Trying to Get My Daughter to Go into Rehab

@worldwise1 (14890)
United States
September 2, 2007 10:23am CST
I have said before that my oldest daughter has a drinking problem that has caused me a lot of worry and distress. We have tried to influence her to go into rehab, with no success. I am hoping that she is about to turn the corner as she has been reaching out to me for the last several days. I just talked to my other daughter who is going to pick her up and bring her to my house to stay for a couple of days. I hope that I can convince her to get the help she needs. I view it as a personal failure that she won't stop the drinking.
10 people like this
13 responses
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
2 Sep 07
Well don't look at it as a Failure as it is not a Failure at all you can only do so much the rest is up to her and not you
3 people like this
@angle007 (168)
• India
2 Sep 07
he rest is up to her and not you i agree with yoou.
@worldwise1 (14890)
• United States
2 Sep 07
You're right, of course. Ultimately the outcome rests upon my daughter's shoulders.
1 person likes this
@us2owls (1681)
• United States
2 Sep 07
There is no failure on your part. Going into re-hab is purely up to her too. Don't try forcing her into it would be my advice because then if she fails she can blame you. Suggest it but be sure and tell her that you will be there for her no matter what decision she makes. Good luck.
3 people like this
@anniepa (26451)
• United States
3 Sep 07
Please don't view it as a personal failure because it IS NOT! It sounds as if you're doing all you can do, and you say she's been reaching out to you so that's probably a very good sign. There are so many things that can contribute to a problem like your daughter's and from reading your posts I have no doubt you were no one of them. I will be celebrating exactly 13 months without a drink tomorrow, Sept. 3. I think I nipped my disease in the bud before it got totally out of hand because I was lucky enough to stop without going to rehab. My wake-up call came when my granddaughter overheard a conversation and called me crying her heart out on the phone and said she didn't want anything to happen to me. It's a lengthy story and I'll put it in a discussion one day but I just wanted to tell you it CAN be done, people get well and nothing helps more-or nothing could ever have helped me more-than the love and support of my entire family! Hang in there and I'll pray for you all! Annie
2 people like this
@worldwise1 (14890)
• United States
3 Sep 07
Thank you for being kind enough to share your experience, anniepa. She will have plenty of love because we all adore her-her 3 younger sisters all look up to her. I've told her that I am there for her whenever she needs me.
@kennedee (157)
• Philippines
3 Sep 07
At this moment your daughter needs you more that anybody else. Let her feel that you understand her and the things that she's going through. Try to convince her that you are her friend and the best friend that she could ever have. Also don't lose faith I know it's just a challenge and you can pass that challenge together.
@worldwise1 (14890)
• United States
3 Sep 07
Thankyou for the nice input, kennedee. I will try with all my heart to do what I can for her. She knows that she is loved. Whatever it takes, I have to do it.
• United States
2 Sep 07
You are not a failure for what your daughter chooses to do. When someone is addicted to a substance, they often do not see that it is true. You often hear them say they can quit on their own. Unfortunately that is not true. We can offer them advise that they should seek rehab, but if they are not ready for it, it will not work. Trust me on this one, I know. Don't give up hope that she will one day be sober. Until that day comes, be there for her, keep suggesting rehab, offer to go to AA meetings with her. If she refuses, leave it be. Big huggers to you.
2 people like this
@worldwise1 (14890)
• United States
2 Sep 07
Thank you, Elusive, for the kindness and the positive thoughts. I feel so lucky to have made friends like you who care. I had doubts about bringing this up, but I am glad I did, because all of you have made me see the situation much clearer.
1 person likes this
@phon4u (2217)
• Laos
3 Sep 07
I have no experience on this. I hope she could do as you tell her to do. We have to follow the kid behaviorism very often.
@worldwise1 (14890)
• United States
3 Sep 07
Thank you, phon4u. She has always been very close to me, so I feel that if I can keep her near for awhile I will be able to help her more.
• United States
3 Sep 07
No don't look at it as your failure. It is up to her to hit rock bottom and go to rehab.You are doing all you can do. you are there for her and you will help when she asks for it.I hope she decides to go to rehab.Just take it one day at a time. Take Care.
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14890)
• United States
3 Sep 07
Thank you sarah. It just seems that we went through this all before, but I won't get depressed over it. I will keep my spirits up and try to keep hers up.
1 person likes this
@claudia413 (4284)
• United States
3 Sep 07
You've received some very powerful and wonderful advice here. On October 6, 2007 my daughter will be 7 years sober. She is marvelous to be around now, and it's a pleasure to talk to her on the phone when she calls. We laugh about how it used to be with her blubbering all the time and repeating everything at least twice. We finally told her that we would begin to hang up on her if she was drinking when she called us (either me or her aunts). She checked into rehab and has faithfully gone to AA meetings at least twice a week since then. She also speaks and is requested to speak at various AA meetings. I am very proud of her (always have been) and now she is very proud of herself and all she's doing to help others become and stay sober. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers, my friend. Keep us informed. My daughter will have her 7th anniversary at her home AA group on October 30. If I'm doing okay with my chemo treatments, we will fly to NY for the anniversary celebration and enjoy every moment of it, as well as the time we spend with her. Hang in there!
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14890)
• United States
3 Sep 07
I thank you for sharing your daughter's story, claudia. I am glad things have turned out well for her-and I pray that things will turn out well for my daughter also. I will let you know how she is progressing.
@twoey68 (13662)
• United States
3 Feb 08
My oldest Brother has a drinking problem and the only thing I can tell you is they have to want the help too. All the good intentions in the world won't do any good if the person doesn't want any help. I wish you luck with your problem. **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
• India
3 Sep 07
i pray that every thing turns out really for the true happiness of everyone there. prayers, apple.
@thefortunes (2368)
• Netherlands
3 Sep 07
Dear Worldwise, for fist thing - Do not see this as a personal failure, please. I am aware that most parents in a situation such as yours will start blaming themselves, but this isn't because of you. Unless you were drinking all the time while parenting your daughter I cannot imagine that it is due to you, or due to your upbringing. You already help her by giving her the listening ear, and care, and love. She can stay at your place whenever she needs, and your other daughter isn't leaving her sister alone and lonely, which is great. Your daughter needs her family and you are there for her. This is the most important thing really. When she will bethere you can try talking to her again, and make her see that unless she is prepared to go into rehab, she will not be able to stop this downward spiral. She hasn't been able to stop with it on her own until now, so she must understand that she needs help in order to stop the excessive drinking, and the harm she is doing to herself with it. I wish you and her the right solution for the problem and that she will take the right step :)
@mummymo (23709)
3 Sep 07
Oh my dear worldwise this must be so difficult for you. Please, please do not blame yourself for your daughters addiction - this is something that could affect any one of us and it is not your 'fault'. Unfortunately you can't force someone to change their lives - they have to be ready to get help or it won't work. I am keeping you and your daughter in my prayers and I do hope that you can help her but no matter what I am sure that you will help your daughter see that you love her and that she can rely on you for support and confidence as she tries to change her life! Good luck my friend xxxx
@tuffy999 (794)
• Philippines
3 Sep 07
don't blame yourself for the problem with your daughter. you have been very supportive of her and just extend little more patience, just don't push her too much, people with abuse problem are normally very defensive and their spirit of contradiction is just too strong. the more you push them to get help the deeper they go. it may be painful o see them destroy themselves but a parent can just do so much. good luck and don't ever think that this problem is your personal failure. be patient and strong you'll get over this.