Should parents continue to finance their childen after the children are 18?

Family - Children 18 above still living with parents.
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
Philippines
June 27, 2007 8:00am CST
Most families here in our country the children aged 18 above even with or without self jobs, parents still want to finance their children and be with them living on the same house, as long as she/he has no family of their own parents are still their for their children specially the middle class citizen. Any reaction or comments about this? Thanks for sharing in advance...
7 people like this
20 responses
@pallidyne (858)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I think the parents should finance as long as the kids are students. Meaning if they go to college, and graduate at 22, then the funding should continue through the schooling. However, this should not be carte blache, if they want a new stereo or TV, or IPod, then they should have to work part time to earn some extra cash. After graduation, the kids need to get their own jobs and pay their own way.
1 person likes this
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
Yeah your right I agree with you.. Thanks fo sharing...
1 person likes this
• India
29 Jun 07
No, because they should be out working and if living at home they should be paying there way
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
29 Jun 07
I think parents who finance their adult children are not doing them any favors. Our main goal as parents should be to raise them to be independent, well adjusted individuals. Out of 4 children, 3 of mine our on their own. The one that is not is only 13. From the time they were very young, I have stressed to my daughters the importance of independence and being able to survive on your own.! Those that rely on others for their basic needs often find themselves in very unhappy places, unable to leave. This is not to say that I just rid myself of them when they turned 18. I did not. They did not expect me to carry their weight by that time nor did they want me to. They did know that if they were in a bind they could come to me for help and if I was able to, I would gladly help. If I gave them a loan, there was no question that it was to be paid back. often times if I was able to, I would stop the payback half way thru the loan. Never did they assume it. I have one daughter that was very rebellious. She dropped out of school and just party. NO!! It was a long hard road for both of us. She hated me for a time but I held to my convictions as much as it hurt and aged me. She is 20 now and on her own and struggling.We are very close and she has learned from and responsibly paying for her poor choices. The other day, she sheepishly asked me if she could borrow 20.00. I handed it to her. She promised to pay me back next week. I said "No, I'm so proud that you feel you should...keep it." I could write a book here. As good as it feels to give to your kids, it feels even better knowing that you don't have to. There is nothing like knowing that your kids are strong and can survive on their own without your help.
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
30 Jun 07
Wow your a good mom, your children must be proud of you. Thanks for sharing, have a nice day...
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
30 Jun 07
I grew up in a time where women stayed at home and raised kids and served their families. So many were unhappy but stayed as that was all they knew and it was expected of them. I am very grateful to my dad, who pushed me to be independent and not get stuck in that role. I , myself, was married to a very abusive person. leaving and raising 4 girls was hard but I did and am doing it. I don't ever want to see my girls stuck in an unhappy situation. it is so important that they have the survival skills to make it on their own...on their own.
@blondbat (504)
• United States
28 Jun 07
i have been working and earning money since I was in high school, but I was raised by a mother who was single for most of my life, so I had to do something for extra money. I didn't have to contribute to household expenses - rent, etc until I was out of high school. But I did pay rent and my share of the insurance for the car I had, and later for my own insurance. I am sure in the US, this is still probably the exception rather than the rule, especially where I live now! I know that most of the teens and young adults driving Mercedes and Beemers in my neighborhood didn't buy them all by themselves, and probably don't even have jobs!
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
28 Jun 07
Thats what good in the US you have many jobs avilable and even young can have a part time job. Not like here in my country, most people has no job than the people who has a job. Thanks for sharing, have a nice day...
@blondbat (504)
• United States
28 Jun 07
I was fortunate that I was able to babysit for neighbors 2 doors from my home when I was in jr high and continued that in high school. I also had jobs in local department stores and malls and worked in my fair share of fast food places in my younger years. It wasn't until about 15 years ago I was able to learn to do computerized accounting and that I got because a friend of the family needed a receptionist and I needed a job. There have still been periods of temporary work and unemployement, but only for a few weeks or a month at a time.
