What do you think of biblical discipline for your children?

United States
April 26, 2007 4:18pm CST
Do you believe if you spare the rod, you will spoil your children? California, where I live, was doing their best to pass a law punishing any parent who would raise their hand or hit their child if they are under the age of 3. This women who wants to pass this law must not have children under 3 not understand that babies are smart and they DO know right from wrong. I mean, she is not givng babies the recognition they deserve. She must think a childs brain does not develop until they are 5 or 6. By babies know when I say NO what they means and at 17 months, when I ask them to bring me something of a certain COLOR or OBJECT, they DO! True, babies at this age do not understand empathy, but they do know rigth from wrong if the parent is teaching them this as they mature into toddlerhood. Right?
3 people like this
9 responses
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
27 Apr 07
I am an advocate for spanking, when it is administered correctly. Here in Oklahoma, the DHS (department of child services) advocates spankings with a ruler or hand, or spoon. I prefer the ruler, as it shows that it's an object that is used specifically for spankings, and that the child was not just hit arbitrarily, but spanked for discipline with an object specifically for that purpose. I don't think people should use belts, as the belt buckle could cause damage, and a spanking is not meant to bruise or damage the child's skin, but to correct behavior. I personally think spankings should be reserved for defiance, that moment when your toddler looks at you and says, "I will not obey, you cannot make me obey!" and you must meet that with a harsh discipline, and this is when I believe that spankings are most appropriate and affective. I Don't really think that young babies need or deserve spankigns on the bottoms, I have found a quick smack on the hand, when they reach for the stove, or electrical outlet is most affective. THey learn quickly, that every time they disobey mom in this area, thier hand will hurt, and they will stop. I don't think I started spanking my oldest on the bottom until he was almost 2, and even then they were few and far between. I love time outs for other issues. (whining, hitting, etc.) And think it is a very affective discipline tool for most children, although not for a baby under 2. (I do one minute for each age they are, so my two year old gets two minutes) Also, when I say I reserve spankings for defiance, i do not think every act of defiance will neccesarily warrant a spanking either. If my son is jumping on the couch, and I tell him to stop, he disobeys, and I warn him of a spanking, he continues, before I can get to him he falls off the couch, hitting his head hard, and begins to cry. He doesn't need a spanking on top of that, the natural consequences were enough discipline in my eyes. I think people go to two extremes in this issue, they either abhor spankings, and treat anyone who spanks as a criminal, or they go crazy with them, and use them for every childhood indiscretion. Spankings, adminstered correctly are not abuse, but are also not a fix-all for every misbehavior. ALso, I must add, there are simply some children who do not benefit from spankings. SOme children are more sensitive than others, and will fall apart with a simple scolding, let alone a spanking, and should be handled with more care. Of course a child of this nature, will be much more compliant, and most likely rarely earn a spanking. I am a firm believer in spankings, but I don't think it's neccesary that all children be spanked, as long as the discipline chosen is affective and used consistently, I don't see a problem. I think if the parent is uncomfortable with spankings, they should never use it, as thier child will sense thier uneasyness. Also, one more note, (wow, this is getting long) I hate it when I hear parents say "I only use spanking as a last resort" when people do this, they are frustrated and angry, then they spank thier children! This I fear, sends mixed messages to your kids. Either use spankings, or don't, but be consice with when you will use it and for what kind of indiscretions. DOn't wait until you are frustrated and your child is out of control, use it with the first act of defiance, and be consistent, the child will learn who is boss, and comply accordingly. (okay, i'll get off my soap-box now) (:
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Apr 07
Good another advocate that spankings and slaps on the hand work. Yeah, at 17 months, I never swat my twins on the bottom. In fact, I never even thought about doing that. I just smack them on their hands or flick them on the cheek. My sister taught me this method of discipline and she is 3.5 years younger than me. But the flick has to sting and they will not do that wrong thing again. Parenting also equals consistency. If your yea is not a yea and your nay is not a nay, then they will see right though you and run all over you. Last time I checked, I was Mommy and I gave birth to my little darlings. I wipe their bottoms and runny noses, I bathe them, I feed them, I tell them I love them and hold them when they have ouches. NOT THE STATE!! And, I do not swat them on a day in and day out basis. They are for the most part good babies, but they love to test me to see if I will waiver. Mommys can not become pushovers because that will indeed push their babies over the edge an into a behavior which is unbecoming and then who would want to be with or play with your babies then or children then? Nobody likes a bully...
