mother in law from you know where

@stacyv81 (5906)
United States
June 16, 2007 11:45am CST
Ok, so you guys have probably seen my other posts about my "mother in law"...but this one really takes the cake...Ok, so I told her I was pregnant again, (and this is where the nervousness of telling people comes in) So, I told her the day before yesterday, yesterday she calls and is trying to convince me that me and her son should get married, we arent yet, but we have been having some problems, and I tell her marriage is not going to fix those, anyway she gets mad about it and says ,"Are you sure you do not want to have an abortion?" , WHAT??? What is this lady's problem? She knows how I feel about abortion, and how could someone say that about their grandchild just because they are mad about something that is reallynone of their business?
12 people like this
25 responses
16 Jun 07
right u dont wana get married, n u dont wana have an abortion!! u r creating problems for urself. she aint ur mother in law yet but looks like cares abt ya. she knws how difficult it would be for u to raise a child without a partner. she wants to save herself n u frm bad reputation. getting married to her son would definitely save many problems..
4 people like this
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
16 Jun 07
no, I have two kids with him already and she has been a thorn in my side the whole time, and to be honest she is one of the reasons I am not sure I want to marry him. We are both good parents together, and we do not have a hostile, uncomfortable, or anything but happy living situation with our children. She has been after me since I got with my guy. If you have read any of my other posts about her or knew her manipulation, you wouldnt think she cares about me, She is mean, and speaks out of her a$* all the time.
4 people like this
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
16 Jun 07
and I am not creating problems for myself. I do not see children as a problem. We have the means to take care of them no matter what happens between us. Getting married doesnt solve anything and she is naive to think it will. Bad reputation? I have a good reputation as being a good, loving mother who takes care of her family. So, no she isnt trying to save me from a bad reputation...
4 people like this
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
16 Jun 07
that is what I wonder, as she never really acts like she is too keen on her son. I think she just wants to think, or wants others to think she cares...I dont know to be honest with you why she is around...
3 people like this
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
16 Jun 07
Having a daughter in law, I do understand where you are coming from. but in reality, she wants what she feels is best for her son,and may or may not be up to snuff on all the present problems that now exist, and I agree with you hare marriage will not fix those problems, hard work on both your parts may. As for her her question about abortion is way out of line and I can not see where that came from.Personally I would chalk it up to her being over protective of her son, and no feeling toward you. It is to late now but I wouldn't have told her, but of course hind site is 20/20, and that doesn't help you right now. I am not sure what to say, except, if you feel that this is wort trying to fix, other wise start planning a different life, I am not encouraging you to do any thing, but sitting still is OK for a short time but you know that something needs to be done. and I do wish you well.
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
16 Jun 07
She isnt overprotective over her son at all. In fact she is mostly always on my side, She really seems that she oculdnt care less about her son, She wants me to "Trap" him in a marriage and not give him a way out, and I am not going to do that.
4 people like this
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
16 Jun 07
well, what I mean is I do not want to get married because we have kids, I want get married because we WANT to not because we feel we SHOULD or HAVe to. Ya know?
3 people like this
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
16 Jun 07
good luck with that! =)
3 people like this
@jenalyn (675)
• United States
16 Jun 07
I am a mother and a daughter. If someone said this to me when I was pregnant, I would have been really offended, and it is something I would never suggest to my own daughter if and when she gets pregnant. Even if I don't like the decisions she's making, I would never suggest that. I have had an abortion, and let me tell you it feels like you are a murderer and you never forget it. Abortion is not a solution to couple having problems, adoption would have even been offensive. This lady has no business giving you any suggestions, and the next time she makes one like that I would let her know it. Even if she had good intentions, which I doubt, I would let her know that her suggestions are extreme and hurtful and to keep her opinion to herself. I hope you don't have to really deal with her for the rest of your life. I never married my daughter's father and I have never regreted the decision I made regarding that either! I am not with her father and I have been loving everyday that I have been a mother, even on the difficult days which are few.
