How dare they say that being a housemother isn't a "J-O-B"
By Kaeli72
@Kaeli72 (1229)
United States
April 25, 2007 7:20pm CST
Venting here...again!
For those of you whom have followed up on my past disscussions, you'll remember when I've written topics that dealt with volunteering my time for the church's daycare.
Well...hubby and I were talking about what to do with the children during the summer while I'm over there for the committed Mondays and Tuesdays. He said he didn't want them over there, yet he didn't want them to stay home by themselves.
He said, "If you had a job, you wouldn't have to work at the daycare."
EXCUSE ME!?!?!?!? HELLO!!!
Why is it that people who don't have any children automatically assume that those parents who stay at home with their children have nothing to do? I do have a job...it's called 'children'. But, that's not good enough for them or for my husband.
During the day, I'm at home taking care of the house, the children, laundry and yard. Hubby comes home and rests and relaxes. Then he goes to sleep after dinner. Guess who's up studying and researching materials? me. Or, I'm still doing housework.
I've placed my foot down. Since I'm not getting paid from the daycare, I have to go and get a job. Will I work nights so that I'm still able to contribute to my committed days? No. I will NOT work a night shift because when I've left my baby with my hubby until 11am, they would just be getting up and eating breakfast. I have to stay awake during the daytime to take care of the little one.
What will we do during the summer? So far, I have a plan that I go into work all day. During the morning hours, hubby will be home. Then, the children will be alone for 3-5 hours until I get home. Hopefully by then, my homebusiness would have flourished like it's supposed to.
Thanks for letting me vent. I do have a J-O-B...I just don't get paid for it nor do I have an employer.
7 people like this
18 responses
@ambkeb (782)
• United States
26 Apr 07
Before my kids were born, I loved working. Some days now, I still say I would love to go back to work. ( i have a 2 year old and 9 month old) Just so I can get away, and have a break. LOL....what a break that would be. BUT if I were to get a job...I think I wouldnt be so stressed out all the time. HAHA PPl who dont stay at home with their kids or who arent with their kids 24/7 dont understand all that we do. We have to plan every little moment of the day. It would be chaotic if we didnt. Planning housework between playing with kids....feeding bathing....etc etc. I cant imagine having to throw homeschooling in there. WOWZERS...lol
3 people like this
@lightningMD (5931)
• United States
26 Apr 07
I suggest for a few days you dont cook his dinner,wash his clothes,pack his lunch etc and see what he thinks about you not having a job then. I bet he changes his mind real quick. How old are your kids? Are the old enough to stay alone? If so then volunteering is a wonderful way to serve the Lord and help out your community. Are there ant paying position at the day care? Are there othedr day cares in town you could apply at? What about doing child care for a few kids in your own home. Then your home with your kids and generating an income. Just afew ideas that came to mind.
@bunbunrocks (185)
• United States
26 Apr 07
I totally understand where you are coming from, as my husband is made of the same mold.
We agreed when we got together that when we had children I would stay at home with them, and now that I'm doing that? Everything is his. The motorcycles are his (even though I had mine before I ever met him) the house is his. Yeah right. I smile and know it's half mine!
I agree with a few of the other posters, if he discounts the work you do. Make him do it. He'll have an appreciation for you like never before! It works for me when I need to remind mine to stop being an idiot.
@smartmom (826)
• United States
26 Apr 07
I really feel for you, and at the same time I have a sense of what you are going through. I actually do not like to use the term housewife or stay at home mom, as I think they imply that we just stay at home and do nothing. I also prefer to use the term homemaker, as this is what we do. We create a home, and we manage the household.
I recently applied for a very competitive graduate program where I was able to put a spin on my "homemaker" and "family caretaker" (I was taking care of my mother) roles in order to fit my application. I guess I did a good job, because I did get accepted. I bet there is no other "homemakers" amidst the 12- 15 people, who were accepted, so I am a bit scared of what will come next.
My point is though, that we really do have a job, we just do not have any measurable benefits. We get the chance to stay home with our children, to raise them, to care for them, and to follow their lives, but we do not get any sick pay, sick leave or health benefits. We do not have any scheduled check out time, and we do not get to any lunch break.
No matter what, I am sure that we all do love our jobs, despite the lousy benefits, and how many people can say this.
Good luck with your home venture, I am sure that you will succeed with all your organization and multitasking skills that I am sure you have developed through your job as a homemaker.
@Kaeli72 (1229)
• United States
26 Apr 07
Don't I know this! My lunch time break is with the baby...and my naptime is when the older children are home and watching the Little Man.
I made a disscussion one weekend after working all week like a slave and then on Saturday, I was relaxing. My hubby comes up to me and says, "Get up, the house is filthy." I was so appauled because I told him, "All week long I cook and clean. Can't I have just one day off a month?"
Whenever I got a bad headache or not feeling well, I'd take the time out to rest. Getting up was worse than the pain...for the house was a mess.
Last week, I worked at the daycare for three days and I was too tired to deal with the household chores. Catching up on laundry bites.
1 person likes this
@Nickiek (86)
• United States
26 Apr 07
I can certainly relate to the feelings expressed by this mom. I too am a stay at home mom with similar dilemmas. Two children, summer schedule woes, no real day care alternatives, and the pressure from family and friends to "Get a real job."Up until a little over a year ago I was the working parent and my husband was the stay at home parent. Now our positions are reversed. I can't say I was completely supportive of my husband as he stayed home and I worked. I would often come home and the house would be wrecked and from my perspective it looked like he was slacking. Even when I worked, I was the one that had to clean house, do laundry, pay bills, and do the grocery shopping. So now I feel like my life is a lot easier and I feel guilty about it.