@Foxxee (3654)
• United States
26 Apr 07
Still, a child that young shouldn't be slapped or any child at any age at that. And I don't know any 17 month old that deserves a spanking just because they don't listen. A 3 year old is still a toddler, an older toddler and they don't need to be punished by spanking just because they don't listen. Parents need to start talking to their children more offten and get down to their level. Hitting is never the answer and I'm all for the new law and I'm sure it will pass.
• United States
26 Apr 07
When I first begin disciplining my twins, I would only talk to them, at their level, eye to eye. But, they got smart, and decided that Mommy is a pushover and I can do whateve I want to and she will not discpline me. They began to rule the roost so to speak. This is exactly what our government leader want. They do not want us to Parent anymore, but to be their friends and buddies. No. This will not happen in my home. I am their Mommy and they will obey me. If I have to swat them on the hand and hit their bottoms, I will. I will also put them in time out pretty soon so they know I am Mommy and Mommy is the person you listen to, period. If you want the state to take care of your child(ren), then having them take away our parental rights would indeed be the best way to do it. When I gave birth to my babies, I do not recall signing a wavier saying the state could discipline my girls. Being a parent is a very important role we decide to take on, not the state.
1 person likes this
@Foxxee (3654)
• United States
26 Apr 07
My 4 year old daughter doesn't get spanked at all and she turned out just fine. Yes we have our moments and she talks back, but when I get to her level and I stay firm and I let her know I am not backing down, she does listen. I do use a time out spot and it works. I don't see why parents can't use the time out because it does work. My daughter is a handful and has a mouth on her, but when when I get down to her level and talk with her and then put her in time out, she knows I'm not playing around. I also take toys away and she has to earn them back. It can work. Maybe you were just not firm enough. You don't have to spank to be firm. You should watch Nanny 911, or Supernanny. They give good advice. But to each their own. If you think spanking works for you and nothing else will work, then I guess for now that is your choice. I do think that spanking is a choice a parent makes, it's not abuse, I'm not saying that at all. I mean there are people out there that actually do beat their kids and I think the state should go after them.
• United States
27 Apr 07
Thank you Foxxee, You are right and I am wrong. I would hate to raise babies who learn to hit and throw things out of anger. I appreciate your advice and will use time out. It has to work right? Even with the threat of a time out will work right? And yes, I will watch SuperNanny. I used to watch this before my twins were born and stopped.. You are great Foxxee...
• United States
27 Apr 07
I Firmly believe in spanking. I do not mean spank all of the time. But, someone once said Spank you child now OR they will spank you later. There is such a lack of respect for adults in general now. Look around at the teens that are out of control (NOT ALL) But there are a LOT. For crying out loud I have to go to a GANG AWARENESS for my subdivision with members as young as 6 years old? What the heck? I say as parents with the world around us as it is we MUST step up and disicipline now or what will happen later... I personally spank and will not change. Now mind you I do not do it daily. .but when needed I do not think twice.. And, I never would harm my child but my little girl understands and respects us...
