my friend is going to abort her baby!

Philippines
July 25, 2007 10:30pm CST
i don't know what's gotten into my friend! at first, i didn't know what's wrong with her... she told me that her mother chucked her out of the house. then she's living now with her boyfriend... she told me that she needed to borrow P2500 pesos because she had to undergo a life and death operation (some kind of poison, she said).. of course i gave her the money because she was crying and begging.. but then after she left.. i was thinking.. p2500 pesos isn't going to be enough for a life and death operation.. it had to be higher amount than that.. i got angry, feeling betrayed and fooled.. i went to her boyfriend's place and hammered him about what's really wrong with her.. he finally told me that she's going to abort her baby by next week... i don't know what to do... i'm supposed to be her friend - should i stop her or just let her decide for her own? she promised to pay me back but i just can't live with the fact that she's actually going to kill her baby!!! that's a great sin, aint it?! that's immorality! i really don't know what to do.. i just can't let her do it! i tried convincing her boyfriend but he told me that she had to do it or her life will never be the same again.. that was so selfish of him - i really cried that day.. i asked him where my friend is but he won't tell me where!! i wanted to tell her parents but i don't know how to contact them.. i don't even know her parents.. or where they live.. if you have any ideas, please help me.. this is no joke.. i don't know what to do anymore.. please please help...
2 people like this
19 responses
@Jennifer21 (2476)
• United States
26 Jul 07
First off, this is NOT your decision to make. If your friend really feels it is for the best interests of her and her fetus, then, of course, it is. It is NOT in your hands. I thouroughly think that it is the mother's decision, and if she thinks it is best, then it IS best. She probably has her reasons that you do not know, that she may not want you to know. Maybe because she assumed you would act this way. I do not believe in sin. If she wants it, do not try to stand in her way, you will only make things worse, and you could jeopradize your relationship. My advice, stay out of something that really is none of your business.
3 people like this
• Philippines
27 Jul 07
that is IDIOTIC. what does my friend know about what's for the best interest of her and her baby? she's still a teenager. she doesn't have to go through her pregnancy alone. that's why i'm here, i'm her friend. i want her to seek some help from her loved ones, help and support! ok, i'm not forcing her what to do.. what i wanna do is to convince her to do the right thing. ok so you don't believe in sin.. that doesn't excuse you for being ignorant of what's right and wrong. thanks for expressing your opinion, though. i appreciate it. :)
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
27 Jul 07
I think what she is not explaining to you guys is that abortion is illegal in her country! Please set your personal opinions aside for a sec here. The real issue here is that her friend is getting an abortion..illegally and it more than likely is not safe.
• Philippines
27 Jul 07
again, i am not talking about legal or illegal acts here.. right now it's between moral and immoral acts. thank you very much.
@Lady_Yeng (102)
• Philippines
26 Jul 07
i feel very sad that she has to do it..its not just a joke to come up to that kind of decision..its life threatening for your friend i mean its dangerous. i got a friend who deals with the same situation but as a real good FRIEND i dont encourage her to abortion but instead i made her strong to face the new road that shes facing right now and so far shes following my advices and shes now 6 months pregrant i just pray that she will have a healthy baby. soon regret will come and i hope your friend would realize that it is very important decision she is making and she should seek advice from other people that might help her.. i wish you could give me an update about your friend..i hope i could help her...
3 people like this
• Philippines
27 Jul 07
thank you. sigh.. i can't find my friend anywhere - her boyfriend won't tell me! i plan to encourage her to pursue the baby not because i want her life to be ruined but to make her grow up and be responsible. i'm pretty sure that being a teenage mom is hard, but that's life, right? we'll all be given different responsibilities to deal with. we shouldn't run away from our problems. we should be able to face them! most importantly, we shouldn't correct our mistakes with another mistake because that won't work.. i know some people with silly mind think that we should leave God alone.. hello?! God is the answer to all our problems, if they must know.
@lucyem (120)
• United States
26 Jul 07
Could you or someone you know keep the baby? Or can you convince her to adopt the baby out? I know how you're feeling and I really wish I could help! I'd take that precious baby myself if I could!!