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
16 Jun 07
she also had an abortion, and she never married her childrens father.....I already have two kids with the guy and she says we are spiritually already married, and she says I should trap her son into a marriage and not give him a way out. I cannot believe the people above who say she had good intentions, I guess I should've explained more on her personality. Because she totally said this out of spite. Thanks for your response.
3 people like this
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
16 Jun 07
I can't belive she asked you that. Are you sure you don't want to get a abortion? That would of made me really upset also.
2 people like this
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
16 Jun 07
yes, It made me pretty upset, but I controlled myself, and I just said, did you really say that to me? I mean, I think it is just cruel to say to anyone, but about your grandchild?
2 people like this
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
16 Jun 07
I agree it sure is. i would of asked her about the same thing accept I would of been really upset with her.
2 people like this
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
16 Jun 07
well, she said why do I want to have the baby when we dont even want to get married...I said because I got pregnant and evidently God wants this baby born...we just havent decided that marriage was right for us yet. We have been together 6 years, and have two kids already and we are adults, able to decide for ourselves how to live our life. And plus she never married her kids dad, and now she lives with a man and they arent married, so what right does she have to tell me to do what she doesnt?
2 people like this
@shemah (841)
• Malaysia
16 Jun 07
stacy, the thing is about your mother-in-law (technically) is that i think the instability of your relationship with her son worries her. She makes it her business because it involves her grandchildren too. (I believe you've mentioned that this is your 3rd pregnancy, right?) It's not more because of her son's sake. But I think that her fear is that if things don't work out between you and her son, 1)she's gonna lose her grandchildren, and 2)she's worried how you're going to raise 3 kids on your own. She's just afraid more than anything and her suggestion about the abortion was not her intention to hurt but just that she cares too much about the kids. I hope you resolve your problems.. and stay stress-free. Not good for the baby.. :) Let's have some chocolate!
2 people like this
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
16 Jun 07
No, she doesnt care, that is what people arent understanding here. She comes to "visit her granchildren" and spends the entire time in her room alone watching tv and sleeping, but it looks like she is visiting them so its ok. She isnt nice and is spiteful and manipulative. She just wants to look like she cares. She never sees them she never calls her son, she argues with both of her sons and me and isnt happy until something turns into an argument. Trust me she has no good intentions
3 people like this
@shemah (841)
• Malaysia
16 Jun 07
you know what? I took so much time replying this that by the time i posted, i saw all your explanations to everyone about her. Well, i say.. You are in charge of your own life. Obviously, this is not your first child.. So definitely, I am sure you're more than capable. It definitely helps that you have the means to support all your kids and the most important thing is that you have their best interests at heart while making yourself happy at the same time. I say go for what you feel. I agree with jenalyn above there! You can pull a Brangelina anytime, and nobody should jusge you for that! All the best, 3rd time mommy.. NOW let's have some chocolate!
2 people like this
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
16 Jun 07
thanks, Yea she is just not very nice, I wish it were that she was just trying to help, or be worried or something, but it is sad, but it isnt the case with this woman. =)
2 people like this
@mummymo (23709)
16 Jun 07
Oh honey how awful! No wonder you were nervous! I know how you feel about abortion and even though I am pro choice I think this is a horrific thing to say to anyone! What difference would it make if you guys were married? The same problems you are having now would still be there, so I think you are right to work things out first! I think that maybe she has insecurities of her own or something that is troubling her! I know what she said is horrible but I would pity her rather then get angry sweets! I am sorry she did this to you! xxx
2 people like this
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
16 Jun 07
thank you. I was mad, but I figure, consider the source, ya know? she never has been really supportive and seems a little jealous of her son (my guy) sometimes, I thank you for the encouraging words. I just have to remember who is saying it, and just move on and try not to let it bother me,. Thanks! =)
2 people like this
@naty1941 (2336)
• United States
16 Jun 07
Why didn't you tell her to mind her own business? She obviously is not the type of mother in law that you would want. People give opinions in very serious matters without even thinking of the consequences. An abortion is not the answer.
2 people like this
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
16 Jun 07
I said "did you really just say that to me?" She said, "oh, yeah" I said, "Why would you how could you say that?" She said, "well, if you do not believe in the institution of marriage, you shouldnt have anymore kids." I told her, I do believe in the institution of marriage, but I also believe in getting married for the right reasons, and she got mad. She isnt even married to the guy she lives with and she never married her childrens father either.
