Bad timing of a breakdown
By Leca
@lecanis (16647)
Murfreesboro, Tennessee
November 13, 2007 8:58am CST
Have you ever noticed that you seem most likely to break down when the people you depend on to support you can't do so?
I had a really bad night a couple of nights ago, and it made me think about something. My husband was at work. There aren't any of my friends that I feel comfortable calling the middle of the night right now. I went online and the people there I usually confide in weren't around. So I turned to my usual spiritual support, and even that seemed not to work for me as usual. So I was thinking "What do I do now?"
I was lucky to find a friend online after a while, and she managed to help me out, but it made me realize how much I rely on a small group of specific people to pull me out when I am having problems, and how dangerous that can be, because I can't guarantee one of them will always be around.
Anyone else deal with this?
6 people like this
17 responses
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
13 Nov 07
Ugh...yea I've gone through that myself...mind you not so much these days but there was a time when it happened often..Not so much because there wasnt anyone available mind you but more so because they were the ones who usually came to me constantly with their issues, bad moments etc etc so I wasn't comfortable going to them (plus I taught myself yrs ago to just deal with it on my own since for yrs I didnt have anyone I could go to ya know)....
Glad you got in touch with someone though...ppl don't seem to realize that things can go from bad to considerably worse really hard and fast when a support system isnt available ya know...
4 people like this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
13 Nov 07
Dealing with things on my own usually involved self-harm for me when I was younger. I've gotten past that, most of the time, but it still comes into my mind when I am trying to deal with things on my own. I had those years when there wasn't anyone there for me, and I survived them, but just barely.
Now that I have started depending on people, it is hard not to do so. It's a double-edged sword I guess. I don't hurt myself anymore, but when there's no one to help me out... I feel so lost.
Yes, things do progress very quickly. One moment I'm feeling just a little out of it or down, and the next moment I'm in full freak-out mode. I was tempted to call the local crisis line, but since I know most of the people there because of my own volunteering, it didn't really seem like a comfortable option.
@BayleighGray (4334)
• United States
13 Nov 07
Hi Lecanis,
Im sorry you had to go through this. Its nice to have people you can talk to and tell things too that you feel comfy with.
I usually have to break down on my own. My hubby is so emotionally dysfuctional it really doesnt do much good to tell him, I can some things, but for the most part, hes not good with that sort of thing. It freaks him out.
I have many people who support me, but some things you just cant tell everyone, or even one person, so depending on what it is, Ill try and deal with it myself. Lately its really things that no one can help me with. Writting it down helps, but it would be nice to have a neutral person to tell certain things about.
Bay Lay Gray xx
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
13 Nov 07
Hi Bay... thanks!
My husband is kind of the same way, he gets freaked out by my issues. The people I depend on tend to be online friends, because I don't really have any close enough offline friends right now. So I sort of have people, when they're available, but... they're not always available.
I'm not good at dealing with things myself. I think I might need to find a new therapist or something. Dealing with things myself always leads to me wanting to do myself harm, and I've said I wouldn't do that. So it's kind of hard.
@nangel78 (1454)
• United States
13 Nov 07
People I thought were friends bailed on me when I had a breakdown. It made me realize when it comes to it I need to learn to depend on myself and become more self sufficient. I have no plans to become friends with these people again, but it did teach me that.
2 people like this
@uath13 (8192)
• United States
13 Nov 07
Can't say I freak out. Closest thing to one was right before my knee surgery & the meds knocked that out real quick. I tend to be the voice of reason & the one people call. Heck even in the game I play I've now become a therapist. Who'd have thought that?
Guess I've got some experience after dealing with my wifes anxiety attacks & such.
2 people like this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
14 Nov 07
Hehe, I've noticed that we seem to have some similar opinions and ideas on things. :P
Hmm, I haven't managed to embrace my nightmares. Most of them don't affect me that much anymore, but there are a few that will still freak me out for days. If I manage to realize I am dreaming in time, I have a visualization I can use to help myself out, but there's an exact point in each of my worst nightmares beyond which I seem to be helpless.
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
13 Nov 07
I don't freak out as much as I used to, but I must admit I still freak out. Post-traumatic stress disorder is horrible. I've learned to mostly keep the nightmares in check, and I've learned how to deal with my freak-outs most of the time, but sometimes I just can't handle it myself.
Haha, I have people who come to me for help too, which seems funny considering how messed up I am myself. But I am actually really good at listening to others and helping them as well, as long as I'm not actually in the middle of freaking out myself at the moment.
@frecklelip334 (1668)
• United States
13 Nov 07
yes lecanis, i just experienced this last month. it's hard when you actually feel alone and are out looking for help. it made me feel so alone and made me wonder WHO really cares out there? you learn a lot about certain friends and family in your desperate times of need. sometimes it's saddening, other times it's enlightening, but i think we all go thru it at one time or another. i hope all is well again for you?
