Do you have a plan?
By smwilliams
@smwilliams (647)
United States
December 12, 2007 7:45pm CST
My husband was in a nasty car accident last friday. He was lucky to come out with only some pulled muscles, bruises, and small cuts. A younger girl was looking right while making a left ( really dumb I know) and totally T-Boned him in the side of his work truck spun him around and then the truck fell on the drivers side. I was a wreck and it didnt hit me until he got home how close I had come to losing him.
We got on the discussion of what would one another do if one of us died. I know its kinda wierd and scary to think about it, but not being prepared is even worse. We decided to up our life insurance policies so we and our kids will be taken care of. We also talked about remarrying after our grieving is over if the chance came again and both agreed that it would be okay to remarry...secretly of course im sure both of us were thinking..you better not :) It was the oddest conversation in my life, but it helps knowing that either of us and our children will be okay at least financially if something horrible were to happen.
I was just wondering if anyone else has had this conversation with their spouse/ partner? And what did you decide?
2 people like this
8 responses
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
13 Dec 07
We haven't had this discussion really though we should. I have plans set for my kids. As for my partner, sheesh I would want him to move on. Why sit around if the other isn't coming back? Sure you grieve but time will take care of that. I would want him to be happy and not sad or lonely.
@ebsharer (5515)
• United States
14 Dec 07
We have had that talk a couple times. Things will happen and I or he will say if that was me... I was reading about a woman that was in a coma for years. I told him don't ever let me live that long in a coma! I wouldn't want to wake up after 20 years and try to live in the world as I DIDN'T know it. I don't think my husband would ever re-marry he says he wouldn't I really wouldn't care as long as he was happy and our kids were taken care of. No evil step moms lol just nice ones! I know that we need to sit down and actually do a will a real one. They are just really hard not because of the thought of dyeing but to figure out who gets what and so on.
Anyway - glad your hubby is okay.
@missybal (4490)
• United States
13 Dec 07
With my husband in the military we have discussed it. My husband has a $500,000 policy and I have a $100,000 policy. Same here where we said it's okay if we want to remarry but of course in a way hoping the other wouldn't. My husband just jokes around that he better be good to me if he knows what's good for him. We don't have any children right now, so our policies if we both were to die go to my parents and they are to use the money for my husband's three brothers and only give it to them if they have left their mother's house and on their own and only as they need it like to buy a car and pay car insurance or whatever until they prove they are responsible enough to handle money. My parents are well off at the moment but we have told them if they need part of the money to use it or if there is other family that is in need to use it. They are the right kind of people who I know I can trust who wouldn't be selfish and spend the money all on themselves.
@smwilliams (647)
• United States
13 Dec 07
You are very smart...I have one of my oldest and dearest friends that is distributer if something were to happen to both me and my hubby. And I know she would make sure my children got it...That way no one in our family squabbles over it.
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
13 Dec 07
That was funny what you said about secretly thinking "you better not remarry". I gave it a thought just now. I figured hey, if the new guy is nice and they really love each other then why not. What I wouldn't want is for her to remarry for the wrong reasons, like, she's just sad and lonely.
@smwilliams (647)
• United States
13 Dec 07
Its not that I dont want him to be happy if something were to hapen to me...I gave him my blessing to remarry if it was the right time and person...I just dont want to think about it and vice versa me happy with another man without him...lol...Its better just not to dwell on it right! Blessings are given so no need to ever repeat... ;p
1 person likes this
@nmhschic2004 (1238)
• United States
13 Dec 07
First off im glad to hear that your husband is ok. And no i definitely dont have a plan. I just got married a few months ago and i have never talked about stuff like that with my husband. I guess i felt like that was a conversation that we didnt need to be having yet. I guess i thought we were too young to talk about things like that since we are both in our early twenties. Its good that you and your husband talked about everything.
@smwilliams (647)
• United States
14 Dec 07
Im only 25 and believe me you just never know. We just recently got married ourselves and I could have been a widow within a week of being married...Its scary and yes you are young, but its worth it to talk about it rather than have an accident happen and be unprepared. I never even thought about it until that happened. Its just soo scary and if you have children its even worse. I hope you get a chance to talk to your hubby about it and can come up with a game plan! :)
@clamarco808 (312)
• United States
13 Dec 07
We decided that we wanted the other to move on when the time was right. Our assets are to go to the adult or adults that raise our children if anything happens to both of us. It's something that no one wants to talk about but you always need to be prepared for whatever happens in life and you don't want to have things happening like the families fighting for stuff, etc. after you're gone. A last will is probably the best thing to do up too or even a living will.
@smwilliams (647)
• United States
13 Dec 07
Its seems that it is a very difficult subject to talk about, but yes it is necessary. I also have a living will, but have yet to make a reg. will out. My husband has neither, but is in the process of writing out a rough draft of a will on paper. Good to hear that you are as prepared as you can be ;)
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
•
13 Dec 07
We haven't discussed it as I can't really bear thinking about it. I honestly don't know how I'd live without him.
I think it's different for me though as we don't have children. If we did I'm sure we'd have to make difficult decisions just in case. It's such an awful thought though.
I know I'd always want him to be happy though.
@smwilliams (647)
• United States
13 Dec 07
I know what you mean. Seriously I dont think that conversation would have ever come up if it werent for that accident. And it is VERY hard to think about it. I dont want to, but the reality is that we have no control over what other peoples actions are..only our own. Scary scary...And it is a lot different when there are kids envolved too. Thanks for response I appreciate your input :)
@dpurchas (91)
• United States
13 Dec 07
That is really scary. I just had almost the exact same thing happen to me. My husband was on his way back from his brother's house a couple of months ago and was hit by a drunk driver. She was turning left and my husband had the right of way and she turned anyway and T-boned him and turned him around. He said that if it weren't for a power pole he would have rolled. But now he can't work and he is going to have to have surgery for injuries, but over-all he is ok. It is really scary to think how close it was. I have done the same thing with the life insurance, but we haven't had that talk. I don't know that I can bear to think about anyone else in the future if anything happened to him. It sounds weird but is probably a great thing just in case. That is great that you were able to have that conversation and I'm sure it is a load off that your family will be taken care of if anything happens to either of you. I know it is a load off my mind for mine. Glad your husband is ok.
@smwilliams (647)
• United States
13 Dec 07
Wow...Im sorry to hear your hubby has to have surgery! But Im glad thats all that happened..People dont think...It makes me mad. Its one selfish decision that can haunt a person and hurt others for the rest of their lives. Its good to know that you have taken some extra steps to take care of yourselves though. Good luck with your hubby's surgery. Hope all goes well :)
