Do you have a "but" friend?
By pyewacket
@pyewacket (43903)
United States
May 11, 2007 12:59am CST
This is what I mean by a "but" friend..and I think we all have them.
A "but" friend is someone you have known a really, really long time. You can confide in them and they can with you. You really do care about the person and you know that inwardly they have a good heart and soul...BUT..they can also drive you daft...they have one aspect of their personality that drives you dingy.
With me it's a friend I've known for about twenty years...we've known and gone through a lot of crap in our lives....then one day, I'm realizing...I've never ever heard this woman speak in any kind of positive manner...I used to wonder why, when I visited her I'd be so damned drained...it was listening to her negativity. Now I'm by no means a perky Pollyanna...but I'm not doom and gloom either ...Like I said I really know her as a good friend....BUT...
9 people like this
19 responses
@brokentia (10389)
• United States
11 May 07
Yes, I have had a "But" friend. ha ha
We were co-workers and became really good friends not long after I started working there. BUT she was a pastor's daughter and was set on converting me to their religion. We even started out our friendship with the understanding that we had different religions and I totally respected her. BUT...she could not get past that I would not follow her ways and would not come to church with her.
There were times that she would stop talking to me because she would get upset.
And there were times that she needed someone she really trusted to talk to.
BUT...there were also times that she really hurt me because she had to bring up religion.
So, as you put it...we were But Friends. ha ha
2 people like this
@brokentia (10389)
• United States
14 May 07
No, I have never tired to convert her. I am very respectful of others religions and believe we each have our path to walk. I don't know if she would be considered a fanatical or not. ha ha But it was something that was very hurtful at times with the things she would say because I cared about her so much.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 May 07
I could see where that would drive you daft...that COULD be a real pain...I can see it now..she was probably always trying to convert you...yet I bet you never tried to do the same to her..I take it maybe she was a fantatical convert or something...they can be the worst--LOL
2 people like this
@Woodpigeon (3710)
• Ireland
11 May 07
Sure I do. I have one in particular that it is hard to make her happy about certain subjects and nothing will sway her on them. I have another friend that gets quite angry about another number of subjects. It can be a little depressing or stressful, depending on who, when and where.
Luckily they are really great otherwise, so that is why we are still buddies!
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 May 07
I know..my "BUT" friend really deep down inside her has some good qualities and has a good soul...just wish she wasn't so damn negative! LOL
1 person likes this
@tigerdragon (4297)
• Philippines
11 May 07
a friend who has a low esteem not sure of himself and very indecisive, i might say.yes , i did have a friend who is like that and tried so hard to be with him but i have to distance myself from him because i would rather be twith someone who has a positive energy and he is dragging me down and nothing good is happenning to me, then i realized i made a right decision because everything went a o.k with my life.good things started to happen.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 May 07
I know...people who are like that can be so damn draining...and then they wonder why maybe they don't have too many friends...they chase them away with their negativity!
1 person likes this
@recycledgoth (9894)
•
11 May 07
LOL I have known a few *but* friends in my time and I guess one of my close friends does qualify. She's a good friend BUT she is never on time, never apologises, always expects me to be on time, and is never content to simply enjoy an evening out rather she has to have her own way all the time. I do care about her, she is a sweetie really, BUT ..............
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 May 07
Ah, yes....she really does sound like a "BUT" friend...LOL
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (63252)
• United States
11 May 07
We call them energy vampires. I've even know way out there perky people that can suck the energy right out of you.
I've known a couple of people that never have a positive thing to say too.
One was Marilyn - her phrase was "The problem with that is..." whatever. Jeri was almost as bad & while she didn't have a single phrase like Marilyn she also couldn't find a bright side to the sun!
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 May 07
Energy vampires....that's a good one!! I'll have to remember that.
1 person likes this
@barnkinney (1343)
• Philippines
11 May 07
well, nobody's perfect. and even our friends have their flaws. i have a lot of friends that i care for dearly but there are still things that i don't really like about them.
sometimes you would need to overlook those things or if you can, you can tell the person what you think and maybe things would get a whole lot better. right?
i can also be a "but" friend of my friends because of some certain aspects in my personality, but inspite of all of these, we all still stay as good friends.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 May 07
I realize nobody's perfect and everyone has flaws....BUT...there are some people that can be really just plain draining and extremely negative---like I said with my friend...everytime I'd visit her I'd wonder why the hell I was so-o-o-o-o drained from it all...then it dawned on me...it was her negativity and chronic whining that was getting to me--I mean try to imagine a person that never, ever has one positive thing to say...DRAINING!!!
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36313)
• United States
11 May 07
yes I also have a "BUTT" friend. Wait I mean but. Well both words fit this friend. I've been sober 16 years now. This friend was also a drinking buddy. he is such a good friend that he respects my sobriety and doesn't come over drunk nor drinks in front of me unless I am at his house which I fully understand as it's his domain. Anyhow this friend is a true friend "but" he has a tendancy to ride me about being unemployed etc. So he does this to a lot of people not just me. It gets annoying after awhile but he is a friend etc.
HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 May 07
Oh yes, "but" friends can be pains in the butt..LOL
2 people like this
@irisheyes (4370)
• United States
11 May 07
Yep. I have one too. She's an old line antiques dealer and she kind of mentored me and took me under her wing. She knows everybody and can be really interesting BUT she never, ever stops talking. She also doesn't censor what she says and can be very insulting. I tell people her heart is in the right place but her mouth isn't.
