I can have this. But, you can't have that.

United States
June 27, 2007 6:21pm CST
My spouse refused to let us get broadband (versus dialup) for an entire year because he said we couldn't afford the monthly fees. Meanwhile he bought at least $2.00 to $3.00 in candy and snack cakes daily. His sweets cost $40 to $60 monthly, while broadband costs less than twenty dollars. Does that sound like a double standard? It does to me. He gets what he wants, but I don't. What kind of logic is that. If we can afford sweets and candy then why not broadband? Shouldn't he just cut back on the candy (which is bad for him anyway) and split the money with me? Then we would all win, right? For me, broadband is essential to working online. It's not a play toy. If I don't have it, then work is almost impossible. Last week I gave him an ultimatum. Get the broadband or I'm not working anymore. No housework? No cooking? Nothing! He caved and got us hooked up with broadband. Does your spouse deny you things that you really need, while allowing himself special perks that cost way more. Does he insist that you use cleaning rags instead of paper towels, while he continues his expensive smoking habit? Does she ask you to make do with old power tools, while she enjoys expensive french manicures and beauty treatments every week? Please share.
3 people like this
21 responses
• United States
28 Jun 07
I'm actually much more likely to spoil my fiance than myself. I was just thinking the other day that I need to make sure he has spending cash each week, since he will be starting school in a week and a half, and will probably want sodas and snacks throughout the day. I am going to budget it slightly, but I'm still going to make sure that he has what he wants. Fortunately, though, I won't really be giving much up in order to give him a weekly "allowance." I will be giving myself the same amount each week, so that I can buy snacks or juice while I'm at work. I think, sometimes, that some people don't realize that a bunch of little purchases add up and often exceed a reasonable monthly payment. I always make sure there is room in my budget for internet service, and definitely not dialup!
@Nykkee (2523)
• Canada
28 Jun 07
You could save even more by buying the snacks you like in bulk each week and taken them and keep them in your desks at school/work because you really over pay at vending machines. I get bulk size boxes of whatever treats my husband wants with the groceries to try to keep him from spending alot in the vending machines at work.
• United States
2 Jul 07
That is just my logic on the situation. His tiny purchases daily total up to a mountain of money at the end of the month. And, I have heard his excuses before that he would rather eat a chocolate bar because it's only 50 cents or so, than a real meal which is much more expensive. That is bologna. It's bad for his health and it's something he wants to do anyway. Since getting the broadband we have actually cut out almost $75 from our budget. Unfortunately, he still buys cake and sweets daily, so there is still that expense. But, I am slowly working on that. Be well, and thanks for the suggestions.
@tinamwhite (3255)
• United States
28 Jun 07
It sounds like you handled that very well.... My husband does everything he can to try to make me happy...he would happily go with out something he wanted to get me something that I wanted.... BUT fortunately, I feel the same about him...I would go through fire to make him happy .... So it works out well for us...each thinking about the other's happiness without the pettiness that some couples seem to experience...if he is happy I am happy....if I do/get something for him that he really wanted....I know that he will be trying to figure out what I would like most... I am certain that the braodband is essential to your working online and will make your life so much easier... P.S. Tell hubby to buy his candy in bulk and he will save alot of money....
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Jul 07
You are so lucky and blessed to have such a wonderful relationship with your spouse. Sounds like both of you have worked hard to acheive lasting peace. Yes, I will pass the advice on bulk candy purchases along to him. That will make him most pleased. We got the broadband and it is working out well. It will be saving us at least $40, over what we were spending with our outdated broadband system. We looked at our total expenses, and debit card use and found that we could make it work for us. And, as a result of going over expenses, I found that AOL was overcharging me by almost ten dollars, so I cancelled them. And, I found that NetZero was illegally charging me ten dollars every month for services that I don't use. Then there were the mystery debit card fees for the prepaid debit card, so that had to go. Total savings: $74! We will definitely be thankful for the extra money this upcoming month. Be well, my friend and thank you for sharing your wonderful and inspiring love story!
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jul 07
Thank you for your kind words...yes, I realize that we indeed share a special relationship... I see that your situation actully worked out quite well for you and the savings that you have found will MORE than buy hubby's candy.... I appreciate the best response...
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
28 Jun 07
Some spouse do not understand their other half. They only see things on the spur of the moment and do not balance the long benefits of having a broadband. Unlike my spouse, I am more domineering between the two of us. Which I often don't like to be. He is a 'yes man' most of the time. My decision is important to him and what ever I decide he will give his support.
