If You Could Do It All Over Again..........

@dmillman (2273)
United States
January 3, 2008 6:23pm CST
Yes, I'm doing it again - I'm asking you the "that ifs". So, if you do it all over again, knowing what you know now, what would you do differently and why? For me, I would know better than to get pregnant at 16 by a loser jerk! I don't think that would make too many strange changes in how the rest of my life turns out. So, tell me yours! What would you do differently?
2 people like this
11 responses
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
4 Jan 08
Find a true dream and follow it. I am still lost not knowing what to do with my life. And there lies my many problems. Living a life that I am not a part of. It is like I am living the life of another, because if I have really chosen to live this life for myself, I must have been drunk when I made the choice. lol.
2 people like this
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
4 Jan 08
Sigma77, you did it again. You always know what to say and how to say it, and it always touches me. I feel the same way. I feel like I'm not really living life, because I'm not doing what I should be doing. But, the big question is, what the heck should I be doing? There are so many options, it's confusing. So, I'm with you on this one too!!!
1 person likes this
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
4 Jan 08
Thanks for your kindness. There has to be an answer for our problems.
1 person likes this
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
4 Jan 08
You're welcome! I was thinking the same things too - that there must be a solution to our problem. I'm hoping that some fabulous myLotian will read this and respond to assist us somehow. If you're the one reading this, and can help, please post to here or PM me!!! Thank you!
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Jan 08
Nothing! Whenever I really think about it, there isn't anything in my life that I would do differently, not even the mistakes. For example; when I finished highschool, I had to oportunity to immediatly attend a business college and get a degree in accounting. Everything was all set up for me to go, all expenses paid through grants and or student loans, though mostly grants which meant that most of it I wouldn't of had to pay back. Well, things happened over the summer, and come the following fall, I did not start classes. I never did get an accounting degree or any other sort of college degree. Sometimes, I think back on that and think, what a mistake. Sometimes I think that if I could do it again, I'd find a way to have went inspite of everything else that was going on in my life back then. But then again; if I had went to that college back then, it would have changed everything in my life that happened from that point on. Some of these changes may have been good, i.e., maybe I'd be able to get better paying jobs; but some changes wouldn't have been so good. Like I would not have met the father of my children, for one. If I had not met him, my children would never have been born. Another example; I've had a very hard life most of the time. I've been abused as a child, I've been abused as an adult. I have even been homeless a few times. None of those things were my fault, they were all do to circumstances which were beyond my control at the time. Sometimes, I think; what if I could have changed any of those things in my life? And sometimes, for a brief moment, I think it would be nice if I could have. However, the hardships I went through have given me a greater ability to understand people and a greater amount of compassion for people. Many of my friends have told me that what they like about me most, is that no matter what sort of hardship they are going through, I usually always have the ability to understand their situation and what they are feeling. I have the compassion and the patience to see them through it and help them to the other side, because I understand. Now if nothing bad had ever happened to me in my own life; I don't think that I would have this ability. It is normal and natural to wonder, "what if?". It is normal and natural to think of how much better your life might have been or might be if only you could go back and change this or that or do this or that differently; but for me, any time I really think about those questions, I realize that I wouldn't change a thing.
2 people like this
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
4 Jan 08
WOW! Kudos to you for being so positive about such bad situations. I wish I could have some of that. I know that the child abuse wasn't my fault, the me being pregnant at 16 was partially my fault (it takes two to tango). These are the things that I wish never happened to me. How can I find something positive about these situations?
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
4 Jan 08
Not a thing actually. All the really bad things in my life that I can think of were completely not my fault (like the abuse I suffered as a child). There was a period of complete out-of-controllness I went through as a preteen and early teenager, but since it was my way of dealing with the abuse, I don't want to think about what I would have been like if I hadn't been through that period. And what if what I changed meant I hadn't been in the right place and time to do things I was really supposed to do? For example, keeping a man from killing his wife and kids... if I hadn't been out of control as a teenager, I wouldn't have been in the place where that happened... and what if no one had saved them then? *shakes her head* I really can't think of any way around living the life I did, without risking either great harm to someone else, or making them not exist (my son for instance). Nope. My life has not been perfect. It's been a huge mess, it's been horrific, it's been scary... but I've also done things that were good for others. So I couldn't say I'd honestly change anything I've done.
1 person likes this
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
4 Jan 08
WOW! Kudos to you for being so understanding about the abuse you suffered. I really don't understand mine. I mean, I know it wasn't my fault, but I still haven't seen anything good become of it. What are your secrets? Please share them either here, or PM me, please! Thanks!!!
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
4 Jan 08
I sent you a friend request, and I'd be glad to talk to you further about the topic. I'm not so sure I have secrets, but there are certain things have helped me. Learning it's not your fault is a big step, but then you have to look further to what you can do with the changes that happened to your personality because of the abuse... how you can turn that negative energy into positive works. I don't want to get too in-depth here, but send me a PM after you approve my friend request and I'll give you a better response.
