did becoming a mom COMPLETELY change your self-image?
By mesmerize138
@mesmerize138 (1)
United States
April 17, 2007 9:53am CST
My son (D) is 5 months old and I find that I no longer think of myself as just myself. Now when I think of myself it's as D's mom. It's such a shift in personal image!
Did you find that the same thing happened to you when you become a mom? Did your sense of self shift dramatically all of a sudden?
And what do you do to retain that sense of self? What can you do to be more than just your baby's mom?
10 people like this
30 responses
@sarahkskeeters (235)
• United States
18 Apr 07
Yes, when I became a mom 6 months ago my sense of self was completely altered. In fact, I still feel weird about being a "mom". For the first few months I felt like I had lost myself completely. My husband and I are young and none of our friends are married or have kids. It made me feel very alone. Don't get me wrong, my daughter is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me, but having a baby turns your whole world upside down. I felt like I would never again be able to sleep in til noon on my day off. Stay out until 2:00 a.m. having drinks with my friends. Take a spur-of-the-moment vacation. Your life really is no longer your own. What you want doesn't really matter anymore. You can't go where you want when you want. It's so strange. So restrictive. But also so amazing and fulfilling at the same time. I'm slowly starting to piece things back together and figure out how to be myself and be a mom too. Going back to work really helped with that. Now that my daughter is older her father is more comfortable being left alone with her and I can go do something for myself, like get a haircut or a pedicure, every once in awhile. I still don't see my friends much but I'm planning on making more of an effort to get together now that life has calmed down a little bit and the baby is older. She's so much fun these days! Some of our friends are starting to settle down now, too, and I look forward to the day when we have more in commen again.
1 person likes this
@smartmom (826)
• United States
18 Apr 07
I became a mother when I was a freshman in college, and I really know what you are feeling. For me becoming a new mother, was really one of my loneliest and most isolated periods in my life. I did not have any friends or family with kids or husbands either, and I found myself having less in common with all of them. I still talk with one of my college roommates, and she is the godmother of my fist son, and she came to my wedding in Europe. It is more of a family-like relationship though, as we really do not have that much in common. She and her family has been their like rock though, and I do not know what I would have done without them.
I am 26 now, and I had my second son a year ago. My brother and my sister-in-law (who has been a friend of mine for 10 years now) just had their first baby, and can you believe it, they are the first in my circle of friends to have a baby, and so far no one is married either. I had so been looking forward to the day that they had their baby, because it would mean that one of my friends would understand me. My niece is so wonderful, but unfortunately she is living in Europe.
Are you a member of any mother groups? This was defintely what kept me sane. When I had my first son I was a member of an online mother group of mothers from my country, who were living in my area. We had an online message board, and some of us met up about once a month. It really helped a lot, and even though the youngest mother there was about nine years older than me :), it was still such a great support network, and I finally had someone who understood what I was going through, and who I could relate to.
When I had my second child I became a member of a mother group who met up once a month, and we all had babies the same age. This was so wonderful, and the four other mothers in the group were all around my age.
Don't worry about your old friends though, this is the time in your life that you will really be able to figure out, who your real friends are. I still have a handful of friends, who have stuck by my side, but of course I have seen a lot of friends go as well.
I just moved to Florida from Europe two months ago, and I now feel the loneliness of not having any friends around again. I have noticed though that when I go to the park I always end up talking with some other mom, who feels just like me. I cannot wait to find some good friends over here.
Good luck to you and your family.
1 person likes this
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
18 Apr 07
Congradulations welcome to the world of motherhood. You will always be know as D's mom forever. The only way to retain part of yourself, it to make sure you keep some of your friends before the baby. You will always be known to them for who you are.
People you meet now in your life will most likely think about you as D's mom it comes with being a mom. Remember to take some time for yourself when ever you can.
1 person likes this
@clod0327 (817)
• Philippines
18 Apr 07
Becoming a mom really did change my image. I never thought that I can be a responsible mother and a hands on mom. Before, I really depend on my mom for everything. But now that I am a mom myself, I feel that I should be strong and responsible for my daughter. I love being a mother to my daughter, Bela. It is one tiring job but I’m really loving every minute of it.