3 people like this
• Philippines
27 Jul 07
adoption is an option. but she doesn't like her baby to be adopted because she thinks that'll surely leave her some psychological problem.. i don't know what she's going through right now, but i strongly disagree with her aborting her baby! i can't find her.. i think she's hiding.. i'm afraid she'll do what shouldn't be done.. :(
2 people like this
@eden32 (3976)
• United States
26 Jul 07
Someone has said that it is illegal in your country. If that's accurate, then you probably should try to stop here. An illegal abortion is not safe, there's a good chance the person performing it won't be an actual doctor, just someone willing to risk jail for a quick buck. However if it is legal in your country or if she's leaving the country to have it done somewhere legally; then a good friend would support her not judge her.It's not selfish of her or her partner to want more for their lives than having a child they're not ready for.
3 people like this
@larskie23 (867)
• Philippines
26 Jul 07
thats a difficult situation, because her parents didnt support her. if i where you, talk to your friend, and explain to her that her parents reactions are just normal because they didnt expect their daughter to be pregnant for this time being, soon their angers will subside. abortion is not the solution to make her life back to normal, if she loses her baby by volunteering to lose it thru abortion, do you think, her life will be normal. it will become worse. so better talk to her heart and heart and try to do the right thing
2 people like this
• Canada
26 Jul 07
What ever happened to people just leaving others to make decisions in their life/Her friend has made this decision, and I suspect not lightly. She should not interfere
2 people like this
• Philippines
26 Jul 07
a friend of mine got thru this, and we didnt interfere then, then now, she said she didnt do the right thing.
2 people like this
• Philippines
26 Jul 07
do you think if the baby inside her could shout, do you think it will shout: "KILL ME, so you could have a better life?" its not really interefering but a mere of a friend giving advice to friend. if she doesnt listen then its up to her.
2 people like this
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
26 Jul 07
It sounds like this girl is already having problems...her parents have kicked her out, she is pregnant and has no money. As her friend, as upset as you are about this, please understand that she needs some moral support not more conflict. She probably needs you to be her friend now more than ever. This is a very personal choice and one to be made between her and her boyfriend. Ultimately the final choice is hers. Please don't go to her parents. They may already know anyway but doing so will only cause more trouble and permanently damage your friendship.
2 people like this
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
26 Jul 07
ok...just realized that abortion is illegal where you are at which means it could be very dangerous. Obviously her relationship with parents is strained as it is. Is there any other trusted adult that could help?
2 people like this
• Philippines
27 Jul 07
i AM her friend. that's why i plan to encourage her to pursue the baby and take the responsibility instead of terminating the pregnancy. i'm not going to fight with her.. i just want to make her see. you know, i don't really think that saving our good friendship is more important that saving that baby. but thanks for expressing your opinion.. "This is a very personal choice and one to be made between her and her boyfriend. Ultimately the final choice is hers." and if you must know, they're still both teenagers. they don't really know what's right, therefore they shouldn't make a drastic decision. they should seek help..
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
27 Jul 07
As you can see, I've changed my stance here. In some cases our personal thoughts on things do not matter much at all.
@katydidmc (210)
• Canada
26 Jul 07
No, its NOT a sin, and what gives any of us the right to say that? She wants to have a good life, and needs her family who will never support her having a baby. Do not tell her she is wrong. In her mind, its the lesser of two evils. Her parents are already angry at her, can you imagine how much more they will be if you butt in and tell them she is getting an abortion? keep your mouth shut, and show some compassion and support for your friend.
2 people like this
• United States
26 Jul 07
I totally agree with you it is her right and her decision. I understand the negativity around abortion but it is a girl's choice in the end. After she does this she will need someone there for support cause she will grieve and feel very bad. Please just support your friend for what she thinks is right.
• Philippines
27 Jul 07
i don't agree with you, guys. it's my friend's fault why she got pregnant. she made a mistake by not being careful. she can't just correct a mistake by ANOTHER mistake like killing an innocent child. she has to take the consequences with responsibility.. and aborting a baby is one version of murder. that is a sin.. my friend here should seek some help.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jul 07
sure.. that's why i'm saying that she shouldn't correct a mistake with another mistake.
1 person likes this
@weelcah (40)
• Philippines
30 Jul 07
i just read some discussions people posted here... we are all entitled to our own different opinion so we might as well respect that... if her friend will undergo an abortion that is her decision.. all we can do is give her advices to make her see the advantages and disadvantages of what she is about to do in the end she will be the one who's going to suffer not us so might as well stop pushing her to do this and that, just make her realaze and let her be the one whos going to decide... she just have to make sure she won't have any regrets!... and you're being a great friend right? after all her trials... she might do the right or wrong thing still show that your her friend after everything! =)
2 people like this
@dreamy1 (3815)
• United States
27 Jul 07
I would tell you first of all not to judge your friend or her actions. You may not agree with what she does but only she can live her life and seek whatever path she thinks is right for her. What good is it to tell her parents? What would they do to her? There is nothing you need to do about the situation other than support her if you still want to remain friends. In supporting I mean listen to her if she needs, be the shoulder to cry on if she needs it but do so in a loving and non judgmental way. She doesn't need someone telling her she's a sinner (which I personally do not believe) If you can't be a supportive friend because of your beliefs then take yourself out of the situation.