The whole 'to work, or not to work' dilemma would be a lot easier to swallow, if stay at home parents were given a bit more respect and admiration. But at least my house is clean and I'm not a stressed out, freaked out mom who doesn't know what is happening to her kids.
2 people like this
@Shaun72 (15959)
• Palatka, Florida
26 Apr 07
I agree it is hard taking care of kids and also doing all of the work that you do online. My best friend is the same way she stays at home with her kids. Her oldest son does home school in which she teaches him and she also writes articles all day to get paid. So i agree 100% I mean you do have a job and I have to back you up as well as my best friend and other mothers that stay at home.
@AmbiePam (85705)
• United States
10 May 07
I'm not a mom, but it burns me when people belittle the job of a housewife and mother. Did you see that new research results on how much a mother would make if she was paid for all her jobs? In the United States it would be $138,000! And you know, sometimes staying home with the children saves more money than working and putting children into daycare. It depends on the job and the benefits. But anyone who says a stay at home mom doesn't have a real job, then they are either ignorant, or a fool. And I stand by that assessment.
@myworld_and_you (1223)
• Philippines
26 Apr 07
Speaking about JOB, it's always associated with work plus salary. That's why probably your husband had said that to you.
Yes, you have a job. You are committed to serve and be there for your children, only that you are not get paid by any other employer. Perhaps, your hubby is concerned about your financial status. Maybe he also wanted that you could also earn even a little.
I am not agreeable that you work during night shifts and then take care of the house and children durng the day. You've got to rest, nap and relax too. :)
@delenep (212)
• United States
26 Apr 07
OOOOO I SO get what ur feeling. First punch him HARD a few times, till u feel better, then refuse to do anything around the house and just focus on the kids. See how long b4 he realises what u go thru. If worse comes to worse, send him to dr phil's man camp!!!
I get v angry as well if someone suggests that being a stay at home mom is not a JOB and all I do is lounge around all day. I do more work now tahn when I ran my own biz and effectively did the jobs of 5 dif ppl. Sorry, u work hard.
I just wish the gov would bring up a prog to recognise what stay at home moms do and at least give us something for it (monetary). It seems we only get respect when money's involved.
@xoShannonNCxo (146)
• United States
26 Apr 07
How horrible that your husband doesnt support you! He should understand that you do A LOT for the children and him! It sounds like he thinks you do nothing all day and hes jealous! If only he knew the truth haha. One day you should not do any house work or not make dinner not make the kids behave and when he gets home and is angry about the oncdition of things be like "Honey you know how you never understood what I did all day, well today I didnt do it!" maybe that will make him understand! haha!
2 people like this
@YoungInLove (1254)
• Canada
27 Apr 07
Not to be rude, but are you financially stable?! Becuase i know a friend whos mother refuses to work (not that your refuse to or anyhting im just saying)and sometimes my friend has to give her parents her paycheck to pay the bills. If you guys are fine, then he should have nothing to complain about. If you were working and not staying at home..then the house would be upside down! and im sure your husband wouldnt like that. Like someone said up there before, dont clean or cook on day and see how he deals with that, then he should be thankful for the things you DO for him
1 person likes this
@ajaleelp (131)
• India
26 Apr 07
Infact you have been blessed with one of the most dignified jobs God could give human race-Looking after your own children and ruling your home.Its not a duty but a privilege.It is a job which is inferior to no other.Infact it is much superior in many terms.It needs lot of hardwork,makes you faces lot of challenges but is one of the most enjoyable jobs all the same.
And who told you aint getting paid?!! Can you ask for something better than your cute babies or a happy family? Thats too good compared to some bank notes in your pocket.Aint it?
@pumpkinjam (8539)
• United Kingdom
14 May 07
I know how you feel. I think my other half has only recently realised that I don't sit around doing nothing all day. He still doesn't help at home. He seems to think that, because he is doing a paid job, he has the automatic right to come home and expect me to be a slave to him. Even on his days off, I have to physically go out of the house on my own and tell him to look after the children. His friends are just as bad, all thinking that just because you choose to look after your own children that you must sit in the house all day. Well, I know I do a lot more than them.
I don't even call myself a stay at home mum because I don't stay at home. I have to go out to take my oldest child to school and I am out most days taking the baby to different places. I hate that people assume you are lazy (which many people do) just because you look after your own children.
It's bad enough that people outside of the family are like that but when your partner and father of your child is like that despite seeing for himself that you do actually do things all day and not thinking he should help out with anything. That's really bad.
I'm glad you put this discussion on. I enjoying ranting about this kind of thing!
Tell your hubby that you will get a job if he wants to stay home with the kids.
@stefan_diego (556)
• Canada
26 Apr 07
I believe it is. In fact I think that's one of the most difficult job to do. It's quite harder than anybody think. Paperworks and computer works can be edited and checked for corrections but kids, well, you can't do that to them.
1 person likes this
@Nykkee (2522)
• Canada
15 Aug 07
Being a housewife is definitly a job. Having children to care for on top of your house and your husband is like having 2 jobs. Your husband sounds like a turd. He says, "If you had a job, you wouldn't have to work at the daycare." Well maybe you should just quit the daycare. If you didn't have to work at the daycare then you wouldn't have to worry about who was going to watch your children. It's absolutly ridiculous what he is saying, it makes no sense, if you worked somehwere other than the daycare you would have even more of an issue with care for your own children.
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
15 Aug 07
I hear you there AMEN to that...I think that being a housewife and a mother is one of the hardest un recongized jobs in the world to take care of the daily chores and the childrens needs...We don't get paid with money but we feel paid with love from the kids...I heard Dr Phil say that being a mother is one of the hardest jobs but we don't get payed or recongized for it...
