Help but don't do for others,what they should do for themselves!

helping others - Help but don't do for others ,what they should do for themselves !
@skbadhan (881)
India
May 30, 2007 9:56pm CST
Helping others is a good things. we should help our family members, relatives,friends and every one who indeed is kooking for our help. I read these lines in a book "Help but don't do for others,what they should do for themselves "And I am very much agree to it, there are many incidents in our daily life when we helps others and other become habitual of our helps he finds it easy to ask for ourhelp instead give himself a try. I too have seen many examples in our families too specialy childrens . parents afraid that their child will do something wrong and I must help him. I thinkg helping once or twice is ok but we must teach others how to do the task themselves otherwise they will become handicaps. What did you think? How do you deal in your life? please share your views and experiences regarding helping others..
2 people like this
12 responses
• United States
31 May 07
Hello skbadhan, I for one agree with the saying, "God helps those who help themselve". Of course if one needs help and can give it to another then they should. However, a person can not always be there to help others so it is good and benefitual for them to learn how to help themselves. In 1990 I contracted Encephalitis and was in the hospital for 6 monthes. I was helped by everyone to do everything. Then when I got home, I learned that the only way I was to get better was to help myself. I was partially paralyzed from nerve damage due to the encephalitis infection. I had to learn to feed myself, dress myself and to walk again. It took me seven years and I learned something very important for anyone who is knocked down by illness or something devastating. When I first came home from the hospital I would feel sorry for myself.. I would get angry if my family refused to help me. Then I realized if I was to get any better, I needed to help myself. Once I came to grips with that fact, I started to make progress in my recovery. It had taken me seven years of extensive Therapy and continued pushing to get better. I got sick in 1990 and by 1997 I was able to regain my life back. I am now a social worker and help others to learn that same lesson of pushing and helping themselves to regain their health. I now do all things for myself, I am walking and no longer in a wheelchair. I also care for my family again as a mother and wife. I love life and being positive goes a long way in helping ones self. Never look for others to do everything because there are some things that only you can do for yourself. Help others, but first help yourself. There is a saying, you can give a [erson a fish and they will eat for a day, but if you teach a person how to fish for themselves, they will eat for a life time. Take care, Jadona2006
1 person likes this
@boeyong (256)
• Malaysia
31 May 07
I have a personal philosophy regarding this: Help others to help themselves. I see some parents DOING their children's homework entirely for them - that's hot helping, that's cheating! The homework is meant for the children not for the parents. I also see some parents doing everything (when when they are up and years) and their children sitting down and doing nothing, just watching television, being a couch potato and even have the cheek to laugh at their parents when they make a mistake or stumble while doing that (even when the children are teenagers and adults). We are living in a society that has people who don't know how to keep house, cook and clean, look after themselves THEMSELVES, can't make do without a servant or someone else doing it for them. They laze about the house, don't look for work to pay the bills, and essentially, don't want to move their bottoms even to reach the remote! I don't want anything to do with these types of people - even in the slightest interpretation of "help". I have seen a friend who is helpful and turned out having to do everything to her chagrin. She wanted to help and everything is now her "baby" and the person being helped even has the nerve to shout at her when she is not able to cope!
• United States
31 May 07
I believe there is a fine line between helping and enabling. I used to work for a non-profit organization that was able to supply material needs to low income (mostly) single moms. It bothered me when these moms would come in with their nails done, hair done, talking non-stop on their cell-phones but were out of diapers or formula for their babies. Our services were there to help in emergencies, but they came to depend on it and were spending their money on other non-essential things. In emergencies, we were "helping" them. But if they came in every single week expecting free "stuff", they were being "enabled". I do fully believe in helping others and that it is a good thing. It is when they start to expect it or take advantage that it is frustrating.
@rb200406 (1825)
• India
31 May 07
yes you are right.One should help but upto a limit.It sholud not make a person dependent on them.One should not always help.Parents also should ensure that there children become independent than become dependent by helping them in everything.In work also you should try to do your own work rather than ask for help always.sometimes it is ok to get help or help others.
