We should learn to say "No". Its not bad if you say a "No" at times

@kukkad (511)
India
May 22, 2007 6:00am CST
Some people just do not know how to say "No". I have this guy in my office who would say a yes to everything he is told to do. Give him whatever work....... he would say a yes to it......... no matter he is capable of doing it or not. And, the guy always sits back late nights....... just coz he had to finish his work. He would have been going home on time........ just if he knew how to say "No". Is'nt it important for us to know that we are not master of all....... there are some things that we do not know...... and its better if we accept that...... and say a "No"
8 people like this
27 responses
• Singapore
22 May 07
Could you loan this colleague of yours to me? I think I really need someone to slave around.
4 people like this
22 May 07
I think I have pretty mcuh no problem saying no to people and would only help someone out if they were really desperate. I suppose it can be seen as kind of selfish but better that than pure knocking yourself out. I do feel sorry for people tht can't say no cos they obviously don't value theirselves too much if they are willing to overload themselves with stuff.
4 people like this
• India
22 May 07
Those people who sparsely use the word 'no' are either extremely eager to please, or are truly selfless. In today's world, one needs to learn to take care of oneself and for that learning to say 'no' is essential. That doesn't mean that a person should shoot off a 'no' anytime he or she feels like , but should learn to prioritise. Some situations demand a 'yes' whereas in others a 'no' can be equally helpful. The guy in your office probably has high ambitions and wants to reamin in the boss' good books or is just too meek and is scared of saying no to the boss. Probably if he were a bit more self-confident , he could utter a few "no's".
@wonderful1 (2076)
• China
22 May 07
I quite agree with you. I don't like to say 'No', so I have to do something that I don't like. Then someone thinks I am fool after giving her help. She doesn't think you are a kind person, but you are stupid. So now I begin to say 'no', when I don't want to help others especially for those people who want just to get somthing from others without giving a help to others. You start a good discussion about how to say 'no'. Frankly, it is necessary to say 'no', but it is not necessary to say 'no'directly.
4 people like this
@piropos (312)
• Philippines
22 May 07
To say "no" in a definitive way is like rejecting the other person. And for some, this is just so difficult and bothersome. Sometimes it is more convenient to say "yes" even halfheartedly or tentatively so as not to offend the other person outright. This ambiguity though complicates the matter at hand, more than actually resolving it. This is exactly what is happening to your friend. Perhaps, he just wants to please everybody who ask for his help and saying yes to them is his way of doing it. But like I said, this only complicates matter, specially if he cannot deliver on his promises Yes, we should learn to say "no" if we really cannot do what is being asked of us. Honesty in this way should pay off more than the willingness to help if we cannot fulfill our obligation.
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
22 May 07
Some people do not say no because of fear, In this case perhaps this man believes that if he were to say no it would make him look uncooperative, or lazy or irresponsible. No one can say unless he is asked. I was one of those people that never said no, and of course I was taken advantage of, I was kept so busy helping others that I never had time for myself. I grew resentful, angry, and would leave. It took a long time before I was able to say no and when I did my low self esteem soared. I found out that I was doing no one any favors by doing my work and theirs too.Because when I left they were forced to do their own work and they didn't know how to do any thing other than let some one else do it. I have a deep sympathy for this person you speak of but it is a lot more than learning how to just say no. It is learning how to say yes to himself.
@cutiedhes (509)
• Philippines
22 May 07
I think its not bad if you sometimes you disagree with what they are told to you because its your choice to say no especially if you don't know anything about that and also you are tired. It is not right to force someone else to do such a thing that they don't like to do.
3 people like this
• Philippines
22 May 07
When someone says no to you then you have to back off and keep your mouth shut because NO is always followed by period. NO is a complete sentence. But i think the guy in your office is a Yes Man, saying no was on his list vocabularies.
