Jealous of friends getting engaged/married/starting families

India
August 5, 2007 3:00am CST
I'm really jealous of some of my friends. Many of them are engaged/married/starting families, and I want to be, too! My BF and I have been together for a really long time, longer than my friends' relationships, which makes it harder. We are planning on getting married, but the timing won't be right for another year or so. This post is about my jealously of my friends, so just take the info about my relationship as fact and don't get into it. We are fine, my jealous feelings are not! I realize it is stupid to think I "deserve" this any more than anyone else. I know marriage isn't something that is "deserved," it just happens! I really hate that I feel this way. I feel like a jerk. My boyfriend tells me "don't worry, we'll catch up." And I know he is right and our time will come. But I'm still feeling very jealous! Does anyone have any ideas on how I can tame these feelings?
4 people like this
20 responses
@lilaclady (28287)
• Australia
5 Aug 07
I am sure your turn will come, just remember once you are married it is a long time of being together, it is sometimes good to wait a little bit at least you have a boyfriend there is a lot of girls who would settle for that even, and then there are some girls who have husbands and babies and they would swap with you anyday... the grass always looks greener. But I hope things happen for you soon if that is what you want... be happy my friend
@tuffy999 (794)
• Philippines
5 Aug 07
don't worry your time will come. your boyfriend is right in telling you not to worry and you'll catch up. don't fret enjoy your life the way it is at the moment.
1 person likes this
@rb200406 (1825)
• India
5 Aug 07
This type of feeling is quite common in women.I think if you are secure about your relationship then you must not feel jealous but feel happy for your friends.I also had this particular problem earlier but i realised that it is just not worth it.You have to come over your insecurities & wealnessess.Consider others as your own & be happy.You will see that it will make you a better person.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Aug 07
the feeling is normal when you feel like your behind some friends and you know your into it but the time just wont make things happen.. was never jealous of my friends getting married because i really don't know if i wanna engaged into marriage..i guess you just have to think of brighter side of it..maybe God was planning the big thing for both of you..just stay happy together who knows maybe next year things will get better and you will soon be walking in the isle..no one knows their destiny and yours is coming soon just got delayed..cheer up my friend think of the good days you are having together..things will happen on the right time..
1 person likes this
• India
5 Aug 07
Means you are true friends between whom jealousy lies.Jealosy a way to progress! No worry ,no Hurry. But, It's your turn,give chance to your friends.
1 person likes this
6 Aug 07
My dear, you need not rush into marriage otherwise you will definitely rush out of it. I think you B.F is right, you need to take your time and plan it. Another think you have to get clear is that marraige does not just happen but you need to desire it else you will be having problems. God's time is the very best time! Please endure till the right time. Best of luck
@dpk262006 (41049)
• Delhi, India
6 Aug 07
marriage and you - Marriage a life time commitment
Dear Preeti! Please remember - "Grass on the other side of the fence always looks greener." We desire for those things, which we do not have and it happens with everyone and desires never end. I would say look at the positive side of being unmarried. Enjoy your time with your dear friend(s) and do not be so anxious for getting married. Marriage is a life time commitment and it brings lots and lots of responsibilities with it...which you may not visualise at present. And also please take my words...when you get married, after few years....you would say ---"OH! It was far far better...when I was unmarried." Let your other friends, who are frequently getting married, enjoy themselves...they will enjoy for few years...till they grow their families ...once they are with their children...just ask them...how much do they enjoy their life? Best of Luck to you! Have a nice day!
• Singapore
6 Aug 07
the word "jealous is too strong.. Being envy will be more appropriate?
• Malaysia
6 Aug 07
I think what you should do is to ignore the feeling. As for me, if I am jealous of something I will try to show off that I am okay with it to the person I am jealous of. If the person doesn't have manners and just like to show off and boast about her coming marriage, and simply talk to me because she wants me to be jealous, I would say something which would make her angry but couldn't pass back the anger to me. If she pass the anger to me she is the only person who will look stupid. It's like a psychology reverse. Lol. Maybe you could try this. Lol. Am I teaching you to be bad? Hope not. Have a good day!
