What would you do if your husband/wife criticize your body?

Malaysia
July 9, 2007 8:14pm CST
A lot of people around the world are very conscious about the way they look. Some people (not all) regard obesity as something to be avoided because it will bring more negative effects than staying slim. A lot of hearts have been broken because spouses around the world made decisions to leave their spouse due to unattractive body shapes. In your case, if your spouse criticize you on your body shape and said something that really hurts your feeling, what would you then?
11 people like this
25 responses
@ibuemma (2954)
• United States
10 Jul 07
me and my hubby don't really take this seriously. Instead we always joke around about stuff like this. We have this sign on our mirror in the bedroom : OBJECTS APPEAR LARGER AND UGLIER THAN THEY ARE...lol..
5 people like this
• United States
11 Aug 07
Hah! That's just T00 funny!:)
• Malaysia
22 Aug 07
Ha ha ha... yeah... you're so funny. Love your point of view. Thanks for responding!
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
11 Sep 07
ibuemma, that is very funny! It is good that your husband and you have such a good sense of humor about such things. Some people take these things far too seriously. That was good and it gave me a good laugh!
• China
10 Jul 07
no body is perfect, i think there are too many things more important than appearance. If he thinks the appearance is heavier than your relationship, then its really a big problem
3 people like this
• Malaysia
22 Aug 07
But there are people who goes out of marriage because of a no longer physical attractiveness on their spouse. I wonder how come they think this is a major contributor to happiness in a relationship.
@Anniedup (3652)
• Richards Bay, South Africa
10 Jul 07
I know it is a very sensitive subject, but my husband will certainly tell me to do something about my weight should I pick up a few kg. But he won't leave me, it will be because he is concerned about my health. Obesity starts with an extra pound here and an extra pound there and before you know it, you are in big trouble. These days we do live longer but we don't have a good quality of life. To watch your weight should not be out of vanity but rather seen as a health hazard, how cruel it may sound, in the long run it is better to be cruel than to be kind. And the older we get the more difficult it get's to keep our weight down.
2 people like this
@Anniedup (3652)
• Richards Bay, South Africa
11 Sep 07
Thank you very much for the best response vote, and sorry for thanking you so late!
• Malaysia
13 Sep 07
It's okay, Anniedup. Actually I have just given this best response to you a couple of days before. I think I am the one who should apologize to people because I am often late in giving comments to all responses. I just don't know which one I should do first, they are all too many! Lol. Bless you. Yours truly, ladysurvivor.
@Anniedup (3652)
• Richards Bay, South Africa
13 Sep 07
I have the same problem sometimes I wish they would do away with the best response as I'm quite torn sometimes as to whom I should give it to.
@scorpio16 (1707)
• India
10 Jul 07
Mind for few hours or a day or two, that is all. In any case neither of us are going to divorce in any worst case as it is not our culture just catch and drop.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
13 Sep 07
Thanks for the response!
@cefaz_21 (2597)
• Philippines
10 Jul 07
I am so blessed to have such a husband who never really looked in to my physical appearance and appreciate me even I do not have that "model" like body. If there are times that he talked about my being fat,it is not to tease or for me to look good but he's more concerned of my health. and when he gets fat too..I think I'll do the same.
• Malaysia
22 Aug 07
You're so lucky. My husband is the same too. He only criticizes for the health benefit. Only people who doesn't love us will criticize us for no valid reason such as body size and shape. Thanks for the reply, cefaz_21.
@cassidy22 (2975)
• United States
14 Aug 07
What do you mean "IF" He does it all the time. Reminds me I have a big butt. I am NOT obese, but I am bigger than I need to be. I know underlying it, he is concerned for my health and doens't WANT me to become obese, because with that comes heart disease, diabetes, and other issues. However, he does have a rule - he will divorce me if I ever weigh more than him, aside from if I am pregnant.
1 person likes this
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
11 Sep 07
That is terrible for him to say! I can't believe he would be so rude to his own wife. I understand health issues, but come on, he will divorce you if you weigh more than him. Nothing like a little pressure huh?
