Do You Hold A Grudge Or Do You Forgive Easily?

@Rozie37 (15503)
Turkmenistan
July 3, 2007 3:31pm CST
Do you hold a grudge against those whom you feel has wrong you or are you able to forgive readily. Some people are stubborn and they can hold a grudge for years. While others are always ready to forgive. I am usually ready to forgive within twenty-four hours. What about you?
4 people like this
27 responses
@venshida (4837)
• United States
3 Jul 07
I use to be one of those people who held a grudge for a long time. I stop that behavior about 5 years ago. I had a girl friend in elementary school that spread vicious rumors and we grew up had kids of our own but never mend the bridges. I relocated several years ago from our hometown, but If I ever see her again I have every intention of opening the lines of communications. Holding a grudge it's such a waste of energy and time.
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
3 Jul 07
You are so right. It takes a lot less energy to let go and forgive than it does to hold a grudge. Immature people don't realize this. They can hold on to the evil in their hearts for years and years.
1 person likes this
@Flight84 (3050)
• United States
3 Jul 07
It really depends on the person and the circumstance for me. I can forgive easily most of the time, but there are a few people who have really crossed me the wrong way. My sister and I were talking about our dad the other day. We are both estranged from him and for very good reasons. I told her that I wish I could forgive, but he won't let you forget. I hope that makes sense. He is the kind of person who is never wrong and always puts his faults on other people. He is probably one of the main people I hold a grudge against. I could write a book on why we don't have a good relationship anymore. Certain circumstances cause me to hold a grugde.
2 people like this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
3 Jul 07
Forgiveness does not mean letting that person off the hook. When you forgive it is better for your health. You can not allow bitterness to take root. If it does it will cause all kinds of ugly side effects. You don't have to reconcile with him just yet. Start by forgiving him in your heart. Make a list of all of the things that he has done to hurt you. Allow yourself to get mad and cry and do whatever you need to do. Then go back through the list and as you read it, you can purposely decide to forgive. Then, later on when the things come back to your mind, simply say, I have already forgiven that and go on. Don't let it hang you up.
1 person likes this
@Flight84 (3050)
• United States
4 Jul 07
I know you're right and that time heals all wounds. My history with my dad is long and painful and I'm usually okay until he comes back into ours lives and his target is now my sister. He is really the only person in my life that I let consume with mind with negative thoughts. I need to do better, but it's so hard.
2 people like this
@maddysmommy (16236)
• United States
3 Jul 07
I am usually ready to forgive as I cannot stand holding a grudge against someone. It eats me up inside and makes it worse for me, so I prefer to sort it out and let it go. It is easier to forgive but sometimes hard to forget.
2 people like this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
3 Jul 07
Yes, it does take a lot to forget. But it is very important to forgive and forget for our own sakes. Like you said, unforgiveness is like a poison that eats you up on the inside. You have to release it and let it go.
1 person likes this
@jbrooks0127 (2326)
• United States
4 Jul 07
I do not hold a grudge. My view is that if this person did something against me then it's there problem, it is not mine. Would I forgive right away? Depends on what it was. If not a major thing I would consider it thier loss. I am friendly and forthright with anyone and if they are not too bad for them. To hold a grudge only hurts you.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Jul 07
I am pretty quick to forgive, not because I don't feel the pain of things deeply but I know that if I don't it will eat at me. The bible commands us to forgive so the LORD can forgive us. Forgiving is a choice, not a feeling.
2 people like this
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
4 Jul 07
I have resolved to never hold grudges. It is far better to forgive and be thankful for the experience. Let it go and move on. Everyone that comes into your life is there to teach you something. Good or bad, whatever. It makes no sense to hold grudges because the only person that they harm is the one holding the grudge. It is like hate, it is a poison to the person holding hate in their heart.
