Lying friends.

United States
September 10, 2007 7:43am CST
Awhile back I did a huge favor for a friend and she seemed very grateful. For awhile she had been poor-mouthin herself, what we call in the South, when you act poor even though you have plenty of money. She'd say things, like how they were barely getting by and how much money she needed extra to pay bills and such. Some people poor-mouth just to get the freebies friends are willing to offer to a needy friend. And, basically that is what happened to me. Later, by accident, I learned that this friend was actually doing fairly well, income wise. And, that she once had a really nice paying job, (way more than anything I've earned) and that she was only "needy" by choice, since she stopped working. And, it made me feel really bad that she would use my friendship in such a way to get a freebie that she could have easily paid for. I would never feel right about taking a favor from a friend (who could barely afford to give it) when I could so easily afford to pay for the thing myself. What do you think? Do you think it's right for friends to ask other friends to do free favors for them, that they could easily pay for themselves? Have you ever had a friend take advantage of your generous nature to scam you out of something really valuable, under the pretense that she couldn't afford to pay for it?
4 people like this
13 responses
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
10 Sep 07
That is terrible that that happened to you. I have had friends from back home do that to me. They are no longer friends. I loaned money to a friend of mine several times, he knew I was a single mom at the time and really couldn't afford it, I loaned him my car and he didn't put gas in it so he could take a girl out on a date, so on. Yeah, we ended up not being friends after that. When he had money he would come over and mooch off of my groceries, then leave and go out. I finally had enough. I told him I didn't buy groceries for him to eat them up and leave me and my daughter to fend for ourselves. I worked hard for what I had and he didn't work at all. So, I told him it was best he didn't come around anymore. Another time, I took in a friend who needed a place to stay, she lived in my boyfriends and my house and I worked full time. When she moved in, she quit her job and lounged around my house for a few months. I told her to get a job and start pulling her weight or get out. Instead she slept with my boyfriend and I ended up leaving. But that's ok. His mother was the signer of the apartment and she kicked all of them out. Do not feel bad for helping others. You did what was right in your heart. It is other people who should be ashamed of themselves for taking advantage of someone so nice. It is their loss not yours.
2 people like this
@CatClaws (115)
• United States
10 Sep 07
Hi beautyqueen, I know exactly how you feel. I have a very close friend of mine who was telling me one day on the phone how she didn't know what they(her,husband,two kids) were going to do that next week about groceries. SHe was saying what all bills and such she had to pay and that there just wasn't going to be any money left and the kids had to have snacks for school, and so on. So the next day it really got to weighing on my heart that those kids may not have a descent meal or stuff for school and such. So I went to the grocery store and bought them some groceries. Not anything extravagant but enough to get them by a few days. I didn't want her to know that I had done it so I used the house key she gave me and just went over there to put the groceries up before she got home from work. I went in and opened the fridge and to my surprise it was almost full. I opened the freezer, also full. I went and opened the deep freezer and it was about half full. I opened the pantry and it was full of can stuff and other things. Now I thought to myself, what a fool I was. I can not believe this just happened. So I just took my groceries back to my house. What really hurt me the most was that I am a single mother of three girls and I work very hard for the money that I have. I don't know if she was just wanting some attention or trying to tell me her sad story in hopes that I would give her money to buy groceries. Apparentlyif I had offered her money to buy groceries she would have spent it on something else. I am also from the south so I know exactly what poor mouthing is, although I haven't heard it used in a while. It was nice to read your discussion. It was something I could relate to.