1 person likes this
@subathra (3519)
• India
31 May 07
I agree to your points.I have seen many parents helping their children in their education which needs the childs own effort to complete the given task by his teachers.Teachers gives only such assignments which a child is capable of doing but any parents just do that completely by themselves making their children learn nothing. I try to help my family and friends with whatever i can but never indulge in anything which makes someone always solely depend on me.I will flatly reject when someone ask for a particular help more than twice.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
31 May 07
Helping people move through change is important. The reason for people who is constantly asking for help are the very people who is unwilling to take responsibility for their own life. They feel it is more comfortable and convenient to make someone else the scapegoat. Stop being the a 'santa clause' but educate them to change their attitudes and behaviour.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 May 07
I believe in helping people learn to do things for themselves. Teaching people independance is the besst thing you can do for them. Injured or sick people may need more help until they are better, and that is not a bad thing. Teaching people their limitations is helping them too.
• Philippines
1 Jun 07
"help but don't do for others, what they should do for themselves." great line, and one that should be understood by people who do a lot of neighborly and friendly help. it can be a wake-up call. there should be a limit to helping. i agree with that. ---one should not always give the fish but teach them how to fish. in the same manner, one should not always seek to ask the help from others but seek how one can help himself. for so many years now, i've been assisting some of my siblings financially, one to support for the university education, another to support her children's education and basic needs and a few others more. doing the same thing for several years now has made me realize that i've given more for them than i've given myself. and some of them has never stopped being needy. which is a very tiring experience. some people i know who have seen the situation for so many years now, would always tell me... "hey, they are your family and your family's family. but they are not your responsibility. it's high time to love yourself more than them." i think i wouldn't stop helping coz i wouldn't be able to stop caring. but i found other ways to help, to show them i care.
@a_ce_e (1427)
• Philippines
1 Jun 07
"Help but don't do for others,what they should do for themselves". I agree with this too, i help those who think needs my help, but if i've seen they are capable of doing it, i shall teach how to do it. There are some people who are just relying on someone to do what they can and they become very lazy. Sometimes, childrens too. Teachers give task for assignment, but the parents instead of giving help to guide the children, they are the one who made the assignment lol! For friends, there are some after you had help financially because she is really in need as she/he say, but come to look the lifestyle he/she has, she/he spend much more with the luxury than the basic need at the point he/she is in tight budget. whew!
@nana1944 (1367)
• United States
1 Jun 07
I think people, young or old, should have someone to teach them things. I was always very independant but now I can not do all the things I used to do. But I still do things even if it hurts me. I have enjoyed it when I can teach someone something no matter how small a thing it is.
@KatieS (504)
• United States
31 May 07
I like to help others, friends, family members when I can. We paid for a family members heating gas in January for the rest of the winter, he had a job, just needed some help. So we paid for it, he said he would pay us back. He lost his job a week later, and we said he could just work it off helping us with stuff that needed to be done around the house. But when we ask him to come over and help, he finds an excuse not to. So now he's working and doesn't intend to pay us back. It wouldn't be so bad if he hasn't been this way his whole life, everyone always bailing him out of one thing or another and it's been a lot. After we paid for his gas and he became unemployed, we also went through financial difficulty for awhile and he was knowing t=about it, but it didn't stop him from asking us to help with his electric. but we had to put our foot down. When will we learn, but most of all, when will he learn. I've had a lot of help in my life, but I always try to be there for other people, making sacrifices for them. We asked him for a favor the other day, but he said no. I just decided to pray for him to understand when we can't help him and to learn to be stronger for himself. He's old enough to know how to be independent.
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
31 May 07
Im always willing to help someone out. But they must be willing to help themselves first. I dont mind doing anything for someone thats just my nature. But dont take advantage of me and everything will be cool. I think you right about helping a person out too much. You have to draw the line at some point.