Did having children bring you closer to your spouse or boyfriend?

United States
July 26, 2007 1:39pm CST
I never doubt that my husband loves me. But, I have seen our relationship endure unusual stress since we became parents. Parenting has changed both of us in so many wonderful ways. But, in many ways it has brought undue stress to our lives. Needless to say, parenting has presented many new challenges to our relationship. So how about you? Do you feel that your relationship with your partner has gotten better or worse since having a baby? Does he act more like a baby now that you are a mom? Does he assume that you don't love him as much anymore because you can't spend the same time with him as before you had children? Has parenthood been a wonderful bonding experience?
3 people like this
10 responses
@ESKARENA1 (18304)
27 Jul 07
i would never recomend having children to bring a family together but it certainly worked for us blessed be
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Aug 07
Did the same for us too. We got along really well before, but once she got here and joined our family, my spouse and I had to really become a team to manage things. He has worked so hard for our family. Amazing what people are capable of, when their family needs their help.
@maddysmommy (16243)
• United States
27 Jul 07
It was actually tough on my husband at the beginning because I gave him no attention at all when we had our son. I can't say it has been all roses because it hasn't. We both neglected each other and had focussed more on our son and our jobs. Now that we have moved to USA, this past year has been GREAT for the both of us. We are as close as we could ever be and I think maybe because I am now a full time stay at home mom and all my attention is focussed on them BOTH :)
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jul 07
All of us moms have a tough job. Being a full time mom can be hard enough, but then so many other people have unrealistic expectations for us. The guys in our lives don't understand why we can't devote as much time to them. And our bosses expect us to be the same overzealous workaholics we were before the kids came along. Each woman deals with this stress differently. I am very happy that you and your spouse have found some happy common ground in your relationship. Being a full time stay at home mom was my way of dealing with the external stresses too. I am happy that it has worked out for you, as well.
@mummymo (23710)
26 Jul 07
Well my first husband and I split just after my sons first birthday so I guess it didn't bring us closer! lol To be fair when he was born it was the closest I ever felt to him but there were too many problems and too much abuse for anything to bring us closer! With my partner when we had our daughter we felt closer than we ever had and in the six years since we have had our ups and downs but always made it through! I do think that having children can put a tremendous strain on any couple but you have to work together to get through it! xxx
1 person likes this
@carlaabt (3510)
• United States
28 Jul 07
In some ways, having our son brought us closer, but not in other ways. Sometimes I feel like my husband is jealous of my son. Especially when he wants something, and I tell him we can't afford it. It bums him out that we don't have extra money now that I'm not working much anymore. Another problem that it's brought is that I sometimes feel like he doesn't want me to do anything at all without taking our son with me. I don't really mind most of the time, but sometimes I just want to go shopping for an hour or two without having to worry about a cranky toddler. Even just going grocery shopping without my son is nice sometimes. Not that I'm complaining about my son or anything, but I hate it that he gets so cranky when we go places. I wish my husband would understand that and offer to watch him so I could go out and shop by myself, even just once a month. Usually we just go all together instead, though, so that works, too. There are definite positive things that have happened in our relationship, too. Our son is so important to both of us. I love watching them play together. And it's so funny watching my son pick out toys for our son. I love it. We're very happy when we spend some time all three playing together outside. It has brought us all much closer.
@navtech (1776)
• India
28 Jul 07
Dear Beautyqueen26, Though both husband and wife love each other and their love bondage is cemented by their children. Further children always bridge the gap between husband and wife. It is natural for a mother to spend more time with her new baby than that of her husband. Every husband is understands that. A good husband never consider that his wife is indifferent to him when she has to nurse the child. This will create more love between the husband and wife than that of creating a rift between them.
@Buchi_bulla (8299)
• India
27 Jul 07
Certainly parenthood is a wonderful experience for both of us. It has brought a strong bond in between us. Now the sole interest for both is the welfare of our children. We strive for that and it gives immense pleasure for me to see that he is taking so much interest in the children and vice versa.
• United States
27 Jul 07
After I had my son I thought I would kill my husband. It lasted about 6 months then it went away. In hindsight I think It was all part of the depression tha comes along for some people. When I look at my kids I am so thankful I have him to raise our little family together. Now we are close.
@healer (1785)
• India
27 Jul 07
I think that when we don't have kids we did spend a lot more time with each other in every way. but after having kids we spend a lot more time apart and very rarely we have time for each other. We don't do a lot of things that we used to do when we were younger. I don't think kids brings us closer, yeah it might be for some but according to me such cases won't be many.
• United States
27 Jul 07
Though i am not married but still i can share my analysis that I grew having seen such case. First it depends on whether the mother is working or housewife. In many cases when mother is working, becomes more far from his husband. Now the closeness is shared with kids. (and in case working lady has some affair in office husband becomes like a co-passenger). If the mother is housewife in that case closeness to husband becomes less but still she is close to her husband as there is no option left.......
• Philippines
27 Jul 07
Having children is not a problem. Being a parent is not also a problem. Put things in the priority lsit. Start with lving God the first, then your husband, and the children be on the third liost, cause if you love your husband, and he loves you too, everything follows. you two can concentrate on your children. Just having date every week (not family time) but the two of you every week keeps your relationship closer. We love to eat so, we do dates every payday,go to the place we live and have fun for a while. Hope this helps!