Should I Ditch This Person?

@pyewacket (44036)
United States
June 27, 2007 1:06am CST
Don't worry folks, this isn't another rant and rave about one of my friends who has ticked me, but quite a different matter. I ask you since the more opinions I can get here the better, though of course it will ultimately be my decision. Many of you of course, know about my "disability" of panic disorder with agoraphobia. From my other discussions, you also know I'm embarking on a new journey to a better self-awareness with my "mental diet" and I did recently do a major milestone in taking a step in the right direction to overcome this stupid, and limiting problem (and it is a stupid problem) I started getting my "symptoms" way back in 1978, just a year after graduating college--I didn't know what the heck was wrong with me, so I did start seeing a therapist..for awhie...he was the one who "diagnosed" me as agoraphobic...but instead of getting better, I only got worse..until I hit rock bottom and became completely housebound. Then by a minor miracle, I found a therapist who made house calls..makes sense when you think of it for a therapist who specializes in agoraphobics..and HE had been a phobic himself. Not only did he come to my apartment, but he took me out to get used to being out but to desensitize my panic attacks. Unfortunately, in 1987, I had to stop seeing him due to financial problems--my mother's not mine, and needed the extra money to help her out rather than pay for the therapist--I was then working (mainly at home) by sending out my photographic work and getting published. Okay...long story short...lets zoom up some years...all along since 1987, I was hoping to find another therapist like my old one...but none took Medicaid which I only started receiving in 1996--they did the same kind of sliding scale thing..and just couldn't afford. Then last year, when my mother and I were being threatened with eviction, our lawyer recommended I find a therapist...like fast, as she thought it would somehow help our court case. So I did find this therapy clinic not too far away, and they did take Medicaid...so great...right? Wrong!! The truth is, I just don't think going to a "traditional" thrapist's office and yak, yak, yak does diddly squat...If I want to yak I can pick up the phone and talk to my friends...yes, I have my "problem" and of which am overcoming on my own...I have the "tools" and knowledge of how to overcome this problem...and that is just to get my butt out into the world and get used to doing things and going to places that might make me panicky--though thank goodness I haven't had a full blown panic attack in years...If this therapist was like my former it'd be different, for as I said he was a former phobic himself, and a behavioral cognitive exposure therapist...What also ticks me off about my therapist, is that every once in awhile he tries to push the idea of my taking medications ...I don't want that--I don't what to take some med that might make me feel like in the twilight zone...Of course, maybe it would be a simple thing of changing therapists as they do have others there at this place...But I just can't help thinking that this just won't work either. So --ladies and gentlemen....what's your opinion...should I ditch this yutz? I just really don't think it's doing me anything constructive here--instead of going to him, wasting my time, as I see it,...I could be taking one more step and getting out in the world rather than stuck in his office. Thanks for whatever opinion you have....and sorry I was long-winded here...LOL
16 people like this
24 responses
• United States
27 Jun 07
Absolutely you should ditch this therapist, if he or she is not helping, why go to them. If they are wanting to you take meds and you are against it, why continue seeing someone that is going to push this on you. I would ask nicely if they could refer you to someone else, perhaps someone that has the background as you mentioned, since therapist know more therapist, a referral from them would be better than skipping through the yellow pages.
6 people like this
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I just find the whole thing a waste of time too....believe it or not there been a number of times I've played hookey...LOL--would call in to say I couldn't make my appointment--I'd give some half-a$$ excuse why I couldn't go--but the reason I'd cancel out was cause I did have something else I wanted to do and didn't want to waste that time I would've spent going to him--Like last month with my benefits problem..I had to make a LOT of phone calls everyday then, or mail out forms...I needed all my time for ME, not some putz
3 people like this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I have been through many therapists in my life and most of them don't really do anything to help you. I talked to my family doctor about this almost ten years ago, and we agreed that he would start counseling me(He had been my doctor for over twenty years). It has worked out better than I could have ever dreamed. Maybe it's because I trust him with my life, or because he took care of all of us when my children were growing up. And he doesn't charge nearly as much money as the so-called experts.
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I have heard so many who also think therapy really doesn't do do-do, and go from one therapist to another--that one therapist I had though years ago was great..wish I could find someone like that....
