Would you fight to keep your husband?
By ZenDove
@ZenDove (698)
United States
June 20, 2007 12:50pm CST
My husband's ex-wife is still trying to "get him back" even though he and I have been married for 3 years. She tries everything from dropping lunch off at his job to being half-naked when he picks the kids up. She calls him ALL the time. Oh, did I mention that she too is remarried? She doesn't care, she has made it known that she would drop everything for the chance to get him back.
Well, my husband and I were talking about yet another ploy from her when he asked me if I would try that hard to keep him or to lure him away from another woman. I laughed and told him I would help him pack. His feelings were a little hurt when he asked me why not. I said it's against my religion to do anything that demeaning. Tricks and lures and seductions just aren't my style at all! My motto is simple - I am what I am, love me or leave me alone! I know women used to fight, literally and figuratively to get their man and keep their man but surely in this day and age, that's no longer true. What guy would even want to be manipulated and lured into a relationship or marriage? The days of the coy seduction and batting eyelashes are surely gone - or is it coming back? Tell me, ladies, would you fight to keep your husband from another woman's clutches? And men, wouldn't you see right through such efforts?
11 people like this
28 responses
@smiley20903 (495)
• United States
20 Jun 07
Great question ZenDove..and the way you are handling that issue is great...I am right along with u...There is no man out here to make me want to fight over or lure back into my life like that..either u take me like i am or find someone else...life is to short to be playing games like that..especially if that person is married or involved with someone else...i like living drama free....
2 people like this
@ashanti1967 (191)
• United States
20 Jun 07
OMG..ZenDove you pick the greatest topics..here i go again!!lol.. seems to me she lost him and he has found what makes him happy..and your right with that motto because its mine as well "love me or leave me alone"..my husband also asked me if i would fight to keep him..i think his feelings were hurt when i told him " listen , if i have to fight to keep you then why are you still here? i dont want to keep anyone where they dont want to be". i continued and said i would think you are here because you love me and i love you not because we have to fight someone off to keep each other..ITS TOO MUCH WORK TO "KEEP" someone.in your case..shes an ex for a reason..and your his wife now..so basically like i tell my husband when theres an ex around "handle your business" because now its on him..because im like you ..if you wanna go i will help ya pack..no skin off my nose!
im not gonna play the game of coy..or bat my baby brown's..for what? back in the day some women would fight for a man..but like i told my husband if a fight were to ever break loose it wouldnt be to keep him it would be for the respect that i deserve regardless of where he goes or who hes with..and lady friend that coy seduction crap is definitely GONE!!
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
21 Jun 07
Oh, I agree about respect. I'd have a harder time dealing with disrepect than I would infidelity. She most definitely could not clown like this to my face - that would make it between me and her. But if you think that you've got something so hot that my man is yours for the taking - shoot your best shot. After all, you didn't make any promises to be true to me - he did. A woman could slip my man her number or the panties off her butt, whether he stays faithful to me is an issue between him and me - she is not a factor. (You have to excuse me, ashanti, she just called here and this was the conversation
"Hi,is ____there?"No, he's not, can I take a message?
"Oh, will you tell him that I called?"And who is 'I'?
"Oh, I thought you would recognize my voice" Recognize her voice?! Who does this heifer think that she is? I do suspect that she is getting close to crossing a line with me that really has nothing to do with my husband. It's like you said, it's about the respect that I deserve. Pray my strength grow strong in the Lord! Thanks for letting me rant a bit.)
@ashanti1967 (191)
• United States
21 Jun 07
oh yes...i agree he better duck, but what i meant is if she was brave enough to confront me and place the disrespect at my door like an "in your face" type of thing..then its her and i ..woman to woman..no holds barred!he, well his whooping would come without question!
1 person likes this
@ashanti1967 (191)
• United States
21 Jun 07
hey you have the right ! and also the right to demand respect as far as between you and her..as far as her putting herself out there in his face..as we both agree, he has to handle his business..as you mentioned he is the one who made the vow to you..but she better watch her step..the line seems to be growing very near and what she gets ..she deserves 5 fold!
@TheCatzMeow1 (579)
• United States
21 Jun 07
I would fight for my partner as he's my soul mate. I wouldn't be fighting for him after all these years though. I'd also only go so far to try to get him back. It takes 2 to make a relationship to work, so if he's not willing to work things out; then it's not worth the effort. I sure wouldn't go as far as this woman is. She should be ashamed of herself! I don't think I could deal with your situation as I get very jealous over my man, even though I've never been a jealous person.