1 person likes this
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
4 Jan 08
Thanks lecanis, it's on the way to you now!
1 person likes this
@newfette (340)
• Canada
4 Jan 08
Very interesting question. I try to lead a life of no regret. BUt that doesn't mean you can't pick out things you'd do over I suppose. Although, I wouldn't so much as say I would go back and do them over because it would change everything else that came after that, and it would change who I am today (and I like who I am today). So I would say that if I was put into the same situation again today, as I am now, I would try to have learned from past situations to have a better outcome. For example, I got pregnant last year with a guy I just met because well we were stupid one night....and for months I thought about, what have I done? I was supposed to go back to school, I wanted to live abroad and teacher, I wanted to be married first...you have a lot of time on your hands when you're pregnant haha...But, I would never ever ever go back and do it over. I am in love with my baby girl and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I applied to school for this coming September! So I'll get to finish my eduation degree and become a teacher! Ugh what about all those ex boyfriends!!! For a long time I wished I could have never met them. They broke my heart. Put me through torture. BUT...those experiences, whether they be good or bad, have made me who I am today. If I never had my heart broken, I would have never realized what love feels like...and realize that my boyfriend and father of my first baby, loves me, completely. And that is a great feeling, and worth all the "mistakes" I've made in the past.
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
4 Jan 08
Well, thank you for your complete honesty on this topic. You never know what people will say in response to this type of question. It's one that makes you think. Actually, it made me think of something else that I wish I would've handled - when I was sexually abused as a child. That is something that I wish never happened, or if possible, I could erase that memory from my mind. It doesn't affect me as much as it used to, thanks to therapy, but it's still there.
@newfette (340)
• Canada
7 Jan 08
Hey I'm all about the honesty! haha That is a horrible thing that happened to you as a child. As a teen I was sexually abused by a family friend. I don't regret it...and I don't wish it didn't happen. I know that is strange. But it has made me who I am today! I hope you are feeling good!
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12072)
• India
5 Jan 08
There are very few changes I would have made in the way I reacted to certain situations. But on the whole I wouldn't change a thing. That doesn't mean that I had a wonderful life...but it did teach me a lot of precious lessons which I would miss if I had to change anything!
1 person likes this
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
5 Jan 08
You're lucky! I wish I felt the same way. Thanks for posting your comments!!!
4 Jan 08
I would be more daring - take chances, ask a certain person out, have more fun, stand up for myself, tell certain people what I thought of them...etc etc etc I'm trying to be more brave now and do what I want to do. life's too short not to.
1 person likes this
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
4 Jan 08
Here, here. I agree with that too, Thanks for posting!!!
• United States
4 Jan 08
I dont think I would do it all over again. If I didn't go through what I did, I wouldn't be who I am now. Mistakes and experiences make us who we are and knowledge can only help so much. If I were to do it again I would be so preserved because you would know what would happen if you took risks, but thats just me.
1 person likes this
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
4 Jan 08
Maybe if I liked who I am today this wouldn't be such and issue for me! Thakns for your comments!
@piatos03 (396)
• Philippines
4 Jan 08
I wouldn't change a single thing. I often ask myself this same question. The answer is always the same. Even if I've made a lot of mistakes and caused people close to me a lot of problems, I never regret anything. Because in the end, they lead me to something great. And they have. My sister used to tell me that in life there are paths. We are always at a crossroad. We either turn left, right, go straight or go back. We can't just leave our life at a standstill. We always have to choose. You have to think that maybe if you chose a different route your life would be different. But all in all, I think that every route has something great in the end. The path may be rocky, but it's the destination that matters.
1 person likes this
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
4 Jan 08
Well, I applaud you for your optimism and hope it will somehow rub off on me!
1 person likes this
4 Jan 08
I would have had a lot more fun as a teenager! I was such a scared little mouse that my youth really passed me by. I never drank or danced or dated because I was so hung up on what everyone else would think of me if I did. Then, I was hung up on what people would think of me for NOT doing those things. I really couldn't win! I should have taken more risks and not played safe all the time. After all, life is for living. If you are still young you should grab it with both hands and not be afraid!
1 person likes this
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
4 Jan 08
I alwsy wondered what happened to those straight-laced kids when I was a teenager, out having fun. I wasn't really as bad as some of the others, but I still had fun - doing what I want, and not thinking about what others thought. Now I'm the opposite - always worried about what others think, even though I know that I shouldn't. You're still alive, so there's still time to "live it up!", so I say, "Go for it!!!"
• United States
4 Jan 08
I would like to set up a school that educates children in one of the most poorest villages in india
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
4 Jan 08
How noble of you!
@SachseMom (449)
• United States
4 Jan 08
"IF" I could do it over again I would make sure that I didn't dip into my savings as much as I did and keep my credit good so that I could help my family more.
1 person likes this
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
4 Jan 08
Good idea! I wish the same thing!