When you do something nice for someone do you always expect something in return?

United States
April 28, 2007 8:41pm CST
My own mother is like this. Anything she does for you she'll expect something in return. And when you don't do something for her then she'll throw it in your face. This is irritating, I help someone just to be nice not so they will do something for me. Do you know someone like this does it just drive you crazy? Are you this kind of person? If so then why?
11 people like this
40 responses
• Philippines
29 Apr 07
I don't usually expect something in return when I do something nice for someone. I'll just feel bad if I do and you don't get what I expect. It's nicer to get something in return without expecting for it.
2 people like this
• United States
30 Apr 07
Yeah, but it shouldn't feel like an obligation. you know? Thanks:)
• United States
29 Apr 07
When I do something nice, I do it because it is the right thing to do, especially as a Christian. I think we should all be nice to each other and not expect anything in return. I wouldn't like a friend, though, who takes all the time and not gives, but I don't expect anything in return. Usually, if someone does something nice for me, I try to return the favor out of friendship. I'm not sure if I really know anyone who is like you described, but it would drive me nuts. Chances are, I would blow that friend off if that kept happening. I like to do things for myself and generally don't let other people help me unless I'm totally stuck.
• United States
29 Apr 07
Yes, it's driving me nuts. Thanks:)
• Singapore
29 Apr 07
Maybe you should remind her that she is your mum. As a mum, there are certain things she should do without asking anything in return. Anyway, I feel that you should not do something for someone just because you are hoping for a favor in return. Most of the time, this will not happen and you will also find yourself getting upset for no good reason. So I would say, just do your stuffs with a good conscience. What comes, comes.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
29 Apr 07
Sorry to hear that... well, you only got one mum. Stick with her and brainwash her. :P
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Apr 07
If only it were that easy. LOL:)
@mamounz (248)
• Israel
29 Apr 07
you said that u do things to other cus yr nice!!! but dont you expect pepole to be nice to you in return??? can u be nice and do any thing to some one if u think he is bad person and well ot be nice to u in futher?????
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Apr 07
I expect it to be a two way thing without the other person keeping a scoreboard. of course I expect others to be nice to me as well.You do for me , I do for you, but don't make me feel obligated.
@mamounz (248)
• Israel
5 May 07
yes i think this is the difrent betwen one and other some show u that he did some thing nice and want u to knoe that and give it back to him and other dont but both of them is hoping to be nice to them and do it back to hem when they need that do u think that?
@YoungInLove (1255)
• Canada
29 Apr 07
I dont expect anything back when i Do something nice, but if I keep going out of my way to he;[ someone and they never appreciate it or dont try to help me when i need it, then i get upset.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Apr 07
Yeah, it has to be a two way friendship.
• Canada
29 Apr 07
help someone** sorry typo
1 person likes this
@denden (803)
• Philippines
29 Apr 07
I dont expect something in return if i did something nice to someone because i know what im doing and i do nice thing because i want somebody to be happy and its not for my own sake its for their own sake.I am happy if i did something nice at them and it makes me feel better, i am motivated to do good things and in that i tolerate myself doing good things to others.
• United States
29 Apr 07
I agree, thanks:)
1 person likes this
@denden (803)
• Philippines
6 May 07
thanks for the good discussion.Keep up the good work.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
1 May 07
of course not..you shouldnt expect anything in return from others, although i know many people who do! try not to be like them ;)
1 person likes this
• United States
2 May 07
I won't be like them. thanks:)
@easy888 (10408)
• Australia
30 Apr 07
Hello,dedicated_28,luckily I do not know anyone like that. When I am trying to something nice for someone,I will not expect or ask for return,i just want them to be happy,if they are happy,i will be happy as well,I think helping people is a virtue.I will try to do someone a favour if I can without asling for reward.
• United States
30 Apr 07
your lucky. That's a good attitude to have. Thanks:)
• Philippines
30 Apr 07
no. that's not a good attitude. when you do something for someone, you do it wholeheartedly and without expectations of what the person will do for you in the future. and you know what, when you do something because you want to do it sincerely, your blessings will come unexpectedly. :)
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Apr 07
Your so right. thanks:)
@jla45772 (68)
• United States
30 Apr 07
When I do something for someone I do not want anything in return because I do it because I want to !
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Apr 07
That's good. Thanks.