3 people like this
• United States
27 Jun 07
Personally in my opinion, these days one won't find many doctors or therapists who don't or aren't going to try to push some form of medication onto their patients. It really drives me batty, because some things medication just won't "cure". I think you should do whatever you feel is the right thing for you. If you feel this therapist is not working, than ditch the therapist and continue on with the treatment and ultimate "cure" that fits you best.
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Years and years ago, when I first "came down" with this problem, my family doc then prescribed a med to me...it was actually an anti-depressant..Sinequan...Let's put it this way, I took it for only two days..then threw it out...it made me feel a hundred times worse---And thanks....I think just listening to my tapes I have and just going out and doing things on my own would be my best therapy
3 people like this
@charms88 (7541)
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
Hi black cat. I'm sorry to hear that you are dealing with agoraphobia for many years already. I can feel for you as well as the others who have this concern. I am not the kind of person who always listen to what all my doctors said. I had taken a brief medical studies during my University and until now, I continue to do researches regarding health issues. I seriously hate taking the conventional type of medicine. I prefer the natural approach or taking a good regular herbal supplement. If you feel that the doctor can no longer be of any help to you instead of forcing you to take the medicine, then by all means look for another one.
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Thanks charms...I rather go a more natural route too..and it's simply a matter of just going out and face my "challenges"
3 people like this
• United States
27 Jun 07
I have this problem myself. You're right. It is a stupid problem. Isn't there that part of you that knows you're being silly, but then there's that stronger part that says you can't go do normal things??? Crazy. Well anyway, I'm glad that you were able to afford to have a therapist who makes house calls. It's also good that that therapist was able to help you develop the skills you need to learn to cope with your phobia. Are you still able to put some of those skills in place? It sounds like you would be able to. Maybe you just need to try to do it yourself (although I know this is hard, if not next to impossible). From personal experience I know that if you "have" to get out of the house for reasons such as meetings or work, it's easier to fight against the phobia. It sounds as if the therapist you have now is not a good fit. Seems as if this person is not doing you any good, nor is this person responding to your wishes. You need someone that will listen to you, take what you have to say to heart, and then help you with the tools and skills you need to help yourself. If this person is a "pill-pusher" you might want to find someone else. I do think meds can help, but I do not think they are a quick fix or should be taken lightly. I see a therapist in her office. She listens, has empathy, and responds appropriately to all of my needs. She has been able to give me a lot of insight as to what has caused my condition(s), and what I can do to help fix them. I have seen other therapists in the past that have been of no help whatsoever. I say, find a new therapist, so you're not wasting your hard-earned money!
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
27 Jun 07
One thing I've been listening to, and maybe you have too, is that 15-tape program of Lucinda Bassett's "Attacking Anxiety" which has helped a lot. You're right..this therapist doesn't seem to be a good match...all the therapists that are at this clinic type thing are general therapists meaning they don't really specialize in any specific problem--The therapists I started looking into that do specialize in anxiety problems don't take Medicaid--they do offer sliding scale but I still couldn't afford it...The therapist that did house calls charged $75 a session..not really bad...but that would be $300 a month...I only get $710 SSI Disability...this clinic I go to does take my Medicaid/HIP. My friend who was seeing a therapist (she's since moved to CA) recommended her therapist...they do take Medicaid, but not the Medicaid/HIP combo I have...and he sounded like a great one to have
5 people like this
• United States
27 Jun 07
Dont' apologize for being long winded as you put it. That's what mylot is for,lol.Anyway,in all seriousness,if your therapist isnt' helping,dont' go.It's a waste of your time and the insurances money.I would definitely try another course of action. Good luck!
4 people like this
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Thank you...I do plan to take another course of action...one that will be better!!
3 people like this
@jamie11982 (1659)
• United States
27 Jun 07
If you don't feel confertable with this therophist then i would get ride of him and find some one who you do feel is helping you and is more confertable to be with. I try to listen to my gut instint on subjects like this. You shouldn't be feeling let down with your therophist like you do. It's not you it's just that you feel he's not helping you. So find someone who will help you with the problem. It's not a stupid problem alot of people have this believe it or not. I can't seem to get my mother to leave her house that often because she's scared to go any where. My gram was like this. She lived in an upstairs appartment most of her life and she just got to scared to go outside and sit on the front pourch. She only did her shopping once a month because she needed the food and when she went out she made sure that she got back asap because she was scared of the people around her. She never wanted to do anything about it though. She was even scared when some one walked down the middle of the road and locked her doors as soon as she noticed them. So it's more commen then you think. Good luck with fighting this fear that you have.