• Malaysia
13 Sep 07
How can he say that to you? If I were you, I would spank him maybe, or maybe I would just leave him. Even if he's saying it out of health concern but to divorce you because of that - this is unacceptable to me.
@jennifer611 (2502)
• United States
11 Aug 07
I feel like this, if he dont like the way I look, then leave. The way I am is the way I am and I will not change to make anyone else happy but myself, if he doesn't like me the way I am then he needs to leave. I can't be happy if I live my life trying to please everyone else.. I have to live my life the way I want.. if someone doesn't like you for the way you look then you dont need them in your life, their not worth it. if they really cared then they would love you no matter if your a size 4 or a size 24.. Thats how I feel about it anyway :)
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
13 Sep 07
Yeah... I guess it's true. Never let anyone take advantage of ourselves. We are responsible for what we are now, while others are only secondary contributors.
@ailema4ever (2675)
• Finland
30 Sep 07
Actually, before we got married, I told him already that I was sensitive about this, so I've already warned him long ago NEVER to comment on my weight or body shape. That works for me! ;-D
• Finland
30 Sep 07
Oh, forgot to add that if he does it, I'll gently ask him not to do it 'coz it hurts me and it makes me feel that he only thinks of me as a "body", not a person.
@academic2 (7009)
• Uganda
12 Sep 07
That would be a spouse on his/her way out. If you appreciated the body of your spouse the day you loved and married him/her with vows to love in sickness and good health, to love and be honoured by that body, what arrogance will make you criticize the body you chose yourself! If my spouse criticized my body, I would just ask her what she did with it on the night of our wedding? why now?
• Malaysia
13 Sep 07
You have a point there. Sometimes some people are just finding excuses to get out of a relationship. Thanks for responding.
@anonymili (3138)
12 Sep 07
My hubby is quite sensitive about what he says to me. I have been overweight for many years before I met him and he met me at this size. I have tried various diets but am not good at sticking to them but he always says he loves me the way I am. My ex hubby never said anything about my size but he did tell me shortly after I met his parents that his dad said I was fat and I was quite upset about it as I had been with my ex for 7 years by that time and we had decided to get married already and his father was using my weight as a reason why we shouldn't get married LOL! How pathetic. Anyway I guess I should have got out then as that marriage went down the toilet some years later! I do feel that people should worry about their own size and problems before criticising others for their looks. People can be extremely sensitive about their weight whether they are overweight or underweight and people should realise that it is not their business to tell someone they look unattractive. x
• Malaysia
13 Sep 07
You are happy now and that is most important. You are very lucky to have a husband who loves you as you are. My hubby is the same too. He told me he would love me no matter how I look. Even if I lost both legs, become blind, deaf or crippled, he would still love me. Wish you all the best in your happy marriage. And thanks for your lovely response.
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
11 Sep 07
My husband never really says anything about my body, he says I am beautiful and attractive to him. He also says it is the inner beauty that I possess that makes me sexy and attractive not the outside shell. He also knows that I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and Hypothyroidism, which is a double whammy on weight loss. So, I am overweight and I don't much care for being as heavy as I am, but I have accepted being big as a part of my life. I just try to eat healthy and work out when I can. Right now, I am stuck like chuck! I have a foot problem and I am not to do any heavy impact excercise. Still he says, I am beautiful and that he loves me. Eventually we all shed our youthful beauty and if you don't love the person your with for who they are on the inside, your relationship won't last very long. At least that is how I feel.
• Malaysia
13 Sep 07
Yeah, that's what I feel too. At one time, my husband asked me whether I am still attracted to him after he has gained weight. I was surprised to hear him ask about this question, because it never occurred to me that his extra pounds is worrying him. I still love him for what he is, even if he is as big as an elephant I will still love him. It is his heart and inner beauty that I adore most. Physical is just an appearance that everybody carries as an identity.
