Gee!.....my brother is too demanding

@cheenlly (3485)
Philippines
May 2, 2007 9:34pm CST
I really hate it, i know its a wife's duty to take care of your husband but gee! i think for me a relationship should be equal. My sister in law is so good that she always tolerate his husband in anything. Like when he got home he always sit on couch, you have to serve him everything. He dont help in taking care of their kids. She do all the works. He demands too much like do this and do that and i pity her and wondering how she take all that. Like she dont have time for herself anymore. He is really getting into my nerve but of course its their life and i dont have the right to enter on it. What do you feel if you know someone like this? are you too demanding? Do you treat your partner equally? do you have the commonsense to help and do your part as a partner? Share your experience. thanks
10 people like this
31 responses
@Calais (10905)
• Australia
3 May 07
No, it dosnt right to me. Fair enough if he is at work all day, when he comes home he can relax, but at least look after the kids for a little bit, it wouldnt hurt him.
3 people like this
• Philippines
3 May 07
it is really wrong to do this to the wife. the children will not develop love for the father, too. they can see that their father is making the life of their mother more difficult. this is so because, he does not help at home in any way at all.
3 people like this
@Calais (10905)
• Australia
3 May 07
Thats is just so sad. To me I think that is pure laziness, and your right he is not showing the love to his family and setting a bad example.
2 people like this
• India
3 May 07
I completely agree with trinidadvelasco. The children will develop a negative feelings towards their father. Besides the children can also be like their father, i.e. demanding and selfish. Yes I consider him as a selfish person, who only cares for himself. There are few people who think that as thery are earning money for the family, so they are the "KING", and every other memeber of the family should serve them.
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10017)
• United States
3 May 07
It's a hard situation. Some women are perfectly comfortable in that role. Just because YOU wouldn't like being in that position doesn't mean SHE'S unhappy. My s/o isn't demanding about things...he just doesn't like to do much of anything. He is good with the kids though, but sometimes he's REALLY slow about getting to them. Like the other day, I had the two boys eating lunch while I put the baby down for his nap. The two year old finished his lunch and was calling for me to get him out of his chair. I didn't want to get up because the baby had just fallen asleep. My s/o kept acting like he was going to go out but kept getting distracted until the 2 year old yelled loud enough to wake the baby and I went out anyway. Usually I don't mind doing everything for him but once in awhile it's nice to get a break. I think in general if one partner wants more help they should ask for it and get it. A relationship is supposed to have good communication and respect for each other. If one person is unhappy then things need to be changed to fix that. If one partner is happy doing the bulk of the work and the relationship is strong then that's obviously what works in that relationship and no one should judge.
2 people like this
• Philippines
3 May 07
all the while i was thinking that these male chauvinist pigs are already gone from society. it is high time for your sister in law to take this up with her husband. you can also help her with this explaining thing. your brother must be made to understand that it is no easy thing to be left at home to do all the housework and taking care of the children. he must help himself to some things when he comes home from work. he must understand that finding money to be able to meet the financial needs of the family is not as difficult as dealing with all the chores at home and taking care fo the kids all at the same time. i know this because, i am a working mother and my earnings is what has been making my family survive.
@castleghost (1304)
• United States
3 May 07
I watched this kind of relationship happen between my soon to be BIL and his wife. He expected her to do everything for him while he just sat around. After being in a relationship with him for fifteen years she left him for another guy that didn't treat her this way. I believe in treating my partner as my equal. She and I share the responsibilities of the everyday running of our household. I call this respect. We both show our love and respect for one another by helping each other out.
2 people like this
• Kottayam, India
3 May 07
It is good you get a husband that gives equality of relation ship, if you cannot, better take the way of your sister in law, it is only one life compromise as much as you can.
@cheenlly (3485)
• Philippines
5 May 07
Surely i look for someone that is not like my brother. I will not take the way my sister-in-law was doing. I know being understanding is part of a relationship but it should be put on a right perspective. Thanks
• Kottayam, India
5 May 07
I appreciate your way thinking, but u know better.
@Chere7 (16)
• Canada
3 May 07
Doesn't sound like a very fair relationship. On the other hand, your sister-in-law keeps allowing it to happen! So it's not just your brother's fault---but hers too! Sounds like they've fallen into an unhealthy pattern and she needs to speak up, that is, if she's bothered by it. Maybe she isn't bothered by it? Anyhow, it's difficult to have to watch, but it's really their business, isn't it?
1 person likes this
@cheenlly (3485)
• Philippines
5 May 07
yes your right, she keeps allowing it thats what i also told her about when she complains to me. I told her she is the only one can solve it since it her husband. Its not my business but of course im still willing to listen if she need someone to talk to. It just keep annoying when she complains and she doesnt do anything about it and she keep tolerating it.
@beaniegdi (1966)
3 May 07
Your brothers wife might be happy to be this way with her husband. It does not sound like she is complaining, if she is unhappy and complaining to you then you could say something to your brother. However it just sounds like you that has a problem with their relationship. Try not to let their relationship bother you, she could be as happy as a clam. Sometimes if we find other peoples behavior annoying it can be because we see something in them that we don't like in ourselves.
@cheenlly (3485)
• Philippines
5 May 07
Love has got to do with it, my sister-in-law take all those hardship because maybe she is afraid that her family will ruin and because she love my brother so much. Your right she complains to me and im the only one she could confide what she is feeling but the only thing i can do is to just listen coz i dont want to interfere with them. Thats why i pity her.
