rambling on and on and on..

@billiep (231)
October 27, 2007 11:03pm CST
I hope you guys don't mind if I ramble on and on about my current situation. OK here it is, This post is basically about me and my mom. My Mom and I have never been really that close, although when you look at us we may seem like it. Sometimes it amazes me how good we're getting at pretending we know each other. Do not get me wrong, I want to get to know my mom, it just so happens that she prefers other people rather than me. My situation now with my mom is much more complex than it was before, why ou may ask, because now she's my boss, and at first i thought all is well and good, maybe now we have something to talk about, I thought wrong. She prefered talking to the other receptionist who I may say is actually my friend, but now feels like a rival for my mom's affection. People told me I should try and talk to my mom. I would love to, but my mom is sick and when I say sick, i mean sick in the head, which makes it difficult to talk to her because every time I try and talk to her in a civil manner it always ends up with her screaming and throwing things at me. So its hard to be her daughter. I have a lot of issues with my mom and now I don't really know what I should do. She cant seem to see the fact that her actions are sometimes too hurtful or that her love for herself has left me nothing. I love my mom that I do not doubt, but does she love me? that I question. I feel awful for having such a strained relationship with my mother, how I wish it was different.
1 person likes this
3 responses
• China
28 Oct 07
i'm not into this kind of situations!
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
28 Oct 07
my heart goes out to you. My mom and i had a similar relationship. I don't remember ever really being sure that she loved me for who I was as she was always so very critical. Somewhere along the way, I grew to not care so much what she thought of me. We stopped battling and were for all that anyone could tell, a happy mom and daughter. We were nice and polite to each other whenever we were around each other. Still I did not go out of my way to be around her much. She'd call me and I'd politely talk to her. I would randomly stop by and she was doing...out of obligation mostly, i guess. As she got older, it seemed the less i cared what she thought of me, the more she wanted me around and to be a part of her life. Her calls became so frequent that I didn't always pick up. She hounded me to stop by for coffee. i had built a life for myself and really did not have time anymore to just sit and "chat" with her. One day her calls just stopped. I mean 4 days passed without one call from her which was unheard of. She was declining mentally and physically and i didn't even notice the extent. she was unable to dial the phone. She now needs 24 hour care. I am there each and every day sitting with her and bathing her and feeding her. my brothers do nite shift. she is mean ornary much of the time. it is quite hard. Still, every now and again she is nice and will tell me how much she appreciates what we are all doing for her. I do know she loves me . Your mom does love you. hugs.
@asgtswife04 (2482)
• United States
28 Oct 07
i'm so sorry that you are having to go through that with your mother. I know how hurtful that can be. I go through the same thing with my biological father, when ever he choses to be around. I've been arguing with him over the past few days actually and it really sucks. You always long for that closeness with a family member, but sometimes it's just not meant to be. Has your mother ever thought about possibly getting on medication for her problems. it might ease things a bit and you two might actually be able to salvage some type of relationship. Good luck with her and keep us posted. God bless