2 people like this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
13 Nov 07
Well, I already knew about my family. I would never think to rely on them for anything, especially since their abuse of me is much of what caused my post-traumatic stress disorder in the first place. But I have learned that some of my friends over the years weren't really able to deal with me.
Hmm... no. All isn't well again for me. I still feel like my mental issues are in overdrive. I'm still kind of scared, and expected to break down again any moment sort of. So we'll see.
1 person likes this
@frecklelip334 (1668)
• United States
13 Nov 07
i am so sad to hear that you're going thru this, feeling this way. i have found mylot to be very helpful at times (if they decide not to delete a topic, UGH that's one of my issues right now). BUT anyway, i have found very caring people on here, and since we all don't really know each other all that well, it helps to get another take on things, other ideas from outside you know what i mean? sometimes those closest to you just don't seem to get it...but other's that aren't close have either been there, or just somehow know how to calm others down. plz vent whenever you need to. we'll be here!
1 person likes this
@vicki2876 (5636)
• Canada
13 Nov 07
I have one person I do this with. My sister. If ever I am in a situation where I need support I go to her. If she isn't around I find it very difficult for me. I do worry about what would happen if I lost her in my life. She was in a serious accident 5 years ago which she is still dealing with the effects. I don't like to turn to others when this happens to me. I hate asking for help even if it is just an ear.
2 people like this
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
13 Nov 07
It happens to me too, so I sometimes do my best to gather composure on whatever I can get a hold of. Like watching movie, tv, reading and,or sleep it off in hoping that tomorrow would bring me solutions to my problems. But when I really can't handle it enough, people will see the sign and get to notice me by the way I behave myself as it is obvious.
Sometimes it is hard to simply rely problems on other people, like friends or family. Especially when they all have their own responsibilities to tend to, or that they have problems of their own to dealt with.
@sigma77 (5383)
• United States
13 Nov 07
Consider yourself fortunate to have someone to talk to. There are many of us who have no one to rely upon. For me, I basically have to be there for myself. But, while it would be great at times to have outside support, I feel I am best at helping myself. If you have a loving husband, and I know you do, you are indeed blessed. I think it takes a while to find people you feel comfortable with sharing your troubles. It has been hard for me to find anybody to rely upon. I guess it also depends upon the types of problems a person is dealing with. If those problems are physical, then it is helpful to have someone in the flesh available. For mental related problems, I often ask the Divine for assistance.
2 people like this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
13 Nov 07
Well, the only people I have to rely upon are really my online friends, so it's kind of touch and go with that sometimes. I don't really have any offline friends that I'm close enough to anymore, and my husband usually can't offer me support even if he's here.
When it comes to going to the divine with problems... that's usually my first source for help. But lately I've been told that I have to make a particular decision, and therefore I'm not getting much help until that's done. If that makes sense.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
18 Nov 07
Nope, never had to deal with this. I'm alone. There is no-one to turn to, no-one to talk to.
I just talk to myself, and cry and feel desperately unhappy, sad and lonely. A little bit more of my selfesteem erodes and another piece of ego fades to nothing but eventually I come out the other side and even though I'm less than I was, I've gained a little more acceptance of who I am.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
18 Nov 07
If you feel like you need permission to have a breakdown and that you're not supposed to be doing it, maybe your circumstances now have caused you to put new expectations on yourself. So, when the old you emerges, lonely, sad and in despair, even though you have a support group now, the person you were, (I'm seeing a child) is still lost, lonely and afraid. During these times, cuddle someone or something, no words, just a loving cuddle, even put your arms arounf yourself and hug the little girl you once were. Make youself laugh. It truly is the best medicine.
Hope you're feeling a little better and able to smile now. xx
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
18 Nov 07
I can understand what you mean. I think I almost dealt better when I was always alone, and able to just break down and then move through it. But with my life the way it currently is, I feel like I'm not "allowed" to break down, and I've grown used to not being alone, so I can't deal with it on my own anymore.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
14 Nov 07
I am one of those people that shy away from people when I am having a problem . But I will try to help a friend with their problems if I can.I hope you are feeling better now.Take Care.
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
14 Nov 07
I shy away from people unless they are ones I completely trust, but I can't be trusted not to hurt myself if I don't have someone to talk to when I'm having a full freak-out. So that's why I was so desperate.
Thanks for your kind words. I still feel like I'm on the verge on a real breakdown... but hopefully it will get better.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
15 Nov 07
Is hubby working? Does he know about this? I hope he can help.
1 person likes this
@princeworthy (1909)
• United States
16 Nov 07
I deal with this as well. I thought that when I came home to Kansas my family would be happy and supportive of my decision to leave my husband. I was wrong! Most of them will not even speak to me! My mother is always too busy working, taking care of her new grandson, or worring about my brother. I am pretty much left with my best friend I live with who has enough on her hands and my best friend in NM who I can't get ahold of. I really need the support right now too. Ughhh!
