Do people in relationships keep others secrets from their partners?

@pilbara (1436)
Australia
June 4, 2007 7:17pm CST
If you confide in someone who has a partner and you ask them not to tell anyone, in your experience will that person keep your secret even from their partner, or will they tell their partner? Do we have to accept that telling someone something automatically means that you are telling their partner as well? I've had experiences both ways - some tell, some don't. I don't trust those that said anything as much as I used to. Particularly in one case where someone mentioned it to their partner who then told someone else.
2 people like this
4 responses
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
5 Jun 07
I think most people tell their partners even other people's secrets. I have mixed feelings about this issue. On one hand, I don't like keeping secrets from my partner, period. I feel like those things seperate us in a way. On the other hand, I wouldn't betray a confidence. My solution to this problem is not to tell anyone something that I would have a problem with their partner knowing, and to tell my friends before they share a secret that my husband is likely to hear it.
1 person likes this
@pilbara (1436)
• Australia
5 Jun 07
Thanks for your response. I honestly don't see why keeping someone elses secrets should place a barrier between partners. In my experience people have no problems with keeping a "secret" that belongs to an employer or client, why should a friends secret be of less value than that?
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
5 Jun 07
I guess for me it depends on the extent to which that secret holds my attention. There are things that people tell me everyday that I don't come home and talk to my husband about, but... If someone told me a secret, and it was very upsetting to me, or I spent a lot of time thinking about it and trying to figure it out, then it would feel like a barrier between my partner and myself. He often asks me "What's wrong?" if something is obviously bothering me, and I don't like not being able to tell him. I don't think that a friend's secret is worth any less than those of an employer or client. My friends are very important to me, more so than even most of the people related to me. I often refer to my friends as my family. However, as such I think they understand the relationship I have with my husband, and how important it is to me, and wouldn't ask me to do anything that would in my eyes jeopardize that relationship.
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@pilbara (1436)
• Australia
5 Jun 07
Thank you. That's fair enough.
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
6 Jun 07
I think some people keep secrets from their partners. I personally don't do that because my husband and I are best friends. We tell each other everything. We keep it amongst ourselves and do not spread the word about other people. I hate when people do that and you cannot trust anyone these days, but if someone tells me something, it goes no further than me telling my husband about it.
@pilbara (1436)
• Australia
6 Jun 07
Thanks for your response. Everybody is entitled to their own opinions. However, if a friend asked me to keep something to myself then I would do as they asked.
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@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
6 Jun 07
I understand what you mean but my husband and I are best friends and we hide nothing from one another. I tell people that up front too. I also let them know if I say something to my husband, it goes no further. I also tell them not to tell me if I cannot say anything to him.
• United States
6 Jun 07
I'm very trustworthy when it comes to keeping secrets. Mostly, because I know that if my friend found out that I was spreading her secrets around town, she would dump me. Anyway, I'm not really interested in hearing other people's opinions on my friends situations. So, I tend to keep their secrets to myself and hope everything works out for the best.
1 person likes this
@pilbara (1436)
• Australia
6 Jun 07
Thanks for your reply. That's what I do.
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
5 Jun 07
My husband is my partner and best friend. There is nothing I keep from him. I don't go running home and talk about every little detail from my day, but he knows anything of any importance to me. I trust him completely and he does not run off and tell other people anything we talk about at home, as I do the same for him. I don't have alot of friends with secrets, so I don't run into any problems on that issue anyway. But if someone did tell me something and told me not to tell anyone, not even my husband, I would stop them, and tell them I'd rather not know then. Some things are best left unsaid anyway.
1 person likes this
@pilbara (1436)
• Australia
6 Jun 07
I think stopping them is a good idea. For example you may have a situation where someone has been your best friend for years, but the partner situation is new. These kind of things sometimes take time to adjust to.