If you daughter tells you she is pregnant. . .

United States
May 29, 2007 12:34pm CST
Recently I left my job at a crisis pregnancy clinic to stay at home with my kids. We saw tons of teenage girls come through our doors that were pregnant or thought they were. Many of them were seeking information on abortion mainly because they were scared of their parents or thought their parents would kick them out of the house and disown them. Many wouldn't consider adoption saying that would be harder than abortion. I don't want to start a debate on abortion. . .what I want to know is how would you respond to your daughter? My daughter is 4 years old and had I not worked where I did, I probably wouldn't even be thinking about this. How would you respond to your daughter? Would you kick your daughter out of the house, would you support her completely or pressure her into having an abortion? I never want my daughter to fear that I would disown her or kick her out. She is my child and I have an unconditional love for her. Thoughts? Comments?
10 people like this
23 responses
@jeanena (1616)
• Bucklin, Kansas
30 May 07
This one i have already been thro.My daughter got pregnant at 17.Her dad and I was there for her every step of the way. Dad was abit disappointed at first , but he worked it thro with out making her feel bad. I was in the surgery with her when my beautifil grandson was born.he is the light of mine and his grandpas lives.
• Philippines
29 May 07
I gave birth when I was only 16yrs old. As you would've have guessed, my mother was terrified! She thought of having it aborted but I was reluctant because I was having nightmares and it dreaded me to kill a human being more so my own child. She actually went to the extent that she scheduled me with an abortionist. After a month or so, adoption came to her mind. But there's no way I'd go through the pain of labor and giving birth just to give the baby away. Then she told me I'd have to take the consequences of my decision. And I did! When I gave birth, she was with me in the operating room. And she was the first one to hold the baby. Everything she had planned to do (abortion and adoption) vanished when she saw and tucked the baby into her arms. I guess it takes a lot of courage to accept it if it happens to any mom. But the gravity of love of a parent knows no limit. Acceptance may take a while, but I assure you it will come.
• Philippines
29 May 07
By the way, that baby on my avatar is the baby I was talking about. She is her very first grandchild. :D After I gave birth, my relationship with my mom was stronger than ever.
2 people like this
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
29 May 07
My daughter is only 7, and hopefully I can instill some morals in her so this would never happen. If she did end up pregnant as a teen, I would never ask her or expect her to have an abortion. We would deal with it as a family. She would have to decide whether it would be in the best interest of the baby to keep it or think about adoption. She would however have to take responsibility for her actions. I would be there to help and guide her, but I would not take care of the baby for her. I guess that is a tough question since I am not at that stage right now, but hopefully that is the way I would treat this situation.
• United States
29 May 07
Even for children with excellent moral guidance, it's so easy to make a mistake, and it only takes one mistake to make a baby.
3 people like this
• United States
6 Jun 07
That's a tough one. No daughter should feel that she can't talk to one of her parents. But, lets look at the real world, it's like that everywhere. If a daughter can not go to her mother or father when she is pregnant, then they were not having the right type of discussions before she got pregnant. And, I don't want to say that absolutely. (A big part of it is shame.) The young women is afraid of what her parents will think of her. There are millions of teanage girls who are pregnant and their parents will never now it. Sad.
2 people like this
@maximax8 (28558)
• United Kingdom
3 Jun 07
I do not judge other people but for me abortion would be wrong. If I had a daughter I would not expect her have an one. I would encourage her to do talk to me and I would be supportive as well as understanding. I would explain that she could have and keep her baby. I would help with childcare and try to ensure that my daughter continued her education. I would put the possibility of adoption in a positive light as I know people that have adopted and they are wonderful parents. I think it is sad that many pregnant teenagers feel their parents would kick them out. They need care and support that is right for them. This would hopefully be keeping or adopting their baby.
@nandhinir (154)
• India
30 May 07
Obviously the thing if happen will disappoint us... I will try to marry her the guy who does this wrong as no other way..But aborting is sin..Never do that !!!!!
2 people like this
@wahmoftwo (1298)
• United States
30 May 07
My thoughts are the same as yours. I would let her decide and help her as best I could. There would be no underage marriage and no boyfriend movin in and going to school would be non negotiable. I have very strong feelings about this one. My daughter was born when I was 15. My parents signed and I was married at that age. The marriage lasted only two years and I felt (after I was grown) that they just signed me off. It was really difficult to finish high school. I did it with awesome grades but it was really hard. She is now ten and a beautiful gifted child. She still sees her father but I will fault myself forever for having a child with someone that wasn't right for me. I hate that she is being raised with the aftermath of a divorce.
2 people like this
@KissThis (3006)
• United States
30 May 07
My daughter will be 9 years old this year. I have always explained to my daughter that she can come to me about anything. That no one is perfect and that we all have made mistakes that we aren't proud of. I might get mad or upset about what she is telling me but there is nothing that she could do that would end my love for her. I have done this with all my children. I never want any of them to be afraid to tell me about something so important in their lives. Yes, if she were to get pregnant as a teenager it will make her life harder but that doesn't mean that she has ruined her life. We would still be able to make it through something like this by working together. All of my children know that no matter what they do I will stand beside them and help them in anyway possible.