@dpk262006 (56170)
• Delhi, India
29 Jun 07
I think, till a child becomes self-dependent...i.e. she/he start earning himself/herself...he should be supported financially by his partents. There is no harm...and age should not be bar in this. Many children/young ones take their own time to settle down in life. Parents if financially sound, must help them stand on their feet.
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
30 Jun 07
Yeah I agree with you for them to became independent someday to experienced them how to manage there own self regarding to financial matters. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, ahve a nice day...
@rakhii (1302)
• India
28 Jun 07
In India, people dont separate until their son gets married and the son and his wife wants to separate. You will find more of joint families here. Parents bear the finances of their children until they start earning. After that, children bear the finances of their parents.
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
28 Jun 07
Were almost the same here in my country and sometimes even they have both families when it came to shorten parents are still helping their child to support the family. Thanks for sharing,have a nice day...
@kgwat70 (13396)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I think it is okay for them to finance their children who are 18 or older if their children are students and trying to make a good life for themselves. I think that their children once they get to college should at least be able to work a part time job to get started and so that the parents do not have to support their kids completely at that age. The child has to do their part and try and make a living while going to school. If the child is not working or going to school, the child should be responsible for themselves.
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
28 Jun 07
Thanks for sharing I agree with you about that. Have a nice day...
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I feel once you're 18 years old, your parents should have already prepared you to be on your own, you should already have a manageable job, and parents should have encouraged you to get great grades in HS to be able to receive scholarships and grants towards college. I don't believe parents should be obligated in any way to have to finance you at all from that point on. If they choose to, then that is a privelege to the child. With my son, this year he turned 18 and graduated from HS. He's had a job since he was 15 and has basically learned everything he's needed to know to be on his own. Since he chose not to keep the Grades at the top levels for scholarships, attending a University is out of the question for him at this point. He can still get into a trade school or put himself through JR College. Our expectations for him is to get a fulltime job somewhere, which he already had in place, but to also reach for a higher paying job earning $13-$20 per hour at the lease and he'd be allowed to still live at our home. He's chosen to go away to an Trade School out of state, but there are still relatives nearby that might offer up a room, if he desires it. He is expected to live by his budget and provide for his needs: food, clothing, cell phone, car expenses, car insurance & registration, and a Savings to be able to move into his own place in the nearby future. We ask for him to participate in a few household responsibilities still too. If we're making a meal at home, he's welcomed to join us and save his food money, but its his choice to make. If as a family we go out to the movies or out to eat and we invite him or he wants to go, he can come along at our treat to him. There are still benefits. For us, he's welcome to be in our home as long as mutual respect is there. As far as pitching in for money, its determined on whether he pursues college of some kind or decides to just work somewhere fulltime and not pursue a better career for himself. I think what young adults need to remember too, is life isn't easy and its not a free ride. Parents love them and want them to be successful. Most Parent's are really the Best Friends you'll ever have, if you reach out too. Plus, the fact that you're growing up is a change in your Parent's lives too and its a big adjustment dealing with letting You GO. Us Parent's are learning too.... it might be hard at first, but it'll get better. So don't ignore them, even though you want to, at the least listen and smile and hug your mom a lot!!! and hey...saying, "I love you Mom & Dad" every once in awhile helps your parents know you do appreciate them and realize they're adjusting too.
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
28 Jun 07
Thats whats good in your country there's a lot of jobs available and even the young can work even it is a part time. Unfortunately here in my country maybe you have already heard it in the news that we have a problem in job and mostly the employees hire a graduated students. Mostly here they used to hire ages 18 and above and sometimes they ask for the experienced. I can say our government is really not good in these kind of matter thats why we really has the higher number of unemploy people.
@byfaithonly (10716)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I think when kids turn 18 if they are not going to school then they should work and contribute to the family - not just live off Mom and Dad. My oldest son lived with me until he was almost 25. His friends picked on him for that but he said why not - he had everything he needed and was paying $200 a month rent. It helped me (single mother) and he got cheap rent, it worked for both of us.
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
28 Jun 07
Thats good, that he already help you. Thanks for sharing, have a nice day...