@coffeeshot (3789)
• Australia
6 Aug 07
I understand how one can have urges to settle down that are so strong that it turns into jealousy! I think it's especially worse for women, as we get nesting urges and want to have children. I am absolutely dying to start a family but I know that it's not the right time until I have my career on track and we've married and saved some money. You're not a jerk, it's natural to feel this way. You're right, everything happens in its own time. You're only young once, so enjoy your youth and the time you have alone with your BF. You have forever to get married and start having babies. Just be patient and remind yourself that one day soon, you will have what you want.
• United States
6 Aug 07
It sounds like you are really ready to get married and want to. What's the hold up? Maybe you are asking yourself that same question? But, if someone has something you want (marriage) it is completely normal to feel jealous. The only real advice I can give you is to try to concentrate on your own life and those feelings will diminish eventually and who knows, maybe the year or so you and your boyfriend are waiting will come before you know it.
@kgwat70 (13417)
• United States
6 Aug 07
I am not jealous of my friends who are married or getting ready to get married and have families. I am very happy for all of them and wish them all the happiness in the world. It is great to see them doing so well and living a wonderful life. I know I could be in the same situation if I was not so shy around women. Hope that some of my other friends will find a special someone and get married and have a family as well.
@nangel78 (1459)
• United States
5 Aug 07
Be patient and realize you will have your time. Your boyfriend loves you and good things come for those who wait. I know that sounds trite but it is true.
5 Aug 07
Hiya, Im jumping in the deep end here - as this is my first post. I can understand that it must be difficult to see your friends getting married and starting families etc but i thought i would give the opposite view point. My husband and i had our first baby last october, weve been married for 4 years, together nearly 10, and both in our early 30s so we were both ready for it. Anyway (i will get to the point) i had a really good friend, she did a reading at our wedding and we were really really close, well as soon as she found out i was pregnant she didnt want anything more to do with me. Her and her boyfriend i think were having problems and she was so desperate for a baby that she couldnt see past all this to wish my happiness. Shes never met our daughter and it really upsets me that she has just cut me off so completly. Try not to be too jealous of your friends, but if you are dont make it so big that things blow out of proportion - your time will come :)
@gwendovere (1283)
• United States
5 Aug 07
Just take things in stride. If it's meant to be, okay. If it's not, that's okay too. Personally, I don't need a partner. But I am a single mom & hope to adopt more kids someday.
@mdvarghese (1789)
• Bangalore, India
5 Aug 07
In such situations you should be happy than be jealous. It may be human tendency to be jealous of others achievements. But we should practice to feel otherwise. For that you should read good religious Books.
@eshaan (6194)
• India
5 Aug 07
Marriage is not a thing to be jealous of, i know that there is some feeling like that when all your friends get engaged or married,but later we come to know that there's nothing to be jealous of.I got married late of all my friends, when i was 28,but after marriage i realized, i was the most lucky person to remain free for longer time.Its not that married life is so worse but there is lot of difference between the bachelor life and the married one.
@wisedragon (2331)
• Philippines
5 Aug 07
Keep in mind that people progress at different paces, so it's really pointless to compare yourself with others. You yourself said that the timing is not yet right. Jealousy is certainly not a reason for getting married. When it comes to marriage, it's better to take your time than rush into it. Many failed marriages are those that were rushed. A good friend of mine married his ex-wife the same year that they met. Now their marriage has been annuled.
@lingli_78 (12862)
• Australia
5 Aug 07
i think it is just normal for a human being to feel jealous as long as it is not over... just be patient and i believe that your turn will come... there is no hurry... and just remember that we always look at other people more lucky, fortunate or happier than us and we tend to forget all the good things that we had experienced as well... just try to be contented with your life and what you have and you won't feel jealous of your friends again... take care...
@gunlock (55)
• Philippines
5 Aug 07
Don't be jealous. There are some things that cannot be rushed, especially marriage. Why not enjoy yourself with your boyfriend for now cause it will be different once you two get married.^^