• Philippines
3 May 07
well he is your brother and you grew up together, so you know your brother well. maybe he needs lots of attention from your sister-in-law. if your sister in law can take it then let it be, do not interfere with their lives. i know how you feels about her, but we have limitations when it comes to others privacy and life. good day!
@cheenlly (3485)
• Philippines
5 May 07
hello krislouiebaby, i know my brother very well thats why i pity my sister-in-law. I never interfere with his life even when he is still single and i always respect other privacy. It just sometimes i can no longer take his attitude, im not just only saying to what he is doing to his own family because i dont interfere with them but it gets into my nerve when he is still act demanding to us not only to his own family. I dont tolerate such attitude so whenever he acts like that to me and my parents huh! i really hate it. (I mean until now even he already married he is still demanding to us too). He is lucky to found someone who could take his attitude. Thanks.
@carolynpb (647)
• United States
20 May 07
I can't stand people that do like this! I get so aggrevated when there is stuff that needs to be done and the person sits on the couch and sleeps! It's pure laziness. I don't think it's being too demanding either. Sounds like your sister-in-law needs to make a stand. Her husband should be helping her out, that's what you do when you love someone. I try to treat my husband equally and help out when I can with stuff but I find myself being lazy sometimes and I have to talk to myself and get up and get to helping out my husband. But he also gets like that and I can't get him to do anything and I will start fussing about it and usually he will get up and get to doing things that need to be done. And not helping wth the kids really sucks. But at least my husband has almost ALWAYS helped me with the kids. I know it must be hard for you to stay out of it but I guess it's the best thing to do as not to get someone mad at you. But if it was MY brother...I would say something even if he did get mad.
1 person likes this
@carryli (876)
• China
5 May 07
I think i can't tolerate the persion such as you described.I hate unfair treatment.And i won't do everything what my boyfriend likes.Sometime my boyfriend will have some unreasonable requestes,i am so angry.And we will have a quarrel.
1 person likes this
@cassidy22 (2975)
• United States
5 May 07
My husband and I treat each other like equals.I could never handle the relationship you described above. but if it is a problem for her, it's her problem to fix. She has to speak up, and they have to communicate in order to make changes.
1 person likes this
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
5 May 07
I help my husband some with his business but I don't have any children or a full time job so I do most all of the work around the house. There are some things that I would like him to pitch in and help with sometimes though.
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5743)
• Israel
4 May 07
I can tell you that i can not leave with a person the way that you wrote here. I do believe that man and women are equal and each side must have his tasks in order to have an healthy relationship. I know that it really depends on the culture you are living in. But in our culture i see my father just as my mother working at least 8 hours a day, and when he comes back to the house, somtimes he washes the dishes and sometime she does it. Sometimes he does the laundry and somtimes she does. We believe that both man and wife should equally do things in the house. I know that the first one that is coming home, makes the dinner. I know i will have he same relationship with my husband. No other way would be acceptable by me.
@syain1972 (1011)
• Singapore
4 May 07
Thank goodness my hubby is not those type. If he is, I think I'd have packed my bags long before. There are men who really like to take advantage of women. But sometimes, women are to be blamed because they have set that kind of standards. I know that once we are married, we have to serve, love and take care of our hubbies. But not to the point where the husband acts like a spoilt brat... Come on now, there are things that men can definitely do to help out. Mind you, stay home wives are not servants and they don't get paid either.... If men think tending to the home and kids is chicken stuff, I'd rather have a reversal of role and I work instead. I'd categorise men like those as a male chauvinist....
@vanities (11351)
• Davao, Philippines
4 May 07
As a couple we help each other, in terms of anything may it be financial, work or anything..but i have some duties to as a wife that i should take a part and do it to him and vice versa..i have no problem regarding that aspect i guess and im lucky on that part as well..
@jlp345 (26)
• China
4 May 07
Oh ,my god,I am reading two posts with the same complaining.The other post is named "It might be my job...but why can't I get a little help around here?". I'm wondering what the situation should be if I were married. Now my boyfriend is helping out.He always do some housework.Maybe We are in school so we have a lot of time.But if we are all in work ,does he will do me a favor any more?
1 person likes this
• India
4 May 07
no i dont think that i m too demanding. i like making life equal. i believe that without making other partener equal life is not interesting. u r not owner of ur partener but u r love of her.
1 person likes this
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
3 May 07
I definitely believe in equality between partners. One having to be subservient to the other at all times, to me, is just not right nor is it fair. I know I wouldn't tolerate it from my husband...I'd be shoving him out the door. But for some people, that is their way of life and they are seemingly happy with it.
1 person likes this
@icequeen (2843)
• Canada
3 May 07
I think many women fall into these rolls...including me. Then the men just get to expect it and they know that it will be done..so why should they do anything? My boyfriend always tells me he worked all day...so that is his excuse...I have delegated the last few years though...and my son helps out around the house..and my boyfriend does some of the laundry...so I would tell your brother's wife to do the same thing...
1 person likes this
@CopyPaper (229)
• Philippines
3 May 07
Oh! what a drastic guy. How could he do that to her one and only love? I see no reason why should he do that to her. Maybe he don't love her or maybe she just love him much that's why she tolerate all his actions. If I were him, I'll leave him rather than having a partner like that.
1 person likes this