• United States
29 Apr 07
i know how you feel, my parents have always been like that they will do everything in the world for you but if you decide not to do something they ask you to do they will throw it back in your face my answer to that was always "you shouldn't expect nothing from me in return you were doing what you were suppoused to being my parents"...,and even now till this day i'm grown and have my own family and they still bring stuff up from the past when i was in my teen years, don't they realize i could care less
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Apr 07
Exactly. Thanks:)
@KATRINKA (1660)
• United States
29 Apr 07
How unfortunate for you to have a mother like that. Mine was like that, so I stopped having a relationship with her. We shouldn't keep a scorecard on our loved ones. My mother did, and she was always trying to one-up everyone. If someone inadvertently one-upped her, she stopped speaking to that person then walked around for years whining "woe is me." Goodness, I didn't mean to get on that tangent. Your post touched a nerve. I do nice things because I want to, not because I expect anything in return. I thought that was what being nice is. This is what I teach my own kids.
• United States
30 Apr 07
Sorry, didn't mean to strike a nerve. It's nice to know somebody know's just what I'm talking about. Thanks:)
@cuterose (1698)
• India
29 Apr 07
yes i've seen many many people who expect more for wat they do. only a few are good and dosnt expect anything in return. i never expect anything from anybody.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Apr 07
That's good. Thanks:)
@cheenlly (3485)
• Philippines
29 Apr 07
Oh i agree thats very irritating and also that would mean that she is not really sincere at all. When i do something nice for someone i dont expect anything in return. I do it because its the right thing to do and not because you can gain something from it. I know a friend like this, actually its my close friend and now i found out she is like that and its very discouraging and frustrating to know that what we had share a friendship is not really sincere from her part. She just make friends with me because she needs something from me.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Apr 07
Trust me I know what it feels like to be used. Thanks:)
• Malaysia
29 Apr 07
good question.... i think i don't ask for something in return.. as i think there's no point doing so.. why do people want to do something and ask something in return? do you mean that they're doing things unsincerely? .. possible too.... so far.. i think i've only done 1 thing in my life that i never ask for something in return.. that is to love a girl.. i think i love this girl but i never ask her to love me in return.. i waited for her.. and i will give her all the happiness she needs.. as long as she ask for it.. then i will give it to her.. i didn't expect to be with her in the future.. but i know i will still love her and help her whenever she wants.. the power of love =)
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Apr 07
That's so sweet, she'd have to be stupid not to love you back. Thanks:)
@steney (1418)
• Philippines
29 Apr 07
I met a lot of people like that through the years and I can't help but pity them. I'm a very helpful and generous person but I don't expect people to do the same or return the favor. It really isn't necessary. I just love the feeling of being able to help others. I believe that the moment you throw what you did into someone's face, then you have already been paid for the deed. I prefer that my good deeds be saved in heaven so when my time to unite with the Creator comes, I can say something when He asks me of what I did good here on earth. :)
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Apr 07
That's great. thanks:)
@sjohnson628 (3197)
• United States
29 Apr 07
No I never expect anything in return I love being helpful to others. It makes me feel better about myself knowing that something I have done made a difference in someones life.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Apr 07
That's what it's all about. Thanks:)
@friendship (2086)
• Canada
29 Apr 07
Oh ya, I've found these types of such people in my life. When they did a favor, I knew that they would like to have something in return. Some of them did not ask it directly in your face but they mentioned it in one or two occassions. I always TRIED to return someone's favors sooner or later. But I had a principle. I should NOT EXPECT to get a favor from anyone. If I can do it by myself, I shouldn't ask someone to help me because I don't want to have an uneasy feeling to him/her. However, If I do something nice for someone (as long as I can do it and it is not against my moral), I will help him/her and I do NOT EXPECT to get something in return because I believe in karma.
• United States
30 Apr 07
I believe in Karma as well. Thanks:)
@KissThis (3008)
• United States
29 Apr 07
I try to do nice things for people but when it starts to feel like I am being used and manipulated I do start asking if that person is willing to return the favor. For an example since several of our friendsand family know that I am a stay at home mom so they figure that I have nothing better to do then to babysit their children while they run errands. They will drop their child off for up to seven hours one day. WHen I asked for an explanation the other mother told me that she had met up with a friend and decided to treat herself to lunch without the kids. I was at home with her five kids having to feed them breakfast and lunch while she got to relax. I don't ask anyone to babysit my children for me without some kind of payment or trade off. I now ask when someone comes over to drop off their children when will they be able to return the favor. I don't think that there is anything wrong with doing it this way.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Apr 07
No, not in a situation where you are feeling manipulated or used. Don't let them walk all over you. Thanks:)
1 person likes this
@maybey (366)
• Philippines
29 Apr 07
No, I'm not like that if you give something dont expect from them. I help them because I want to do it. i'm a kind of person giving or helping if i can to help its from the bottom of my heart to share what I have.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Apr 07
That's wonderful.Thanks:)