how do you solve your differences with your partner?

@yanjiaren (9050)
April 25, 2007 6:40am CST
We had a slight problem last night but thank God for my soft approach and patience, we are back on track and even stronger today, I got a phonecall with lots of I love yous, well wo ai nis actually and an apology email for one pissy mode yesterday. I am so relieved. I did tell my hubby I am an old fashioned girl and as soon as I said I am now a Yanjiaren and his ancestors would not be pleased if he dumped me just because of distance and financial delays, he calmed down. I am so happy we can communicate. His boss is a moronic ugh don't want to say, I have even dreamed of him, who is causing him hell, and I am not there to give him the cuddles and comforts of a physical wife, you know what I mean. So I am trying hard to solve this problem. I love my hubby, and he knows it. There is a saying in China, once a girl finds her WHITE HORSE, she gives every thing. Well I call him my YELLOW HORSY, because he is Chinese lol.
7 people like this
16 responses
@zjenikka (292)
• Philippines
26 Apr 07
I am so happy to read you post. My bf is a Chinese too. It was hard for us to adjust with each other for a bout a year. Solving our differences was really a big trial. We even got separated for a month we both gave up. Then we realized we need each other and promised to handle things better for the second time around. We talked over things that complicate us and slowly we deal things with patience and support for each other. We are doing well in our almost 4 years of relationship as bf and gf.
2 people like this
@yanjiaren (9050)
26 Apr 07
grat, my hubby will be happy to hear..tell him to get you some han fu lol..
@vikasintl (267)
• India
25 Apr 07
Yes open hearted communication without allegations is the best solution to solve partnership issues.
@yanjiaren (9050)
25 Apr 07
This is true, I don't want to be drinking vinegar forever
@maryannemax (12174)
• Sweden
25 Apr 07
what a relief! since you had been one of my closest friends here in myLot, i am so happy and please to know that your husband and you did talk things through and fix the misunderstandings. talking things together really works! happy myLotting to you 'el!!! anne
@yanjiaren (9050)
25 Apr 07
talking softly helps lol
@maryannemax (12174)
• Sweden
26 Apr 07
haha! for sure. shouting just aggrevates more anger! so, good that it worked out well for you two. patience paid you right. take care 'el!
@Naomi17 (624)
26 Apr 07
I am so happy you have managed to open up the communication line but i did tell you he misses you!
@yanjiaren (9050)
26 Apr 07
yes you are right
@easyzheng (666)
• China
26 Apr 07
I do appriciat your being so humble and so patient with your hubby. I believe you did all these just because you love him so much and didn't want to lose his love too. But if it were me, I couldn't have the patient to say a second "I love you" if the first "I love U" didn't work. I'm not a modern fashioned woman, but I don't like the feeling of being a woman with old-fashioned virtue. I like to be treated equally and reasonably.
1 person likes this
@yanjiaren (9050)
26 Apr 07
He is such a good husband, I mean he always values my opinion. All he has sometimes is a bit of a pissy mode if his computers aren't working. Once he starts Tai ji and his liver and kidneys get stronger he will get much better. Already he is much calmer. I feel men have a way to be handled too, they have a fragile nature too, slightly different from ours but it is there lol.
1 person likes this
• China
26 Apr 07
The first step:argue with each other. The second step:Usually,there will be a restult after arguing with each others. The third:follow the one who persuaded all of us. It seems to be very easy to solve the problem you refered to.Don't you think so?
@yanjiaren (9050)
26 Apr 07
I hate to argue, so I refuse to lol. In the end my Hubby calms down and is like a soft soft kitten from a roaring tiger lol.