3 people like this
@youless (90248)
• Guangzhou, China
22 May 07
I found it's easy to say yes than no. When my colleagues ask me to give a help, I always say yes. When we are working, having a harmony is very important. As people always say, having one more friend is better than an enemy. Some smart people will use a tender way to say no. For example, if someone asks for your help. You can say sure, but currently I am a little busy...
3 people like this
@jlara_gtr34 (3492)
• Philippines
22 May 07
yes, i agree, saying no is healthy sometimes. before, i was someone who had a hard time saying no or refusing to someone. however, i have learned that saying no sometimes is healthy and easy. :) we just have to mean it and then, we stand firm on our decision. :)
3 people like this
@bigcage (108)
• China
23 May 07
can't agree more. some guy around me just do not say no always , he told me that he won't reject others in case of hurting their feeling , but in fact, most people don't think so ,they even not appreciate him, just be customed . and i think people should know what they should do or can do , what beyond their ability or scope.
2 people like this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
22 May 07
My two grandsons hate me somewhat at times. The reason being as I am a "NO" type. I can and have always been one that will say no when it's called for. I have been on my own since I was 13 years old so I learned about life the hard way. And the hardest lesson I had to learn was being able to say no and not feeling bad about doing so when it's called for. Now I'm hoping my grandsons learn by example and learn this same valuable lesson in life that saying no is not a bad thing nor hurtful. HAPPY P[OSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@MsTickle (24991)
• Australia
24 May 07
It's a basic human right to be able to say "No" and it's something I've always had a problem with as well. I'm just not assertive and it sounds like your friend is the same. It also sounds like his supervisor takes advantage of him. He probably has no self esteem and few friends who can build him up and help him out. Just as some people are unable to say "No" there are others who won't take "no" for an answer.
@shinjiao (1464)
• China
23 May 07
Hi,kukkad! I agree with you.Once I was a person who didn't say "No" to others.Because I didn't want to be an uneasy-going person.But my parents told me that I should say "no",I should refuse some irrational requirements from my classmates or even my friends.
@rb200406 (1825)
• India
23 May 07
Yes you are right.One has to learn to say no.Actually those who can't say no have to suffer a lot.People always take advantage of the person knowing that he would not say no.Occationally it is ok to help but one has to draw the limit so that nobody could exploit us.Person should always say no if we can't oblige them.
1 person likes this
@Manoj_s (939)
• India
23 May 07
Yes kukkad i am in that type of category like your friend and it is infact put me into a lot of trouble .i had a friend earlier i dont knwo why i dislike him but i used to dislike him but he always need me for going everywhere and doing everything.whenever he comes to my home and come wiht him .i dont know how to say or i have practiced saying no to people and i have to spend lot of my days with him which was really mentally frustrating and irritating and put me into lot of mental pressure.i should have said to him no.
1 person likes this
@sallyxu126 (1185)
• China
23 May 07
I think I have to say no sometimes and I have to learn to say it. I think it is very important for me. some other colleague always let me help them to do works but I am busy ,too . but I think it is hard to refuse their request . so I am busy more . now , i think when it necesaary, I should say no to them and tell them I am busy now. you can do it by yourself.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 May 07
It is not bad to say "no" when you have to, but there are some cases where "no" can hurt a person for life.
1 person likes this
@carryli (876)
• China
23 May 07
I think i am a sensitive girl,sometimes i say no when my friends ask me to help them and the things i feel troble and vexed. But later,i am afraid them may unhappy becuase i do not helpe them.I have a firend,she is a graduate in this year.And now she is working and not in school,as you know,graduation has lots procedures,she can not transact these procedures,so she always ask me to helpe her.The problem is that i am not in the same school of her,and my school is far away from her school.i have graduated and now is a graduated student,i don't clear how to transact the procedures.I don't understand why she doesn't ask her classmates to helpe her.it is more convienent.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 May 07
Yes, that is true we should always stand to what we want. Thanks and more power!
1 person likes this