Question for everyone

United States
October 10, 2007 11:10am CST
I work in a small private school. My husband works in a public school across town. This is homecoming week for us. The kids and staff are all dressed up. Today was "Hillbilly Day" I took the opportunity to dress down in faded jeans and a school t-shirt and tennis shoes. My husband, who went to work this morning in slacks, a shirt and tie, called me a few minutes ago and wants me to come up there and eat lunch at his school with him He always seems to want to introduce me to people when I am dressed slouchy, or when my hair is in a ponytail and I'm wearing no makeup. I turned him down for lunch and expressed again, my irritation that he always wants to do this when I look like a yard sale reject. Am I wrong to not want to go meet someone for the first time looking bedraggled?
7 people like this
12 responses
@gexi1987 (329)
• China
10 Oct 07
of course you dont,my friend.it's natural for any of us to want to give others first impression of charming and stunning,decent and suave.why not have a careful and close talk with your husband.he may have his own concern which might turn out to be heartrending and understandable.
4 people like this
• United States
10 Oct 07
We had a talk alright! LOL He told me that he just didn't think anything about how I was dressed. He'd forgotten that I was in jeans. He ended up calling back and we met for lunch after all...just not in his office. I promised to come eat with him in the staff dining room next week...when I was in dressier clothes.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (102466)
• United States
16 Oct 07
It is great he wants you around, though.
2 people like this
• United States
16 Oct 07
Oh yes! I am very proud that he wants to take the time to have lunch with me. He is an administrator at his school, so to have him ask me to come gives me such heart. I know that he could be embarrassed if I didn't normally hold myself to a high standard of public conduct and dress.
1 person likes this
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
10 Oct 07
I don't think you are wrong at all. It seems like I always run into people when I'm looking my worst. Atleast your husband wants to introduce you to people. When we are out we often run into people my husband works with and he never introduces me. He'll stand there and talk and I stand there and feel stupid.
3 people like this
• United States
10 Oct 07
Don't feel bad...I get that sometimes too. If we're out and about and he runs into someone, after they leave I'll ask "Who was that?" He always says... "I'm sorry, I thought you knew so and so." NO....if I did I wouldn't have asked you who they were. LOL I have been guilty of doing that to him though.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (50071)
• United States
10 Oct 07
No you are not wrong. My mom has the same thing going on with my dad. Yes, you both are pastor's wives, but there is no law saying you have to do everything asked of you, especially when you are uncomfortable doing it. Men wouldn't appreciate it if the tables were turned. My mom has finally stopped giving in to the pressure when my dad does that, but it doesn't mean he doesn't try. : )
3 people like this
• United States
10 Oct 07
Glad to hear that I'm not alone. I ended up going to the hospital in jeans and a t-shirt. Teach me to complain won't it? As we were leaving the fast food place where we ate lunch, I got a phone call that one of our teachers' husbands had a heart attack. We just got back from visiting with them.
3 people like this
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
10 Oct 07
I don't think you are. I like to give someone a good impression of myself. Espically the first time I meet them. I don't blame you I wouldn't want to meet people I don't know to well either like that.
• United States
10 Oct 07
I did compromise with him. We went to Wendy's and grabbed a hamburger (well I had chicken) and next Wednesday I'm going to go up to his office and eat with him. I will definately not be wearing jeans and a sloppy t-shirt!
1 person likes this
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
10 Oct 07
That sounds great. I hate when someone puts me on the spot like that myself. I am glad your husband didn't make it to where he made you feel like you had to do it. My ex husband got that way very controlling well that and he was doing what he wanted like seeing his ex wife.
2 people like this
• United States
11 Oct 07
That's the pits. Mike is very considerate of my feelings. But, he's a guy and sometime he doesn't think the same way I do. Men are just wired different. At least that's what my mother in law tells me all the time.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60895)
• United States
11 Oct 07
I don't blame you at all. And I'd be quite... firm... expressing my distress with this behavior.
2 people like this
• United States
11 Oct 07
The thing is that he didn't even realize that he was behaving that way. He just saw an opportunity to eat lunch with his wife, and didn't give what I had worn another thought. He told me I was beautiful in a potato sack.