1 person likes this
@CheSabCabMD (619)
• Philippines
18 Apr 07
Before I became a mother, I was more of the baby in the family.. And now that I'm a mother myself, I sort of felt a surge of maturity.. I am now a mother.. a mother of two actually after I give birth 3 weeks from now..
I started to understand things about my mother I didnt understand much before.. and she was like "now you know"..
It's a great leap.. but it's very fulfilling..
@sunup13 (420)
• Canada
18 Apr 07
I definitely do find that I have changed as a result of becoming a mom. I am more serious with others and I really don't talk about anything but my daughter. Most of my friends are not parents yet, they are younger than I am as well and are always able to go out on the week days where that would be impossible for me with no one to watch my baby (she is 5 months as well).
I try to leave her at her father's for a little bit during the week and even overnight, so I can go out by myself or with my friends. It's easier when she is not around to be my old self. I'd like to find a way to merge the two, be mom and cool 25 year old. I imagine it'll be easier the older she gets, but by then I'll be having another!?
1 person likes this
@sunjith1010 (1)
• India
18 Apr 07
actually (d)s mom u are wrong.no i feel that u have not lost myself. it's all upon u how u try to maintain ur self.it's nothing that if u become any ones mom u loose ur self identity.on the contrary becoming a mom has a great importance ur life.u being considered as a childs mom is a prestige for u in the .being a mom u are getting a chance improve ur self ,the drawbacks which have come to ur life can b cleared by teaching ur child what is good and what is bad .this helps u in retaining ur self idenity.
1 person likes this
@Stiletto (4579)
•
17 Apr 07
I think becoming a mother enhanced my self-image and it definitely changed my priorities and the way I looked at life. Personally I didn't lose my sense of self, becoming a mother was (and still is) the most important thing I ever did with my life but I never felt that it defined me as a person. I understand what you mean though by "I no longer think of myself as just myself."
1 person likes this
@krislouiebaby (2347)
• Philippines
18 Apr 07
well i feel the same way, when my son came, i feel like i am just a mother, who will do anything without getting tired.
i am a working mother so everything is hard for me.
sometimes i feel like i lose the sense of well being.
but thanks to my husband who always help me.
i get tired but i continue doing and giving my best.
1 person likes this
@chertsy (3798)
• United States
18 Apr 07
Funny how once you have a child, you take on a whole new role. Your not just you anymore. Your not yourself as a person anymore. If your married, your not just so and so's wife, dau You become mommy to this little person. Then once this child starts school, you become Shelby's mom for example. I had teachers refer to me as Shelby's mother before. This school year I will take on another role on top of those two, I will also become Tara's mom. Which I'm looking forward to and at the same time sad about it. I think it's neat how as a woman we take on many roles in life. Down the road in the far off future, I will also be called mother in law and grandmother, but again far off future.
@shila07 (514)
• Bhutan
18 Apr 07
ITs quite a great pleasure being mom. Its great experience for a girl to be a mom of a child/children.When we become mom, our attitude changes completely. Yes, i had the same feeling, experience as you have because few months ago i became mom. MY child is 7 months old. After being mom, i have many responsibilities around me, as a wife, daughter inlaw, mother, sitter etc. I have to save my earned money for my child. So its really a wonderful and blessing for all the women tp be mom.
@domesticengineer (576)
• Philippines
18 Apr 07
Absolutely, my life changed tremendously after giving birth to two kids now. I used to put on make up, I never put on make up no, I dont' waste time doing so. I used to dye my hair myself, not anymore, I retain my black hair which is easier for me because I don't have to dye every now and then to retain the color. I don't go out often, only when I go to the supermarket for our groceries. I don't get to see the latest movies now because I rather spend my money on my kids' needs than waste on it on an hour or so. Well, there are still a lot but I better stop because this could take me half day before I could finish everything that I have to say. Still, I'm more thankful now that I'm a mother of two.
@megannica (49)
• China
18 Apr 07
I am mother's daughter,but will be married next year,maybe will be a mother two years from now.To be a motehr or to be a lady is really a controversal issue;it depents on which side you are prone to.I've no idea which kind I will be.But I hope I am a gentle lady with adult,while a kind mother with my child.^^It may be hard,but I will try to make it.Indeed,everything come to be true if we do actively.
