Online flirting by married people
By wayz12
@wayz12 (2059)
United States
July 19, 2007 5:54pm CST
I have been visiting some chatrooms lately and I've noticed a number of married people who are flirting online. Most of them are doing it without their partner's knowledge and are openly looking for connections with other people. Most of them considered the activity harmless because it will not go beyond the virtual environment.
I'm curious about what the members of mylot thinks. Do you think it is okay for married people to play online with other people? Do you think they should do this with or without their spouse's knowledge? What do you think?
6 people like this
14 responses
@carissa765 (1097)
• United States
19 Jul 07
Not only do I think this is wrong, I think that this is how a lot of cheating starts.
A friend of mine is going through her husband cheating for the 5th time... she's not ready to leave yet she thinks it can still be salvaged. Not only did this one start online, all of them have started that way. He now has the internet at work and is starting to do things there while at work.
I dont think it should be done at all, let alone without the partners knowledge.
Now if you are swingers, and both partners participate that might be okay, but I don't know of any healthy swingers relationships... That doesnt mean that there aren't any, there aren't any that I know of....
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
20 Jul 07
I agree. Everything starts from there. Starts out as a regular conversation. A 'safe' fling. Then you decide to meet, then the rest is history.
I have experienced talking to a lot of people online. Most don't really admit they are married, unless you really ask them over and over again. I guess they're looking for a way to get out of their situation and have fun.
There were married guys who 'fell' for me, but I have always controlled myself from doing anything about it. I have strong beliefs in the 'family' and wouldn't want to break up theirs or mine just for a 'fling' that is very temporary.
I'm not generalizing, but I'm getting a few thoughts on why men do this. I see that their wives don't really 'understand' them anymore, they've become 'boring' in their eyes and they can't 'talk' to them like they talked with each other before.
Well, it's entirely not the fault of the wife. But I guess both side has a fault in this.
So I'd really suggest that wives be more of the gf they were before and really go an extra mile to let your hubby feel he is loved and needed.
As for those who are 'regular' cheaters. You can't do anything about them. You may burn their computers, but you can't burn their lust. You may tie them down, monitor and be the sweetest that you can be, still they'd try to look for another. For these types of people, it's still your choice, you can either let him go or do your best to get him back.
=)
cheers all.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
20 Jul 07
Well, some of them tell their wives though. But they tell them a different story.
I guess it becomes wrong if his 'reasons' for going online isn't right anymore.
Well, I do go online, chat to people etc. and my partner knows about it. But when he's home, I don't go online anymore or if I do, I go online with him. I tell him all the things I've been doing, people I've talked to etc.
Friendships is ok. Only if you know how to control yourself, that is.
I love my partner so much that I don't see anyone more 'interesting' than him. I meet people online but that's it. I don't go wanting to talk to them again or establishing relationship patterns. I just go there, talk and leave. No strings attached. He knows what I've been doing, and he knows he's the most important thing in my life, that's why he trusts me.
Maybe the point to all of this is, no matter if the activity is known by the partner or not, it depends really on the person doing it if he/she really wants to cheat or not. How to know that? well, only they know.
I hope all's well with them soon.
=)
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
20 Jul 07
My fiance and I had a discussion about this very thing, this morning. On-line flirting is still cheating. It is considered an "emotional affair." There are no physical relations, but to flirt on line is considered emotional infidelity. I've seen relationships break up because of that. I believe the spouce who was "cheated on" was right to end the relationship.
1 person likes this
@wayz12 (2059)
• United States
20 Jul 07
I agree that relationships form online still carries emotional undertones. Its easy to invest emotions with someone even though they are nothing but a nick and some interesting conversation. If one is not careful, one can get emotionally involved and would want to take it beyond the virtual world.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
20 Jul 07
Definitely. I agree that flirting is cheating regardless where it occurs.
If the primary person of going online is to flirt then that's a bad deal from the very beginning. Specially if that person is emotionally unsatisfied or unstable.
