to live together or to marry

Philippines
April 18, 2007 10:20am CST
just wondering which is better. each has their own advantages & disadvantages but sometimes i think some couples are better off just living together. i know of one couple who had been living in for 8 years only to divorce after a few months from tying the knot. & i also know of grandparents who are still together after so many years. so which one would you choose? and why? i personally would choose marriage - only because i've always wanted to grow old with the one i marry.
4 people like this
25 responses
@Karmalina (647)
• Australia
18 Apr 07
Ideally I think marriage is better. Sometimes the "m word" can trigger the defense mechanisms of an otherwise wonderful partner though. I think some relationships need time to lead up to marriage while others work better when people start their lives REALLY together with marriage. It just depends on the couple I guess.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Apr 07
marriage is the only committed relationship that matters. You cant throw it away casually.
2 people like this
• Philippines
18 Apr 07
For me, I would choose to marry my love one I mean my partner. Although, I'm still living with my boy friend without the blessing of marriage. But it is proper if we are going to marry and have kids afterwards... Peace!!!
• United States
18 Apr 07
I myself am in a relationship that has been for 8 years and regret it...To me the best option before you live together with your partner is to get married. The reason why I say this is that when you live with someone before marriage they get use to the do everything like where married but not married..if that makes sense..sort of getting the milk for free before buying the cow...But then again it depends on the relationship that you have with your partner as well...to each his or her own...
2 people like this
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
18 Apr 07
When I got married, there weren't very many who lived together. I think that living together has become very popular these days. I don't see anything wrong with living together. This way the individuals can really get to know the good and the bad characteristics of each other. I am very happy to be married to a wonderful man. I plan on growing old with him. To others, the piece of paper stating they are married doesn't mean anything, so they grow old together living together.
2 people like this
@rodeotexas (1154)
• United States
18 Apr 07
I chose marriage and thats what I would choose if I wasn't married. I want to be married to the one I love and the one I want to grow old with. Yes some people live together forever without getting married and some do it for fear they will lose what they have already. Like it's going to go away or something. I don't understand why some people think that because really getting married is just the official thing to your relationship and it shouldn't change the way you already live especially if you have been living with you SO.
2 people like this
• United States
19 Apr 07
All I can tell you is that living together is sin according to the Word of God and it's basically cowardly. There really there is no commitment in living together and no real love because real love requires commitment. I don't mean the kind of commitment that people think of today that changes with the direction of the wind or some whim. When a person marries, they should be making a vow for life because that's what marriage is - a decision for life. If both people aren't planning to make vows for life, they shouldn't get married. When my parents married 49 years ago, they made vows to each other that they meant and they took seriously. The idea of divorce wasn't part of those vows. As far as they were concerned, they made a lifetime commitment and that commitment has seen them through when most people would have divorced. The biggest problem is that most people who get married these days only marry because of an emotional love. That's not the kind of love that carries you through the hard times. When someone marries for real, they put themselves aside and their "rights" aside for the good of each other. That doesn't mean that you stay in an abusive situation but it does mean that if two are to become one, they have to both commit to putting the other's needs first. If someone really loves another person, they are willing to put themselves aside for that person and if both of you are doing that equally, imagine how wonderful the relationship will be. The problem is that most of the time in this day and age, only one person is usually that committed to the relationship and it only works when both of you are that committed. The reason that so many people divorce after living together is that they were never really committed to the other person to begin with or at least one of them wasn't. Anyway, that's my input.
1 person likes this
• New Zealand
19 Apr 07
I too would prefer to marry just i did and grow old with the same person thats apersonal choice.Well marraige brings in asecirity os sorts like you fight but you make up for there is something that binds you.If you are binded than you adjust otherwise you will just walk out at the slighest fuss.Life and relationships dont work this way.
1 person likes this
@jemimay (38)
• Philippines
18 Apr 07
i say live together. before, I believed in marriage but after having a live-in partner for 2 years which didn't work out, I became thankful for not marrying him. But of course, in every relationship we are having, we always want to end it for a lifetime. But then again, we can't tell what might happen. It's better to know each other first while living together and start to accept each other's weaknesses before getting married. Never think divorce as an option. I never agree to that.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Apr 07
me i choose to live together because it will let you know your partner more better. because marriage is not a game that you will gonna quit easily. They say that in marriage, its easy to get it and hard to get out.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Apr 07
when you live together you have a different set of rules. You dont expect the same things. This is why you are set up to fail. If you want to walk away you always can in a marriage you dont have that option and you have freely given it up. It means you try to make things work.