2 people like this
@uiwwitch (892)
• United States
16 Jun 07
Maybe your mother on law was just frustrated about not being able to convince you to marry her son. Maybe she said it because she's thinking the reason why you don't want to marry her son is because you're thinking about the abortion. we do say things we regret when we're frustrated and not thinking right. I'm not defending her, I'm just trying to see where she's coming from. On the other hand, she does not have any reason to force you to marry her son. That's your decision to make. And if that remark of hers hurt your feelings, you have to let her know. It's better I guess to polish things between the two of you since you're already part of each other's life, whether you like it or not!
1 person likes this
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
16 Jun 07
I wasnt ever thinking about an abortion, she knows me and my guy are completely against it...I am sure she said it to make me mad, as I had made her mad. I mean it isnt like it is me who is saying I dont want to get married, I just think it should be for the right reasons which is all I was saying to her, and she was saying, well it doesnt have to work out, you can get divorced you just need to be married...and I just dont see the logic.
2 people like this
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
16 Jun 07
oh yeah I have been with her son for 6 years and have two kids already with him...she wasnt even in our life the first 3 years. Then she jumped in and wants to control it all.
2 people like this
@uiwwitch (892)
• United States
16 Jun 07
oh, well. That makes a lot of difference then. Just ignore her, hopefully she gets over it. Just concentrate on your new baby!
2 people like this
@jbrooks0127 (2329)
• United States
17 Jun 07
Well Stacy your mother-in-law may be coming from experience. She has some idea of what lies ahead of you that you have yet to discover. Under that best of circumstance having a child is a very trying experience. It is so much better if two people face that. It sounds like you and your boyfriend may not continue. So where does that leave you? Pregnant for 9 months with all that entails....and that is no small matter. Being able to afford to have the child in the hospital. Caring for that child while having to work. If you work...and I would assume you do....being up most of the night for a number of weeks because your baby needs you. Stressed out because of it and because your stressed the baby will only get worse. From what you said here it is clear you have no idea what you are facing. And because you are not married your boyfriend is not legally responsible for paying you anything. If he does it will only be because he will be honoring the fact he is the father. Please think this over very careful. It is clear you hate your mother-in-law but what she is trying to do is help you face what you have ahead of you. It is too bad you are not listening. One day you will see what she is trying to do for you.
1 person likes this
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
17 Jun 07
Is it clear I have no idea what I am facing? I have to kids....I know what I am facing, this is my third child....
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jul 07
Then I do indeed appligize for me comments. It is true that often holding onto a man is much like having a fourth child. Only you know what is best for you. I do hope it all works out for you.
@Gorgeous24 (1092)
• United States
16 Jun 07
I understand exactly what your going through with your mother in law because my mother in law drives me crazy! My mother in law puts me in the middle of my guy (her son) and her problems, I dont really know why she does it but I think SHE doesnt want to be the bad guy so she puts it on me. I have since stopped picking up the phone for her when she calls I try to avoid her as much as possible. Im all for cutting people out of your life that are NEGATIVE..if they dont bring anything positive to my life then theres no good that can come of having them in my life especially a mother in law like yours or mine LOL! It was wrong what your mother in law said..she should really keep her thoughts to herself or she should atleast think before she talks, The situation between you and your man is none of her business!
1 person likes this
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
16 Jun 07
that is what I was saying, I think I am going to have to just give up on it. Thanks a lot for the support =)
2 people like this
• United States
16 Jun 07
It sad that she has chosen to be such a messed up person and sometimes your own family can be more hurtful to you than your worst enemy. Its better to just cut her out,,you will see how much better and drama FREE your life has become without her.
1 person likes this
@tredale (1313)
• Australia
17 Jun 07
Firstly congradulation, but I also agree a baby wont fix your problems with hubby. As for the mother in law, I feel sorry for you I have three mother in laws and I get on well with all of them. If in you situation though I think I would stop including her in everything for a while. Now you have been given the excuse you need not to involve her. I think that if she isnt included in any discussion or choises she would quickly turn around (maybe). Goodluck stacyv81 I hope all turns out well.