4 people like this
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
27 Jun 07
It does seem to be a very common problem, and is much better understood now than before...and it seems there's definitely a background of this in your family...a lot of time it is inherited..do you have it?? Just curious
3 people like this
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I think if you feel like this kind of therapy is not doing any good, then you should quit going. You could try to find someone else within that practice and see if there is a difference. I can't blame you for not wanting meds. They do not fix the problem directly, only depress it temporarily so that you can get a sense of normality in your life. Since you are embarked on the journey of discovering the laws of attraction and self awareness, I will suggest something to you along those lines. I have no knowledge of your problem or what it involves. And for whatever reason, some 30 years ago you came to be having these panic attacks. So by going to doctor after doctor, you have in some way been telling yourself that you have this problem and that you are in need of help. Everytime you visit the therapist and talk about your problems, you are reinforcing to yourself that there is a problem. By talking about your panic attacks and the related difficulties, you, in effect, have attracted more of the same because you have focused on the problem. Whether or not you agree, staying focused on the problem brings more of the same. Why not try focusing on the solutions? I am sure you know what the solutions are. And that probably includes getting out more often and taking larger risks. I know you are in the process of making this change. The laws of attraction are very real and work on a vibrational level. Whatever thoughts and EMOTIONS you are thinking and feeling, you are then sending out into the universe as forms of vibrations. Those vibrations attract to you whatever it is that they are in harmony with, that is the substance that forms from the energy your are sending out. For whatever reason, you have been sending out strong virational patterns, backed by emotions, that have connected to their vibrational equals in the universe. That attraction has brought you a life of panic attacks and a life of being afraid to venture outside. All I am saying is that the vibrational forces you are sending out have attracted to you in some way the life you now live and the feelings you have about your life. Since for so long you have focused your energies on being "ill", you have actually, on some unknown to you level, attracted more of feeling ill....in this case panic attacks. And it is likely that up until recently, you never realized that you could change your focus and that you didn't have to accept a life filled with a sense of fear and occasionally panic attacks. I know this may seem confusing, but this is how life works for all people. Most of us may not understand how we do it, be in fact we get in life what we are in vibrational harmony with. The idea is to send out focused intentions that are purposely created by ourselves to attract whatever it is we really do want in life. Most of what we are attracting is done on a level of consciousness that we are not aware of. We are on automatic pilot because we are not aware of what our thinking is about. We never realize that we can change our thinking and our lives. So to get more of what you want in your life, you can attract it by becoming in harmony with it. Your solution to your problem is to think and feel emotionally that you are well and that you can go out into the world and do whatever it is you want. By thinking with a positive purpose, you will increase you vibrational energy toward what you want. In others words, stop thinking and focusing on what you don't want (to be ill) and focus your intentions on what you do want (your choice). As I see it, by folling through with visits to the therapist, you are only continuing to attract more of the same. You are going in circles in a sense. Perhaps if you break that chain and give up therapy for a while, you may be able to get past it for good. I am not saying that therapy never helps anyone, but for many it become a career and nothing seems to improve beyond a certain point. I hope you can understand this and that I have made some sense. But now that you have gone on a mental diet, you have decided to take some actions and have already seen good results. There is nothing to stop you from completely overcoming your fears. And to do that, aviod bringing them into your thinking as much as possible. If you can increase your awareness, you will know when you are feeling fearful. Then you quietly dismiss these thoughts as not serving you, and replace them with thoughts that do serve you. I hope to see you one day standing at the Grand Canyon and feeling that you have overcome your greatest fears as you are traveling around the country.
2 people like this
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Well, that is quite a story. I think you will be fine as you slowly regain your freedom. I can understand your feelings about your mom. Perhaps she attracted a certain kind of life and since you were staying with her, it affected what you were able to attract. I am trying to figure out how I have attracted some of the things in my life. I think it is a complicated process and much goes on under the surface. I do believe, that for each of us, there is a way to change what we get out of life. I hope you will continue to learn about the process as I have and not get discouraged if things do not change fast enough. You have my full support, for whatever that is worth.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Thank you for your support!! ;-)
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
28 Jun 07
My reply to you yes you should as you say you can do all that yourself to be honest These People think they know it all because they have had the training but they don't they are not us they don't know what it is like they don't know how it feels and these People including Doctors need to start realizing that before telling us what to do and not to do
2 people like this
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Thanks gabs...you're right..I think as part of a Docs training should be compassion as well
@KrisNY (7591)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Well after reading through your discussion- I think you pretty much answered this one yourself- Should I ditch this yutz? Lol—I say YES! He isn’t helping you – you feel uncomfortable with him- how is this helping? Why not stop seeing him- keep trying things on your own—taking little steps- and then if all else fails and you think you need to go again- choose a different doctor. It’s too bad you can’t get the one again that was so good years ago- Have you checked- maybe he takes Medicaid now?