• Pakistan
27 Jun 07
Parents could not see that their childern or jobless or he/she has no money in his/her pocket. they try to help and feed them. This is proof of their love with their childern. My elder son got married. He got a female baby. He and his wife is away from us. But when ever he needs financial help he comes to us and we try to help him as much as we can. We could not see him hungry, we could not bear to look him as hand to mouth person. So we the parent unconciously feel better to help him
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
Yeah I believe in you we are always there to help them always. Thanks for sharing, have a nice day...
@jolenegreen (1209)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Im not sure. At my job, there are 3 guys who all live with their parents and dont have their own apartment even. They are all over 21 years old. I pick on them ALL the time. If they pick on me because I say I cant afford something.....I find it really hard to not say....I HAVE BILLS TO WORRY ABOUT. LOL Although hubby and I have talked about this before....would we let our adult child keep living with us? Then we debated...maby if he was still in college. I guess we would...we are still their parents and are still SUPOSE to be there for them? right? IDK
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
Thanks for sharing,have a nice day...
@phon4u (2217)
• Laos
28 Jun 07
Children should be supported when they are still learning their course. If they work and study, both will be average, their study result will be middle or less. If they focus only learning, their score will higher. If their family is poor, they need to give a hand to the family while studying. Although it is not much money, but it can make family happier. When they finish the school they can cope with the theories and practical. They don’t have to wait and think about the theories from the school.
@minhtan (87)
• Vietnam
28 Jun 07
Parents can't finance their children after they have their own jobs or get married. They have monthly income, they can afford their life. Parents only help them in some imperative cases. Children after 18 have to live on their own.
@nandans (1161)
• India
28 Jun 07
Yup, Parents should finance their children until they are established, otherwise who will take care of the children..
28 Jun 07
I think that it's important for parents to continue helping their children after they turn 18. The education system in the U.S. is set up in such a way that it is nearly impossible for the average person to start making a decent salary until they are 21, or older if they choose to go to grad school. A lot of parents continue to help financially once their children are well on their way, but they usually do it without giving money directly, such as, helping to secure loans or getting needed items for their grandchildren.
• United States
28 Jun 07
If you haven't adequately prepared your kids for the real world than I would say definitely you should. How is it right that you've provided a structured, sheltered life and then the minute they turn 18 and the country views them as an "adult" to then treat them that way? If they've never experienced adulthood, responsibility, and how to actually pay the bills or do basic adult things, they shouldn't just all of a sudden be sorry out of luck because of their age.
• United States
27 Jun 07
i think thats just encouraging ur kids to be lazy maybe not till 18 its still a little bit young and unstable i say 21 i moved out when i was 19 i got my own big tv nice apartment leather couches the works even a mini bar and i study and work. So dont say oh i havent moved out because i wanna be a full time student bSSS get ur self a job and go to school dnt b a lazy A$$ sometimes u got sturggle and work hard to succeed!!!!!!!!!
@Ravrockin (281)
• India
27 Jun 07
yes this thing happen in my country also
• Brazil
27 Jun 07
Depends... For example, I only got my first job with 19, cuz I was too troubled with college, and is hard to both work and study. So, i prefered to keep studying, and got a job only after some periods later.
• United States
27 Jun 07
I think our child need support no matter what the age is. I can understand financing them food or shelther or even co-signing a car or lease for them to help them acheive thier goals in life. That is what we as parents are suppose to do. Although there are times when a child can use and abuse this support then it would be the time to give them a little tough love and make them understand that they couldn't have gottem themselves into the situation they got into. Its a judgement factor. Plain and simple.
@jolenegreen (1209)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Im not sure. At my job, there are 3 guys who all live with their parents and dont have their own apartment even. They are all over 21 years old. I pick on them ALL the time. If they pick on me because I say I cant afford something.....I find it really hard to not say....I HAVE BILLS TO WORRY ABOUT. LOL Although hubby and I have talked about this before....would we let our adult child keep living with us? Then we debated...maby if he was still in college. I guess we would...we are still their parents and are still SUPOSE to be there for them? right? IDK