1 person likes this
@piropos (312)
• Philippines
19 Apr 07
As you said, there are advantages and disadvantages in getting married or just living together without the benefit of any spiritual good or legal protection for both spouses. I would rather dwell on the advantages, though, as I think there are more of them than the other. Perhaps for those who think religion or belief in God is nonsense, then the first advantage I am going to mention is nonsense too. But for those who have faith in God, then I would proceed to say that the first advantage of marrying in Church is that God becomes the center of the spouses' life together. The grace that the couple receives is more than the sum of the material gifts that they could from friends and relatives. This grace influences both husband and wife to love one another beyond the physical. This alone could help the couple grow old together, as they would always love, respect and trust each other more.
• United States
19 Apr 07
Ya know your philosophy sounds great. However, I was married 3 times, divorced 3 times.....and 2 of those took place in a church, they were the shorter lived of the 3, so getting married in a church doesn't guarantee anything! The 3rd time, was married by a judge at a friend's house, it lasted 16 years.
@tyc415 (5706)
• United States
20 Apr 07
My hubby and I got married by a minister at a friends house and we are still together, have 3 children and 5 grandchildren and are very happy.
@semak76 (187)
• United States
19 Apr 07
I had always believed I would get married, start a family, and live happily ever after. Well, I ended up with the family first, and so now marriage just doesnt seem like such a big priority. I am not still with my child's father, and I am glad. My family tried to pressure me into marrying him...but six months after the baby was born, we split up. I am very happy with my life, I guess the point is if you want to get married, that's great, but remember its no fairy tale, and make sure you're doing it for the right reasons, not for kids, not for loneliness, but for love.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
19 Apr 07
it really dpends on the couple, but if it would be me and my partner, i will definitely not live in with him until we are married.
@letzap519 (408)
• Philippines
19 Apr 07
i choose marriage coz this is good in the eyes of GOD and people. Living together can be considered as immorality...loving someone is not a trial and error you will spend your life with someone you love for rich or for poor for better or worst.. not because you found someone that is much better you will just leave him/her... this is unacceptable... when you loved someone you need to be with him aside from all the hardships you may encounter.....marriage can be blessed by GOD...living in together is unacceptable in the eyes of GOD...
@icequeen (2843)
• Canada
19 Apr 07
I agree with you...I would rather be married. I have been with my partner for 14 years now...and we still aren't married and it bothers me quite a bit...especially when friends and others are getting married and we still haven't...that bothers me...
@palonghorn (5486)
• United States
19 Apr 07
After having been married and divorced 3 times, I'm now living with the most wonderful guy I've ever met, we've been together 2 years (he equals me on divorces). We are in nooo big rush to run down 'that' aisle again! lol The way I look at is, we talk about growing old together, and other things envolving the future, we are both committed to the other and cheating in this relationship is not an option. With that said, I don't need a piece of paper or a ring on my left hand to show who I'm in love with and that he loves me. We have both jokingly said that if we're still together in 30 or 40 years, then we'll get married, hahaha, assuming we can still hear the preacher! (we're both in our 40's) and when ya think about it.....the vows would be shorter, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health......kinda seems a bit unnecessary. lol
• India
19 Apr 07
live with together then only it made u d u r family happy
• China
19 Apr 07
i agree with you, i think we need the contain the disadvantage of each other, you can euphemistic tell our parter the things you don't like.i think we will get along very well when we consider the things of each other
@jc_star10 (954)
• Indonesia
19 Apr 07
In my country, it's against tradition for living together before married. But now the young teenagers lives together before they married. And although it does have some advantages like you get to know the person you live with better than before you get married first. Second, you will be able to adapt with her/him first before married. But the disadvantages also quite fatal if I must say. People will look at you with misjudgments among society. I personally love marriage than living together before marriage. Indeed, it's quite scary for married to someone that you never live with.
@neon2000 (2762)
• Philippines
19 Apr 07
It is up to the couples wheter they like living in together or to get marry. If they both agree then that is fine but if only the one wants to get married and the other one doesn't, it is better not to because the marriage may only end up in divorce.