2 people like this
• Australia
4 Jul 07
It really depends on who i am angry at. If it is my brother, i easily forgive him in a few hours for anything we are arguing about. But sometimes, people in my school i just hate them so much becasue of their actions, they think they are the best and this girl tells me "you and all your friends are retards, my dad gives me everything so i have everything you dont have" and i hate her guts! I am not ready to forgive her until she apologises for what she had said.... I actually think she is too spoiled and should not be forgiven.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
4 Jul 07
To hate someone is very strong. Are you sure she has done enough to deserve hate? From the way you describe her, she does not sound like a very happy person. When you are truly happy, you want to spread it around, when you are miserable you want to make everyone around you miserable too. Just because she has a lot of material things, does not mean she has a lot of love. Her dad could be away a lot, abusing her, or even molesting her and using gifts to make up for it. I am not saying that this is true, but you never know what's really going on in someone's life. If I were you, I would just smile at her and walk away when she says those things. This is a good way to get back at her. She will not feel the satisfaction of getting to you. You might even make a good friend, that is if you can learn to love someone that you once hated.
• Australia
4 Jul 07
You sound like a very kind person! i don't think i will every be friends wither, there is no need to be friends with that kind of person anyways, there is no harm for me not taking her as a friend! Yes HATE is a strong word, and i am pretty sure she deserve it. Actually i forgot to say one thing, she is as loud as a speaker on full, i am serious, she is so annoying as well.... I dont think i can ever "love a person i once hated" because that is really hard, just like Jesus says, "Love your enemies" which i find impossible to do
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
4 Jul 07
What you are saying just proves my point. Why would anybody embarrass themselves by being loud and anooying. Think about it, we live in a civilized world. Now, either she is herself retarded or she is desperate for attention that she is not getting at home. In fact, She probably feels retarded herself, and that is why she is calling you that. Usually we project the feelings that we have for ourselves on to others. You have to forgive her. Let me explain to you why. God forgives her and if God forgives her who are you not to forgive her? Are you better than God? Do you know something about her that God does not know?
@bhelle123 (290)
• Canada
4 Jul 07
my principle is " FORGIVE AND FORGET " but I lost it since I felt hardship in my life and nobody there for me, no one cares for me. my life becomes miserable because of those people who treated me bad. I tried to forget and forgive but I can't, It's in my heart and mind and i dont know how to take this off. I am not bad but because of all experiences I had changed me totally.
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
4 Jul 07
Forgiving is a choice, just like love is. The Bibles says if we want to be forgiven, we must forgive our enemies. To choose not to forgive someone is to judge them as not being worthy of forgiveness. This is not a decission for us to make. Only God knows what is really going on in a person's heart.
@xiuluoelly (1225)
• China
4 Jul 07
I was a person easy to hold a grudge,or for any harm I cheated on me, I will remember it very clearly, but i rarely retaliation them, and they jut don't want to be friends.
1 person likes this
@shebee28 (230)
• United States
4 Jul 07
I guess i can forgive but it's really hard for me to forget someone done something to hurt me. i wll always hold it in the back of my mind.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
4 Jul 07
The memories will never leave your mind. That is not the type of forgeting that is needed or even possible. Forgeting in this case means that even though you know what as happened, you are choosing not to dwell on it. You are loving that person as if it never happened. If you learn this principle you will live a happier and heathier life. My best friend and I fight, but then when we forgive each other and were having a really good time, I think to myself, look at what we would have missed had we chosen not to forgive each other.
@chenee08 (591)
• Philippines
5 Jul 07
i dont feel any grudges against those who hurt me. but i dont easily forgive them. coz i belive that time heal all the wounds that been wounded. though im ready to forgive. it's just that, there are some people who's not worth our forgiveness coz we know that after we forgive them, they'll commit new mistakes again
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
7 Jul 07
Oh no, you can't mean that. God forgives everyone, so we have to do the same. If you don't forgive, God will not forgive you. None of us are worthy of God's forgiveness. It is only through the blood of Jesus Christ that any of us can come to God and humbly ask for forgiveness.
@kokopelli (4842)
• United States
4 Jul 07
i always forgive, but i don't forget. forgive to get rid of the baggage, but not forget the lesson and for self-protection. it's like the saying: "forgive your enemies, but don't forget their names", lol!
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
4 Jul 07
The Bible says to love your enemies.
@bambi_doe (566)
• United States
4 Jul 07
I can hold a grudge for about a month and they I will forgive the person but my brother can hold a grudge for years on end. He has grudges that he can not even remember what they were for but he says that it must have been imortant and upsetting enough for him to still have it. I think life is to short to hold them too long hugs
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
4 Jul 07
What good does it do to wait at all. Forgiveness is a choice. You can choose to forgive a person right away. When you really care about some one, you want to get the relationship back in harmony as soon as possible.
