes he'll talk and his voice is so deep, that I can't hear him, I hear mumbling and he gets mad and says I'm not paying attention to him, but then I get those "uh-huh's" when he's playing xbox or watching tv!
2 people like this
@Stephanie5 (2947)
• United States
23 Mar 07
OH MY GOSH!! You just described my relationship with my husband!!! Do you have cameras here? lol I know, I'm about to move out and get my own place. I can't handle these living situations and we argue ALL the time. I'm just like you, I'm the one that deals with the kids, but when he does, he goes wayyy overboard, which causes a fight cuz I have a big mouth. I just don't know how to fix anything in our relationship and I'm not too sure that I want to. I'm ready to leave him. I'm sorry I know that don't help you much. But, I did want to let you know that YOU aren't the only one!! If you ever need to chat in private feel free to message me! Have a great day! (Or atleast try to) :-)
@MsJessi (423)
• United States
23 Mar 07
WOW. Well, my husband and I have been through so much since we MET, that there's no way I'm giving up on this marriage. We have too much invested in this and we do really love each other so much, that I believe that we can get thru anything. I always take into account that my husband was 19 when he met me and I already had 2 kids at the time. He moved in with me straight out of his parent's house, so I know that he took a giant leap and sometimes it's hard on him. He has already proven that he is a wonderful husband and father and for the most part he's always been there. But he is stubborn as all getout just like his father and it always takes time, be usually realizes when he's wrong and he will apologize and try to see it my way, just never at first, thus the reason for the arguement. I can't tell you what to do, because I've left my share of relationships...but I can say that if there is hope, to try to work on it. Because if there's one thing I've learned in leaving any relationship, is that the next one is just gonna be even harder to get thru. It's kinda like a vicious cycle that keeps playing out, until you tackle it and take it down, it will keep coming back. I added you as a friend, so the same goes to you if you ever wanna talk. I may be young, but I've experienced much. XOXO Hang in there!
2 people like this
• United States
25 Mar 07
I like the way you look at things. I should look at them that way also....I've been with him for 7-8 years now and we have also been through soooo much. And a lot of it we did to each other. It hasn't been good very often. We are both very hard-headed and he NEVER sees that he does any wrong. It's ALWAYS my fault. And he doesn't try very hard to get along... I don't know. I'm trying to make things work for our children. But, I know that watching us argue isn't good for them...so if things can't change...I guess we will have to live seperately again. I have more to say but my daughter is getting into everything so I really have to go. Thanks for your kind words. What you said really does make sense. It's really hard to put things in perspective when you are so upset. I will try harder to keep the peace :-) Have a great day !!
@cabergren (1181)
• United States
24 Mar 07
My husband and I don't usually fight about things. We discuss things, but never actually fight about anything. Also we are older and our children are grown and out of the house. When you have younger children it does add stress to the relationship. And of course there is the money situation. Being older we have the finances pretty much under control, so we don't fight about that. I feel very lucky to have found him.
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8707)
• United States
23 Mar 07
I was you about 5 years ago. Staying home watching kids (which I still do, but now they are others kids so i bring in income), tired in the evening when he is ready to go, and having different parenting styles. Now things are much much better. My husband had to realize that it is work taking care of the kids, house, ect. I had to have surgery and he had to take time off from his job to stay with the kids and do my daily stuff. This was a real eye opener for him!! As for the parenting issues, we have started to communicate better regarding the best ways we both feel we should raise the kids. Still to this day we argue about relations and i think that is all we ever argue about. I figure if that is all we argue about, we are good. I try to initiate more so he is happy. I would suggest you discuss these issues with your husband and really openly communicate~ don't argue, about this. You will see a huge difference.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56760)
• Delhi, India
4 Apr 07
Interesting discussion.... I will think over and come again for reply
@dpk262006 (56760)
• Delhi, India
4 Apr 07
The problem which you are facing is I suppose is faced by others also who are house-wives. I agree with you the amount and quantum of work done by you while opertaing from home, either looking after your children, getting their home work done, going to grocery shop are equally important and takes your lot of energy. Your husband should not under-estimates the tasks performed by you. Rather, he should be thankful to you that you are looking after the house very well. My spouse is working lady, we often have fight over parenting and money also. I think it need high level of understanding to understand each other's feelings and what other wants to convey and I find that level of understanding we do not reach in our life.
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
24 Mar 07
We always fight about money. We never have enough of it. And I dont know how it gets into a fight but it does. and I think alot of us fight about money. Money its root to all evil! LOL but I sure wish I had some.
@chyszh88 (56)
• China
24 Mar 07
I think:someone who would like to listen other people.I am one of this people.But someone who prefer listening themselves.The last people I do not like them,because it is difficult to communicate them.If we would like to find a good husband,we should find one out of the last people.
• India
24 Mar 07
well i think that u should try and find a way out of ur house. well that will make ur husband realise ur worth and ur commitment.or u try and go out for a holiday with ur friends.that will help u i think.
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
24 Mar 07
My hubby and I don't argue much, but when we do it is almost always about the kids. I seem to remember what it was like to be a child more than he does. The other thing we argue about is money. Not what we spend but more like who earns what. He makes a lot more than I do, and it's afforded me the chance to work part time and spend more time taking care of family things. He doesn't seem to think having his laundry done, meals cooked, kids bathed, and all the other fun stuff that goes along with being the main caregiver for the kids is worth much either. Which really ticks me off because I do all those things and contribute financially! Here's how we compromised...I ignore him. LOL We have a great relationship most of the time, and I know not a lot of people will agree with what I'm about to say, but this is how we "came to grips" at my house. I adopted a "it doesn't matter what you THINK because I KNOW I'm right" attitude. I realized this is how I wanted things to be and I'm dealing with it. He works all the time, I take care of the house and kids, and work to escape it all, he thinks his job is the only important one and I ignore him when he starts "being the man". It's hard to explain. But if you rhubby is making you feel like garbage, don't dismiss it, nothing is worth your self esteem and happiness.
@djbtol (5497)
• United States
24 Mar 07
I would suspect that the issues you have listed are the same sore spots in many marriages. I know I can relate to what you are saying. Always takes a little more love, patience and understanding to make things work well. Also, always be ready to forgive. Releasing anger is one thing, but don't let it build up in your heart. I have great respect for a young mother of a toddler at home. You are doing the most important job. The job your husband is doing is essential, but jobs come and go. The money is needed, but it is soon gone. The benefits that you are investing in your child are worth far more. Being a stay at home mom is not easy. I encourage you to stick with the task.