Is this cheating?

United States
June 6, 2007 12:03pm CST
I was talking to my soon to be brother in law yesterday and he told me something that I thought was weird. His sixteen year old neighbor boy has been talking to this girl Darby. She is just his friend for now. All they have done is talk. This boys mother is calling him a cheater because he is talking to Darby when his girlfriend isn't around. His girlfriend is on vacation with her parents. He does plan on breaking up with her as soon as she gets back because he realizes that she is to demanding on his time. None of that really matters to me but it got me to thinking. What do people really consider cheating to be? Is a guy talking to some girl other then his girlfriend cheating? Shouldn't it be more then talking to be considered cheating? Please share with me your thoughts on this.
11 people like this
24 responses
• United States
6 Jun 07
I guess it depends on what they are talking about. If the boy's mother knows he plans to dump his current girlfriend and she thinks it is because of Darby, I guess I can see her point. Personally though, I would not consider having a conversation cheating. (Good thing, too, since my BF works with lots of women, and I work with a lot of guys, we would be constantly fighting if we were jealous types). I think there needs to be some other element to make it qualify as cheating, like meeting secretly, or going on dates, or, of course, kissing, etc.
4 people like this
• United States
6 Jun 07
I actually asked if she considered herself cheating when she went to the grocery store and the guy who was bagging her groceries asked if she wanted paper or plastic. Since she spoke to him and he is mail by her view point it should be cheating right? From what I understand the two kids have been talking about her radio in her car. She wanted him to put a different radio in her car and she asked him which kind would be best and how much he would charge her to do it. Sorry I should have put that at the start of the discussion.
2 people like this
• United States
7 Jun 07
He would break up with the girlfriend now but doesn't want to do it over the phone. He wants to be a man about it and do it to her face. Very mature of him I think.
6 Jun 07
That is not cheating.I don't take that to be cheating at all.People can have friends of both gender. Just make sure u don't cross the boundaries .
3 people like this
@emarie (5455)
• United States
6 Jun 07
dude its not cheating...but then again every person can have different standards of cheating...there's physical cheating and there is emotional cheating which happens mostly for women then it does for men...AND he's a teen, they're always going to talk to other girls and of course unless he said he wants her, kissed her or anything like that....in most teens minds its not considered cheating. give the kid a break...unless you want to turn him into a cheater...in a teens mind you can see it as playing the fields....at leat thats what my mom used to say to me. and like i said, a lot of cheating can be in the eye of the beholder...but if he's being true to the girl and does want to break up with her just because she's demanding, then let it go...kids are going to do that. its rare to find a teenager whos in a long term relationship.
2 people like this
• Philippines
7 Jun 07
i don't understand it either why one will be called a cheater just becuause he is out talking with somebody. but your observation that this is only an affair among teenagers is good. why worry so much about their relationship at this stage? if i were the mother, i will not be so affected. after all, i am sure that they will not be considering getting into more serious relationships being teenagers. they will only be contemplating of getting engaged and getting married much later in life when they will ready to go into such higher level of relationships.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jun 07
You expressed some of my concerns. His mother is constantly calling the boy a cheater. I don't think that she realizes what she is doing. Its very confusing to a boy that age to understand.
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
6 Jun 07
I think I would have to define cheating as: doing something that you do not want your partner to be aware of. So it is not what you are doing it is what you are hiding or failing to tell you partner about because you know they will not agree with.
2 people like this
• United States
7 Jun 07
I guess that is one way of defining cheating. I never really considered that. My fiancee doesn't use credit cards so when I use mine and don't tell her I am cheating then? Because I know she won't approve of my using a credit card instead of waiting till I have enough cash to pay for something?
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
7 Jun 07
No you are absolutely right, hiding things from one fiancé is always good. after all being able to trust absolutely some one you are planning on sharing you life with makes no sense at all. I commend you thinking of her and saving all the fuss she might make and have it come back on you, I think you might have a brilliant idea, keep her in the dark, and only tell her what she wants to hear. I do wish you all the very best in your marriage.