2 people like this
@leeesa (885)
• United States
30 May 07
I would never kick my daughters out of the house if they got pregnant. I myself had a baby at 16. Fortunately, my older daughter didn't have a child until after she was married. When she was growing up, I just talked to her about all the things I missed out on because I chose to be a young parent instead. I let her know that it was a serious responsibility and I had to make sacrifices because of decisions I made that lead to the pregnancy. I never used the word mistake because I would never want her to think she was a mistake. I'm glad she made better decisions than I did and even more, I'm happy that she took what I said to heart. She said it was the reason she made better choices. Hopefully, when the time is right, my youngest daughter will feel the same way. But if it ever happened, I wouldn't love her less. I'd support her through it just like my mom did.
2 people like this
• United States
29 May 07
I would privately be very sad. I would also be disappointed that my daughter hadn't lived by our values, but I would keep that to myself, b/c I know she would know it already. I would hug her, tell her I love her anyway, and help her start to plan.
2 people like this
@alivecar (11)
• Brazil
29 May 07
I never would leave my son to make an abortion there fore the child I do not have guilt to have been generated. I would help my son in what he was therefore I love it more than everything in the life! I advise to all to make the same!
2 people like this
• United States
30 May 07
I dont have a daughter, therefore, I cannot speak on this subject.
1 person likes this
@Swtrose (3399)
• Canada
30 May 07
Then why bother replying? Anything for a cent eh?
1 person likes this
• India
6 Jun 07
if all it happens i will try to make their marriage as quickly as possible, without knowing anybody or else i will tell her to make abortion .my response will be very severe to her .and i have an unconditonal lover for her and mostly i will try to kick her out if it is her fault .Any father will think about her future but not about her destruction right. i will be doing the same for it . i will try to solve the problem .. and take care in future .. but girls are changing a lot today . there are recklessly wandering with guys who are have lot of fashion in them .. i therefore declaring all young girls not to wander with guys without caring of future ..
1 person likes this
@Swtrose (3399)
• Canada
30 May 07
My daughter is almost 17 and feels as strongly about abortion as I do so abortion is not an option in our house. If she were to get pregnant she would live here at home with us, work, go to school and raise her own baby.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 May 07
I wouldn't know what to do..But my mom forgave my sister...I hate when girls give there stuff up so easy...
1 person likes this
@castleghost (1304)
• United States
30 May 07
I am soon going to have a step daughter. My fiancee and I have talked about situations like this before. If my step daughter was to get pregnant we would stand beside her all the way. Both of our children know that no matter what goes wrong in their lives we will help them anyway possible. A parent is surpose to love their child unconditionally so I wouldn't think to judge them for their mistakes. I got my high school girlfriend pregnant just before we graduate. I know how tuff it can be. If this were to happen with any of our children we will help them through this.
1 person likes this
• India
30 May 07
after all we are the only person to support our child. so be with them and make them feel that they are not alone.mistakes are humanly and it is much more important to solve them than to intensify..........
1 person likes this
• United States
30 May 07
I actually got pregnant while still in High School and my parents were so supportive and helped me out so much and made me be a stronger person. My parents gave me and my sisters excellent guidance and there is only so much we can do because they are going to still act out and sometimes it just happens. I was even on birth control and got pregnant. I would not want my daughter or if my son got a girl pregnant to have an abortion or give it up for adoption. If she felt that she just couldn't do it then I would adopt the baby myself with my husband. I would not kick her out of the house or be mad but I would be more hurt and sad that she is going to have to go through a pregnancy and birth so young. The baby did not ask to be born so it should not be aborted or should not feel like it's mommy didn't want him or her.
1 person likes this
@Cassy1976 (796)
• Australia
30 May 07
This is a really hard question for me as my sister who is a year older than me fell pregnant when she was 14 and my parents told her that she could do what she wanted as long as she didnt abort the child, they would look after the child and raise it as their own if that was what she wanted or she could raise it with her boyfriend, she chose to raise it with her boy friend and now almost 17 years later my sister is trying to get back all of the years that she has lost and is going out and getting drunk every weekend with her husband and they also have 2 other children who are shipped off to friends and family every weekend, her eldest daughter now lives with my parents instead of her parents as she doesnt get along with her parents and she now wishes that my parents had chose to raise her in the first place, it is so hard for me to decide what to say here as I think that it has been hard for both my sister her husband and their daughter having a child so long but do I wish that they had an abortion, definately not.
1 person likes this
@kakuemmom (862)
• Canada
30 May 07
I love my daughter unconditionally I would be there for her and help her and guide her. I would hope she would not consider abortion I don't think she would she has such strong views on it now. She is 17 so this is something that could happen. She is not sexually active now not that i know of anyway. There is no boyfriend but who knows for sure. My niece who is only 2 years older is now 3 months pregnant and refused to have and abortion and since not having one her boyfriend has left her. Her parents are helping her and we will be there for her if she needs us too. I just could not imagine turning my back on my child when she needed me most.
1 person likes this