Why do so many intelligent women allow themselves to be trapped in the role of..

@miamilady (4924)
United States
September 13, 2007 7:29am CST
Supermom? I think it's pretty common. Two income family. Both parties go to work. Everyone comes home. Mom makes dinner, mom cleans up and Mom stays up late to catch up on laundry, while everyone else goes about their business. Why do you think so many women allow this to happen? Personally, I feel that if both people are working, both need to share household duties EQUALLY. I know this doesn't happen in many families. Yep...I gotta job and now I'm complaining already! lol I've never had aspirations to be a supermom. I don't need to do it ALL. Any thoughts?
10 people like this
27 responses
@whyaskq (7553)
• Singapore
13 Sep 07
simply because they think they are superwoman! Many women are jugglers, and most are intelligent enough to juggle with many activities at one time. That's the role of women. That's how women can maintain superiority to men. lol.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
15 Sep 07
Now, at the risk of losing a friend and offending many. I will use a famous phase that, but I have no idea where it came from. "You can't have your cake and eat it too." The woman's original role was to stay home and attend to things regarding the house and the children. Just because you decide to go to work, doesn't mean that anyone else in the house wants to add to their duties. I am not saying that you are wrong to go back to work, just don't expect anybody else to change from what they are use to.
@mkirby624 (1599)
• United States
15 Sep 07
But the only reason people in the house get used to the mom doing it all is because she started out doing it all. If you start out a marriage as equals, both doing the work, then it will continue to be that way...equal. The only way you can change that generic role of a woman is to start the first day of your marriage making it clear that you are not everyone's maid.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
16 Sep 07
Okay, I can appreciate what you are saying mkirby624. But, what about the husbands who were raised in a household where the mother stayed home and he prefers it that way?
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
17 Sep 07
Those men should make it clear from the begining BEFORE they get married that they expect that type of behavior. If a woman is okay with it, then she will marry him. People should be clear up front, before they get married on what their expectations are. I made it clear from the begining that I had no interest in doing it all. I was adamant about my independence. I suprised myself when I decided to become a stay at home mom for as long as I did. Even after I became a stay at home mom, there were times when I needed help. Raising small children can be a full time job alone. Personally, I think it's a matter of consideration and caring. If you care about someone and they look like they could use your help, and you are in a position to help them, you should. I'm not offended at all. I think it is up to each couple to figure out what works for them. I am only bothered when I see one person being taken advantage of and not knowing how to deal with that.
@theprogamer (10543)
• United States
14 Sep 07
I like how there is no credit given to dads that actually step up and take on a large or almost all responsibilities in the household, the marriage and the family in this discussion, great stuff. -_- Pretty much no credit given to existing awesome dads and superdads or even potentials, again great stuff. -_- I have a job yes but I can also make dinner, clean up, do laundry and in some cases I can still do things like work on my writing or post on mylot. But of course, I don't exist. Supposedly I'm jabberwocky, cipher, mirage, whatever you want to call me to keep this discussion going. Just ignore the raving ogre and move on. I agree that some moms get suckered into this, but others simply passively accept it (I barely get why). Many reasons for it (competition, self fulfillment, their mom did it, societal pressure, others) but its okay for a wife to ask some things from their husbands and for a mom to ask somethings from her kids. Its nearly impossible to do it all for a family, so the family should be able to do somethings autonomously. Or yet again I could have it completely wrong. Its happened before. Maybe I'm too dark on this subject too.
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
15 Sep 07
This probably isn't the best time for me to reply to this cuz I'm kind of tired. I tried posting to your comment up above but it didn't go through (i hate it when that happens!) I know there are some great guys out there who help out and who really do appreciate their wives. I didn't start the discussion to bash men. It's just a personal observation and something that I just don't get about many women. Take care.
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10543)
• United States
15 Sep 07
Don't worry Miami I wasn't too mad. I just wanted to at least post the other side of this equation. I did get ticked, but it happens, because I've worked hard and I've seen others work hard with no credit at all. I'm not that offended, I just feel passionate about these things. Miami you discussion was great, so don't feel down on my account! 10/10 and you are a champ buddy, don't forget it. *hugs* *salute*
@andyliuzn (991)
• China
16 Sep 07
Hehe, Supermom, orsay superwoman? I do think the couples should share the housework if both are working. And I am sharing it now with my GF, we would take turns to do cooking, laundry... WBR,Andy
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
17 Sep 07
Thanks for your response. Take care.
@kitty1234 (1476)
• United States
15 Sep 07
I think most women agree with you, but we all know if we don't do it it will not get done! The house will be filled with garbage and laundry, you would be eating fast food everyday! Nobody wants to be a supermom but if you set the rules right from the start it works but if they even had one week with you doing it all it now is your job! I watch my sister with three kids and her husband, a full time job and school activites trying to hold it all together. I have mentioned the idea to her of her husband helping and she looked shocked!
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
15 Sep 07
It blows me away when a couple won't even consider the possiblity of the husband helping out. The role of the woman doing all the work started off because the men were working and the women were staying home. Life was a lot different back then. Even when I was a stay at home mom (last week lol) I expeted at least SOME help. Not a lot, but some.
