My wife has a boyfriend

United States
July 25, 2007 6:35pm CST
I figured it out last night. She had a regular bar guest whom she had told me about. He was very kind to her, and us. He worked as a service tech at a car dealership and would perform services on our car - oil changes, tire mounting - for free, except we paid for the parts. He moved away recently, to Atlanta. Yesterday, accidentally, my wife and I swapped cell phones. After work, I saw that she had some missed calls and a voice mail. Thinking she had called me, I checked the numbers and found out that he had called her. He left a message, but I didn;t check it. When I showed my wife later, she said he just called to say "Hi." Well, I confronted her anout it today. I told her that it seemed very odd to me that a former regular customer of hers was calling her - a married woman. We have had some issues in our relationship, but nothing we hadn't been able to work out before. Now, she tells me two things. She said that she has not given me any reason not to trust her, but then again she said she had an emotional connection with him that she has not had with me for awhile. I told her that, although I trusted her relationship with him before, I don't trust it anymore. Last week, I played a joke on one of her friends. Using my wife's phone, I sent a text message that she was going to leave me for this guy. Her friend sent a message back "Whatever makes you happy." If there was nothing going on, wouldn't this hve come as a shock to her friend? Wouldn't she have said something like "Lets go have a drink and talk."? I don't think anything physical happened, but I don't trust my wife anymore. I told her this. I also told her that, like it or not, she had a boyfriend. She promised me she would stop this right now. I am VERY pissed off and hurt right now. I think I'm gonna get drunk at home tonight while she is at work.
9 people like this
20 responses
@LittleMel (14062)
• Canada
25 Jul 07
well you did say you had some issues in your relationship before, were these issues resolved completely? if not then maybe she was not entirely happy with you. My first years of marriage were hard and I started to trust outsiders than my own husband, but then we had a long talk where I just told him everything nothing to hide. That's when we realized that we have been neglecting some things in our marriage and from there we move forward stronger together. I'm not saying if it works with mine, it will work with yours. I'm just saying that maybe you should give her a second chance, she did say she would stop it anyway.
4 people like this
@flpoolbum (1285)
• United States
25 Jul 07
Getting drunk isn't going to help anything. My first wife cheated on me. She got pregnent (and I can't have children). She really broke my heart. It hurt me for years after the divorce. I have no good feelings for her, but the act of betrayl still hurts when I think about it. If you love her, I would suggest you both go for counseling to try to help your marriage. If that doesn't work, walk away. Marriage will never work if the trust is gone.
4 people like this
@smileonstar (4016)
• United States
25 Jul 07
Hi, im so sorry to hear that. It is hard for you right now that you are in this situation... however, if she promises you that she will stop it then you should give her a chance. how long have you been together? have you miss anything with her? you have to stop any joke with her friends... if she finds out she might be mad at you. So, why dont you two sit down and have a nice talk and solve it... dont try to fight ok? see what happen
3 people like this
@nbhzlw (7)
• China
26 Jul 07
Don't be so sad, don't be drunked. You should show confidence, especially on front of your wife, cas man must be confidence, your wife should depend on you, they won't like man who looks like frustrated.
2 people like this
@vankae (447)
• United States
26 Jul 07
Sorry, for what is going on in your life, I myself was married for 27 years. I've been their and done this, that's the adultery game, and it hurts. May I make a suggestion. Drinking is not the way. Confront it head on, and in the end love yourself. Either forgive, if their is room to forgive, if she is really sorry for whats she's done, if not move on. I don't know you personally, but I do know everyone is deserving true love.
2 people like this
@sid556 (31031)
• United States
26 Jul 07
not knowing your wife it is very hard to answer this one. I would caution you not to jump to conclusions. I recently broke up with my boyfriend who was convinced that I was cheating on him. Your post just made me think of him...in fact it reeked of him. I work in the public also and I will tell you that customers give me gifts etc and nothing has ever nor will ever go on between us. My boyfriend had alot of trouble with it. As far as the trick you played on her freind...that sounds like something some of my friends would say..mainly becuz i don't overly involve them in my relationship. My guess is that you are over-reacting. my boyfriend did this sort of stuff once too often. I wanted him to love me...felt he looked at me as some cheap tramp...I was very insulted. It was sad..there was no need for it...i did not cheat and would not have. I'm not sure if this is what is going on with you but it does sound it.
• Canada
26 Jul 07
Even with nothing physical happening, your wife gave her emotional attention to another man, and that is betrayal. She needs to acknowledge that and really *get* it if you will get past this. There is hope - you guys can talk really openly, and say whatever painful stuff you need to say - and come through it stronger. I am sure she misses the connection she had with you. You guys have some work to do, finding time for each other, remembering to stop and hug for no reason in the middle of cooking dinner or something, and just reconnectine. My husband and i went through this - and it nearly killed me - but our relationship is soooo good now, and has been for four years. I am so glad we talked through everything. It's painful, but you guys can be so close when you get out the other side of this. Instead of drinking - can you try writing? reflect on how you met, how you used to express your connections to each other? Things you used to do together? then maybe, when she comes home, you can show her what you miss about her, and why it hurts to think she gave that connection to someone else, and start the communication. Good luck.