• United States
2 Jul 07
I wish my spouse were more that way. Most days he is more than happy to do anything I ask. And, if he could afford it, I am sure he would give me the moon! At least he has told me so. But, this one petty thing about broadband was our sticking point for over a year. I could have understood his point of view on not being able to afford it, if he had been willing to cut back on his personal eating habits for the good of the family. He is a good provider though, so I never complain about lack of money. Thank you for contributing.
• United States
27 Jun 07
That is really dumb he can spend that much money on sweets and you can't have something that could be really useful to you! I think you should stand up to him and tell him to cut down on his spending of junk food and let you get the broadband.
@Nardz13 (5059)
• New Zealand
29 Jun 07
Hi. My husbands trying to encourage broadband in our house, and I just wont allow it, because the deals here are not that great and the time spent online, by our house hold per month, will easily go over 200 MB per month with these plans, so I think at the moment we're better off as is, on dial up... Dial up maybe a little slow, but our plan is unlimited and we pay a under 15.00 per month, where is Broadband, and this is the "Basic Beginners Plan" which allows for 200 MB, at $29.95 per month, plus pay 2c Excess Usage, charged 2cents for every additional mega byte used, once you've used 200 MB... For me at the moment, its not worth the change in a hurry anyway, we may look at getting it in the future sometime...
@lingli_78 (12844)
• Australia
28 Jun 07
fortunately, my hubby is not like that to me... we always share and look for a win-win situation... life is about give and take and nobody can be selfish... isn't it??? i'm happy that you manage to get your broadband after all...
• United States
28 Jun 07
I am happy to say that my spouse is not like this. He will inconvenience himself before me. We discuss the things we need, and decide which is more important together.
@lucky_witch (2711)
• Philippines
28 Jun 07
No, my partner is very sensitive regarding my needs. If he think that I really like something, he let me have it as long as we can afford to buy it... Much more when he thinks that I'll be really needing it... He will find way for me to have it. I do the same to him...if he needs something that will help him then I find ways so that he can have it.
@castleghost (1304)
• United States
28 Jun 07
My fiancee and I split the bills evenly. What we have left over from paying the bills is ours to do with as we see fit. If my fiancee wants something that she can't afford on her own all she has to do is ask me and I will help her purchase the item. The same goes for me. I don't think that it is right for one person in the relationship to get everything they want while the other person has to go without. If I might suggest why don't you pay all of the bills and then split the money that is left over equally.
@jolenegreen (1209)
• United States
28 Jun 07
My husband does this to me all the time. I cant afford many things. My fulltime job pays for BILLS only. I cant even afford to buy myself my own clothes. My WONDERFUL MIL does this for me...she takes me shopping about 3 times a yr for new clothes, socks, underware ect HUbby makes a little more than me. He dont help with ANYTHING. Granted, he does pay for the gas in the vehicles, car insurance and the car payment that he just had to have (although I do like the van we have) BUT he never helps out with groceries or things we need around the house. He wouldnt pay for me to have broadband...I had to pay for it myself, along with didgital cable and 2 movie channels for him. MEANWHILE.....I need a new computer. I cant afford one so I dont get one. He just went and got a BRAND NEW 2007 motorcycle that he is now making payments on. He rams everywhere on it, while I set home with the kids everyday and work at night FULLTIME everyday. (HE works as well) but spends his extra time riding the motorcycle. He dont even spend time with us anymore. I AM SOOO MAD THINKING ABOUT IT. Like I said he dont help with anything
• United States
28 Jun 07
that is not very smart that is a waist of money sweets are not as good as having a faster internet that can help you purchase things faster and that is basically more effcient than the buying of sweets the ruin your pancrease you should take a stand before a good percentage of your income goes to pay little debbie
@pallidyne (858)
• United States
28 Jun 07
There is some give and take in my relationship with my s/o (we're not quite married yet, but have been dating for almost a decade and living together for a while..) There have been times when we've both done that to each other a little bit, particularly in prioritizing the house repairs, but we've been able to confront each other and resolve it when it has happened. I think the fact that we both have similar income levels helps --- that and we do each keep some discretionary money seperate from the whole. Course we then end up sharing what we spent the money on in the first place a good chunk of the time-- Like tonight-- We're seeing Chicago in concert, and I picked up the tickets and will pay for the food this time.
