Why do people make divorce harder than it has to be?

@beckish (561)
United States
July 13, 2007 7:13am CST
Divorce is already a very difficult life experience to go through. When a relationship like marriage ends, there is a natural grieving process. So why do some people go out of their way to make it even more miserable? Why do people use their children as pawns in their battle with their ex-spouse? The only ones who get hurt are the children. I think it is incredibly selfish of adults to fight and argue over a divorce. It is much better to just accept that the marriage is over, work to make the distribution of assets equitable, and move on with their lives. Thoughts?
3 responses
@keya2468 (289)
• India
15 Jul 07
The children suffer becoz of their parent's divorce. but it is equally painful to the wife also. actually I can feel it from my personal experience. my husband is going to divorce me.he is going to divorce me becoz his parents don't like me. but it wan an arrenged marriage. anyway. I can't express how do I am suffering from pain. I love my husband a lot. but he don't have any logic.
@beckish (561)
• United States
15 Jul 07
I am sorry you are going through a painful divorce, and I hope things turn out happily for you in the end. Extended families can often cause so much pain for the couple involved; my ex-husband's mother in particular was very controlling and caused a lot of conflict between my husband and I. Take care and good luck.
@thefuture (1751)
• Nigeria
13 Jul 07
One of the reasons is this; some are feel with jealousy even when their relationship is having problems. Some go as far as hurting the children as you said. Which is absurd. Thanks
@beckish (561)
• United States
15 Jul 07
Jealousy is a good point. I wish people could learn to put it aside; if a relationship is over, it's over. Causing more pain and resentment to everyone involved doesn't solve anything, and I don't think it makes the person him or herself feel any better about things in the long run either. Thanks for the response!
• United States
13 Jul 07
Because they themselves are hurt and want to inflict the most pain to the other person and unfortunately, children always get caught in the cross-fire. Couples do it because they know that the children are the ones both of them love most so they use that against one another. Unfortunately, when it comes to divorce, many couples are unable to be the adults in the situation and try to handle it amicably for the sake of the children. All they can think of is how much I can hurt the other person or how much I can take from the other person as a result of the divorce. And the children suffer.
@beckish (561)
• United States
15 Jul 07
You are so right that the parents forget how to be the adults. I just don't get it though. As parents, part of our job is to help avoid our children getting hurt. Being childish in a divorce is deliberately hurting the children in my opinion, and even the mandatory parenting classes that this state has for divorcing parents doesn't seem to help. Children aren't dumb, though, and eventually they will figure it out. Unfortunately, this often results in the child losing closeness with the parent that is attacking the other parent. Thanks for the response!