What do you do to make your relationship work?

@laurika (4536)
United States
September 25, 2007 10:17pm CST
I am sure many of us out there has husnabds, wifes, girlfriends or boyfriends.But there are many times when our relationship seems not to work.What are you doing to make it work?Do you have any special secrets?
5 responses
@drannhh (15229)
• United States
26 Sep 07
The most importance thing to do in making a relationship work is to choose very carefully before having a relationship, because it is much easier and more fun getting together than separating. You will laugh, but I actually gave anyone who asked me to marry him a written "test" because marriage is a lifetime job. Why not have an application? After you are together with someone it is to late to discover whether they have gambling debts, a drinking problem, annoying relatives, or whatever. Of course, it is not possible to catch every difference ahead of time. There will always be surprises, but if the things that are most important to you are set straight before you begin, then your chances are greater of succeeding together as a couple in the long run. Once together, then it is important to maintain a balance of power from the beginning. Other people will say to be honest, forgiving, considerate, and all of those sentimental things. While I don't encourage dishonesty, or selfishness, or unnecessary cruelty, the most important thing in a comfortable relationship destined to last is that each person can be herself or himself. If your partner crowds your space, pushes you into psychological corners, is domineering or bullying or secretive, calculating or conniving, don't suffer in silence. That sort of thing has to be nipped in the bud. If protecting your own right to be yourself results in hostility or, God forbid, violence from your partner, then this is a relationship that is not meant to be and then it is better to break it off. Not all relationships can be made to work. That is my opinion.
@laurika (4536)
• United States
28 Sep 07
Yeah you are right it is so easy to get together but separating is much more difficult.Anyway everything you wrote is very wise and I apreciate that.I gave you BR
@drannhh (15229)
• United States
28 Sep 07
Tony, although it has been many years, I do still remember some of the questions. Do you smoke? Do you drink? Do you like to travel? Do you want to have children? Will you take me to the ocean? Would you ever want to allow your parents or mine to live with us? Are you willing to leave this place and start life somewhere else? Most of the questions were pretty straightforward. I informed each applicant that he must be honest because if I found out later that he had lied, the marriage would be over. I also said that with the exception of one question, and I did not specify which, he could get 2 answers wrong and still pass. When my then soon-to-be husband took the questionnaire he had a big smile on his face. He loved the idea of taking my test! He had a big smile on his face when he handed it back to me, too. He knew he had passed.
@laurika (4536)
• United States
3 Oct 07
This is really good idea with this questions.I think I am goona try it on my own with my man.
@franziska (411)
• Italy
7 Oct 07
I try to talk and talk with my boyfriend as long as the problem is clear for me, then I try to find a solution that can be good for us both. I think anyway that in a relationship it's necessary to be elastic, not rigid. To make work a relationship it's not easy anyway: goodwill is always needed.
@soleya (1102)
• Latvia
27 Sep 07
I think that the main reason why our relationships could not work is because we don't believe in ourselves and love first of all ourself enough. I believe that if you are proud of yourself than your boyfriend or girlfriend will also love you and be proud of you. And will be affraid to lose you. And that is why your relationships will be working fine. Also, if you feel that your relationships do not work it is always good to have some time to think and don't see each other. This way you can better evaluate your relationships.
@dexsha28 (73)
• Philippines
27 Sep 07
My life has been a tough one. Now, I don't say that for sympathy because it benefited me more than I could have ever expected. I have struggled to become an independent person, and yes I said struggle because like every woman I love to be spoiled. There are lots of rules to abide by if this manual may fix some of the perils in your situation. Love is an essential. There's no "maybe" about love - you just know if you love someone. You enjoy sharing with each other anything and everything, you respect and trust each other, you're always honest with each other, you enjoy spending time and having special moments with each other, the good times outnumber the bad times, you're there for each other, you have great conversations, you're close on almost every lever possible, you can balance the time you spend together and the time you spent apart, you can balance the time you do have together on (emotional) activities and conversations with the (physical) activities and conversations. You would do anything for each other and protect each other, you're kind to each other and show affection, and you spend time out of choice, not dependency. There may be times when you are less aware of your loving feelings, more into your own interests, perhaps things have even become a little routine. Those are the times to remember all the wonderful things you have done together, and still want to do. You choose to feel committed and close, so when you feel yourself drifting, taking your love for granted, etc., plan a romantic date night, do something special for your love, and just remind yourself of all the wonderful qualities he or she possesses that made you fall in love in the first place.
• United States
26 Sep 07
No special secrets, at least not any that I haven't heard on daytime television a million times! Communication. I listen to my husband and in return he listens to me. It has this ripple effect and everything else in our relationship just goes accordingly.