@cher913 (25895)
• Canada
6 Jun 07
oh brother, if that was cheating then i must be just as bad...is she is taking on the stance that if he talks to any girl he is cheating or is this girl special?if talking to anyone of the opposite *** was cheating, then what about work? my boss and co-workers are male (gasp!) sheesh
2 people like this
• United States
7 Jun 07
That is exactly what I said. Her reasoning didn't make any sense to me. Are we only supposed to talk to our partners then? Wouldn't that get boring?
@jolenegreen (1209)
• United States
6 Jun 07
lol. They are only 16, so this doesnt really matter I dont know why the mother is getting so upset about it, LOl. NO I dont think that talking is cheating...I think cheating would be kissing, rubbing, touching, having s@x, things like that. Maby he is doing more than that and his mother knows it. LOL. Who knows?
2 people like this
• United States
7 Jun 07
Actually the boy spends more time at the neighbors house then his own home so I doubt if she knows anything. I think that the moms husband must have cheated on her and that is why she acts the way that she does. But who knows.
• Philippines
6 Jun 07
That not cheating at all. He's just talking to her. Its not like he has a relationship going on with her too at the same time with his girlfriend. then you call that a cheat. :)
2 people like this
• United States
6 Jun 07
My soon to be brother in law explained to her that what she called cheating was actually a friendship. If the two kids were to become physical it would be cheating but no matter what he said she wouldn't change her mind.
2 people like this
@judyt00 (3504)
• Canada
6 Jun 07
Sounds.to.me.like.that.mother.has.decided.her.son.cannot. talk.to.any.girl.she.doesn't.approve.of.and.she.needs.to. get.out.of.his.face...No,.its,not.cheating.. People.should.have.friends.outside.a.relationship.to.keep.the. relationship.healthy.
2 people like this
• United States
6 Jun 07
That is one of the things I said. I actually think the mom might be jelaous or afraid of losing her son.
2 people like this
@sarah22 (3981)
• United States
7 Jun 07
no, he is mearly talking to someone. cheating is going beyond talking. but to me he is intersed in her to be more friends but waiting first to break things off with his girlfriend. why did he not do this before she left if he new that she was demanding and taking too much of his time? i think he had no reason before now he has met this girl and they have been talking and he likes her. people are wired, but hes still young and will grow.
• United States
7 Jun 07
I actually don't think that he realized just how much of his time she was taking up. Once she was gone for a day or to he realized that he hadn't been spending that much time with his friends like he use to. Or that he hadn't been doing the things that he enjoys to do like work on cars.
@sarah22 (3981)
• United States
7 Jun 07
well, when you go into a relationship, i cannot see why people think that there lives have to change to the extent they are not doing what they love or hang out with friends. if they are great together, then they should do things with one another and there friends. best of luck to him.
@callarse1 (4794)
• United States
7 Jun 07
a) It's not cheating because he hasn't done anything with her. b) He shouldn't be hanging around with other girls if he is not with someone else. When he is talking to her, people "think" he is cheating. Then the rumors and gossip spread. Okay, I know we shouldn't say rumors and stuff, but it is always better to go around another single person in a group. So if he wants to hang out with her, he needs to have his girlfriend, or another friend, or her boyfriend with them. That way, no one can say anything. Have a nice day. Pablo
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jun 07
Well actually they aren't alone when they are talking. They are usually at the neighbors house with a couple of other people around. Thanks Pablo.
@Debs_place (10551)
• United States
7 Jun 07
If they are just talking, Mom should butt out. I have friends both male and female, always have, if my SO had a problem with this I would be upset, because we are only friends and there is a trust problem. Maybe Mom has a trust problem.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jun 07
That's what I was thinking that mom might have a trust issue. I also wondered if maybe mom had gotten cheated on in the past.