• United States
27 Apr 07
Oh, you are a breathe of fresh air. Imagine, a parent thinking like me. What in the world! Many of these mommys and daddys think you can reason with a 17 or 18 month old. Oh really, and whipping them into shape will, oh no, damage their self esteem! Self Esteem, how about, I am Mommy, you are Baby and and I am the authority over you because I love you, feed you and take care of you. I with your dirty bottoms and make you feel better. If you want to do this all on your own, just try. Like I stated in my discussion about bad television and how the shows are degrading and making parents look stupid and the children be the smart ones, this is not cool and is way out of hand. So, you can honeslty tell me that shows like this do not influence young minds into thinking they will and can have control over their parents? If you,then again, you parents who do not believe in good sound discipline are living in a dreamworld!! Only 6 years old and already in a gang...that is scary and very pathetic. Where are the parents to love and discipline their little bundles of joy? And like you, for crying out loud I do NOT beat my babies and I do NOT smack their hands on a daily basis for crying out loud. Geez....get your head attached correctly. If you are willing to be a pushover though and let your children run the household then by all means, do so, but do not come into my home and tell me how to parent my twins. I wish I could have given you the BEST RESPONSE but it looks like you too are new here...BTW, is your name KIM?
• United States
28 Apr 07
You are too nice ;) My name is not Kim, it is Donna. I Totally agree with you on everything you said.. Re the gangs.. You would NOT believe what I see in my subdivision. There are homes with ten kids and I come home and there are kids running around literally like twenty in the streets some so young and are in DIAPERS and there are no parents around. I have started calling dcfs.. The worst part is i found out the parents are Foster parents for some of these kids.. I wish that more people felt the way we do.. I think that in the world now a LOT are working so much they do not make time for their kids and its really sad... not saying that every working parent is that way as I work a full time job and still manage to take care of my kids. But I am noticing it more and more... And the TV is becoming the babysitter... Which is not a good thing with the shows even cartoons the way they are now...
@Kaeli72 (1230)
• United States
27 Apr 07
This is a perfect example of how people don't read the whole bible. Yes, that phrase you chose is good...but so is Deut 11:19-22 19 And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. 20 And thou shalt write them upon the door posts of thine house, and upon thy gates: 21 That your days may be multiplied, and the days of your children, in the land which the Lord sware unto your fathers to give them, as the days of heaven upon the earth. 22 For if ye shall diligently keep all these commandments which I command you, to do them, to love the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, and to cleave unto him; KJV That means, one should teach their children not only the 10 commandments, but all of what G-d told Moses. That also includes eating of the clean animals, plants and fish (and some bugs), keeping the 7th day as the Sabbath and observing the 7 Feasts of Israel. I realize that some people are Christians and that's ok with them. If a child learns and observes the Torah, they will know how to act and behave at all times. A well learned child will not have to be spanked or scolded because he'll know what's expected of him from his parents and G-d. Alot of anger and hate could be dealt with by proper teachings in the home. Too bad that the government wants to get rid of this in our schools.
• United States
27 Apr 07
And that is exactly what my parents did with me and my sister. Before they would discipline us with a switch or wooden spoon,they would tell us what we did wrong, the older we got and we were able to understand, and they would pray with us. Then, they would proceed with our punishment. I found nothing wrong with this. It did whip me into shape I tell you. I had a smart alec mouth and deserved every pop I got. No excuses from me I tell you. The government, they are not whom I would have raise my babies. They want to indoctrinate my children. Indoctrinate the God out of them totally. We can totally thank Madelyn Murray O'Hare for this one, NOT! I love Jews and I love the Torah, I also read the New Testament. I wish my church had a parenting Bible Study for new parents on how we should raise our babies to love and honor us. That would be a good idea to raise to my church leaders. I mean, I do get emails from the online couple, but it is not always easy to implement.
@icequeen (2843)
• Canada
27 Apr 07
Well I grew up with this philosophy and so did many older people....and they turned out fine. I think that there are times...when talking isn't enough. Sometimes children will try and stretch the limits and test you to see how much they can get away with...so at those times a slap on the hand or butt will tell them that you mean business and they won't soon do it again...I belive that they do understand right from wrong and this just helps emphasize that...