@jay_em93 (99)
• Philippines
26 Apr 07
I don't like quarreling with my partner but sometimes it happens,when i am angry i keep my mouth shut because when i speak i am afraid i might hurt her with words and then i would regret it later. Most of the time i let her speak and speak first, as long as there is no physical or violent war between the two of us then it's alright. I know that after she yells she'll get tired and then cry, that's the time i talk to her, comfort her and explain my side. Fire should be countered with water so it will not grow.lol
1 person likes this
@yanjiaren (9050)
26 Apr 07
great words, if my hubby is pissy, i go in a corner and am a quiet mousy. When he calms down he comes to hug me and apologizes for his pissy mode. I always end up winning the argument lol by a. calming him down, because I tell him I cannot fight with him and b by winning his love because he knows I care about his nervous system.
@galatea (687)
• Philippines
25 Apr 07
It's good to hear you've been able to solve this fast. Just be there for him, although not physically, but you know what I mean. As for that boss, there must some ancient Chinese ritual that can give him a bad case of... hmmm... lose bowels? Just kidding. I hope everything will be ok. Will you yellow horsey come back to you soon?
@yanjiaren (9050)
26 Apr 07
maybe in a few months
@kiiizu (1901)
• Estonia
25 Apr 07
You see, everything is alright between you two again! Unfortunately is the Atlantic Ocean between you, too much water LOL! Do you know already, when you can go back? When the boss of your hubby is... not a very nice person, he needs your full support (your hubby, not the boss, I mean). Let's hope you are able to solve all your problems - with visas, distance, idiotic bosses etc. very soon!
@yanjiaren (9050)
25 Apr 07
He is not used to being loved through thick and thin, but now he has accepted it and has accepted me wholeheartedly, he promised me he would never mention about me marrying a rich man again..i don't want any other man, i want him. it was my ex husband's family who never wanted me, this one, his family are all in China and he says his mum will love me to bits because i am a traditional woman lol
@Anniedup (3652)
• Richards Bay, South Africa
25 Apr 07
You see, and I don't want to start by saying I told you so, darn it there I just did! You keep faith and take care love and Hugzzzz
1 person likes this
@maryannemax (12174)
• Sweden
25 Apr 07
yup. just keep the faith and don't lose hope that easy. it's natural to have differences. but you can always adjust to each other.
2 people like this
@charms88 (7546)
• Philippines
25 Apr 07
LOL, Yan, yellow horsy, eh. I shouldn't be here as I do not know anything about solving differences with a partner. I just hop in here to give you my moral support. You know what I'm telling you. Be happy, dear.
@yanjiaren (9050)
25 Apr 07
Yes he is MY YELLOW HORSY LOL, He calls me both a mouse and a snake lol..
@romel_ece (1290)
• Philippines
26 Apr 07
That's great to hear from you that everything is ironed out and on the right track together with you and your hubby.Just keep booth your horses running and your relationship will be going smoothly.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Apr 07
have an open heart and mind, talk or communicate always, respect and understand each other plus love to top it all..i guess, you'll be alright and the problem can easily be solve. just be open in all aspect and i think everything will be just fine.
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
25 Apr 07
Glad everything is ok yanjiaren. ANd yes, communication is usually the best way to solve problems and differences not only in relationships but in everything in life. Being able to talk and explain what we're feeling and why is something that sometimes people forget... we have so many things going on in our lives we often end up expecting the other person to have a crystal ball to know what we mean without us talking. But it's good to know that you are the kind of person that remembers the importance of communication :)
1 person likes this
@wonderful1 (2076)
• China
26 Apr 07
I always let him follow me if we have a differece.He's certainly ungry,but for a while ,he will follow me . This is a not good way,i know ,but icant control myself.
• Philippines
26 Apr 07
We do not discuss our differences with my hubby.. Just that I don't like to discuss things over specially when we had fight over it. I just love the good times and when we tell jokes to each other. I know it isn't right to just leave things undiscussed but I hate it really... This is why when we have a misunderstanding I feel so heavy that the hurting feeling inside me has been added again with another.... I cry so much and sometime I feel like making a decision of quiting but I always remember what one friend who once told me not to make decisions in extreme of my anger and in extrem of happiness... I hope someday we will learn to deal with our differences....