@huilee (1010)
• Singapore
7 Jun 07
Well, i guess everyone has different definations and interpretations for cheating... Some might be more shallow and to certain people, only acts of doing it to a severity then is it consider cheating... For me,im one who cant even stand shallow cheating... Which is to say, i think that is cheating too... I mean that is kinda of having intentions to cheat... U have girlfriend... Why are u not talking to her daily? In stead of talking to her, u talk to another girl daily.. Yah, all u do now is talking, but slowly it will change ur mind thinkig and attitude... Doesnt it? Slowly, u will think that the girl u are talking to is nicer then ur gf... Shes of better character and u guys suit more... I noe some might not agree with me... But i guess im more of a possessive gf... =p
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jun 07
He isn't talking to his g/f daily because she is on vacation out of state with her parents. You are right though because talking to Darby has helped him to see that his g/f wasn't the girl for him. He got to see that his g/f was telling him things so that he would continue to stay with her. I don't agree that he was cheating though. I think that Darby was a good friend to help him figure out that he wasn't being treated the right way.
@habiryn (51)
• Philippines
7 Jun 07
It is case to case basis, mere talk does not signify you are already cheating but if this talk contains sweettalk and conversations pertaining to expression of ones feeling to other person that is cheating. With the situation you have presented it would be best to find out the contents of the conversation than judging them already because if we are to judge them immediately well he will be bound to a single girl and will not be able to have other girl friends.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jun 07
What you are saying makes sense. You give some very good advice. Thanks.
• Philippines
7 Jun 07
of course, there is no cheating there. how can ever anyone call it cheating on somebody else if the two persons accused of it are only behaving as friends? it will be wise for the boy to observe his girlfriend's attitude. if the girlfriend will also be talking and thinking the same way as the mother, the boy would better consider cooling it off. after all, marriages which happen with women who are too jealous and never trusting will all end up in broken families.
• United States
7 Jun 07
The g/f does anything that she wants. She went to prom with another guy so I am wondering if this isn't another reason that the boy wants to break up with her. I agree with you about a relationship not being able to make it without trust. Thanks
@devilinu (105)
• India
6 Jun 07
nup...that cant justify as cheating...but again depends on the guyz intension in befrndin darby.... was it after meeting darby the thots of breakin up rise.. then yes...i think hes being mean..... but that still doesnt justify as cheating.... u cant stop talkin to ppl jus cuz u hv a bf or gf thats insane
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jun 07
I am not sure when he decided to break up with his g/f to be honest with you. I know that he was complaining about the g/f before he met Darby though.
@babostwick (2037)
• United States
6 Jun 07
I wouldn't say that's cheating. If it's just talking, then there is no harm. Now if it gets serious and goes further like dating secretly or kissing for instance, then yes that is cheating. That's what I look at when it comes to cheating exactly. It's about the best way I could possibly put it.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jun 07
I think you did a wonderful job describing cheating. Thanks.
@Woodpigeon (3710)
• Ireland
6 Jun 07
I wouldn't consider that cheating. I think it is sensible of him to realise that he wants to break up with the gilfriend and to not start anything new with the new girl until that's taken care of.
• United States
7 Jun 07
I was thinking the same thing. I think his mom should appreciate how mature he is acting. Most teenagers don't act this way. Most would just move on without a care.
1 person likes this
@bkfuels (1606)
• Canada
7 Jun 07
This is just silly, I think that we would all be cheating on our spouses if this was the case. I talk other men on a daily bases I have no choice, I work with the public 10 hours a day. Maybe his mother know that he has feelings for this girl. I would think that it had to be something more then just talking in her head.
• Philippines
7 Jun 07
maybe that guy is only friendly.. not with the extent that he's already cheating.. but I don't know.. I don't wanna judge him in any ways.
1 person likes this
@pinkypop (664)
• Philippines
7 Jun 07
Talking or being friends to an opposite $ex isn't cheating, even if the person is currently on a relationship. It can be considered cheating if they have go beyond the line of friendship, wherein they now hold hands and ki$sing i n t i m a t e l y in public and other stuffs that only couples in a boy and girl romantic relationship do.
1 person likes this