• Philippines
4 Jul 07
As much as possible for me, I wouldn't want to have grudges but it depends on how the grave the situation is. Sometimes we need time to heal the wounds or the pain that we felt; we tend to feel the suffering first then after that, the process of letting go steps in. I may forgive easily especially on things that are purely unintentional, things thay may happen because of an accident. By fay I do have grudges in the past that do keep me awake in the night sometimes; I learned to get over them one step at a time. It helps, and I know for sure that time heals all wounds.
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
4 Jul 07
You can decide to forgive right away. The only reason I wait a day is to give the other person a fair chance. The longer you wait, the longer the anger festers and the more reasons you find not to forgive.
@diannebcrs (1549)
• Philippines
4 Jul 07
i'm generally slow to anger but when you really get me pissed then i'd hold that against you for a really really long time. yup, i hold grudges against people. i know it's bad, not only for the person but for myself as well but i just can't help it. i have a hard time letting go of things like when friends backstab me, or when someone i really trust betrays me, or when i'm duped.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
4 Jul 07
Forgiveness is a choice, just like love is. Some people are hard to love and some are hard to forgive. But we must do it, not for their sakes, but for ours. When you don't forgive, you are doing way more harm to yourself than them. They may miss you, but eventually they will heal and go on with their lives and you will still have the poison of forgiveness eating at you. You may think that you are punishing them, but you are only punishing youself.
@wisedragon (2330)
• Philippines
4 Jul 07
It depends on the person. If he/she makes an effort to be nice, then it's easy to forgive. But if he/she continues with the behavior that irritates me, then I tend to hold a grudge for a long time.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
4 Jul 07
When you hold a grudge you are only hurting yourself. That person goes on living and you have the poison of unforgiveness eating at your heart.
@molusk (857)
• Philippines
4 Jul 07
Yes. I can easily forgive and forget. I always try to reason out the fault of others against me and as much as possible try to put myself in their shoes and see what possible things might had been the cause for their action. If I can adjust I adjust. But if there is no more room for adjustment then I give them three tries. I'm only good for three forgiveness.
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
4 Jul 07
Would you only want to be forgiven three times? What about by your children or your spouse, should they give up after three tries. What about God, should he zap you away after you have done something three times?
• India
4 Jul 07
i tend to remember what people have done wrong to me as long i see them in front of me...once they go out of sight for a reasonably long time, them all grudges are forgived ....
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
4 Jul 07
Forgive for yourself, not for them. Yes, the memory will still be there, but you can choose not to dwell on it. If you don't forgive, you are deciding that they do not deserve to be forgiven. Yet, we want God to forgive us. If he forgave you the way that you forgive others, how would you be doing? What if the same God that gives you every breath would forgive the way you do. You would not last a second without God. It is okay to forgive those who have wronged us.
• Indonesia
4 Jul 07
I am sorry to admit that I am one of those people who often hold a grudge,..I usually hold a grudge for 1 day to a month..,even so, I will still always remember the wrongdoing,,.. But I easily forgive if the person willingly ask for forgiveness to me,.it's just that I don't easily forget.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
4 Jul 07
You forgive for yourself, not for the other person. When you don't forgive someone, you are judging them. You are deciding that what they have done does not deserve forgiveness, God is the only one who can decide that. You do not actually forget the memory. You are just choosing not to dwell on it. That person will not forget what they have done to you, so you don't have to keep reminding them of it. You can go on and love them as if it never happened.
• United States
4 Jul 07
Depending on who it is and what they did, I do forgive easily when I shouldn't. But on the other hand I have held a grudge for 12 years.. lol
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
4 Jul 07
You benefit from forgiving another more than they do. You are punishing yourself and they are going on with their lives.
@nandans (1161)
• India
4 Jul 07
Its not easy for people like me to forget things easily... I think a lot...
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
4 Jul 07
People tell me all the time that I think too much. It's not so bad to think a lot, but what are you filling your head with. You have to decide that you want to be a forgiving person. Forgetting does not mean that the memory disappears, it just means that you are loving that person as if it never happened.