@Gwapako_28 (2142)
• Philippines
26 Jul 07
Im sorry to hear that Peter.We all knew that there is no such thing as perfect marriage.I guess,the connection is just through communication.Atleast she didnt deny it and she is being honest with you..I understand when you cant trust her no more.Thats normal.Don't get yourself drunk.The best solution is to talk with her,heart to heart.Tell her how much she hurt you.Be open...Its not the end yet...You need to fight the marriage you have and dont turn our back on it...Fix it and stand for it...No matter what,im sure if you love each other,everything will be fine and solved.
• United States
18 Mar 11
I understand your hurt. I have an absolutely different opinion, and here it is. I had a jealous nature towards my wife because she is so attractive, loves to flirt and likes to have males as friends. I knew it drove me crazy until I realized that to keep the marraige intact and continually working, I had to change my attitude rather that try and change hers. It took about 2 years of working on it, but eventually I'm great wife my wife having male friends and her flirting. Actually, I now help her create ways to keep this lifestyle going. My wife and I have never been closer.She shares everything with me as if happens. I love her new energy that she puts into life and our newfound relationship. She is a different woman towards me with nothing more to hide and she is more mature about keeping our relationship alive and working.....the stories and events I could tell....We really enjoy each other totally with all the doubt gone and all the trust issues in place.....is she still promiscuous? Yes. Is she faithful in telling me? Yes. Are we more in love than ever? Totally. hanznmypanz@yahoo.com
@polachicago (19145)
• United States
27 Jul 07
Woman needs to talk. This is very important for woman. Sometimes when husband is to busy to talk to her, she is talking to girlfriends and strangers. I would consider it as innocent relationship and not think about twice. Reference books: "Why men never listen and women can't read maps" and "why man never has a clue and woman needs more shoes" I would focus on positive in your relationship, because nothing really happen.
@butterfly39 (3909)
• Philippines
27 Jul 07
so sorry to hear that...but you have all the time with your wife...maybe you should make good things to patch up everything with her... Be nice to her either and start winning her back...I know the guy is too far from both of you...so just keep on the relationship...don't be too emotional then...if you still love her then fight for her.
@wa_sted (34)
26 Jul 07
That's really terrible :/ However I think that you should try and talk to her properly about it, as she said she hasn't had the emotional connection with you for a while. Although this is no excuse for what she did, it is obviously the reason she did what she did. I think you should try and repair your relationship as this as a starting point (however she probably has a lot of apologizing to do too). Good luck!
@fab315 (1244)
• Philippines
26 Jul 07
You and your wife is not a perfect couple. Problems and trials come and go, what's important is you love each other. There's no problem that can't be solved. If she was honest to you, good, then now think,but don't jump to any conclusion first. Sometimes our jealousy can cloud our minds to think clearly. You should sit down, talk to your wife. Listen to her side, maybe there's a problem, who knows..maybe your part or her part. It takes two to tango. I know it's hard to trust someone especially in a situation like that, but sometimes who have to listen to your heart. You just need to communicate more. Spend time with each other more..maybe you guys just miss each other. Give your relationship and yourselves a second chance, don't just give up without a fight.. I am sure it's all worthit. Goodluck.
@r0ck_r0ck (1956)
• India
26 Jul 07
aw, sorry to hear it. i can feel but seriously drinking wont help shiit just go for some kinda counselling talk to her n try to make it clear, if it doesnt work, just walk away.
@lingli_78 (12861)
• Australia
26 Jul 07
i am sorry to hear that... i don't know what to say except that both of you have to go and seek professional help... getting drunk won't help anything at all... and a relationship without a trust anymore is very hard to go through... so that's why i suggest that both of you go to a councellor to talk... that's much better rather than just keeping it... good luck...
@vanities (11308)
• Davao, Philippines
26 Jul 07
you have all the reason not to trust to...but..just give it a try just this once if you really love your wife..and talk it out with her about her feelings towards you..and be frank about it...since its no use on being together if she does not love you anymore..straight things out so that you will be at peace...and dont get drunk...it just suspend the problem ..your not solving it..if there was a problem at all..
@madzie09 (279)
• Philippines
26 Jul 07
Drinking will not make your problems go away. Well it will but for a while only. The best thing to do is try to talk deeply to your wife. Ask her if she still loves you sincerely. I know it's hard to trust her again but at least just a few of your trust to save your relationship. Try to get her to be honest with her feelings towards you and with that guys. Truth hurts and a lot of times we have no choice but to accept it because hey, that's the way life goes.
@jothis (519)
• India
26 Jul 07
hey i can understand your situation and dont keep friendship with drinks for this reason. try to make your wife understand your feelings by spending more time with her. if you try to keep away from your wife it will create problems. so try to share the problems each other
@deepakg4 (897)
• India
26 Jul 07
its a good news.. because my friend is our's wife friend.. and lover..
@naem86 (123)
• Malaysia
26 Jul 07
Yes this is major drama that you don't need. Neither one of you. 1st of all people stop staying together because of the time you've invested and for the kids . Those are excuses not sincerity! Even if you claim you still love each other. Because obviously you don't! Some people like drama they feel it keeps the romance alive! I don't know I'm totally opposite of that idea. The back and forth,the cheating with others risking diseases! I say make a clean break! Sit down with each other and decide on what to do with the house or apartment, work out the details as far as finances and visitation with the kids, and call it a mother frigging day! Move on while you're still young. Stay friends.I'm friends with all of my ex-boyfriends. You just have to keep it real but still be courteous with one another. Have respect for each other no matter what was done to whom. You both need to just keep it movin! Move on with your lives. http://www.jemput.com/pro/idevaffiliate.php?id=195_0_1_3