• United States
17 Jun 07
The story of the century, mother in law vs daughter in law. ^_^ I thought it only happen in movies. But it does happen a lot in real life too huh? I am afraid for my own future. Anyway, I am really sorry for you. I don't know what happen between the two of you, but no one has the right to tell someone else to have an abortion. That's murder.
1 person likes this
@tinamwhite (3255)
• United States
17 Jun 07
Your mother-in-law was way out of line with this comment...it was meant to push your buttons...it was meant to hurt you...it was meant to hurt your feelings... She is not thinking like a grandmother....her interests neither lie with you r this baby...it is scandalous and I am so sorry that you had to tolerate this type of abuse when you were trying to tell her about a blessing that has come to your life..... Remind her of this awful statement when she wants to be part of this child's life....
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
17 Jun 07
Maybe you and your partner should decide whether you want her in your life anymore. How can a grandparent say something like that? If it was me I would be very tempted not to tell her when the baby is born and then when she finds out and asks why wasn't she told. I would just say well if I took your advice this baby wouldn't even be here. I hope I am not going too far by saying that she sounds like a cold hearted, nasty, self centred cow. I really think your family will be better off without her. It's disgusting with how she treated her own son. The way she kicked him out of her house is disgusting. I don't understand why she is trying to push the marriage issue either, she doesn't even care about a grandchild that is on it's way, so why would she care if you two were married. By the sounds of it, even if you two were married, I doubt that she would be happy. I would try and not to worry about her and be happy with your life. You have a couple of wonderful children and another one on the way, if she wants to be nasty, then maybe later on she will regret that and she will have to deal with that. Good luck with everything!
1 person likes this
• India
17 Jun 07
Hi stacyv81! I would'ntt blame your boyfriends mother for wantting to make your relationship legal. She is definitely concerned about her grand child and wants to give stability.But if you do an abortion or not is your business and i do nott think she has any right to interfere in it.
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
17 Jun 07
she never cared before, I have two other children....she wasnt even a part of my first childs life until he was like two, because she said she needs to come around more, because now her remembers, this is not the first child...
@mizcash (686)
• Canada
28 May 08
She is saying that because she is upset no one can be that crass and heartless. She knows your feelings on the subject of abortion. She's hoping that you'll be angry enough to go out and get marry to shut her up.
@brendakaya (2335)
• United States
8 Jul 07
So sorry for you. That's not good that she suggest you abort her grandchild. I can relate, my mother-in-law of 33 years is from the same place as yours. Wish we could send them back there together.
@axter69 (379)
25 Jun 07
I think this stems from the jeans of life. you have to bare in mind that like it or not you will never be good enough in her eyes. if you mother in law is anything like mine the best way to deal with her is to smile and let your boy friend take all the crap. the other thing you have to bare in mind is one day you too will be a mother in law...... NOOOOOOOOOO by the way congrates on the baby
@ckj6981 (195)
• Singapore
25 Jun 07
During my pregnancy, my MIL says," Bible stated - those married and have kids, no blessing. For those married but dun have kids have blessing." I dunno what bible she read. I answer her, meant ur elder daughter got no blessing also cos she have 2 kids. Ur young daughter have more blessing cos she married but sun have kids. She answer me, of cos my younger daughter have more blessing than u. I was so angry and mad with her nonsense. Told my hubby what she said. My hubby ask her show him what bible she is read. She got nothing to say any more.
@Woodpigeon (3710)
• Ireland
17 Jun 07
I am really sorry she said that to you. Not that my MIL has said that precisely, but it is the type of thing she comes out with. I really don't understand the way some people, especially of a certain generation feel they can say the most obnoxious, hurtful things and you consider it just a piece of advice. I hope your partner shuts her down with that type of talk, because mine just pooh-poohs whatever she says and it has created a lot of harsh feelings over they years. Since I a, the one it has fallen to to put up and maintain the boundries, I do the avoidance thing whenever possible. It helps minimize having to listen to ridiculous statements like the one you baby's grandmother made. Good luck to you!