Estranged by Family

United States
April 21, 2007 4:16pm CST
I'm a 21 year old girl. I think its worth noting that I'm hispanic, which is another added pressure. Ever since I told my parents I was leaving out of state to pursue a graduate degree and live with my serious boyfriend/best friend of 5 years, my life has been miserable. They have denounced me as dead, they say they will not support my decision at all, and what hurst me teh most is they say that my decision will make them sick or crazy. They have given me an immense guilt trip, and I am left in a situation where I am damned if I do and damned if I dont. I wan't to follow my dreams, but they amke everyone else miserable. Am I selfish for not wanting to sacrifice my dreams and liev with no regrets. My parenst have always been very strict on me, never let me have any friends over, or let me go out. I am an adult already, and want to be treated as one. I do understand the financial and moral responsibilities of my decision. Anyone ever been in my situation. Any advice or suggestion is greatly appreciated.
3 people like this
4 responses
@lonewolfnan (4367)
• Canada
22 Apr 07
When you hang your degree on the wall,your parents will tell you they are so very proud of you.It is hard to break away from the parents but sooner or later we must to continue growing and maturing.The guilt trip is usually a lasdt resort for parents I think.Your parents do love you and whatever you decide,in the end they will respect your decision and be proud of what you do.
• United States
22 Apr 07
thanks. i agree with you
@Willowlady (10666)
• United States
22 Apr 07
It is sad when family becomes toxic. I would hope that in time when you become well centered and working and educated too. That they will turn around. I hope that when the time is right and you choose to have children, that might be the time they change their tunes. I have seen it happen. I hope that you are ready to have children when and if they appear. My vote would be for marriage to that boyfriend too. Good luck with this. Time to start a new life and hope that they come to grips with your new and possibly improved life.
2 people like this
• United States
22 Apr 07
Thanks
@jwfarrimond (4474)
21 Apr 07
I had a very controlling mother who even when I was in my mid twenties, tried to tell me what I could or could not do. But I did what I felt I needed to do, which led to big arguments. In the end she accepted that she had to let go but at the time it was an emotional rollercoaster. You are old enough to decide on how you want to live and develop your life. What your family are doing is emotional blackmail of the worst sort and you should ignore it and do what you feel is best for you. Your family might not like it, but it's not for them to decide your future.
2 people like this
• United States
22 Apr 07
thanks for the comforting advice. at least i know i'm not alone
@kiiizu (1901)
• Estonia
21 Apr 07
I can't understand your parents. Why they have something against you having a degree? It's a serious, very mature decision, every parent should be happy his child has a wish to study. I would, if you were my daughter. As for your BF, if you have known each other for 5 years and you still want to be and to live together, it's great. It has to be love! I hope and pray, in time your parents will understand it.
• United States
21 Apr 07
I know. It's a tough situation. I agree with you. Hopefully with time they will change