Do you give too many second chances?
May 17, 2007 1:04am CST
How many second chances do you give until you say, enough is enough? This pertains to a family member who has been giving us headaches for so many years now. He run away from a private school, stayed away for 4 years, had a child, get into every kind of trouble you can imagine. For these 4 years, he only calls home when he wants something or demand a plane ticket so he can come visit. We get the ticket and viola, he would change his mind. Usually he calls around his birthday or Christmas to see if he got any gifts. Finally he did come home and promised to change but then he went back to his vice and run away again. Then we don't hear from him for sometime...until recently that he got beaten up and got scared so he come home running to my inlaws. He promised to go into rehab so we got him a ticket home again. Then when he was there already, he refused to go to the rehab coz he doesn't think he got any problems. He said he would change. My mother-in-law gave him an ultimatum before that is he doesn't go into rehab, this is it, the final chance. Then now he is back, defended his decision not to go into rehab. He is 21 and he always tell his father that he is young and he needs to be enjoying life and he can do whatever he wanted. He doesn't like to listen to his father but then knows how to play his role when it comes to fooling my mother-in-law. For her, he can't do no fault and he is like that because his parents were divorced and all that kind of crap. I just shake my head with all this non-sense and told myself, too many second chances didn't do him any good. He should learn how to be responsible and it is bad to enable him. If he wanted to turn his life around, then he should iniate the move and make a commitment but then even up to this moment, he is already planning on what fun he can have around. Is there such thing as too many second chances? Do you believe that we should not loose hope at all and keeps on welcoming this kind of person like the prodigal son? Or is it about time to put your foot down and say, enough is enough...if you want to change, take the iniative to do so and show us you meant it. I am just so frustrated with all the problem he is giving us all. I gave him a piece of my mind and so many advices but am just the stepmom and he doesn't even listen to his Dad how much more me. He knows how to play his part because he knows my mother in law will always come to his defense. So so so frustrating that I can't help but share this frustration in here.
17 May 07
I think it is about time to put it to a stop. If this continues, it will go on and on even if he is married and with kids. It will become habitual and eventually become dependent. I think the first thing to do is to cut his source of protection and comfort.