Does having a baby is an enough reason to get married?

@MarieJ23 (1041)
United States
October 7, 2007 1:50am CST
I received an email from a friend that she is pregnant but she is not sure if she will accept the marriage proposal of her boyfriend. She said she is not sure if she is ready to get married although they love each other so much. Her pregnancy is not yet planned but both of them are excited about it. She is 25 yrs old and her bf is 27yrs old. Both of them have good and stable jobs. So, do you think it will be advisable that they will get married for the sake of the child? Do you think having a baby is an enough reason to get married?
4 people like this
31 responses
@alchemistrx (2569)
• Philippines
7 Oct 07
Get married so they wouldn't have any problems with birth certificates.
• United States
7 Oct 07
There doesn't have to be a problem with the birth certificate. I obviously don't know the laws in all 50 states, but in Ohio a father can be stated on the certificate by signing a paper in front of a notary. A piece of paper stating the child was born is NOT a reason to get married!
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
7 Oct 07
I understand what you mean alchemistrx. It's also like that in the Philippines. Most of the times, if the couples are not married, the child bears the family name of the Mom but I guess it changes right now. As long as the father recognizes the baby and allows that his family name be used by the baby then there's no problem at all.
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
8 Oct 07
In the Philippines, it matters a lot. It has to do with the culture of our country. Single mothers there are not as acceptable in the society as it is here in the US and in other western countries. A child out of wedlock especially if she/he wasn't recognized by the father is so pity in the eyes of the people. Worst, when he already started going to school there are cases in which his classmates will going to bully him/her because he doesn't have a father. Although, it doesn't apply to all but it is to most. Again, it's in the culture.
@kwenge (2493)
• Kenya
8 Oct 07
A baby on the way is not good reason enough for people to get married. It depends on how they feel about each other and how much they know about each other. How long have they gone out? But it seems they are both in stable jobs and they can support their baby without living together or they can move in together, raise the baby and marry later on after trying things out. There are something about a person you will never know till you live with them.So please let them weigh thier options properly before making such a big step.
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
8 Oct 07
You're right friend. That's what she asked right now from her bf, to give her some time to sort things out. Hope she'll come up to a decision that is good to them especially for the baby.
@kwenge (2493)
• Kenya
9 Oct 07
Lets hope she gets a solution soon before the baby arrives. Maybe she is developing cold feet. Give her hopes that everything shall be alright as long as their love for each other remains strong. Let not the baby come between them. Men sometimes become insecure when their wife take alot of time woth new borne babies forgeting them. I wish her the best.
@empire (86)
• Nepal
8 Oct 07
Nope. getting married is not just for having baby. I think marriage is a point where real life of a person starts. Marriage is a second name for "final love",which starts after marriage till the end of their life.
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
8 Oct 07
You're definitely right empire. The wedding day is just the start of the lifetime commitment to the vows made on that day.
@empire (86)
• Nepal
10 Oct 07
Thanks.But some also says , "Mariage is a three ring circus:An engagement ring, a wedding ring and suffering ring." What do u say?
7 Oct 07
Marriage can be wonderful and fun and comforting and when raising children is sure helps to have two people to share this responsibility but marriage is not easy and you have to love and respect each other. I know alot of single mothers and they do just fine never marry if it doesn't feel right. trust your own intuitions
• United States
7 Oct 07
Marriage is not something to be taken lightly. Even though they love each other, it sounds like they both aren't ready for that huge step. They can have the baby and not be married. If they jump into something they aren't prepard for, it will end badly with them and the baby being hurt. They should take their time and think it over seriously
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
7 Oct 07
Flowerpeople and jennwhite, you are both correct guys. That's what I also told them, not to rush with their decisions of getting married. They are still contemplating with it right now. My friend I guess is just having cold feet right now. I hope they will come up with a decision which is best for her and her bf and the baby.
• Philippines
8 Oct 07
for me, having a baby is not the basis for getting married. simply because, being a single mom or dad is not a crime. marriage should need so much preparation and the persons involve should be both ready before entering such commitment otherwise, the marriage wont work out and the baby would be greatly affected.