2 people like this
@shannon76 (1234)
• United States
26 Jul 07
As much as you'd like to interfere with your friends life, it really is her decision. Obivously she feels very strongly that this will have a negative effective on her life. I would just be there for her to support her decision - she is going to need you to be there for her. I also would not contact her parents unless you think she will be doing a "back alley" type abortion and you think her life is in danger. But otherwise that might cause her to not trust you any longer and it might cause even more strain on her. I am not pro-choice and I do believe abortion is wrong but ultimatly it is the womans decision and you can't force someone to neither have an abortion nor can you force a woman to not have one either.
1 person likes this
@shannon76 (1234)
• United States
27 Jul 07
Yes I am a mother and thank you - I am very fond of my family =) I must point out that I once was a teenager and although it has been a few years since I was a teenager, I do remember the struggles that teenagers go through. But again, I will say you can not make her do what she does not want to do. I do agree that she should seek counsel on this and she should make an informed decision but if her mind is already made up on this, unfortunatly there is not much she can do. By you going to her parents and telling them something they might not know about her, that will only make her resent you, but she will also resent her parents (if she doesn't already). You make a statement that the advice of her boyfriend is not good because he is a teenager, but you are also a teenager. Would that mean your advice to her is not good either? I am sure you don't think so. I am not agreeing with the choice that they are making because I am TOTALLY against abortion, but again, you just need to be there for her and let her face the consquences of her decision. That is one thing I can tell you as a mother and as a former teenager, you learn from your decisions and you deal with your consquences. And sometimes, that is the best thing for us - to learn from our consquences. If we are always told what to do and the proper way to do it, how do we learn and grow as a person? You can always give advice to someone and you pray for them to make the right choice but ultimatly, it is their choice. Just be there for your friend no matter what. She is going to need you - even more so if she has that abortion.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jul 07
I don't have much choice, do I? She's done it. Yesterday.. She told me she had second thoughts about terminating her pregnancy, but her boyfriend urged her to get it over with. She didn't have much choice. And right now, I don't have much choice - except support her. What's done is done. And I can't help but feel so darn depressed because of what she's going through. Thanks for your response and concern. Much appreciated.
• Philippines
30 Jul 07
Sure, because I'm as hard as a rock.
• Philippines
26 Jul 07
Abortion is a NO!NO! thing, its againts the will of God,What you need right now is to pray first that she will be o.k., next contact her immediate family so that you won't be alone in finding your friend. Explain to her teh advantage and disadvantage of abortion. BE SURE THAT THINK OF MANY DISADVANTAGES having an abortion. But before yo uexplain it ot her, You two have also have to PRAY FIRST before anything. Let HER explain HER sidefirst and explain to her the DISADVANTAGES and ADVANTAGES of it. Eventhough the thing they have done is a sin because they aren't married yet. But don't involve the baby, the baby is innocent. Have people concern pray for her, PRAYER and FAITH really works. HOPE THIS HELPS;-)
@eiencafe (155)
• Italy
26 Jul 07
Oh my again God here or God there... Can't you leave Him alone??
2 people like this
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
27 Jul 07
sacs...abortion is illegal in this girls country...that means that her friend is seeking an illegal, underground abortion and we all know what that means ...don't we? I don't think the issue here is really about abortion..right and wrong...it really is about the health and saftey of the mother at this point!!!
2 people like this
• Philippines
27 Jul 07
health and safety. yes, of course. but in this situation, it also includes a new course of responsibility which she should take - not escape from.
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16233)
• United States
27 Jul 07
Tough call my friend and all I can suggest is you be there for her. It is ultimately her call and her decision to make. Says a lot when her boyfriend is just at his home not even having the slightest care in the world - he should be by her side through all of this. It sounds like she is not ready to have a child and that it is sad that she wasn't able to find someone she could talk to about it. Hug her, tell her how much you care for her and be there when she needs you.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Jul 07
thanks. sadly, as much as i want to hug her and be there for her, i can't find her anywhere.. i feel like crying already.. :( i know it's her call and her decision to make. but that makes it wrong if she does the decision without even asking for help and advice from her loved ones, right? i mean, she listened to her boyfriend. but what does her teenage boyfriend know about what she's going through? it's really a sad situation for her. if only i could do something about it..