1 person likes this
@sumofalltears (3988)
• United States
12 May 07
I have always said that brain food begins with the toes...:}
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 May 07
Oh..that's funny....I like that line..."her heart is in the right place but her mouth isn't" Have to remember that
1 person likes this
@jeweledbluerose (3061)
• United States
11 May 07
Over the years I have had a few friends like that. Some I am still friends with and some I am not. I don't know what it is about some of them, but there is that little tinge of annoyance that comes into play when I am around them. Some are negative like your friend, and just have a way of sucking the life out of anyone that may be nearby.
One friend that I had would have a different guy over every night of the week, and though I knew what was going on since she lived across the street from me, she would just have to tell me all about it. She was a great friend and person, but really I didn't need to hear about her personal life, especially one such as the one she was leading. We aren't friends anymore though, cause I got fed up with it.
1 person likes this
@jeweledbluerose (3061)
• United States
12 May 07
That very well could have been her motive, but it didn't make me jealous, all it did was drive me away to the point I couldn't stand being around her anymore. Plus I am not one that needs to be informed about what is going on every second of a person's life, especially very personal matters.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 May 07
That's right ....you described it well...how a person can just suck the life out of you...And who knows maybe your ex-friend wanted to go into the details of her relationships with men to make you jealous somehow??
1 person likes this
@urbangirl (1456)
• Australia
11 May 07
I have friends who are great BUT have superficial annoying habits - like being constantly late, or not turning up at all, or stretching the truth, or showing off. I mean, everyone has something about them that annoys another person eventually,but in the end no-one is perfect and the the qualities that draw me to them far outweigh perceived "imperfections".
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 May 07
I know...I realize no one is perfect..if they were no one could stand to be around them...they'd be just too "perfect"! LOL
1 person likes this
@hezoid (2144)
•
11 May 07
Nope, bascially! I've not got many friends, certainly none that i've known for over 5 or so years. My partne is my best friend, and obviously he doesn't drive me crazy (welll not too much!). I'm very pcy with friends and wouldn't consider that sort of person much of a friend.
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 May 07
I really don't have that many friends as well...at least not close-by friends...it seems my REALLY close friends aren't so close to me...I live in NY..while my other friends live in California, North Carolina, upstate NY, New Jerser..uh, you get the point
1 person likes this
@cutiedhes (507)
• Philippines
11 May 07
Maybe all of us is a good friend to others but...it really can't avoid that because all of us has a good and bad side and nobody is perfect.
1 person likes this
@shinjiao (1457)
• China
11 May 07
Yes,I have a "but" friend.We have known for each other for 15 years.I know each detailed hobby of her and she is really a trustworthy friend,she is so sweet to everyone but she can easily fall in love with a boy--a BOY is enough.She doesn't care about the boy's profession,habits,hobbies and other things.I'm worried about her every love experience because these boys always hurt her easily.But she herself doesn't care about her own feeling.She is really a nice friend,but,her taste of boy is....
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 May 07
Sounds like a pattern there with your friend in chosing the wrong guys.....it does seem to be a common pattern..one breaks up with someone, then gets involved with a person with the same characteristics as the person they just left...
1 person likes this
@shinjiao (1457)
• China
12 May 07
I agree with you.My ex-boyfriend wears a pair of glasses,and after we broke up,I find I just prefer the boys who also wears glasses.LOL.But my "but" friend,actually,I just to say,she is no taste on boys.Good boys,bad boys,she never refuse them.
@rolincenter (99)
• Philippines
11 May 07
Given that u really know the person and that person knows u very well too, then would that qualify him/her as your best friend?
We share hobbies with my "but" friend but I sometimes get pissed with his nuisance acts.
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 May 07
I think we all get pissed off at our friends at tiimes..just llike no doubt they do with us
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 May 07
I realize that---I mean I know I have a lot of idiocincracies that probably drive my friends daft too...LOL
1 person likes this
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
14 May 07
I use to have a very negative friend but we had a fallen out and I must say it's a relief to a point.
We were really close but she was so draining and she never seemed to want to help herself.
That's not what our falling out was over though. She and my hubby did NOT get along because of her...umm...lifestyle choices.
@hoghoney (3747)
• United States
12 May 07
yes I have a but friend of 15 years and some times she gets on my last nerve but I always listen to her and let her get it all out, but, the only thing with her is that when I go to say something she will cut you off in mid stream and I never get a word in other wise. so I can say that I know her... but.
@angeljanel24 (92)
• Philippines
12 May 07
yup, i have some of "but" friends. although i treasure our friendship but the thing is that they have some characteristics that are divergent in ours and that make them BUT FRIENDS. actually, i can say that we are all but friends to one another because we're not perfect. we make mistakes and most of the time we failed to do things that we suppose to do. anyway, but friends are still our friends.
i like that phrase: BUT FRIENDS hehehe
@sumofalltears (3988)
• United States
11 May 07
I have several of those kind of friends. Fortunately I am not really close to them, I backed off from any kind of deep friendship to preserve my sanity. I'd be the first one to tell you that I am not patient in the presence of stupidity, self absorbtion, or pity me types of personalities. Nobody's life is ever all good or all bad, so give me a break here and show some balence. I guess I am just a tad bit fussy about my personal time and life, my cat is still my #1 friend.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 May 07
Hehehe..my cats are my number one friends too.....I suppose my "BUT" friend wonders why I don't visit her as much as I used to...I once heard the saying "Try to stay away from negative people as much as possible...if that isn't possible..try not to let them affect you too much..." Wow that can be hard to do....so in essence I just don't visit my friend as much...I just don't need that kind of drained energy anymore
1 person likes this
