i still love him BUT...

Philippines
March 25, 2007 6:56am CST
i'm having a lot of second thoughts lately. this week was probably the lowest of low points in my relationship with my boyfriend. i really love the guy, there is no doubt about that. i have always been the giver in this relationship and i haven't made any demands except for a little bit of time. granted that people can have very busy schedules. but i believe that it's possible to make time if we really wanted to. i miss him a lot. this week, i haven't heard a single word and it's hurting. this may be trivial to others but i put value on communication. when physical nearness is not possible, i thought perhaps that we could communicate via the several technology available today. what could simply be the excuse for not being able to at least call in a week? if this is the first, 2nd, 3rd time... i probably could let it pass. but this happened several times before, albeit it was only 2-3 days in previous times. and several times i told him how i feel about it. he would promise to give more time but he has broken it almost as many times also. now i'm at the point wherein, i still love him BUT i don't know how long i can stand this relationship when he continues to do the thing he knows can hurt me a lot. do you think it's a good time to re-evaluate the relationship and move on...?
6 people like this
44 responses
• India
25 Mar 07
thank you mylesnarvaez for posting this message and you have no idea how much it means to me. When i read your posting it was almost like reading my own story. And i also like to thank everyone who has given advise b'cos it holds good for as well. I have been reading everyones post atleat twice to understand everything clearly. Yes i think i will also start thinking about my relationship but i can understand how hard it must be for you b'cos i have done that sevral times myself. But one good question you should ask yourself is 'do you prefer to go through these emotional up n downs with him' or wud you be prepared to go thru them with another guy b'cos no matter how perfect a relationship is you are bound to have ups n downs so if you think its better to have him and the accompanying problems stick with him b'cos iam sure he does appreciate your love its just that he cant seem to find to express it. Give him some more time if he still persists in being 'busy' then you can start thinking. B'cos if you give up now and move on into a new relationship you will always end up wondering 'maybe i should have...' or the big 'ifs' that creep into our lives. So be absolutely sure whichever way you want to go. when you move on you should be 100% sure that you did your best. All the best :)
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
you know what... i've been thinking the same, almost exactly as what you have said. it is hard. and i don't wanna give up a fight until i've done my best. and the thing is... he just called me up. i'm still a bit sad but i'm already happy... oh i don't know... it's really confusing because on one part, you don't wanna feel the constant hurt... but on the other hand... can the hurting stop when you have lost him? so, yes... i have to be very sure what i want and what i will decide on. thanks!
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
Hmmmm look pretty tough to conclude and make judgement on his actions girl.. But let's put it this way, since you have already talked about that issue with your boyfriend, have you already asked him what's his priority right now? What's his reasons for not talking often with you? It's pretty much obvious that he can not totally devote his time on you but considering his side, there are some guys who are really like that. So first better clear it to him what he really wants. It's not healthy if you're just always the one understanding him. Ok, others say that if you love him you should be willing to give but hey girl, remember that in a realtionship there should be a mutual sharing of time, love, respect and trust, without these things, its not worth it.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Mar 07
thanks! he's pretty much torn between a lot of things right now. i don't want to be really pushy, not at this point. coz i may be a sleeping volcano... :)
@dreamr802 (986)
• United States
26 Mar 07
You do need to evaluate your replationship with him. This could be an ongoing pattern with him. You need to find out what you need and see if you can still be with him. If after taking time to yourself, you still feel like you are in love with him, stay with him. But first maybe I would talk to him and see if his behaviour changes at all. He might not even realize the pain that he is causing you by not talking to you or seeing you. So talk to him first and if nothing changes, feel free to re-evaluate your relationship with him
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Mar 07
thanks! i don't want a drastic step either. even if i'm hurting right now, i still believe that things could work out. crazy but... :)
@junior07 (972)
• India
25 Mar 07
if you love him and you think that he also loves you then tell him about the things which you don't like clearly,i think what the major reason of breaking of relations is that the partners are not very open to each other and i think same thing is happening in between you and your partner,i think you both are hiding something from your partner and that things aparts you,what you do call him some time and choose the place where you both can relax and talk to each other tell him what you didn't yet tell him and ask him if he also have something he want to share with you.I think it work for you.
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
i hope so. thanks! :)
@Aurone (4757)
• United States
25 Mar 07
I would also say it depends on his job and external stresses. Guys do not communicate in the same way women do. My husband is a PhD graduate student and he ignores me a lot. He knows it hurts my feelings and he promises it will be better after he graduates. You could talk to your boyfriend and see what his external stresses are and see if these are the things that are occupying his mind, guys tend to focus on only one thing at a time. However, there is really no reason he couldn't have called or emailed or something. But sometimes they just forget and even though you have told him how much it hurts you, he may not realize the full extent of your pain. I would say, if you want--for it is your life after all--talk to him maybe give him one more chance, try to make him see how important communication is to you--and really communicate with him--don't accuse, don't whine, talk to him in a way where he will not become defensive. When a guy gets defensive they stop listening. Also, I have noticed in my relationship that sometimes it takes a mediator for my husband to really listen--so you could try some couples counseling. But if none of this works and he continues to ignore and hurt you then its time to move on.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
thanks! i agree about guys focusing on one area at a time. my boyfriend is running a bar in the evening until early morning. he just started it 9 months ago. aside from that he's a doctor also. although he has not yet completed his specialization. so sometimes he gets on duty at the hospital and some medical missions too. then he travels at least once a month for a few days each time to distribute medical supplies. he's pretty busy i guess. and that contributed a lot to the "distance" factor in communication. we talked about several times. and i'm usually the one to give in so as not to add pressure or stress on his part.