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Unfortunately I don't even know if he's still alive! He was in his late 50s -early 60s when I saw him, and my last session was October 29, 1987--so he'd be late 70s at least now?? LOL
• United States
28 Jun 07
Hi Pyewacket, I have to say if you follow the money and make those in such positions accountable for their actions you'll see that the system encourages people to do what they should not. 1. The lawyer suggesting you see the therapist, 2. The therapist not engaged in your recovery 3. Being asked if you'd like to take medications, in a pushy way... The thing that bothers me is that until there is a change in social behaviors, (probably the reason that you have these attacks) then you likely will never be fully healed. You know that going to a therapist in order for them to make a living they need you to keep comming back, so follow the money on that one... And of course the meds have their own money trail to follow... Never give up on yourself and I see these types of forums as helpful for everyone... :) Peace and Blessings, Sincerely, Gary
2 people like this
@susieq223 (3742)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Reread your own discussion. I think you have already made your decision. You don't need our advice!
2 people like this
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Mmmm..perhaps...but it's always nice to hear others opinions...just wanted to make sure about my feelings
1 person likes this
@emeraldisle (13145)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Don't apologize for being long winded :) You needed to explain the situation so others could understand. Personally from what I'm reading you should ditch him and find someone new. If you are calling him a yutz then he's not helping you and you have no respect for him so obviously there isn't much chance of things changing. Get someone you can trust and respect, someone who will be able to assist you. Meds might help but if you don't want them then there should be other ways to assist you besides just pushing them at you. Your time would be better spent at finding the right one for you and letting this guy help those he can.
• United States
27 Jun 07
First of all I clap my hands at you for the times you can get out of the house. I think you are brave. I dont suffer from your affliction but it sounds like it has been a very long struggle. I have been depressed since I was the age of three and wanting to die. Can you imanage a three year old wanting to die, well this was me and it did not get any better all my life. I now have a life at the age of 48. I do not wish I could die. I will tell you I am on medication for depression. If I go off the medication I cannot function, I turn into this ball of crying hopeless nonfunctioning mass withou a life. I do not know what medication the doctor wants to put you on but I can tell you from my own expirence ther are meds out there that do not make you a zombie, I have been on several until we found the right one, I also can tell you from being an RN I have seen good things with good meds. I have seen some meds that will turn you into a zombie. If you decide to do the med thing be careful. It might be time to get a new thearpists. It is too bad that you cannot get the one back you had before. I realize how money problems are, it is not easy living on a fixed income or low income. Good Luck girl friend.
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Thanks ever teapotmom...(have to ask about your name) Since right now it's more like just generalized anxiety rather then panic attacks now, and I can safely say I haven't had one in years, I really don't want to go the med route...As I mention in my response above you there...when I was seeing my former therapist he must have been in his late 50s or 60s..and being that my last session with him was back in 1987, I don't think he'd be practicing anymore...LOL...But ever since then, I have always made it a point to get out of the apartment everyday..in fact, I think I'm almost the opposite now...I can't STAND to be in the house all day long...it's like cabin fever or something--the only time I'm home all day is if I' really sick, and even then I try to go out, sick and all And I understand that depression can be just as hard as it's opposite which is anxiety...and wow...you've been depressed since three?? Do other members of your family have it cause many times its hereditary
1 person likes this
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I say ditch the fool. If he isnt helping you why go to him? And forget about him if he wants to put you on meds. I think your doing good you dont sound like you need any meds. Hey listen you can come to me and wont even charge you! Hows that? Deal? No seriously I wouldnt go to him anymore. Try looking for someone else. It took me forever to find a good family doctor and I just found one last year. Im keeping him. They are out there.
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Okay..sounds good to me to come to you!! I'd like that!!