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
8 Oct 07
I agree with you clandestine. Marriage is coupled with much responsibilities. It's a lifetime commitment.
@lgwlong (199)
• China
8 Oct 07
they should ger married if both of them love each other and have the stable job. the baby is also a god's gilf ,at the same time ,there are not teenage any more,they can make a happy living
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
8 Oct 07
You've got a wonderful thoughts here lgwlong. Thanks for sharing it!
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
8 Oct 07
I was in that situation and I chose not to get married or even live with the man at that time. Why? I never wanted to be with him for any reason other than love. I did not want to ever ever question whether or not we were together simply because of the child. We did remain together for a while and almost got married. We ended up going separate ways and I was glad we took our time. He is a good dad and we get along fine raising our daughter together but we are very different and it is so much better for our daughter having us live in seperate households .
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
8 Oct 07
Wow! Thanks for sharing this Sid. Incompatibility is really another thing that can't make the relationship works. Good that you trust your instinct. You save yourself from the emotion-draining divorce/separation.
• China
8 Oct 07
I donnot think having a bady is an enough reason to get married,but it is an important reason to get married,the best reason is right time,right place and right people.I think if someone want to get married,they must think a lot of things,after all,marriage is an important thing in our life.
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
8 Oct 07
I agree with you xiao. One has to think it twice before tying the knot because it is very important and sacred.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
8 Oct 07
As both of them are stable, I think they can marry now. If they are comfortable with each other, then there is no problem in marrying. As also the baby is on its way, it will be also good. The child should also get a healthy family life.
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
8 Oct 07
I agree with you subha. Thanks for your respond here! Yes, it will be best for the baby to have both parents around.
@milkfish (375)
• Philippines
8 Oct 07
Having a baby should not be the main consideration. The couple should be emotionally and financially prepared before they commit for marriage. In your friends' case, they are of right age already and they seem to be financially stable too, i don't know why they still have apprehensions to get married. Aren't they sure yet that they really want to spend the rest of their life together? If this is indeed the case, then its better to give them ample time to decide on the matter. However, there are some risks involved. If they have the baby now and they end up not marrying each other at the end, the child will be considered illegitimate under the Philippine Family Code. However, the child may use the surnanme of his father under new law RA 9255. If they end up marrying each other, well and good for the child.
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
8 Oct 07
Hi milkfish. Actually, that illigitimacy thing bothers me a lot because they are in the Philippines. I just heard a lot of stories that some kids are bullied in school because they don't have fathers or stuff like that.
@mari_skye (1638)
• Philippines
7 Oct 07
Personally I do not think having a baby should be the reason for a couple to get married. I do believe they should first make sure that they are getting married because they are sure they love each other and that they are ready to take the plunge. The baby should not be the deciding factor for them to tie the knot. But its good that your friend and her BF are both happy and excited to have a baby, but I think they should first postpone getting married.
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
8 Oct 07
I got your point mari and yes, if the marriage idea will add upp to the pressures of having the baby, then I guess they have to wait til the baby is born. Thanks for the respond!
• United States
7 Oct 07
No, I don't believe that it's enough of a reason to get married because of a baby. It also depends if they are mature enough to make a commitment. They may be financially secure and all but if she has doubts then I think that they should wait until they are both really sure. It is a big commitment and I wish them both the best in whatever decision they decide to make!!
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
8 Oct 07
Thank you clamarco for sharing your ideas here. You're right marriage is a very important because it implies lifetime commitment.
• Philippines
7 Oct 07
Not really. If both of you are sure with each other and love each other and at the same time stable in your jobs then, there is nothing to worry about, you can marry anytime you want.
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
8 Oct 07
Thanks hannah for sharing your thoughts here. I certainly agree with you. Those are the basics things to consider before settling down.
@pagli84 (1850)
• Netherlands
7 Oct 07
if she isnt ready, she shouldnt feel forced to get married because she is pregnant. however, is she also ready to have a baby or not? i think its a good thing that the guy is willing to stick around and commit for the sake of the baby. a lot of guys would just freak out and run away, but he seems like he wants to be a good father. they dont necessarily have to get married now to raise a child. they can still stay together as they are and raise it. i think, ultimately, its up to both of them to figure out a suitable solution.