• India
25 Mar 07
Don't give up. You are so loving .God has given yu beautiful heart to love. forget it what happens to you. listen the song of shaan bhul ja.be smart yourself. Then see what's happend.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
thanks! giving up is my last resort. :)
@lucky_witch (2710)
• Philippines
25 Mar 07
I guess its better if you would talk to him for the last time... I know its never easy and the pain is real... but before you decide to end it up... give it a last blow. Talk to him...and tell the possible outcome of what he was doing. TEll him how you feel...how tired you are from his broken promises... from understanding him. If this time it still doesnt work then its high time to turn your back.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
i am afraid of that "one last time" bit. i don't want to give it up. we promised each other and i for one wouldn't want to break that promise. but yes, a talk is definitely in order. :) thanks!
• United States
25 Mar 07
yes it is time to revaluated your relationship. if it is meant to be then he will be thier for you. so not get down on your self to bad , he might just need to be alone and think things out. just let time pass and things will work out for the most part. just real lacks and he will be fine. like the saying that everyone says if it was meant to be then he will come back and if it waasn't meant to be then let go and move on.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
thanks! i think i should give it a little more time. i don't want to regret any drastic action i may take.
@ElicBxn (61143)
• United States
25 Mar 07
ABSOLUTELY! If you are having these kinds of problems & you haven't even made the commitment of marriage, then I would run & not look back (well, you can't do that really, but you get the idea.) Just a little time is really too little to demand from a relationship and he can't provide even that - then you really are in a relationship where he abuses (not physically you understand, but emotinally.) Back off, catch your breath, don't go looking for someone right away. Getting out of a relationship and running out for a new one is an invitation to get into the same sort of thing, or even worse. I have watched friends run out after relationships fail & get into worse. Or, as the mother of an ex-boyfriend said to me, "I thought you were bad, then he married her." I didn't bother to tell her that I dumped him because he was BORING!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 Mar 07
thanks! i did promise to hold on to it for as long as i could. he has been in a very stressful period and i tried to understand that... but... there has been big buts lately...
• United States
26 Mar 07
Take this as a sign that you really need to re-evaluate your relationship. Seems like he is not taking is seriously after you have discussed your feelings with him. I think guys sometimes take us for granted and think we will always be there for them even when they don't appreciate us. I think it's time for you to move on and let him see how it feels for a change.
1 person likes this
@meoasis (720)
• Nepal
26 Mar 07
i would not suggest you anything because knowing only this tings are not so clear and for if you have a problem you must not ask the people you must ask the one whom you love if you ask the world you get a differnt answers if you just ask yourself and your love you get the best answer for yourselves.
1 person likes this
@mimpi1911 (25473)
• India
26 Mar 07
I know exactly how you feel. You have given him enough benefit of doubts but now its high time you re evaluate, prioritise and move on for the better. This is sad but, I bet, in the long run you will be happy. I don’t know his point of view, he may or may not be having his reasons but you definitely have yours right. It’s not silly or trivial. I feel, In a relationship, commitment and trust is the main thing and if he is committed he is bound to reciprocate and call you. Whoever says, he cant call due do time and business, trust me, he is lying. Sweet heart, it hurts, I know, but just let go. Move out of this, I am sure there is someone somewhere waiting for you, why wait Mr. RIGHT for long.?? Good luck and be happy with your decision, its your life no one can handle is better than yourself.
1 person likes this
@playgirl (1359)
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
why dont you try to demand even a little time to him... and if he still dont have time its not good in a relationship maybe there something going on with you guys.... if it so then why dont you try to ask him or make a hi to choose...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
for me ask agerlfreind if yiu still love the person so understand him and gwve some advist to him to know your felling.................
@subha12 (18449)
• India
26 Mar 07
i think you should first speak with him clearly. ask him what is in his heart. you sud also analyze urself about his behaviour. after all those if u find him not worth of u.. think twice/.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
Hey, I really don't think you're going the easy way but Girl, show up, eat your pride. Find him and give him the best hug in the world. Don't reserve yourself. Give in or you'll lose him forever.
1 person likes this
@Lannie (26)
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
Maybe you both give some time to think about it before you decide.The two of you maybe will talk about it. Beacause if you decide to move on you might regret it.. What if he still love you?. That is why the two of you should talk for a while....before you make any decisions...
• United States
26 Mar 07
Hell yea... You need to move on and find someone that shares the same values as you do. One thing i know about relationships is value if both parties share different values its not goin to work i dont care how much love is in the air.
1 person likes this
@marjcute (35)
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
well i really love this guy so much!! but one thing is he doesnt understand me...he doesnt have time for me because he is alwys busy, bt i believe that its posible to make time if we really want to..,i miss him so much!! bi havent heard a single word and its hurting me..
@ivyrainy (29)
• China
26 Mar 07
Your experience remind me of my first love. I started the story with the guy when we were highschool students.Then we went to universities which are in the same city. It was sure that we could have much time spend together because we were freshmen in university and there was much free time, but he almost never called me or dated with me. Every time i called him to ask for date first. Every time i asked him why he never contact me, the only thing he said was that he was busy. I know it was only an excuse,no matter how busy he is,he would be able to give me a call if he really wanted to do it. I was badly hurted by his atitude. I really loved him very much at that time, but i know i can't stand this relationship like this and we would not have future. I would not be happy if he did not change himself.So i decided to give up and forget him,i did not call him any more even though i suffered missing him very much. I holded on myself and my feeling. One year, two year…… time flies quickly,I can say i forget him already and i have found another good guy who knows how to concern me.I am very happy with the relationship now. I don't plan to give you any advice, it is only you who can decide how to do.Only you yourself know what you really desire for.
1 person likes this