1 person likes this
@KrisNY (7592)
• United States
30 Sep 07
No--- I wouldn’t call that friendship. My friends don’t act that way- they are nice- We all help each other out- Regardless of time or cost—but we also return favors. That is what friends are for. Did you say anything to this person after you found out?? How close of a friend are they to you? It’s a terrible thing that she did—acting like they had no money-
@josuas1 (53)
• Indonesia
11 Sep 07
you must tell your friends that a friendship needs a mutual advantages, not one-sided only. so my advice is tell to her it's important to her for change her attitude to you, otherwise you have to end your friendship with her and find another ones. there are 6 billion people are now living on earth. so don't worry
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
11 Sep 07
I think that you are absolutely justified in feeling wronged-at least let this be an eye-opener. Hereafter, you keep helping friends out of the friendship part of your relationship. What I mean is keep transactions very clear. Otherwise you will only get disappointed-moreso because you are of the view that you should not exploit; you will only get exploited.Some people never hesitate to take benefit out of another and have no scruples whatsoever. They just accept it as their birthright and people who never do this will only get hurt .I try not to get into transactions with friends , because I know that I cannot give 'no' for an answer.
• United States
11 Sep 07
Absolutely not. It's one thing to loan money to a trustworthy friend that just didn't have a couple of bucks on them in a store or what not to grab a small item, especially when you know you'll just end up getting it back within a few hours anyway. However, it's something completely different to be fooled over again and again simply because they're not careful with cash, which is something I dealt with with a previous roommate. She always complained about not having money and what not, but whenever I gave her rides, I got crap for gas money when I was promised some help for her ride, and all the money her parents gave her went out the window the same day she got it, so she went begging for cash because she always wanted stuff she couldn't have because she couldn't budget and save. I hate people like that, preying on people that literally can't spare that last dollar simply because they're idiots and don't want to be frugal.
@Valce1 (173)
• Canada
11 Sep 07
Confront her. If she doesn't apologize, return your gifts, etc., ditch her. You don't need 'friends' like that - with 'friends' like that, who needs enemies (or taxes)? :P If you're nice enough to offer freebies, you're too good for this kind of person. Either get her to shape up, or stop talking to her altogether. Harsh, but better for you in the long run. You don't need her!!
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
10 Sep 07
I have had friends like this in the past like this myself until I got tired of feeling used by them and just stopped having anything to do with them. I don't mind helping people out a little or of they are in need but enough becomes enough after a while. It sounds like this person is taking advantage of you to me.
@eliezl (766)
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
i have been in that situation too. and has happened repeatedly on the same person. just now, i have resolved myself to promise not to get involve with such person ever again because, i realized that when it was my turn to be in need, that same person would eventually disappear and doesnt care all along about my own problems and needs. people like that are what we call USERS. they are those who take advantage of you and leave us stranded when we need them. although i may need to understand why they grew up to be like that, being one to a person whom u considered a very close friend and a trusted friend is a big NO-NO. i hate it when people use others to gain what they want.
@peanutjar (5211)
• Canada
10 Sep 07
I dont think its fair on the friendship.If their a real friend they shouldnt do it in the first place.Ive had friends like this before that i called "leaches",they were just my friend to suck some money out of me since they knew im quite gullable,after about the 15th time of one asking me to give them money to buy something at the store that she saw and liked but "coincidently"did not have the money on her at the time i finally said "im sorry but i havent the money to pass you ,as i need it more than you do at this time".She was not happy at all and the friendship kind of went right there.She bummed money from her parents all the time,they were sick too!She kept her money for herself and yes she was well off too.Makes me mad to be used by these leaches that try to suck hard earned money from a friendship.:)
• United States
10 Sep 07
Im so sorry to hear that you friend took advantage of you like that. I think it was very wrong of your friend to do that to you. I dont think its right for someone to ask for something that they could do theirself. I dont think ive ever had a friend do this to me. If i really couldnt afford it i probably wouldnt do it. But if they promised to pay me back then i might consider it. I dont make much so i cant really afford to go around and give gifts/favors like this. Did you ever say anything to your friend about this? I would have confronted her.
@pandya (334)
• India
10 Sep 07
this is not a good thing for her to do... but u must not seek revenge the same way... just prove to her that she was the one who went wrong... and see if she still stays ur friend even after u telling her... that u are not giving her any money!!
@Michele21 (3094)
• United States
10 Sep 07
I think that is terrible!!! I can't imagien asking someone to get me something if I had the money myself. I just couldn't do it, I have enough trouble asking for help when I really need it much less just to get something for free?? No way, I think that is wrong, especially since you helped her out and could barely afford to do it for her!