@maddysmommy (16233)
• United States
27 Jul 07
Well who knows what she is actually feeling right now. What gets me is the boyfriend is not even concerned for her you know? If it was me and for some unknown reason I was going through this, then I would expect my partner there with me every step of the way. It is sad that she felt she had no-one to turn to but I suppose being in her position, its easier said than done.
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16233)
• United States
27 Jul 07
CALM DOWN PEOPLE. Enough of telling one another to shut up! You have made yourself VERY CLEAR sacrificial claim and her response was in reply to MY COMMENT. So please, LET HER BE.
1 person likes this
@weelcah (40)
• Philippines
30 Jul 07
actually i'm pro-abortion... yes its a sin but what could be more sinful? letting your child live a miserable life? what if she knows her capabilities and she knows that she can't be a great parent at a young age, so she rather chose to drop the child than let him live a life that he isn't worth to live. some are lucky beacuse their parents accepted their situation, but like in her case her mom got angry right? so, it simply means her mom can't accept her situation, and she'll just carry another burden like being rejected by her own family. undergoing an abortion is not easy, its painful and worst it will haunt you for the rest of your life, but i guess one abortion is enough if that wil happen again, then she might as well kill her own self for not learning from the experience... haha!
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jul 07
That is terrible and who knows where she is having it done at. She may end up killing herself in the process if she doesn't watch what she is doing. She may never have a baby again if not done right. If I were you I would stop her and make her think rationally about what she is doing. That boyfriend don't sound very helpful either. Don't seem like he cares at all. I hope all goes well for you.
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (28547)
• United Kingdom
29 Jul 07
Your friend must be very upset indeed. I bet that her emotions are all over the place. She needs her mother's support and it is sad that she chucked her out of the house. Your friend feels worried about the future. She thinks an abortion would get her life back on track. But if she goes ahead with it then she might regret it later in life. If she has her baby she could decide to keep it or give it up for adoption. Either way her baby would live. You are a good friend to her. You gave her money before you knew what she wanted it for. I hope that you find her and give her the support she should be getting from her mother and boy friend. Good Luck.
1 person likes this
@fredgame (1261)
• China
27 Jul 07
i think the boyfriend is crazy and has no thought of the future. maybe he is ignorant of the consequences. i'd like to know who inprenated her? if it's the boyfriend you need to convince him or else she may go through the abortion all right but in the future they may need a child and may never have it again. they should think of the future. talk to the boyfriend, maybe he said he can't take care of her if she keeps the pregnancy.
1 person likes this
@aries_0325 (3062)
• Philippines
12 Jan 08
Just tell your friend that don't do it. She wasted the life of her baby and it is against the will of God. Abortion is an absolutely wrong and it is a crime of murder. And absolutely I am not favor for this. And I think the fetus have life and like us she/he have a right to see this wonderful world.
@madzie09 (279)
• Philippines
31 Jul 07
true, a mistake is never corrected by another mistake. How could she have a great life when she have all the guilt inside her of killing her own blood! She's human that has guilt not an animal who kills their own kind. She has to take responsibility of what she did, does she realize that her baby could give her a much better life if she give it a shot. Babies are gift of life not toys that you can just murder when you don't want it. You did it with pleasure why not accept the result? You need to talk to her and tell her boyfriend if he wont tell he will get seriously involve in murdering a child. You can ask for the social welfare to help your friend, they wont do any harm. They are just going to give advices and choices to your friend. It's natural that a parent would get mad or angry at first reaction especially if your still young and got pregnant. Tell your friend to stop being immature and selfish. The baby didn't do her any harm, she's the one asking for it and now she got it, got no choice but face it. If your words wont mean a thing with them then THE SOCIAL WELFARE would be a great help. I understand how you feel coz that happend to me and my friend once too. Now, she's happy with her baby. Would you believe after months of drinking pills to abort her child she still got a lovely and adorable child. :)
30 Jul 07
I really think its your friends decision and you should support her because thats what friends do - it sounds as though she really needs you by her side just now, she must be having a really hard time. It doesnt mean you need to agree with her actions, but im sure thats a discussion that can be kept for another time - just be there for her just now