my "kuya"

By gems
Philippines
May 4, 2007 6:02am CST
This is not about my brother. He is not related to me. Neither in consanguinity nor in affinity. He is my friend during my school days. We had been close, and I still keep him close to my mind & in my heart. Maybe because I see him as an ideal man, a husband material. When we were still in school, I waited for him to court me. Of course, I'm a "Maria Clara", so even if I really wanted to convey my inner feelings for him, I told myself not to. As a consolation or so I think, he was very verbal enough to admit that I am his best friend. He sought my advice on matters of the heart, although he very well know that I am an amateur on this matter then. He related to me his infatuation / crush on a couple of schoolmates. One could just imagine how bad I felt during his narrations; and I'm very sure that many girls have felt the same feeling way back. We were often wrongly viewed as sweethearts. On one of the many ordinary days and after many secret heartaches I've felt from his "unobserving nature", he confided to me & one of our peers (we were three in that group that day) that he wanted to court me several months back. I thought that was the biggest shock of my life; my mind went blank for a couple of seconds. He continued saying, "... but I could not because I feel that I am being a traitor to our friendship." We graduated and led our own lives, minding our careers. I got the bigger shock of my life when I heard the news, "he's getting married." Just for curiosity, I attended his wedding. His fiancee was a former schoolmate. They are married for almost ten years already and the last news I've heard of them is: they still don't have any children. For many years now, I wanted to contact him, to keep in touch with him; and maybe to tell him what I kept hidden for all these years. If you were in my place, would you admit to your 'best friend' what you really feel for him? If so, would you consider me a traitor to our friendship? Please help, this has been bothering me for more than a decade.
1 person likes this
2 responses
@rsa101 (13337)
• Philippines
4 May 07
It's just too bad you have so much potential to be a good and happy couple but it didn't pursue since it had been stopped by the friendship you've had. I guess it's too late telling him that since he's already committed to another woman. I think by doing so you might inadvertently destroy his current relationship with her. Maybe when you two were young and had the courage enough to let him at least feel that you had same feeling for him then everything would be much easier but you didn't. I guess you've missed the opportunity already. If you two are destined to be together fate will find its way that you be together but right now is an awkward time to express what you felt decades ago.
• Philippines
8 May 07
I really am not of the risk-taker type. I might as well wait for fate to do his job. More so, in this situation. One of the things I am avoiding is to be a home wrecker. Thanks so much for the inspirational thoughts.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (13337)
• Philippines
10 May 07
I guess you have chosen a wise decision. Hope you could keep it at that. Also if you have chosen that path you could start moving on and not stay in your past. You'll realize that its much more fun living in the present and moving on to the future.
• Philippines
25 May 12
Thanks again for the words of wisdom.
@toonatoons (3740)
• Philippines
4 May 07
honestly, considering that he's already married, i believe that you ought to keep your feelings to yourself and not let him know about it at all. some things are better left unsaid, and this is one of those things.
• Philippines
8 May 07
With your opinion, I'm glad to know that I am on the right track. I have my own family (husband & daughter); & I, too, don't want to destroy any family, close to me or otherwise.