@wachit14 (3600)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I think you pretty much answered your own question. He's not doing anything for you and he's not addressing your needs. I have gone through several therapists and I finally found one who was trained in western medicine, but was raised with eastern philosophy. She was able to help me develop better coping skills without all the continious analytical nonsense. It was short-term and it worked...without medication. There are wonderful therapists out there and so many that no one should have to get stuck with one that isn't a good fit and this one just isn't so I say kick him to the curb.
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
27 Jun 07
LOL--kick him in the curb..good one!! Your therapist sounds great....wish more would combine traditional approaches with a blending of eastern or alternative treatments
• United States
27 Jun 07
hmmmn yeah i see where u coming from i got u when u said yeah uih hu definately so yeah i feel u seriousely i feel this connection and i got touched when u said ...yeah so ditch for sure
2 people like this
• United States
12 Jul 07
Mumford - The poster to the movie Mumford.....
I don't know if you've made a decision yet - I'm getting caught up today though I hope - but I think that yes you should ditch him. He's not helping you as he should be and if you've told him how you feel about medication and yet he still tries to push them on you then he doesn't respect you. Your old therapist reminds me a lot of a character from a movie called Mumford. He did something similar for another character in the film and she was 'cured'. Some of the actors that are in it are: Loren Dean, Hope Davis, Jason Lee, Ted Danson & Martin Short. If you haven't seen it I recommend it:)
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
13 Jul 07
I think all therapists in general think that medication can "cure" the problem...I don't particularly think so either--it's just a band-aid approach---I'll have to see that movie
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Jul 07
I think they think that too. It's the ones who like to take the practical approach is the ones who I think succeed the best.
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
29 Jun 07
You are such a strong and intelligent woman Pye and I think you've already ditched this guy inside your head. I don't think medication is the answer for you. I think you are doing fine with your mental diet. I really look up to you and admire you ...in fact, your mental diet has made me resolve to do better than I have been. You've made me realise that I can achieve things if I set my mind to it. I finished my household chores I had to do today. It took me 3 days and I was peed off today when I kept getting interrupted. My mantra kept drifting to the forefront of my mind..."you can do better" and it's working. I'll be tackling more chores tomorrow and I'm pleased with the strong stand I'm taking. YOU inspired me to do this. I've even started work on a painting! I know you have the power and strenth and resloution to overcome your problems. Yo go girl. Brightest blessings.
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
30 Jun 07
Oh thank you MsTickle...you're making me blush!! Yes one can achieve anything once one gets the mind going there Mmmm-----here a few words I came across one time...I think it's from the book "Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway" ...I am powerful and I am loved... ...I am powerful and I am loving... ...I am powerful and I love it! And just switch your "mantra" just a tad...to something like "I am doing better" "I am doing better everyday!" even "I AM better" --"you can do better" kind of implies too much force...Like you HAVE to be better One of the things in that "Attacking Anxiety" program I've been listening to is the idea to get rid of the shoulds...Don't should all over yourself..Like I should do this..I should do that... instead...I would like to do....(something) And that's great news about your painting...what kind of paint medium do you use...I used to do oils then acrylics...now into watercolor---
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
2 Jul 07
I used oils as a kid but the clean up bugged me. I started with water colour. I'm now trying acrylics. I'm no artist, believe me - I can't even draw, lol. But I enjoy painting and trying to draw. I want to produce masterpieces immediately though so I'm too afraid to try. I know it's so silly. When I say I;ve started the painting, I've actually only masked the lillies. I haven't begun painting yet. The thing about water colour I found difficult was stretching the paper. It always buckles. I think I have that book (Feel the Fear...) and someday, I actually plan to read it...that and about a hundred others. :) Thanks for your support, it's nice that someone understands and offers help and advice.
@LittleMel (14055)
• Canada
13 Jul 07
I don't know much about phobia and how to treat it, but you are only getting this person because your lawyer advised you too, right? I mean after it's all over with the lawyer thing, you can switch therapist, you just have to take time to find the one that you like. You didn't say your lawyer specified a certain therapist, so I guess all he needs is that you see a therapist, not necessarily the one you are seeing right now. Just a thought!
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
13 Jul 07
Oh--the court case ended last October actually, but the adult protective person who was representing me suggested I continue to see the therapist--As I mentioned elsewhere (see my response to wdktp) at my most stressful time I wasn't even seeing a therapist..our court case had begun in March of last year, didn't start seeing the therapist until August--If I do think I need to continue therapy I'm hope to find one who specializes with my problem--I did look once before but none take medicaid