June 17, 2007 11:04pm CST
i have been a single parent for quite sometime now, although the reponsibility or raising the kids is shared even to a very minimal degree-only along the area of financial. yet i can fairly say that i am better off without a partner. i don't have problems with my 3 teenagers so far. if there are issues, because undeniably, there will always be issues, we are together adjusting to it. the long-range psychological effect to my kids may not be measured for now and is still yet to be seen. yet i know that this may sound selfish of me, because actually, this is where my guilt lies, but if i have to think it loud what i feel, on my end, i am quite comfortable, happier, at peace and better off alone living and raising my children than having a partner with whom trust just cannot be placed. for single parents like me, do you feel the same way?
• Orangeville, Ontario
18 Jun 07
I was a single parent for the first two years of my daughter's life. Her biological father had a lifestyle that I was not interested in living, nor in bringing up my daughter so I chose not to be with him. My daughter is now 14 and I now have a 10 year old. I am married to the younger daughter's father and he has adopted my older daughter. She has no idea he is not her biological father. But that is irrelevant to this discussion. Though it was difficult raising my daughter on my own, I look back on those years fondly and wish I could go back and re-live them. They were precious times with just me and my girl. Having a husband and father by my side is not always a better thing. He does not discipline or enforce rules at all. Because of that I turn out to be the "bad guy" while he has too lax of an attitude. When I speak to him about it he does admit that the kids should be doing such-and-such or that he should be a little tougher with them, but it is not in his nature unfortunately. He has never been able to say no to anyone (except me of course LOL!). It is unfortunate for those families where parents choose to stay in an unhappy marriage "for the sake of the children" because they will be hurt in the end.
18 Jun 07
i agree with you. we as parents and even as individuals can only do so much. it should not be misunderstood that we did not try and do the best we can to resolve the marriage, but then there's always limitations to what we can do and that there are things that we just cannot change for the better so that our children will also have to suffer. my kids are still young to fully understand this but i hope they will in the end. for now i feel fortunate that they have been behaving well, they have developed an open mind, they have seen my efforts trying to raise them by myself, and they've been cooperating with me in living our life as an 'incomplete family' - though i feel that we're really complete by ourselves. i pray that our understanding towards each other will for ever continue.