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
16 Nov 07
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that your family isn't being supportive enough of you! That's horrible.
I hope you can find some support soon! If nothing else, I've found that talking to people online helps some. That's mostly where my support system tends to be, actually, but of course that also leaves me with no physical support.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
16 Nov 07
I'm kind of the opposite here. Yes, it's wonderful if I can "lean on someone" when I'm going through some bad episode in my life, but I learned long time ago, to really try and rely solely on myself. I was never able to count on my mother or grandmother for instance, especially not my mother as she was the type to dump responsibilities off on others and wasn't capable to give any kind of emotional support for anyone else
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
16 Nov 07
Hmm. I guess things are weird for me because I didn't have anyone to rely on when I was young, and then when I was 18 I moved to where I live now and suddenly had all these people asking me to rely on them and let them into my world. And now they're all gone, and I am used to depending on people. Bleh.
@3lilangels (4639)
• United States
15 Nov 07
well my friend i am so sorry you are going through this,this can be hard at times and if i can help you i am just a email away.i know that feeling when i start to feel like i am gonna just break down i have my family and my husband and kids to lift me right back up which is great knowing that they are always there for me.but sometimes they might not be there,so i am gonna have to try to lift myself up.but you can count on me if you need a friend to talk to,i will be there always,i wont let you down.pattie
@3lilangels (4639)
• United States
15 Nov 07
you are so welcome my friend,take care and enjoy your day. smile for you.pattie
1 person likes this
@Sungolian (377)
• United States
16 Nov 07
I think it's good that you even have a small group of people to turn to. I too, have a bout 4 or 5 people I usually depend on during hard times. However, there are people out there who are less fortunate than us and have nobody. I am thankful that I have people who care and you should be too. Hope you feel better now. Take it easy.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
18 Nov 07
May I add, if ever you can't find anyone, look me up and if you can tell me what you need, I will do whatever I can to take away your pain. Let me know if you want my email addy.
You are normally so bubbly and bouncy and in control. I may not have understood your poem but I have a feel for your moods generally. xx
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
16 Nov 07
I don't have any people to turn to that are where I am. They are all online friends, and I'm starting to realize I can't rely on them so much because they have their own lives. So I'm kind of unsure as to where to turn right now.
Thanks for your kind words. I'm still having a rough time, but I'm doing what I can.
@webeishere (36313)
• United States
13 Nov 07
Even online friends are very helpful when needed it seems. Thank you for the internet. Hee hee. I had a small breakdown recently with my wife in the car and got no support from her. I didn't expect it but needed it. I also turned to mylot friends. They helped greatly as well.
HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
13 Nov 07
Hmm... online friends are pretty much what I've got at this point. I do have some people I call friends offline, but we haven't been close in a while. And my husband would love to give me more support, but really can't. I'm sorry to hear that your wife didn't support you either.
My closest online friends right now are from mylot as well, and they've been more help to me than they know, I think. *smiles*
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
13 Nov 07
I know what you're talking about! Being in the "mental health" community I have telephone numbers I can call and professionals are at the other end to help keep me "safe"! lol...I'm also within walking distance of my mental health clinic that I can knock on the door any time of the night when I'm feeling I can't take it any more and need to just disappear for awhile. All that is well and good but there are times when I think if I could just talk to my daughter or son I would be fine but of course their not always available. They work and have have their own busy lives. It is very dangerous when we get feeling so hopeless and have nobody around to talk talk to. When it starts getting bad for me I just take one of my little pills and hope I can go to sleep and not deal with it. I'm happy that you finally found someone to help you out.
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
13 Nov 07
Hmm, I need to get some professionals on my side I think. My last therapist seriously didn't work out, and the local crisis-type number is run by people I know well enough to be embarrassed talking to, and not well enough that I would want to talk to them. So that's kind of hard.
It is very dangerous to feel that way, yes.
@hellsangel (122)
• United States
13 Nov 07
I sometimes have problems with this very thing. I become very attached to someone or even to a group of people, and then I become sad when I am not able to reach them when I would like to reach them. I think that this is the reason that I am usually quite distant from people these days, as it means less disappointment for me in myself.
Some say that I miss out on a lot by doing this, and I suppose they are right, but it's how I cope.
It is good that you were able to reach someone during your time of crisis.
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
13 Nov 07
Yes, exactly! I become too attached and reliant upon others as well. It can be hard on myself and those people I think. For me it's usually people I know online, because I don't really make friends easily offline, and I've lost most of the offline friends I had over the past few years. And my husband can't deal with a lot of my problems.
I was lucky to have reached someone, yes.
1 person likes this