• United States
29 Aug 07
I have a good friend, who puts up with this all the time. Very attractive, she is average, maybe a few extra pounds. He has on more than one occasion told her how she needs to lose weight. One mainly, she had just had a child, and he told her she needed to go to gym just after 3 weeks of having the child. I think it is sad, and pathetic, but what do I know? :P. What can you do? Other than watch who you marry! I think that is a main problem with people these days. They are too impatient to wait for someone who will treat them good. Is this their fault? They are told that if they are not married by the age of 20, something is wrong. It is a sick, twisted worlds way of feeling better about themselves. They are reflecting their own problems on you....................... sad.
• Malaysia
13 Sep 07
I pity her. Just after three weeks of giving labor, how could the husband have the heart to tell her about going back into shape? Such selfish person. Just hope that it doesn't happen to me. Which makes me think now that I am indeed quite lucky to have a husband who doesn't criticize my body. Thanks for responding, LordGregoroftheSith!
@lyndee22 (1211)
• Philippines
15 Aug 07
Whenever my husband and I cuddles, I always pinpoint his bulging tummy though it is not a big one. I stressed out that it is better to have a refined & toned body but I am not forcing him to work it out. He listens and comments sometimes. Those are just part of our loving conversations. We never took it seriously.
• Malaysia
13 Sep 07
My husband and I often talk about weight problems too. Particularly about his tummy which he is also concerned about. My discussions are also with love and care. We never meant to hurt each others feelings and we know it. Have a nice day, lyndee22.
@ayris77 (1304)
• Malaysia
11 Aug 07
Just relax and keep smiling!
• Malaysia
13 Sep 07
Way to go, buddy!
• Singapore
11 Aug 07
If my spouse is to say i am fat, i will take it as a constructive answer that i am really fat and i will ask for her opinion for what i can really do to reduce my fats, am i to go for weight-loss program or just do evening jogging so that i feel more fresher and to also reduce my flabs.
• Malaysia
13 Sep 07
Aww... she is so lucky to have you. Cheers. Smile always.
@flowerchilde (12547)
• United States
11 Aug 07
..he happens to be in worse shape than I am, so perhaps just a withering look would do! (I'm sort of kidding.. I think:) - I think it's hard for people to listen to criticism.. so I try not to criticize or point our flaws. Heaven knows, I have enough of my own to keep me plenty busy and diligent!:)
• Malaysia
13 Sep 07
Lol! If that is the case then you are safe from his criticism :)
@ssh123 (31100)
• India
7 Aug 07
I welcome the criticisms and if anything can be done to correct it I am interested in doing it. Why not welcome consultants without paying?
• Malaysia
13 Sep 07
Yeah, why not... nowadays it is costly to pay a consultant and people are paying thousands to get slim. Getting a criticism from someone you love is a benefit. I am glad you are looking it at a positive way.
@Lydia1901 (16354)
• United States
17 Jul 07
I won't let it bother me that much but I will try to do something about it. So, that I do not have to hear about it anymore.
• Malaysia
13 Sep 07
Yeah, if I have a nagging husband which always grumbles about how I look, I would try to do something about my body. If not much, a little of his nagging does make me wonder whether am I that ugly? Lol. But if he keeps nagging after I have managed to reduce weight, I would just shut his mouth up. Lol. Have a nice day there, pal.
@spoiled311 (5502)
• Philippines
18 Oct 07
i have a wonderful husband who doesn't criticize how i look like, even though i don't have the best body in the world. but in contrast, his brother criticizes his wife when sometimes, she gets heavy, even if she has a beautiful body. i think those guys are selfish, thinking only of themselves, because they don't want to be seen with fat women.
• Malaysia
17 Oct 07
i would be so upset if my partner criticize my body! shouldn't he like me for who i am and not my appearance? if that happens then i'll ask him what does he think my ideal weight should be. if i agree to that, then he should help me achieve that weight! if he doesn't want to help, then stop saying things about my body shape when i don't even comment about his. .