• United States
27 Apr 07
You are right, you can talk until you are blu in the face, your child will either look at your or not, and/or hear what you are saying and still ignore it. You know why I know this? You guessed it, I did this with my parents. And, I deserved every spanking I got. No regrets. I was a very disobedient child and I totally deserved what was coming to me. I totally tested my parents on everything. So, I do think pain of the smack on the hand or a spank on the bottom is well deserving when a child acts the way I used to. I was by no means an Angel.
• United States
27 Apr 07
yea i believe in that saying i've seen many kids walk over there parents because all there parents believe in is a time out eventually kids grow smart and realize "oh if i do anything bad all i'm gonna have is a time out"...for some reason when you say spank your kids people automatically think abuse i guess its just the mindset but there is a big difference between abuse and spanking and i also have twin girls when they get to about 2-3 i will do the ocassional swat on the hands because babies and little kids are not dumb by far my girls right now are 10months and the little words they say, they are already telling me "no"...lol but yea kids understand what no means and i will always the first time they do something wrong i will explain it to them on why it is wrong what they are doing and if they still continue to do it then the swat on the hands will happen, and one thing i really can't stand is when parents think it is cute that there toddler says bad words and when they grow out of that stage thats when the parents want to spank them after they were the ones to encourage it
• United States
27 Apr 07
Well, It is nice to see someone who sees it the way I do. Especially with twins because they fight with each other constantly, BITE each ohter, hit and kick... Now honestly, you can not tell me they do not know what they are doing at 17 going on 18 months! If you do not believe this, you indeed are living in a dreamworld. And, you are 100% correct, these kids/babies these days are smarter than we give them credit for. We as parents have to set their behavior straight when they are young because the older they yet, it will just be that much harder to correct that bad behavior.
• Canada
26 Apr 07
Because of all the abuse in the world they are trying to pass laws so that as parents we are left with no rights to discipline our children , this is happening all over the world . It is true that chidlren understand right from wrong . My little girl is not two yet and will frown at me when she is caught doing something she knows she is not supposed to do . She knows it is wrong because she will wait until someone leaves the room for a second to try to boot her up the stairs or something like that . She understands by the tone of our voice what is acceptable and what is not and will put out a big lip if she thinks she can make someone feel sorry for her . Children are so much smarter then we give them credit for half the time . I don't believe in hitting my children but I do believe that a rap on the fingers would be more beneficaial to a child then if they were to burn themselves off of a stove or something equally dangerous .
• United States
26 Apr 07
Yes, you are right, we are their protectors and sometimes, we have to tell them right from wrong so they will not get burned or ran over by a car because we did not teach them to look both ways before crossing the street. I mean, are you going to call the state into your home to potty train your child, to bathe your child, to dress your child, to read, to write, to say please and thank you? No, this is our job because as soon as we concieved, we made that decision to be their Mom and Dad to look out for them and love them. Sometimes, love hurts and they will thank us for it in the end because we saved their lives. Babies do not automatically know rigth from wrong, that is right, we have to show them and teach them.
@Stiletto (4597)
27 Apr 07
I never hit my daughter when she was young and she turned out just fine. She has a daughter of her own now and she wouldn't hit her either. I was a strict parent as well - or so my daughter tells me now! I feel that an adult should be more resourceful rather than resorting to using physical discipline against a child. I have to say some of the wildest kids I've known are regularly hit and they usually think it's ok to hit out at other kids too. There again I suppose if that's the way they're treated I guess they think it's an acceptable thing to do. As for using "biblical discipline" I think anyone that takes it literally and actually uses a rod or whatever just shouldn't be looking after children.
• United States
27 Apr 07
I am a Christian but I DO NOT believe you should ever hit a child. Ever. If you hit an adult you what happens? You are arrested for assault. Why should it be any different for a child? Kids can't defend themselves against adults and why should they? We as adults should care for them, love them, protect them. Not abuse them.