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
22 Jun 07
If he's my soul mate, I shouldn't have to fight to keep him. Fortunately, I don't believe in "soul mate" in the romantic sense. The idea that there is just one person out there who "completes" you. Yikes! What a scary thought. No wonder people are insecure! Billions of people on this planet and your soul only has one chance to mate? I guess if you felt like this was your one and only chance for fulfilment and ultimate love, that would make you feel pretty desperate. For me, the universe is my soul's mate. It is infinite in it's possibilities and abundant in it's blessings. In other words, I don't have to kiss this man's butt, no matter how much I may love him or how wonderful he may be. He didn't invent wonderful and he sure doesn't get to take my wonder of life and love out the door with him, should he choose to leave. Jealousy is a by-product of fear. If he's really your soul-mate, what are you afraid of?
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
20 Jun 07
See, that's another reason why I won't "fight" - he's going to do what he wants to do in the final analysis, anyway! How can you divorce your current wife and go back to re-marry your ex - talk about lost and confused! Well, maybe they deserve each other and you deserve a fresh start.
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
21 Jun 07
I dont mind playing the seductress for my husband's pleasure, but I would never do it in an attempt to keep him away from someone else.
I was once that stupid and fought over a guy. In the end, the other girl and I both lost. He found someone else to be with while we were fighting over him. I never made that mistake again.
If a guy wants to move on and be with someone else, let him. No man is worth fighting over. If he is stupid enough to fall for some "womanly tricks" and leave me, then he deserves anything he gets. I deserve a man who wants to be with me because he loves me not because of something I do to keep him. I am what I am, love me or hate me. But rest assured, I am not fighting for you.
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
22 Jun 07
I've had women confront me about men before -"you can't have my man" or "keep away from my man". I never understood the logic of that. My answer would always be the same - "Your issue is with him, not with me." I have never known fighting to keep a man to have a happy ending. Either he finds someone else or the woman who "wins" him has to spend the rest of her life fighting to keep him. No thanks! His ex tried to get me fighting and bickering with her when he and I were just dating. I never would take the bait. What purpose would it have served? She wanted to fight because I threatened her ego. She didn't threaten mine, so I didn't fight. It would hurt my ego more to try to convince a man to stay with me when his attention was somewhere else. We all deserve better than that.
@minijumbuk (514)
• Australia
21 Jun 07
i STRONGLY disagree with what you said... it is very hurting to hear the one you love say they wont put in effort just to keep you back in their arms..
it was not only not a joking matter, but you should be seriuos and sincere
QUOTE: "My motto is simple - I am what I am"
well when you are in a marriage, you dont just live for yourself, you have to care about your family. i think if it comes to fighting, i would say no do not fight...
"if you have lost your heart for me, there is no point in keeping your body by fighting" is what i would say, but i would definately not just let go of him so easily as you have said to him
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
22 Jun 07
Well, all I can say to that is that I'm 44 years old and I have been through a few things in life. I have survived and I have earned the awareness of dignity, respect and courage. I will not allow anyone to make me less sure of me - not even my beloved husband. My husband and our children are the key focus of my life but they are not my life, they are not my identity. If my husband proves to be of such a weak and shabby character as to dishonor his vows to me, then yes, most definitely, it will be easy to let go. It is not in my nature to choose an illusion, to try and close my eyes real tight and see only what I wish to be true. I didn't say that it wouldn't hurt but the choice of "live my life in degradation" versus "live my life without you" would be made in a heartbeat. Believe me, it is no joking matter. Thanks for responding.
@meljessxena (2315)
• Australia
21 Jun 07
yeah i have to agree with you, with your moto, im the same. and i feel if my partner was even slightly lured by such a thing i would say well its me or theres to the door, and no way he should feel hurt, because if he was to choose the door then id be the one hurt in the long run anyway. in the same instance i guess i would do my best to keep that cow away from my man. but half naked- now thats out of the question or taking him lunch i dont think so i would just redirect her from us. like so they rarely see each other and if she was to ring i would take the call and do the organising. lol
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
22 Jun 07
Oh, I like that - "redirect her from us" What a great line! I almost don't mind him seeing her from time to time because she makes me look so much better in comparison! Her trashiness and erratic behavior are not what my husband wants in a wife (duh! hello, divorce?) Sure, men like a little trashy, every once in while but it's not what he wants to come home to every night. I feel for her new husband, though. I suspect that she married him just because we got married. Ouch! Thanks for responding.
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
20 Jun 07
These days I don't know if I would fight very hard to keep my husband or not. I have been through the same thing you are going through right now. Alot of men are players and they will cheat on their women any chance they get. Men do not respect women in marriages like they should and it is purely sickening to me.
