If you adopted a child from birth, when do you think is the best time

@piropos (312)
Philippines
May 17, 2007 9:58am CST
to reveal that he/she is adopted? Or would you rather not tell the child at all and let him/herself find it out? Or if the circumstances were reversed, would you prefer to know sooner from your adoptive parents or would you just let events reveal the truth about yourself?
3 people like this
8 responses
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
17 May 07
I have been thinking about it so long now. My 2 daughters are adopted. I have 2 bilogical sons. I took them when they were about a year old and now they are 12 and 9 years of age. Though they are adopted I wish that they would not know until I pass away. If they are to know now their mind will be disturbed and ofcourse they will not stop looking for the truth. I've seen in many adopted cases the child go all out to look for their bilogical parents. I want them to grow up naturally like my two bilogical sons.
1 person likes this
@piropos (312)
• Philippines
17 May 07
I am really touched by your predicament at the moment that I wouldn't really know what to say. I didn't expect that someone would have real life problems as serious as yours. I pray that everything will work out for you and your kids. But let me say that they are yours, and God has given them to you for a purpose.
• United States
26 May 07
My best friends are going through the adoption process because they want to be parents, but aren't able to do so for medical reasons. So, this topic has been covered well over the past three years. We've talked about keeping it a secret, we've talked about why it would be good for them to know from the very beginning, we talked about how it might be negative to know right from the beginning. What it all boiled down to was this: when the children start asking questions, as far as I'm concerned, the worst thing a parent (adoptive or not) can do is lie. Be honest. Be delicate. Ask for outide help from professionals about the best way to answer these questions. That's what my friends are going to do and that's what I would do if I were in this situation.
@mivarg (277)
• India
25 May 07
I would tell the child about the adoption as soon as s/he is capable of understanding.I would prefer it that my child gets to know about it from me/parents. If I were the child, I guess I would be happy to hear it explained by my parents before someone else breaks it as a big secret to me.
1 person likes this
@rapolu_cs (1184)
• India
18 May 07
I prefer the 1st one and at the stage wher one is so capable of understanding about the relationship that is probably at the age of twentys.
@KissThis (3006)
• United States
17 May 07
I am an adoptive parent. I adopted two brothers. My first son came to live with me when he was 13 months old. The second son I got just before he turned three. I have been very open with both of my boys about them being adopted. Because I wanted them to know that I didn't give birth to them but I did love them enough to choose to make them my sons. I have seen what can happen when you aren't open and totally honest with a child about their parentage. My sister and her husband got together when her son was a little over a year old. They never told the boy that my sisters husband wasn't his biological father. He found out when he was 18 and saw his birth certificate for the first time. He was so angry and upset because theey had "lied" to him his whole life. They are barely on speeking terms. He no longer trust anything that they say to him. I would never want this to happen between my sons and myself. So I decided that I would always be honest and up front about everything. This way they know that no matter what happens I will be here for them when they need me.
1 person likes this
@schummi (925)
• India
17 May 07
obviosly after he/she gets matured enough to understand the real meaning of it.i would do it after maturity and never in the youth.it really brings a very bad impression if he /she is revealed to the fact in such an early age.
• Philippines
17 May 07
if you have adopted a child since birth, condition the child to it as soon as he/she gets into your fold. it is best to whisper the truth to a baby. we may think that he/she does not understand a word that you say but, the truth is, the baby does. after six months, whisper the truth unto the baby once more, that he/she is an adopted child but your love for the baby is just as much as you would love a natural born child to the family. as nora aunor puts it, the natural child is a gift of life and love but the adopted child is a gift from God. so if you believe that adopted children are heaven sent to the family, tell the baby that. when the baby get to be a year old, tell that to the baby again. you can say playfully, 'wow, my adopted baby is now a year old. my heaven sent baby is now a year old'. then you can add more endearing lines to it. this is very effective. i have a neighbor who has always made it known to her youngest that she is an adopted child. she grew up knowing who her real parents and natural relatives are. would you believe that she will never leave her adoptive family? she had been conditioned that the love of the adoptive family surpasses that of her natural family. if not, then why have they given up on her at her very young age? the girl is now in college and she is taking up a teacher's course.
@alilswt (388)
• United States
17 May 07
i think when they are able to understand a little tell it is better sooner than later i believe that way there will be no hard feelings of lies or anything like that besides they child deserves to know the truth just tell in a way that the child will understand and do it nicely
1 person likes this