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
10 Oct 07
LOL~ that would be the case always...the one day you look your worst is when your husband wants you to meet him for lunch. It is not wrong of you to decline the offer today. You want to put your best foot forward when meeting his coworkers and look your best. After all, first impressions are huge.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Oct 07
I am so glad you feel this way. I was feeling a bit guilty for turning him down. He actually called back and asked me to meet him at a fast food place instead. I didn't feel quite so self-conscious there! Of course, we were still polar opposites in dress, but at least there were more of the same for each of us at Wendy's!
1 person likes this
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
10 Oct 07
Your not wrong, yard sale reject LOL! Thats funny I know a few people who dress like that everyday lol but they are wonderful people. No your not wrong you should look nice when meeting new people.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Oct 07
I got that term from my grandmother. She heard it on that television program where they take the badly dressed people and try to improve their wardrobe. She thought it was a cute phrase. Now she's got me saying it. I often use it with one of my children when we're headed out somewhere and they look like they've been playing with the pigs.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Oct 07
Absolutely not. Almost always people form an opinion of someone they meet based on that first impression. Unfortunately, most spouses don't understand this because they feel that since you are married to them that you no longer need to impress anyone else. have a great day=)
• United States
10 Oct 07
You voiced what I thought but didn't feel right about saying. When Mike first went to work at the School for medical sciences at the university, (this was about 6 years ago) I went to pick him up one day from work. I'd been cleaning house and was in my grungiest sweats. I didn't bother to change because I didn't think I was getting out of the car. As I started to go around the car to let him drive, out he walks with the chancellor of the medical school! I was in holey sweat pants, baggy sweatshirt and flip flops. I wanted to strangle him when he put his arm around me and turned me to introduce me to his boss!
2 people like this
@villageanne (8554)
• United States
16 Oct 07
I think you should have gone. LOL Why? Because it is your personality that defines who you. It is also the fact that you are clean and your words are not cuss words. I imagaine your beauty is not just skin deep. I suspect that your beauty is inside you as well
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Oct 07
Not everyday! LOL I do not feel well today. I'm just exhausted for lack of a better explaination. Do you ever have days Connie, when you just don't feel beautiful, inside or out and would rather just hide out from the world? That's the way I feel today.
@spoiled311 (5502)
• Philippines
11 Oct 07
well, honestly, i don't care. from your description, that is my everyday get up. and yes, no make up. i go to clients and they seem to be okay with me. they picked me for my brains anyway, and not my looks. of course, i take a bath everybday and make sure that i am clean and presentable and no body odors, but i don't really prep myself up. i feel it is a waste of time because in my line of job, it is not necessary. my husband is fine with it, too, so i don't have a problem. let's just say, i don't dress to impress. but i also dress up when the ocassion calls for it. :-)
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Oct 07
I don't really dress to impress. I work at a high school, with parents coming in and out all the time so we are asked to wear nice slacks or skirt. This week was different, or I would not be allowed to wear jeans in the middle of the week. We can wear them on Fridays. My husband's office is really dressy, suits and that type of thing.
• India
11 Oct 07
You are not mrs.X. This type of thinking is very common and very much required in every human, expiceially in ladies. As you said this you are facing with you husband, it will be sad, if you husband didnt understand. If I am your place I will sit and discuss with my husband, whether what I am thinking is same he is doing or otherwise he didnt have no intension of doing this. Ofcourse we can conclude the second and my problem solves. If am standing at your husband place, why cant you feel that I am jealous about my wife...i think you got...ok...take positive and enjoy the life
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Oct 07
No, He didn't have an intention of embarrassing me on purpose. He had just forgotten what I'd worn to work yesterday morning. We normally don't have time to eat lunch together. Every once in a while, we will take time out to meet and eat together.
@GardenGerty (102466)
• United States
16 Oct 07
To him, you probably look great all of the time. Men never notice how we look. I would be like you. There are days where I only want to be comfortable, and meeting new people is not always my idea of how comfortable feels, especially if I do not look my best. I want to wow people the first time I see them.
• United States
16 Oct 07
You are exactly right! Men just do not get it most of the time. Sometimes I will ask before we leave the house in the morning. "Do I look alright?" there are days when he will answer "Yes, that looks fine" without even looking up from what he's doing. I'm going to see if I can't trick him one day and come in wearing something hideous and see what he will answer.