@mkirby624 (1599)
• United States
15 Sep 07
I totally agree!! My husband and I definitely share our chores!! I am a teacher (which is MORE than a full time job!) and he is a full time student, plus he works part time on the weekends. We are both very busy people, so we share our chores. I cook everynight, but he helps me clean. I fold my clothes, he folds his. If he doesn't fold them, they just don't get folded. That's our agreement. We don't like the way each other folds, so we don't fold each others' clothes. When sometimes needs cleaning, one of us will clean it. He is home more during the day because he has a lot of night classes so he tidies up while I'm at work. I love coming home and seeing such a clean house!! But when he's working on the weekend and I am at home, I do some housework and laundry. It's all equal for us. Neither of us says "you need to clean up" It gets done when it gets done, and whoever gets to it first does it. We don't resent each other if one of us cleans most of the time for a while, because we know, within a week or so, the other person will give the house a good scrub down and make it look great! :) I'll have to brag, because we have an amazing equality in our marriage.
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
15 Sep 07
It sounds like you have a great realationship.
• United States
14 Sep 07
I have thought about this topic alot. I am 40 years old and I never married and never had kids. I turned and ran whenever a guy got serious. I suspect it is partly because of the way I saw how marriage was for my mom. She worked full time, took care of the house and us. He just sat around being critical of everything and being bossy. They fought all the time, yelling and screaming..day and night. I saw the way she lived and didn't like it. And often, I wondered how she fell into that role. I think she took on the responsibility my father would not take. She was neat freak, he was not. She cared, he didn't. She loved us, he didn't. You take on more because you care more. I don't think it should be that way. Moms get stressed and take it out on the kids.
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
15 Sep 07
Thanks for your response. Your parents sound a lot like mine were.
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
13 Sep 07
Thats funny, I'm not a working mom. I stay at home, but I always tell my husband when he complains about something I'm not doing. "you should have realize a long time ago that I'm not Betty Crocker!"
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
13 Sep 07
lol. I've thought those very words about myself. I'm no Betty Crocker. I want to have a nice home and I try to be a good mom, but everything doesn't have to be in perfect order. I think that having a certain amount of sanity and calm in our life is more important that having a home that can be shown in "Home and Gardens" magazine.
• Canada
18 Sep 07
I was one of those supermoms when I worked outside the house and didn't mind at all. I actually liked doing things myself because I hated the way it would get done otherwise. When the kids were old enough they had chores and the schedule was posted in the kitchen - so no arguments on who's day it is to do whatever. I didn't need to do it all myself either but I did want it done and sometimes it was just easier not to beg or argue about it.
@gradyslady (4056)
• United States
18 Sep 07
My mom is my role model, because she is so smart, she is a single mom, she's hard working, she's just amazing, but she had to take care of us and raise us and all of that after she came home from work. She had to struggle so much with her time because my dad was an idiot and he was so selfish. For the past 8 years, I've been trying to help take care of her, yes she still works, but I cook, clean, and do all of that for her.
@syndibee (799)
• United States
15 Sep 07
i think it's just a roll she falls into. she doesn't WANT to be supermom but she's the most motivated to get things done around the house. many women, myself included, find it hard to ask for assistance or when they do and are met with sighs of contempt then they would rather do it themselves than listen to complaints. they then find themselves resenting their family and their own role within it. women truely can be horrible communicators when it comes to domestic duty.
@mummymo (23709)
14 Sep 07
I agree with you totally! I used to be that way many years ago but never again! Nowadays I can't even get to work let alone do housework so my other half has to do it all and he rarely complains even though I boss him around and make him do it the 'right ' way ( ok yest that translates as MY way). Before my mobility problems we still shared the work although I always did the laundry cos he has a bad habit of putting coloured or black things in with the whitesHe has always done more of the cooking than I have which always made up for the laundry situation! I suppose some women feel they have to do everything - I however am not one of them! xxx
@venshida (4839)
• United States
14 Sep 07
You are right they should both handle chores equally. They do not stand up to their husband and discuss these things prior to marriage. Some females also thinks its their duty to do these things because taking care of the home is traditionally a females role. I am sorry If I have to work 8 hours you better turn that Tv off and wash some dishes. I am no superwoman.
• India
14 Sep 07
I don’t know about western systems, but for Asian moms, we are to blame ourselves for this predicament. We seldom make our boys work at home yet we expect some help from our daughters for household work. We have a preset mentality that since girls will grow up to be home-makers, they better start the training at home under their moms, but since boys would not have to do any of it (their wives will do it for them), so they can very well leave the dinner table dirty and go and watch TV. they will have their mothers and sisters to clean up after them!
• United States
14 Sep 07
I wonder this all of the time. Women are so much more than just mothers.
@tanujarneja (2834)
• India
14 Sep 07
Well I will just say in this Situation One Will know the value of a person when u will be far off from them Its my personal experience
@pismeof (855)
• United States
14 Sep 07
Yeah..Just let the house go to H*ll,The family will figure it out after a while.
@dbhattji (2508)
• India
14 Sep 07
It is just the basic psychology of women to take care of everyone including the home, but more and more families are now sharing the work equally between the two partners
• United States
14 Sep 07
I think it happens because there isn't any discussion about the chores. So no one does any chores and the wife/mother does them because they need to be done.And if mom started out as a stay at home mom and then goes outside to work, no one is used to doing the chores so mom if left doing them. What each household needs is a family meeting where mom tells the rest of the family where she needs help with chores and where she does not. That way everyone will know that since mom is out working, Suzy has to do this and Bill has to do that. Without a meeting, she will be left doing it all herself.
@Thoroughrob (11771)
• United States
13 Sep 07
I think that alot of them think that is the way it is supposed to be. When I was working, it was a family job to clean house. Everyday we took 20 minutes to walk through the house and pick up and one person ran the sweeper. They all help with getting supper on the table. They were only 7 and 8 but they done there part and my husband did the same unless there was something outside that he needed to do. I did take care of the laundry.