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
20 Jun 07
Men respect women who carry themselves with respect and who won't accept anything less from others. Even for the sake of love. I think my husband hesitates to cheat because he knows how low my opinion of his character would be - not because he thinks it would hurt me so much. Because of my respect for myself, it matters to him that I hold him in high regard, as well. He wants to be a better man, a better human being because he knows I will not accept less for long. If more women set higher standards for themselves, I think more men would fall in line. But, like you say, some men are just born to cheat, god bless 'em. I try not to marry those kind! ;-)
1 person likes this
@paulsy (1263)
• Philippines
20 Jun 07
Honestly? If my fiance left me, yes,I would try to win him back. However, when he once asked me the same question, I also told him that I would help him pack, just like you did. I said if he decided to walk out the door, he'd better make sure he didn't ever want to come home. I do love him dearly, and I'm sure would do all I can to try to win him back if things went wrong. (Oh please don't tell him I said this!...LOL) I probably can't let all the time and love I've given fade away easily. However, if, after all my efforts to win him back, he tells me that there's someone else, and that it just won't work out between us, then I guess I would let go, start over again and move on with my life without him, even if it would hurt so bad.
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
20 Jun 07
Now, that's a ploy I can understand - making him think that you are not so very vulnerable to losing him. Good for you. Of course, it would be devastating to lose my husband to another woman but I have to have enough sense of self and dignity in order to do what you said - move on with my life. (Nothing would stop me from making a few voodoo dolls with pins in some very painful places, though! lol)
@Chryssi (828)
• United States
20 Jun 07
I definitely would fight for my significant other. He knows that I would, because I have faught for him. Not to keep him from another woman's clutches, but to protect him.
If I were in the situation that you're in right now, I would sit down and talk to him. It would be up to him to tell the other woman to stop the madness. If he didn't, then that would show me where his heart truly lies. I don't think I would be able to live with that knowledge.
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
20 Jun 07
I think that if he asked her to stop she would just try harder, thinking that she was afffecting him. Better to just ignore her. Her antics don't bother me, she's actually kind of ridiculous. Once, she pulled down her pants to show him a new tattoo on her butt! Imagine degrading yourself like that for a man who left you. I'm sure that his heart is with me, that's why I married him. If his love and loyalty to me change, then our relationship will have to change, as well. Such is the way of life.
@myfanwy65 (1030)
• United States
20 Jun 07
I agree with your response. I am what I am. If someone wants to be with me and I want to be with them, we will. If not, there's the door. Good luck finding anyone who will be as good to you as I am. :D That's my philosophy, anyway.
1 person likes this
@conceptman (15)
• India
21 Jun 07
hi i think you should be more versitile and be offensive and try to get to hr and show her where she is and try to demorolise her else she will keep nagging your husband and if she does that quite often it even wont be your husbands fault if he is baised one day
1 person likes this
@rdougl (469)
• United States
22 Jun 07
The bottom line is everyone does not think the way you do. People still fight, plant lures and the like. But this is the reason it is so hard for them the keep their men. A man who is baited by a trick or lure is always looking for another trick and lure. A Man who is looking for a mature relationship is not interested in being seduced alone. At some point we will have to communicate and I will then need for you to stimulate my mind.
1 person likes this
@damater (5)
• United States
21 Jun 07
I'm a Man and my fiance told me at the first of this years she didn't love me anymore......three years to climax to this. WOW talk about a shocker! I still would take her back in a heartbeat she is a part of my heart that was ripped from me, without her I'll be lonely for life. I never cheated on her in any way, but the same cannot be said for her, but I could forgive that! This has really twisted my view of everything, especially human nature. I don't understand people anymore. they can be very blind!!!
1 person likes this
@dixielol (1579)
• United States
21 Jun 07
I would be like you. I would not fight for a man. IF they truly love you, there would be no reason to fight because they would only want one. If they dont truly love you, welp, your better off with out them in the first place. Maybe your huspband can just tell her not to come by his work anymore or he will get a restraining order. Then let you pick the kids up or have her meet him in a store or something. While I wouldnt fight for a man, I have no problem telling other women to step off when they are getting to frisky.
1 person likes this
@mssnow (9484)
• United States
21 Jun 07
I would not fight to keep any man. If they want to be with me. They will. if they want to be with someone else. So be it. He is not worth my time and energy. I would of course tell him i loved him everyday. made sure he knew that i loved him. But no fighting for me. Thank you very much!!
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
21 Jun 07
I think men appreciate a little effort from women. Yes, it is flattering. It kinda hurts when the woman doesn't care.
1 person likes this
@eachen2002 (889)
• United States
21 Jun 07
I guess if I really thought he was worth fighting for but I wouldn't want to make him miserable and that if being with someone else is what made him happy then I guess that's what I would have to do.
1 person likes this
@paradise12 (938)
• India
21 Jun 07
Even i agree with you...If that person likes to stay with me then he has to be loyal with me...But if he doesn't then i can't force him to do that because ultimately he won't have any feelings towards me...If he wants to go back then it is his decision....There is no pointin fighting for that..
1 person likes this