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
8 Oct 07
Yes, I definitely salute him for being as supportive as he can be. Personally, I know the guy also. When he become my friend's bf we also became friends. My friend and I chatted tonight and she is just very much afraid that she can't handle both being a wife and a mother. I guess it's just normal that sometimes we have apprehensions on things. I just told her to think about it many times. Good because she is not so pressured to give her decision right away because they guy said he can wait.
@breepeace (3027)
• Canada
7 Oct 07
They're stable and they're in love, so I don't see anything wrong with them getting married. She shouldn't do it just for the sake of the baby though.. it's unfair to expect a child to flourish in a relationship based purely on his or her existence and not love and respect between his or her parents. If she feels she's not ready for tying the knot, but loves this man and does want to spend her life with him eventually, then she should accept the proposal and wait it out until after the baby is born. In this day and age, there is nothing wrong with a baby being born to two unmarried but loving parents, so there's no need to rush.
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
8 Oct 07
Yes, they are both in love and have a good and stable job. They are in their relationship for 6yrs now. My theory is, she just have a cold feet maybe due to the pressures around them. We are still corresponding right now. I am giving here the two sides of their story, it's up to her to decide.
@nadezna (204)
• Philippines
7 Oct 07
married life is the worst suggestion but if you want that your baby have a good life you always think it first your life or your baby's life having a family is the best thing to make your child happy it's a gift..i guess it may help you..ciao^^
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
8 Oct 07
Thank you for giving your idea on this matter. Deeply appreciated.
@CEN7777 (858)
• India
7 Oct 07
Getting married is a wonderful thing, only if they feel to get married by heart. Otherwise just for the sake baby if they wants to get married than it is useless. If they are committed and realy love each other than there is no need to get certified with the piece of paper.When they are having good and stable job. with good relation between them they can live together as long they love each other. I donot find any reason to get married now they can be happy either.
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
8 Oct 07
Thanks for sharing your idea here Cen. You;re right, what will matter is their happiness.
@carolscash (9500)
• United States
7 Oct 07
Well, I speak from experience on this one. I was dating a guy that I loved a great deal and planned to marry in the future. I got pregnant(very unexpected) and when I told him, I wasn't sure that he wanted to be a dad. However, he said that he would take responsibility and that we should go ahead and move on with the wedding plans. Well, I just wasn't quite ready to take that jump into marriage and so I decided that I would just tell him that we would wait for a little bit. A few months before the baby was born,I discovered that he had been and still was cheating on me and that he had another girl pregnant too. I was so thankful that I could just walk away from him and although, my child would be his and carry his name,I knew that I would not have to deal with him much. He has since given up all rights to her and my husband adopted her 7 years ago!! So, NO being pregnant with someones baby is not a good enough reason to get married. Tell your friend to take her time and decide what she feels is best for her and the baby!!
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
8 Oct 07
WOW! Shame on him friend. There are really guys who are like that. Well, you really made a good decision by not marrying him. Or else your life and your baby would be in hell. That's so nice of your husband to adopt your girl. Surely, I will share your story to my friend. At least it could somehow give her idea before coming up with that decision. Thanks for sharing your story friend.
• Philippines
7 Oct 07
Nowadasys, I don't think that marriage is the solutions when the woman gets pregnant. What if the woman doesn't really love her partner? It will be a burden for the woman if that's the case. They can still take care of the child even if they are not married. But if they really love each other, why not get married. Your friend should really make a wise decision or else it will be a mess. I hope I was able to help you.
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
8 Oct 07
Yes, your thoughts here is such a help. You're indeed right, she really need to come up with a decision that will be beneficial to all of them especially the baby.
• Kottayam, India
7 Oct 07
Love is the main criterion for the marriage,if they marry today, and divorce tomorrow will not beneficial for both.better take a firm decision and sure of what they are going to do.since she is pregnant let her give birth and give it to her boyfriend.otherwise, it is advisable if she keep the child they should be married.otherwise lady's future life will be in doldrums.
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
7 Oct 07
thank you for the input elshaddai.I agree with you! have a great weekend!