Wedding Envy
By breepeace
@breepeace (3014)
Canada
August 4, 2007 11:48am CST
One of my best friend's from high school got married on July 29th. Another friend got married on the 15th. Two are getting married in August. My former roommate is getting married in late September. In the past 8 months since I've joined Facebook, another 7 former high school classmates have tied the knot. At least 12 were already married. 3 former coworkers have been married since May.
I think I'm getting a little jealous of all the weddings, since I don't even have a ring on my finger by the man I love (and have been with for 2 years steady, although we dated for almost a year before that, non-exclusively, and used to date 7 years ago quite seriously). Yes, I do want to spend the rest of my life with him, and no, I don't want a big princess-y wedding, just a small informal backyard ceremony would be fine. It's not the wedding I'm obsessed about. It's finally getting to exchange vows with the man I love.
I've made a rule with myself that I'll never live with another man until he proposes so I at least know he's into the commitment and not just the concept of a live-in housekeeper (although my current boyfriend is meticulous anyway, I always worry that may end), so obviously we don't live together.
I feel so pathetic, because I know my time will come, but I think everyone else close to me (myself included) thought it would have come already. He's also got financial obligations (the mortgage on the new condo he just bought, a car he's wanted his entire life is up for sale next year for a reasonable price, his current car's payments), so I wonder if all those things are giving him pause in not buying a ring, or if he really feels he's not ready. I don't really want to talk to him about it, because I don't want him to feel pressured. I'd really just like things to come naturally. No, I won't ever propose to a man. I don't like that idea at all. I'm a pretty traditional person, and so is he, and it would go against our very grain.
I'm not looking for advice, I just needed to get that into the open.
I do wonder, though. Did anyone else ever go through a stage where it seemed like everyone was getting married except you?
5 people like this
11 responses
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
4 Aug 07
My fiance are planning ours, but long before we became engaged we discussed what we wanted in life. He didn't think he'd want to get married again, and he always knew I wanted to get married (it would be my first). As we fell in love he decided that a wedding wouldn't be so bad, afterall.
2 people like this
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
5 Aug 07
Well step one would be the engagement and I'm certainly ready for that even if I'm not financially capable of getting married right-this-second. ;)
@MrsFrizzle (1963)
• United States
6 Aug 07
I know where you are coming from. I was with my now husband for 10 years when everyone else around me started getting married. I just felt so upset tat it was not me. I was defiantly Jealous. I felt like my man and I had been together for so long and had better relationships then all of their couples put together. However because he was not ready we had to wait. I did not want him to rush but I wanted to be married too.
It was hard and it was hard until we actually got married. However then of course I got baby envy.
All good things are worth the wait and you will be married soon enough. At least you have someone to love that loves you and when the time is right you to will have that special day. Perhaps you should talk to your boyfriend about your feelings.
I wish you luck and even though it is hard be there as much as you can for your friends and be hapy for them because they will do the same for you when the time is right.
@meg272007 (87)
• Philippines
9 Aug 07
well im 31 and still not married i have also feeling of envy to all my friends and people around me who are now married but i am not really worried about it coz i know i'm gettin there..lol
@edigital (2709)
• United States
4 Aug 07
I am reverse that when I married except me all my similar age and mates was unmarried. When my son is 8 or 9 yrs. age they married and I attended wedding ceremoney with my son. By getting early marriage and child I am happy now as my two sons completed University degree (one this year) and they are started earning. I do not take their money but it will help them to build their future and future expenses when they will need. So I think if you marry late then your child will grow late and they will start earn in late.
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
4 Aug 07
Thanks!
Not really applicable to me, since I don't want children, ever, though.
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
4 Aug 07
I did. It seemed that for some reason I was not good enough. The other girls were blondes, I was a brunette. The other girls could go out in the rain and their hair was perfect. The other girls had clean faces and were slim, I had pimples, and I was what my grandmother said was peasant built and I am not even Russian. Mine flew all over the place. The other girls worked as nurses or teachers, so therefore they would be good with children, or in a restaurant, therefore they could cook, I did office work. The girls had skills and came from large families, there was just me, and my brother. This stage lasted from the time I was eighteen until I was twenty-nine, and by that time, I felt I was going to be a spinster for the rest of my life. It sure was terrible.
1 person likes this
@cefaz_21 (2596)
• Philippines
15 Aug 07
yup..and I know the feeling very well,because I'm the last one to get married in the family,in my set of friends so I was at that stage for a time and I know it could hurt sometimes.
When we attend weddings,they'll always ask you..."when are you getting married?"
When we attend reunions..someone will ask"aren't you getting married yet?"
It's ok..don't let it get into you,as long as you know where you stand about marrying..you'll be alright.
@girlclothes (45)
• Philippines
5 Aug 07
I am 30 (and proud to be) and all my 3 best friends and a lot of the people I knew from high school and college are married and have kids. There was a time when I felt how you felt -- you know, wanting to get married but wanting to be proposed to, but not in a way that it was done out of pressure from me or from the fact that everybody else seemed to be getting married, but because he finally decided that I was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. I was your age then and I was with my boyfriend of six years. Needless to say the proposal never came.
When I look back at what happened, he seemed to have a lot of things going on in his life and for some reason, I fell into the role of the understanding girlfriend and whenever I felt impatient again about getting married, I'd find myself making excuses for him. But now that I'm older, I've learned that if someone really wants to get married, he'd go ahead and do it and excuses don't have to be made to explain why he hasn't proposed yet.
Now, regarding your question, you are quite accurate to call it a stage, because it is a stage or phase. Not everyone may go through it but a lot of people do. As for me -- been there, done that -- I'm no longer pressured into marriage, even if my boyfriend now wants to and even if I think that he's the one. I'll marry when it feels right.