But on the other hand, spouses should understand that the act of flirting online corresponds to dissatisfaction and should do something about it to help the husband or the wife. It should be taken note that the main reason he/she is looking for another person to talk to is because the communication stream in your relationship has somewhat disappeared.
Failure of communication forces a person to look for other ways to interact, and when he/she does, it could lead to cheating and flirting.
So, we as partners should try to be sensitive enough of our partners needs. And never close the doors of communication.
Remind them why they married us in the first place. Maybe they need a recollection.
=)
@bestfriends (876)
• Australia
20 Jul 07
I don't know if there is even one person who would say Yes it is OK for a married person to be flirting around online without the knowledge of their spouse. I believe whether it is virtual online dates only as it is a form of cheating. That's where and how for some people ended up being married or wrecked their marriage.
2 people like this
@indiavani (863)
• India
31 Aug 07
Hello Wayz! Did you ask this question in askagent.com (ammas.com) Actually I saw the same discussion (all the words were same) on that site & responded too. Anyways, my answer to your question is that in my view its wrong for the married people to flirt with someone other than their partner. But there are many people who do so and we can't stop them as its in their personality...vani^_^
@phon4u (2215)
• Laos
20 Jul 07
Flirting online is coming too closed only by words.
If they don't do any rule breaking, that will be fine.
Although they talk, they can make the heart growing.
But my opinion is not to commit adultery.
@anjoks (2080)
• Philippines
20 Jul 07
Yes, i think its okay for married men to go online chatting and be friends with girls.. I see nothing wrong with that cause for your info, i've got a chatmate for like months now and he's married. Its still possible for to be just like friends here and no flirting involved. . . well i guess, that still depends to both parties you know. I'm just stating from my experience. (",)
@wayz12 (2059)
• United States
20 Jul 07
Despite all the negative reactions of a lot of people, i'm still of the opinion that it is possible for married people to make friends with other people online. As long as they both know their boundaries, I agree with you that it can be harmless. Its only when lying is involved then it becomes a problem.
@recycledgoth (9894)
•
20 Jul 07
Whether it is right or wrong, it will still continue as the internet is such an easy medium to use. It is anonymous and you will find this in many of the chat rooms. Personally I see no harm is some lighthearted chat but I don't feel online flirting is a good thing.
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
20 Jul 07
I would definitely be hurt if I found out my partner is flirting online. Maybe friendly and innocent chats are okay, but certainly not flirting!
I'm on the Internet very frequently and I admit there are a lot of temptations, but I do my best to stay faithful. I wouldn't do anything to harm our relationship.
@crazypumpkin (501)
• Philippines
20 Jul 07
I think it's unfair to their spouses. Whatever problems they have with their spouses or partners, they should resolved it themselves and not drag a third party into a mess.
@maxmoment (18)
• Egypt
20 Jul 07
here or there its the same person and it should be the same behaviour
@Sorath (2)
• Mexico
20 Jul 07
well, i believe its wrong cause it doesn matter if you dont know the other person but in your mind and in your heart you want to cheat your partner and yout looking for troubles, chats are for meeting people and have friends and thats it if you are a weak person and your are not secure of your feelings avoid chats and have more comunication with your partner
@HereLiesSlobe (71)
• Canada
20 Jul 07
I don't see why someone who was happily married would want to flirt with someone else. It doesn't make sense that they'd be looking for something outside their relationship.
And if they're not happily married they need to perform the steps to become so otherwise there is no point in being married.
As for it not counting because its only virtual...I suppose it would depend on whether their spouse thought it counted as cheating or not. If their spouse is ok with it, while I still find it to be a morally questionable activity, it really wouldn't be doing much harm. As long as their spouse was REALLY truly ok with it, and not just saying they were so as not to start a fight.
If its behind their spouse's back, then its wrong without question.
I know that I wouldn't want any spouse of mine to flirt with other people online. I've had girlfriends who've done that before, and I broke up with them because even after I told them it wasn't ok, they continued to do it.