@smartmom (826)
• United States
18 Apr 07
Yes, my world changed dramatically when I became a mother, and even after I found out that I was pregnant. When I did find out, I was in my freshman year at college, I had a straight 4.0, and as if it was not bad enough that I was very ambitious, it seemed like my surroundings were ambitious on my behalf as well.
I was studying journalism, and from one day to the other, I really entered this...what to do with my life face. I always wanted to become a young mother, and although the pregnancy was not planned, I was really looking forward to meeting my child. All these ambitions that I had concerning journalism, working at a national paper, have crazy deadlines, travelling around the world etc., they just started to fade away.
Motherhood really changed my self image, and it seems as if, all my mother's norms and values really began to show themselves in me.
After about a year of confusion and the feeling that I was on the wrong track, I managed to steer myself into politics and children's rights. I did graduate at the top of my class, but to some of my professors disappointment I chose the children's rights track instead of journalism. I feel that my skills can be used very well there though.
Now, I am a stay at home mom, but I am going back to school this fall, and I sure hope that I will begin to figure out who I am again. For now I am just Shane and Sky's mom, I certainly know that feeling. Keep writing here at Mylot though, and you will find that your creativity will start shining through and you might get a little bit back.
@lenapoo (678)
• United States
17 Apr 07
Becoming a mom really changed how I looked at life and how I went about doing things. Before I had my kids I was very concerned about my outter appearance such as my hair, nails, shoes, clothes, jewelry, etc. I was very materialistic and after I got pregnant I seemed to realize hey wait a minute. You can be so self centered any more. It wasn't that hard to come and face reality and understand that it was no longer my way or the highway.
1 person likes this
@browneyedgirl (1264)
• United States
17 Apr 07
LOL I still think of myself as ___'s mom-and my kids are way older than 5 months. I think it's important to keep enjoying the things you did before you became a mom...to make time for yourself and your interests; and to take good care of yourself-it makes you better for them because you are rested, relaxed, and refreshed. I think it also helps greatly to keep you from becoming isolated. Blessings to you and your son. ______'s mom LOL
@mannu123 (144)
• India
17 Apr 07
The feel is great , isen't it? I have been longing to get this image from a lo9ng time and now when i am a mom i don't want to get out of it anymore. Its true , you tent to forget that u are still that girl who used to waste long hours before the mirror. and that same women who used to long to go dining with her hubby.. Life chances drastically. Now what ever I do I do according to my sons comfort. he is also 5 months old now.
1 person likes this
@kynni204 (2031)
• United States
17 Apr 07
Yes once you become a mom it isn't just you any longer.You think of your child first. It is a major leap in life. When I became pregnent and had my son. I wished for months that I had never had him. I learned to love him and myself.
@gabesmom (1246)
• United States
17 Apr 07
Having a child has changed my self-image in a way. I can not just think of myself without considering my son as well. I have a helpless human being depending on me for survival. I have to think of what's best for my son in every choice I make now. It's good for me because I tend to opt for healthier, more wholesome things. There are times, though, when I feel torn between myself and my son. I felt the need to be myself once in a while. Thus, I continued to pursue my interests. It also helps to have some "me" time without him tugging on my shirt. I would leave him with my husband or babysitter and go out or just relax.
1 person likes this
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
17 Apr 07
Becoming a parent didn't just change my self image, it changed who I am. I think that has to happen with everyone. You can no long plan just for yourself. You are responsible for your child. Every choice you make affects them. I don't think it takes away from who you were, I think it adds to it. I think we all have many rolls in life. We are someone's mom, someone's daugther, someone's sister, someone's employee or boss, etc. Personally, I don't know how most people are but who I am is affected by who I'm with. It isn't that I'm fake, I just think we adjust according to who is around us. We are all affected by our surroundings. Playing the roll of mom is what you do when you become a parent. No regrets here!
1 person likes this
@babypink_858 (114)
• Philippines
17 Apr 07
It's quite a hard time shifting from a single freewilled young woman to a mom. Before,when my baby is still months old, I still have dreams at night and it pictured me as still single, but then when times go by and i already have two kids now I already accepted that now i belong to the parent world, it's kind a hard at first knowing you will be responsible for their well being and character, now that i've already adjusted as a mom, I find it very fulfilling and created a different identity, a more mature, responsible but still sexy and adorable woman...hehehe