@teleios (738)
• Philippines
28 Jun 07
hahah it sounds like you're getting the short end here, its good that you're doing something about it though. i think it was pretty childish of your husband to insist on getting his way when it is clear to you that he's catering to his own wants. i would be embarrassed if i was in your husband's place to be doing something like this. anyway i hope you're all fine with the way things have worked out ;)
• United States
28 Jun 07
I was just reading and wondering why you didn't just use your work at home income to change to broadband, if you're earning enough online to cover it anyway? Maybe the way that you had approached him with the proposition made him defensive? Trying to look at it from your husband's perspective...if people do not understand the concept of work from home it is usually perceived as a lot of bunk to them, and understandably so. Anyway, I may be bashed for saying this, but there are two sides to every story and I think this was a petty thing to choose for arguing about. If I knew my spouse was going to keep a scorecard on how many times I purchased fast food, candy, or anything else after the bills were paid with money that I had earned myself, then I would become pretty rigid about the "give and take" going on in the relationship. When I was married, my kids and my three stepkids who lived with us full time (total of six) lived months without gas for cooking, and without food (aside from what I could purchase from my income alone) while my ex-husband drove semi-truck six days out of the week and ate whatever he wanted whenever he was hungry, and had six other women "on the side". I cooked all of our meals (mostly consisting of potatoes, bread, eggs, rice and pancakes since they were cheap) on a grill, electric griddle and in the microwave. Meanwhile, our youngest child rarely had milk or formula. I mentioned once that I wanted him to bring one of his girlfriend's home to help me with the kids, etc while he was gone all week. He didn't think it was funny. I wasn't joking.
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
28 Jun 07
Actually, first of all, cleaning rags are much less expensive than paper towels. I go for that. I do agree with you in the case of the candy/snacks vs. broadband. My husband does the same thing, everyday all the time. He says we don't have money for ..whatever. Yet he always buys coffee, chocolate, hamburgers, donuts, etc. What is really aggravating is I buy food once every two months for my dog and I spend less than $20. Meanwhile he complains the dog is expensive and he is feeding four cats with my grocery money. Not bad enough he has to have FOUR...it's that he spends over $150 PER MONTH on freaking cat food. One of the cats is kind of mine, ok? I admit that. But one cat is still better than a total of four. I have also been arguing about the difference between one consolidation loan at 7% per month versus three credit cards, a car, and a mortgage. Let's see... can a fifth grader do the math to figure out which is cheaper? And he complains we have too many monthly payments but he won't go with me to fix it up. DUH. MEN!!!! grrrr
• United States
28 Jun 07
Wow! That's really stupid of him. (Slaps in on the face) Seriously, why would he be wasting so much money on sweets that aren't even good for him? Very stupid.
@DIXIGRL (86)
• United States
28 Jun 07
I'm the frugal one in our household. M hubby gets irritated when I won't spend ANY money on myself. I'm bad about saying "no I really don't want this anymore" then putting it back when i'm at the store. He used to be bad about spending 5 or 6 dollars daily n the debit card. He has more recently gotten better. It hit him that maybe me scrimping on grocery bill or not getting a new pair of shoes that I need could be remedied by him cutting back on the "useless" spending. However he has more fits that I won't go get myself a manicure now and then.. or I won't buy new clothes when I need them. Or the fact that I love new shoes they ar emy biggest vice and I won't buy myself a new pair even when I need it. He now (even though i do the budgeting and bill paying) takes so much from the account each week to spend on me.. which I find sweet yet annoying. I have everything I need being he denys me nothing. But I guess he thinks I spend too much time worrying about him and the kids not enough about mself
@crazynurse (7489)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Wow beautyqueen, I'm glad you were able to stand up for yourself and get what you wanted. It did sound like a doublestandard to me. I suppose that I am very fortunate in that hubby and I see eye-to-eye when it comes to financial matters. We are both frugral, but spend when needed. Neither of us indulge ourselves leaving the other without. Major expenses are discussed and we walk into them with our mind on the 'same page' so-to-speak. Perhaps your hubby has learned a valuable lesson in how to compromise? Lets hope so!
@us2owls (1681)
• United States
28 Jun 07
I used to have dial-up but when he realized what a difference it made for me the man of this house got broadband even though he doesn;t have a clue about the computer, never gets on it and doesn;t even know how to turn it on. Why don't you for one month ask your husband to put an equal amount that he spends on candy etc. into a jar so that you can see what the monthly cost is. Who knows - with whats in the jar at the end of the month the two of you might be able to go for a weekend break or some other treat that you might enjoy.
@wachit14 (3600)
• United States
27 Jun 07
My spouse has never said that I couldn't have something, while induldging himself. We have to have a meeting of the minds when it comes to money and neither one of us has ever taken advantage by giving in to selfish needs as we both have the same goals. Frankly, if you work online at home, you need broadband. If nothing else, he has to see the value in that alone.